So I find your intention to go to the source admirable, and you will find great opposition from those who derive their sense of self from acquired dogma and precept rather than actually looking at the tool they use for making judgements and finding out some things that are actually rather vital, if one is actually interested in a spiritual life as distinct from mouthing one. You see, when you have that different perspective, the dogma, the precepts, the Bible, all that is instantly new and deeply meaningful. Until then, it is just words memorized or habituated religion. And that is fine, if that is as far as one wishes to go. But I’m with the Carmelites and the other, even non Catholic contemplatives, who have accomplished or been graced by a “blown fuse.” That only means that the part of the mind that talks ceaslessly about limits has shut up for a second so you can see what allows all that talking to happen to begin with!