Ego Driven Homily - how to stop them?

[Londoner]

I would remember the respect for the office he holds, for his Ordination

You said, “I would remember the respect for the office he holds, for his Ordination”. That seemed to imply that you would be inclined to treat a priest differently to the way you would treat a layperson. Otherwise, why mention his office and his ordination?

 

[TheLittleLady]

Sigh.

As I get old, I have learned that, out of respect, it is best that I question my anger before I go marching to battle.

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‘if you do not enjoy mass you have a mental illness’

I would wonder if he meant to say, even if I misheard “You have to be crazy to not enjoy mass!” because I have a personality conflict.

Out of respect, I would frame the conversation assuming I had misunderstood.

 

[Joe_5859]

Out of respect, I would frame the conversation assuming I had misunderstood.

That is generally my approach, too. When you approach someone in a confrontational way, they are immediately put on the defensive and their first impulse is going to be to defend their actions and dismiss your concerns as unwarranted.

If you frame it as being a concerned parishioner seeking clarity, then they are going to be more apt to hear your concern and recognize their need to choose their words more carefully in the future.

My pastor calls it the “compliment sandwich.” If you need to issue correction or make a criticism, first point out something good that the person is doing. Then state the criticism. Then give another compliment. People are more open to taking the criticism to heart if they feel like you are still on their side rather than simply seeking to run them down.

 

[PetraG]

You said, “I would remember the respect for the office he holds, for his Ordination”. That seemed to imply that you would be inclined to treat a priest differently to the way you would treat a layperson. Otherwise, why mention his office and his ordination?

He is in a position of authority.

Having said that, it isn’t necessary to find the priest “wrong” in some ultimate sense to come to the conclusion that you will do better under the care of a different priest whom Providence has made available to you. If this priest is either sinning against you or just a near occasion of sin for you, either way you can find a different physician of the soul, provided it is available.

What you cannot do, however, is change another person, whether he is a priest or not. Only he can do that. In other words, this is a matter for the Serenity Prayer. Go through it that way, and accept whatever outcome you get. “Therefore, putting away falsehood, speak the truth, each one to his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil.” Eph 4:25-27

You’re getting good advice about how to approach this priest. It may work a change in him, but it may not. Be ready to do what you have to do to remain charitable, which may be leaving the parish for another nearby parish and washing your hands of the problem.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I agree, but this is a Catholic forum so we need to remember everything our priests do for US. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for priests to come up with material for
homilies on a weekly basis. Before I was in a small town with one parish and 2 priests. Now I am in a parish with 3 full time priests and a city with multiple Catholic churches.
Some priests have a real gift for delivering wonderful homilies and for others that might be their weaker point of being a priest. Perhaps their strengths are behind the scenes. As another poster said, the homily is a small part of the Mass so sometimes I guess we have to grin and bear it.

 

[sarastent]

TheLittleLady, hence my original post

 

[Londoner]

… out of respect, it is best that I question my anger before I go marching to battle.

I agree, but surely that is out of respect for anybody, not specifically out of respect for the clergy.

He is in a position of authority.

Yes, but people who are in authority also need to be challenged from time to time. I knew a headmaster who was treated like a deity at his school. As is probably customary in many British schools, a bell would be rung before he processed, in academic dress, into the school hall, so that all present would know that they had to stand before he entered their presence. It later came to light that he had been stealing from the school for years and that he had falsified his postgraduate education to boot. People clearly had been aware of what was going on, but out of deference for his position of authority he was allowed to get away with it. In the end he was allowed to quietly retire. Any other person would have gone to prison for years. Another senior master at the same school, whose liberal use of the cane and the plimsoll was legendary, was an alcoholic who was once found urinating in a sink by a pupil. Nothing was ever done about that either. Incidents such as these tend to make me pretty sceptical of the idea of having respect for people in positions of authority.

we need to remember everything our priests do for US

I don’t disagree. I have no argument with what you say. My only caution is that we should not allow respect for priests to mean that when they do something wrong they are not held to account for it.

 

[7_Sorrows]

And I agree with that statement also.