My dear sister in faith, I know exactly what you are going through. I had that experience for seven years and I wondered how could I be like this. I felt as though satan had taken possession of my mind and body, but being a devout catholic like yourself, I would not and did not give up. I was constantly asking Jesus why are you letting this happen to me? Just a few months ago, I ask my neurologist about the medication that I had been taking for the same length of time as my hideous experiences, thoughts, desires and feelings. The doctor and his nurse told me emphatically, yes, the medication does have that effect on some patients. It was at a point where I asked Jesus to take my life so I would not submit to the thoughts and urges, and so that I would not submit and offend Jesus. I have, by His grace, been able to restrain myself by keeping myself busy working on different projects around the house, and when I am praying, (for hours), it seems to vanish for those times. I have a shrine in my garage, and it looks like a confessional, adorned with statues, holy candles, religious pictures of about every kind, and things too numerous to mention.I believe being there and looking at all those things helps me significantly. There I have peace. Do you take any prescription medication of any kind? Your situation is so much like mine, that I would have thought I wrote what you wrote. Have you seen a doctor, especially a neurologist to see if you may have a chemical imbalance or something that is creating this disastrous situation for you. I don’t believe it is satan directly, but he would take advantage of such a condition to try and destroy you. There are many medications on the market that produce these side effects, and sometimes it may be one drug triggering another to bring about these negative results.I talked to my priest about my situation and he told me it was not my fault if I had to take something for a medical problem, but caused something abnormal with which I wanted no part of, and there are no alternatives. Believe me, Jesus understands your situation, and he will not judge you for something you do not want to be a part of. Try to make a condition of relaxation and stimulating for your brain, so that you may digress from what you are experiencing. We can fool our brains by doing something other than what the brain anticipates. Try to come up with different scenarios in your daily life. Tax your brain to find out when these things start, if there is something that may be stimulating you, food, drinks, movies, candy and so many other things that can bring about a behavioral change. Even odors, friends and things that are a part of your daily life could be triggering your mind to think other than the way it should. If this persists, seek medical help. You are a good person, and dwell on that. It could be something so simple, that it may cause you to laugh when you find out what it is. My Mirapex pill is so small, but it knocks me for a loop by the side effects it initiates in me. Now that I know the cause, I am more able to cope with the conditions. What haunted me, is I thought it was me, but it isn’t, and that gives me much comfort. It took me seven years to find out, but it was well worth it, and I believe you will accomplish the same goal, victory over you nemesis.
I would appreciate it, if you could just give me your name,nickname or something by which I can address you in my prayers for you.I don’t want your last name or anything revealing. I don’t want you to disclose something that might reveal your identity. Just make up a code word or nickname that no one will know about, so I can insert it with my prayers for you. If you know how to pray The Devine Mercy prayer, pray it at 3:00PM and pray for your intention. It is a very strong prayer. I just prayed for a man in the United Kingdom, whose wife has cancer and all the things were depressing. He did not respond immediately, being 4:00AM California time, and about 1:00 their time. Apparently they went to the doctors and received good news that some drugs may help heal his wife of cancer. He gave me his wife’s first and middle name, so I prayed on it immediately.
I will pray for you as 317, because if it is difficult for you to reveal something, Jesus will know and that should be sufficient. I studied psychology in college, and it helps me to analyze people pretty well, but by way of a computer I can’t see how you walk, talk, re-act and other factors that are indicative of you personality.
Don’t give up, because as I scan this website, I see others praying for you, and with a multitude of prayers you will see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that light will be Jesus.
God bless and sustain you,
Dusan, (Duke)
From the minute I read the link from Joysong (about the writings of St. John of the Crosses), I FELT Satan lose control. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had. It still brings me to tears just thinking about it. I was so gripped by this bondage that sometimes it would take me a half hour to get through a particular passage of scripture because I was determined to say each line without having the feelings of arousal that were attacking me. But I DID NOT GIVE UP. I was literally at a point of desperation. It is not like me to talk about things like this with others, and had I not stumbled upon this forum a year ago I don’t know where I would be today. It took all the courage I could muster to admit this was happening to me, and all I can do is continue to ask for your prayers and I will pray for all of you as well. Dusan, when I read your post about how you have been helped as well, I cried and I am PRAISING GOD with you!!! It amazes me how connected we all are in the spiritual world, and what a powerful force we can be when we join together in prayer concern for each other. I wish I knew all of you in person.
