Hi @Nap66 we spoke before on other threads, seems like a long time ago with so many things that happened in the meanwhile.
Well, I’m not a theologian but I have carefully read some of your writing. I can give my own limited personal perspective, the more I grew in knowledge of the faith the more answers I found that actually helped me - yes, I know I have grown closer to the truth and altogether closer to God at different moments. And I don’t think that is my doing, I think it’s gratuitous Grace and divine Providence that for some reason gave me this privilege of being called.
When I happen to feel and think somewhat like you now in the OP, one of the things that helps is reminding myself of those that don’t have anything to eat, don’t have a place to live, have really bad health problems and so on…Then, I’m taken not to think so much that I’m being “wronged” or not receiving a “just temporal reward” (as I figure it) for living to some extent in accordance with the commandments. But I am taken to think how lucky and privileged I am to have health, a house, a livelihood, and so on…
And yes, the temptation to look at others (especially those that wronged us) and think of the justice that they are perhaps somewhat better of is there, it’s a temptation, a comparison that’s almost to close not to be made. Then it’s also good to think that God loves each of us, and that we have a unique personal relationship with Him in the person of Jesus.
And I know it can be really hard sometimes.