During the sign of peace, why do my fellow catholics seem so cold?

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I agree, the problem does seem to stem from that point. Some people have become confused at what to do. Usually new converts don’t focus on this issue though, the first thing they see is how people treat the situation rather than getting into the technicalities.
Then it seems to be an issue of catechesis, not liturgy or unfriendliness.

That’s certainly understandable, and I do sympathize, but our role is not to sacrifice our Catholic identity to have better PR with those who hold a Protestant outlook, it’s to help others learn why we do what we do as Catholics.
 
Then it seems to be an issue of catechesis, not liturgy or unfriendliness.

That’s certainly understandable, and I do sympathize, but our role is not to sacrifice our Catholic identity to have better PR with those who hold a Protestant outlook, it’s to help others learn why we do what we do as Catholics.
But it isn’t a protestant outlook. Im not protestant and i dont come from a protestant background. This is the peace of Christ and He gives His peace to us, we should be happy, not talkative but happy. In other Catholic traditions the peace is handed down to the people from the altar. If we hold His peace and pass it on, should it not be in happiness? Happiness has been a loose term here, i don’t mean the laughter and conversation and dancing, i mean a gentle happiness, it should be treated special, not just kept inward. In my church people show a calm gentleness which makes me feel good inside knowing that they show the peace of Christ. If an outsider comes in they should also witness his peace in us so that we are a light.
 
haha, I have this thought also.

but I overcome it for the sake of good will + faith, what happens is whatever happens and is supposed to happen.
I will refuse to shake hands if I know I’m contagious. Monday I was at daily Mass because I was teaching a baptism prep class right after. My throat was sore, I was congested and I knew that my hands were most likely covered in cold viruses. At the sign of peace I nodded to the two women behind me and when one put out her hand I said “Sorry, I have a cold.” Her friend immediately understood and I heard her explain to the woman what I had said. These were not strangers, they were women I’ve worshipped with for over 15 years.

I’m also used to the limp fish handshake, one woman who normally sits near me shakes hands limply with the tips of her fingers. She’s old, and I figure that perhaps her hands are sore.

It should be remembered though that this is a ritual gesture, not a time for socializing. I’m quite content to shake hands with the person to my right and to my left and leave it at that. When we are halfway through the Agnus Dei and people are still shaking hands, that’s a problem.
 
Well this was certainly a much longer discussion than i thought it would be, but all discussion is healthy. I myself am done with this discussion though, it will go on for days. I mean no rudeness to anyone here, and apologize to those who thought so, forgive me. I think we all get too caught up in the moment. There was some interesting points made though.
Peace to all of you…
 
The presence of the sacraments does not excuse limp handshakes and the stony stare ahead. I am not looking for a party during mass, but courtesy and at least acknowledgement of greeting. Is that too much to ask? 🤷
In a real sense, yes I think it is in the sense that others approaches to me or you are utterly unimportant

You have God Incarnate right in front of you. His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity. The closest thing to the Beatific Vision on Earth. He is what you need. Who cares if people don’t give you strong handshakes or smile? He is all that matters.
 
I will refuse to shake hands if I know I’m contagious. Monday I was at daily Mass because I was teaching a baptism prep class right after. My throat was sore, I was congested and I knew that my hands were most likely covered in cold viruses. At the sign of peace I nodded to the two women behind me and when one put out her hand I said “Sorry, I have a cold.” Her friend immediately understood and I heard her explain to the woman what I had said. These were not strangers, they were women I’ve worshipped with for over 15 years.

I’m also used to the limp fish handshake, one woman who normally sits near me shakes hands limply with the tips of her fingers. She’s old, and I figure that perhaps her hands are sore.

It should be remembered though that this is a ritual gesture, not a time for socializing. I’m quite content to shake hands with the person to my right and to my left and leave it at that. When we are halfway through the Agnus Dei and people are still shaking hands, that’s a problem.
That sounds reasonable to me. I hope I didn’t give the impression that I was fatalistic entirely (I’ll take a risk of illness within reason), but if someone is glum week after week, that’s not because they have flu. It’s so widespread a glumness, it can’t possible be multiple tragedies suffered all round the congregation at the same time. (ps. I wouldn’t say all, just many)

That’s what I do, I don’t socialize during that slot, all I say is Peace be with you, I wasn’t aware there were churches that did more than this. Then I say the Lamb of God.
**
Jesus died to confer Grace on the world. The grace to forgive our sins. There is hope and gladness in this through God’s mercy. Perhaps this is what people forget.
**
 
I am a very shy person and it is difficult for me to express friendliness with somebody I don’t know. I do my best to smile during the sign of peace, but I’m not sure how “warm” I really come off as.
 
We are talking about, that it is a fact, that Catholics tend to not even give a smile. It’s kinda odd. And it is kinda true. No one is talking about cheerleaders and hugs. You are overstating the issue. Give me a break. If something happens to be true, regardless of whether it happens to apply to Catholics, I think it’s best to be honest.
Actually, no one has established that this is a fact. Some people have expressed this opinion, but several other posters have expressed opposite experiences. I’ve personally shaken hands with probably thousands of people through out the years and I can’t think of any person who I felt was overtly rude. I have had an occasional complete stranger try to hug me and once an old creepy, old guy kiss me on the cheek. :cool: I think people who complain that other people aren’t cheerful enough or that their handshakes are too flabby are being silly and quite hypocritical when they complain that the other person isn’t exhibiting charity.
 
This is the peace of Christ and He gives His peace to us, we should be happy, not talkative but happy.
It is absolutely pointless to tell people they should be happy. Is it possible to make yourself happy by an effort of will? Does it always work to try to think happy thoughts? No, and no. We are not responsible for our moods, because we do not have anything like complete control over them. It is therefore not possible for us to have an obligation to be happy.

God never requires us to do things that we don’t have control over. Should we try to act in a friendly manner? Certainly. Are we supposed to be happy? Not required. It’s something to be grateful for if it happens, not something to feel guilty about if it doesn’t.

–Jen
 
I just googled: Why are catholics so unfriendly? So it’s a much googled question which means it must be a phenomenon of sorts.
Read that statement over again and think about it. It’s googled so it must be happening?

Then think about how many times people may be searching for “Why do Catholics worship statues?” If lots of people are googling that, does it mean we must really be worshipping statues?

I think not.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m just saying that google isn’t evidence either way.

–Jen
 
Some people may be cold, but the sign of peace is not supposed to be a public display of affection anyway. It is a symbolic liturgical act which, like every other liturgical act, should be in keeping with the solemnity of the Sacrifice…
The sign of peace is meant to be a genuine sign of peace, not merely a symbolical gesture. About the sign of peace, Pope Benedict XVI said that the sign “has great value,” especially in demonstrating the church’s responsibility to pray for peace and unity in a world too often troubled by division, violence and hatred. However he called for “greater restraint” to ensure it doesn’t become a distraction. He also expressed the possibility of moving the sign of peace to another part of the Mass, such as before the presentation of the gifts at the altar, which would serve as a significant reminder of the Christ’s insistence that we be reconciled with one another before presenting our gifts to God…
 
I believe it was Pope John XXIII.
No, when John XXIII died, the TLM was still the only form of the Roman Rite. The TLM rubrics (as last updated by John XXIII in 1960) do not allow such a thing.
I think it’s silly for people in the pews to not offer one another a sign of peace, especially since the priest specifically says “offer one another a sign of peace”. A nice warm smile or a shaking of the hand should do just fine.
Unless you – believing the Mass of Paul VI to be within the constant Latin liturgical tradition – consider the historical foundation of the Sign of Peace, which I have already explained multiple times in this thread:
To answer the question, we must consider the liturgical history and significance of the Kiss of Peace.

In the TLM, the Kiss of Peace was done by the celebrant kissing the altar (which of course symbolizes Christ, and at this point has the Body and Blood of Christ resting upon it). The celebrant then takes that kiss of peace from Christ and turns to the deacon, kissing him. The deacon takes this kiss of peace from Christ to the subdeacon, then the acolytes, thurifer, and clergy assisting in choro.

In the TLM it is made perfectly clear that the peace comes from Christ Who is present upon the altar, and is sent from Christ to the Faithful via the clergy. At the Mass of Paul VI I do not participate in the “Sign of Peace” because I have no peace to offer, as I am not Christ, and have not received His peace via kissing the altar or a cleric who has kissed the altar.
The Sign of Peace has nothing to do with us or our neighbors. It has everything to do with Christ. He offers us peace, not we ourselves.
 
No, when John XXIII died, the TLM was still the only form of the Roman Rite.
thanks!
The Sign of Peace has nothing to do with us or our neighbors. It has everything to do with Christ. He offers us peace, not we ourselves.
You are confusing things… The sign of peace is a reminder of Christ’s insistence that we be reconciled with one another before presenting our gifts to God. Again, about the sign of peace, Pope Benedict XVI said that the sign “has great value,” especially in demonstrating the church’s responsibility to pray for peace and unity in a world too often troubled by division, violence and hatred. However he called for “greater restraint” to ensure it doesn’t become a distraction.
 
You are confusing things… The sign of peace is a reminder of Christ’s insistence that we be reconciled with one another before presenting our gifts to God. Again, about the sign of peace, Pope Benedict XVI said that the sign “has great value,” especially in demonstrating the church’s responsibility to pray for peace and unity in a world too often troubled by division, violence and hatred. However he called for “greater restraint” to ensure it doesn’t become a distraction.
Yes, the inclusion of this ceremony in the liturgy seems to be loosely connected to Matt. 5, 23-24, although the verses do not include the word “peace” anywhere.

But the Latin liturgical tradition clearly expresses by the kissing of the altar that this peace comes from Christ Himself, Who is the only origin of true peace.

Matt. 5, 23-24 is not to be interpreted literally. If I am assisting at Mass and suddenly remember an unresolved argument I had with my cousin who lives 20 miles away, I should not run out of the church to go visit my cousin. If it is a grave matter, then I fulfill the commandment simply by not receiving Holy Communion at that Mass or until I have made a valid Confession.
 
Yes, the inclusion of this ceremony in the liturgy seems to be loosely connected to Matt. 5, 23-24, although the verses do not include the word “peace” anywhere.
Jesus commanded us: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."–Matt. 5: 23-24
But the Latin liturgical tradition clearly expresses by the kissing of the altar that this peace comes from Christ Himself, Who is the only origin of true peace.
Obviously God is the origin of peace. But the question at hand is the sign of peace in the ordinary form of the Mass, which is for both the clergy and laity to offer one another a sign of peace. Obviously if a husband and wife are angry at one another at mass, it would be wrong to go to communion with anger and un-forgiveness in their heart, so the sign of peace is a good opportunity to reconcile before receiving Christ.
Matt. 5, 23-24 is not to be interpreted literally. If I am assisting at Mass and suddenly remember an unresolved argument I had with my cousin who lives 20 miles away, I should not run out of the church to go visit my cousin. If it is a grave matter, then I fulfill the commandment simply by not receiving Holy Communion at that Mass or until I have made a valid Confession.
The point is that you must reconcile with those you are quarreling with before you come an receive communion. Christ was very stern about those who come to Him with unforgiveness in their heart for their neighbor. If any man say, I love God, and hateth his brother; he is a liar. For he that loveth not his brother, whom he seeth, how can he love God, whom he seeth not?
 
Jesus commanded us: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."–Matt. 5: 23-24

Obviously God is the origin of peace. But the question at hand is the sign of peace in the ordinary form of the Mass, which is for both the clergy and laity to offer one another a sign of peace. Obviously if a husband and wife are angry at one another at mass, it would be wrong to go to communion with anger and un-forgiveness in their heart, so the sign of peace is a good opportunity to reconcile before receiving Christ.

The point is that you must reconcile with those you are quarreling with before you come an receive communion. Christ was very stern about those who come to Him with unforgiveness in their heart for their neighbor. If any man say, I love God, and hateth his brother; he is a liar. For he that loveth not his brother, whom he seeth, how can he love God, whom he seeth not?
So in essence, your argument is that the Sign of Peace in the Mass of Paul VI is a total break (read: rupture) from the previous 1360 years of liturgical tradition? Well, I disagree.

Matt. 5, 23-24 is only loosely connected to this ceremony. Shaking hands with a stranger I’ve never before seen does absolutely nothing to reconcile me to those whom I have offended.

The “Pax Domini” which is offered to us (“The peace of the Lord be with you”) can only come from Him in Whose name it is offered, Who is upon the altar, not in the pews.
 
I’m rather indifferent to the Sign of Peace. If it is to be done, I earnestly wish it would be done in a ritualized way, sort of how the Melkites do it. Or something like that.
 
So in essence, your argument is that the Sign of Peace in the Mass of Paul VI is a total break (read: rupture) from the previous 1360 years of liturgical tradition? Well, I disagree.
I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining that the sign of peace should be more than just a symbol, but a genuine gesture among the people in the pews.
Matt. 5, 23-24 is only loosely connected to this ceremony. Shaking hands with a stranger I’ve never before seen does absolutely nothing to reconcile me to those whom I have offended.
Offering someone a warm smile or a sign of peace is a reminder for the laity that we are a community of believers, and that we pray “Our Father” not “My Father”. I think it’s also a good practice for the laity to show charity among themselves, to then go out into the world and to meet the non-Christian to share the love, truth and grace we receive at mass, with those who are are hungry for the love of Christ.
The “Pax Domini” which is offered to us (“The peace of the Lord be with you”) can only come from Him in Whose name it is offered, Who is upon the altar, not in the pews.
Again, obviously God is the source of love and peace. But one must be careful not to adopt the way of thinking of the Pharisees, who meticulously fulfilled all the rules and regulations of the law, fasted twice a week, gave money to the poor, spent much time in the temple and performed all the prescribed religious sacrifices, thinking they were close to God; yet Jesus told them they were far from God, because they had no love for neighbor and were quite proud of themselves.
 
Read that statement over again and think about it. It’s googled so it must be happening?

Then think about how many times people may be searching for “Why do Catholics worship statues?” If lots of people are googling that, does it mean we must really be worshipping statues?

I think not.

I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m just saying that google isn’t evidence either way.

–Jen
It’s proven to be the case there is quite a common perception on here too, on this small representation of the catholic population here on this forum. And even more so, that the glumness is actually acknowledged which is explained away as ‘solemnity’. Facial expressions are recognized universally around the world, a smile is warmth, a supercilious look is one of condescension, an inverted mouth is sadness, faces and moods can be read all over the world from every race. And common perception would have it that a glum look is classed as unfriendly. Unfriendly is the perception, we’re talking on the level of perception and interpretation.

So what we have established from the various opinions on the thread is that
  1. Glumness is solemnity 2. Some people have depression + illness. 3. Some people want to get done with and go home. 4. Social issues eg. shyness. 5. Can’t be bothered. 6. Un-expressivity is their default demeanour. 7. Fear.
All these reasons can equate to perceptions of unfriendliness, solemnity or false piety. Any more for any more?

The same way people say ‘why do catholics worship statues?’ , well that is the perception,
I do wonder myself if catholics are worshipping statues, as they kiss the statues and crosses like there is some intrinsic worth in the Alabaster (or what ever material it is). It is a worthy question to ask because how do we know catholics ‘know’ that they’re not supposed to invest intrinsic worth in the statues?’ How do we know that catholics ‘know’ that they are supposed to have this fellowship thing or communal spirit, so it was a question worth asking. It’s been very informative.

Or to go way off topic: in the commandments in Exodus 20 verse 4:

Another question googled:

Why did the catholic church do away with this 2nd commandment in the Bible in the Catholic Catechism:

“You shall not make yourself a carved image or any likeness of anything in heaven above or on earth beneath or in the waters under the sea.”

It makes one wonder why there are gothic churches with gargoyles and angels carved on gutters and hoppers, why the whole Renaissance Art movement represented images of Heaven and ***, why the sistene chapel is full of representations of the celestial world.

This can be saved for a future discussion. This one is harder to explain away by apparent misperceptions.

I think this will be my last posting, not sure what more can be said on the matter.
 
During the sign of peace, I force myself to beam a smile even when my fellow catholics give me a limp handshake and no smile. It’s like this every week with different people.

Why are they so unfriendly?

I went to an anglican church and I get smiles from the canons and people seem nice and warm?

My personal theory is that the catholic church emphasizes penitence above love whilst the anglicans emphasize love above penitence. Different emphasis leads to different christian character profiles.

I don’t want to be anglican, because I’m doctrinally catholic. I think moral duty is important.

ps/ I think like some others that the sign of peace should be placed elsewhere in the order of Mass, I do find it hard to concentrate on the Lamb of God after the sign of Peace.
Well I certainly never have that problem in my parish 😦 Solution: all of you move down to Florida with us! 😃
 
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