Embarassingly seeking answers

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I am desperatley hoping someone out there can help me.
This is extrememly hard for me-I have never told anyone of this except my priest.
I am a very devout Catholic as of the last year. Prior to that (and to this day,) I have been soul-searching in an effort to grow closer to God. I have a huge problem. From the very beginning of my efforts to grow spiritually, I have been plagued with struggles. At first it began with terrible, blasphemous thoughts about Mary whenever I would say the rosary. I did not give up, and they eventually left. Then these thoughts plagued me whenever I thought about God or Jesus. Some of these thoughts were sexual in nature. I was absolutely appalled by them and abhorred them and prayed, prayed, prayed until I was eventually able to ward them off by the grace of God. These thoughts have turned into involuntary “feelings” - the same feelings I get when I am aroused by my husband. Please understand - I have no idea how these started or how they have escalated into this huge problem, but I have been plagued by them for a couple years now. I am in anguish. I have them when I try to pray, when I read a scripture, when I hear the word God, Jesus, etc. When I have them, I IMMEDIATELY say “Please forgive me, I condemn those feelings.” I have tried reciting scripture when they happen, I have prayed each and every time, I have plead with our Father to relieve me of this and it won’t go away. I have no desire WHATSOEVER to entertain these feelings with any further thought, and I know God knows I hate them. I am in tears most every day. I am desperate - they are literally ruining my life. If anyone out there can help me, PLEASE respond.
 
317 said:
I am desperatley hoping someone out there can help me.
This is extrememly hard for me-I have never told anyone of this except my priest.
I am a very devout Catholic as of the last year. Prior to that (and to this day,) I have been soul-searching in an effort to grow closer to God. I have a huge problem. From the very beginning of my efforts to grow spiritually, I have been plagued with struggles. At first it began with terrible, blasphemous thoughts about Mary whenever I would say the rosary. I did not give up, and they eventually left. Then these thoughts plagued me whenever I thought about God or Jesus. Some of these thoughts were sexual in nature. I was absolutely appalled by them and abhorred them and prayed, prayed, prayed until I was eventually able to ward them off by the grace of God. These thoughts have turned into involuntary “feelings” - the same feelings I get when I am aroused by my husband. Please understand - I have no idea how these started or how they have escalated into this huge problem, but I have been plagued by them for a couple years now. I am in anguish. I have them when I try to pray, when I read a scripture, when I hear the word God, Jesus, etc. When I have them, I IMMEDIATELY say “Please forgive me, I condemn those feelings.” I have tried reciting scripture when they happen, I have prayed each and every time, I have plead with our Father to relieve me of this and it won’t go away. I have no desire WHATSOEVER to entertain these feelings with any further thought, and I know God knows I hate them. I am in tears most every day. I am depsperate - they are literally ruining my life. If anyone out there can help, me PLEASE write.
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Sounds like scrupulosity to me. It’s a mental problem more than a spiritual one. Just mention this to a priest and he will help you find some answers, maybe even lead you to a good counselor or psychologist to help with the mental aspect of this problem. You can’t get rid of this without both spiritual and phsychological support. God bless and take care. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂
 
I would suggest confessing them as well (which you’ve probably already done) – just say you’ve had “impure thoughts” and that’s usually detailed enough.

You said you’re condemning those thoughts immediately and praying and reading God’s word, which are essential. I would suggest frequent confession, Holy Communion, and adoration of the Blessed Sacrament, all of which will strengthen you.

I highly recommend the chaplet of Divine Mercy – it is so beautiful and Jesus gives us such graces through it (see my signature line below for information). I would also pray the Hail Mary and ask our Lady to protect you and bring purity to your thoughts of her, for she IS all that is pure and good. Perhaps also these prayers (if you don’t know them already):

The St. Michael Prayer :knight2:
St. Michael the Archangel
Defend us in battle
Be our safeguard against the wickedness
and snares of the devil
May God rebuke him we humbly pray
And do thou, O prince of the Heavenly Host
By the power of God
Cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls
Amen.

Prayer to Your Guardian Angel :angel1:
Angel of God
Who are my guardian
To whom Merciful God entrusted me
Enlighten and keep me this day
Guard and lead me
Amen.

Praying for you now – God bless you! :hug1:
 
It’s not thoughts anymore. I was ablr to ward off the impure thoughts. It’s the sensual feelings I get. I know this sounds terrible, but I am not some “sicko.” I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every year. My priest speaks “choppy” english, and told me he doesn’t fully understand what I’m trying to say. I am struggling because I don’t understand why, after so long, would God allow me to go through this when it appers so blasphemous to me! I understand the concept of an unwanted thought, and being able to immediately dismiss it, but I can’t do that with these biological responses. It is awfulo. I go to confession often, but I have such respect for Holy Communion that I have not taken it since last Easter because I don’t see how I can possible be in a state of grace with these impure reactions. Am I making any sense?
 
I think you should find a priest who understands your language completely and can help you with this.

Edited to add: you said you pray the Divine Mercy chaplet every year – try praying it every day and see if that helps. 😉 🙂
 
317 said:
I am desperatley hoping someone out there can help me.
This is extrememly hard for me-I have never told anyone of this except my priest.
I am a very devout Catholic as of the last year. Prior to that (and to this day,) I have been soul-searching in an effort to grow closer to God. I have a huge problem. From the very beginning of my efforts to grow spiritually, I have been plagued with struggles. At first it began with terrible, blasphemous thoughts about Mary whenever I would say the rosary. I did not give up, and they eventually left. Then these thoughts plagued me whenever I thought about God or Jesus. Some of these thoughts were sexual in nature. I was absolutely appalled by them and abhorred them and prayed, prayed, prayed until I was eventually able to ward them off by the grace of God. These thoughts have turned into involuntary “feelings” - the same feelings I get when I am aroused by my husband. Please understand - I have no idea how these started or how they have escalated into this huge problem, but I have been plagued by them for a couple years now. I am in anguish. I have them when I try to pray, when I read a scripture, when I hear the word God, Jesus, etc. When I have them, I IMMEDIATELY say “Please forgive me, I condemn those feelings.” I have tried reciting scripture when they happen, I have prayed each and every time, I have plead with our Father to relieve me of this and it won’t go away. I have no desire WHATSOEVER to entertain these feelings with any further thought, and I know God knows I hate them. I am in tears most every day. I am desperate - they are literally ruining my life. If anyone out there can help me, PLEASE respond.
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You know of course, that it is only God’s grace that can lift you, but perhaps there words will help to wipe the tears from your cheek.

From my experience, all these temptations are from the devil. You hate them because they seem to corrupt the very goodness with which you draw breath each day, God. Or, you may be afraid that they cover up some inward desire towards fornication.

But, the truth is, that they are nothing more than a trick from the devil, who wishes to dash your hopes in Christ upon the rocks of despair, and now finds your prayer to God to be the method with which he will attempt to ruin you.

You know, as well as I, that you do not wish any of these thoughts, since you fight them so valiantly, and God will deliver you.

I used to shake my head to try dispel the thoughts, since it was only physical movement that seemed to allow me respite from them, and yet now I realise that they trouble me no longer since I:
  1. see them for what they are, a lie from the devil, and
  2. see them in reference to God’s truth, and what I am - namely, one who puts his faith in the Almighty, The Holy One of Israel who pulled apart the sea to save the Moses and his people, and gave His Only Son to us that we might live with him.
edit: In truth, it would seem that only after one has crossed the desert of temptation does it become easy to recognise the path through it. I can only bear witness to the fruits of fidelity, and wish you God’s grace that you may emerge unscathed. 👍

You can also see this link (from the Eastern Orthodox Churches) about the great desert fathers, and how they responded to sexual temptations:

innerlightproductions.com/thoughts/aug2299.htm

Wishing you the blessing of Christ,
 
Magicsilence said:
You know of course, that it is only God’s grace that can lift you, but perhaps there words will help to wipe the tears from your cheek.

From my experience, all these temptations are from the devil. You hate them because they seem to corrupt the very goodness with which you draw breath each day, God. Or, you may be afraid that they cover up some inward desire towards fornication.

But, the truth is, that they are nothing more than a trick from the devil, who wishes to dash your hopes in Christ upon the rocks of despair, and now finds your prayer to God to be the method with which he will attempt to ruin you.

You know, as well as I, that you do not wish any of these thoughts, since you fight them so valiantly, and God will deliver you.

I used to shake my head to try dispel the thoughts, since it was only physical movement that seemed to allow me respite from them, and yet now I realise that they trouble me no longer since I:
  1. see them for what they are, a lie from the devil, and
  2. see them in reference to God’s truth, and what I am - namely, one who puts his faith in the Almighty, The Holy One of Israel who pulled apart the sea to save the Moses and his people, and gave His Only Son to us that we might live with him.
You can also see this link (from the Eastern Orthodox Churches) about the great desert fathers, and how they responded to sexual temptations:

innerlightproductions.com/thoughts/aug2299.htm

Wishing you the blessing of Christ,
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[SIGN]GREAT POST![/SIGN] 👍 👍
 
Another thing would be when these thoughts/feelings begin bless yourself with Holy Water, the devil HATES Holy Water. God Bless and praying for you.
 
I remember reading about this condition from both St. John of the Cross and St. Teresa of Avila. There are several different causes our saint describes here, and you may be influenced by one or more of them. It will be comforting to know that these saints were familiar with this affliction from having discussed it with other sufferers like yourself, so you’re not alone.

St. Teresa’s brother, Lorenzo, suffered from the same condition, and I remember her writing to him that he should pay little attention when these feelings arise from our nature, and quietly turn his mind back to prayer.

I was exceptionally comforted yesterday as I read from Fire Within, where Our Lord told St. Teresa that distractions would last one’s entire life and to pay them no mind. I suffer a lot from them due to the simplicity of my prayer, and was becoming rather anxious. The reference in the back of the book said it was taken from “Testimony” … which is something I never read before. But I did read elsewhere that she said these can be as annoying as little flies that persist in bothering us, but we should ignore them.

I offer the same advice - continue to avow to Christ that you find them abhorrent, and pledge your allegiance to fight against them for however it pleases Him to permit this. You may find one day that they no longer trouble you after the Spirit purifies you at a deeper level. These very sufferings show the purity of your intention, and are no doubt meritorious in God’s eyes.

And finally - do not fear them! You give God glory in your refusal to submit to them.

God be with you!

Carole
 
Thank you for the link. The problem is, it is prayer and reading scripture that bring these feelings on. I CAN"T avoid those situations, I need them more than anything!
 
317, Did you read this part?

It happens frequently that in a person’s spiritual exercises themselves, without the person being able to avoid it, impure movements will be experienced in the sensory part of the soul, and even sometimes when the spirit is deep in prayer or when receiving the sacraments of Penance or the Eucharist.

Yes, I understand your deep need for spiritual exercises, and for that reason, don’t let these arousals cause you to omit them. Did you ever read from St. Catherine of Siena, where she suffered greatly from impure thoughts? When she was finally able to recollect herself in Jesus, she asked Him, “Lord where WERE you when these abominable images intruded upon my soul?” He answered, “I was in your heart helping you to repel them.”

As long as they displease you, there is no sin in having them. I suffer from other kinds of temptations frequently and it is not pleasant to endure, for we would rather not experience them. But for our strengthening in virtue, God often permits them.
 
Joysong,
That website was SO comforting. I was convinced I was the only one with this problem. I pray I will have time to read it more thouroughly. What is the “dark night?” Is there any way you can give me a quick overview of what it is?
 
317 said:
Joysong,
That website was SO comforting. I was convinced I was the only one with this problem.
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I have to deal with this from time to time too. I know it has something to do with Satan. I reject the thoughts in the names of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.
 
Welcome to the human race, 317 - 😃

What you will note when reading St. John of the Cross’s words about the Dark Night, is that these problems with spiritual vices happen to “proficients” - meaning devout people who are given to prayer and virtue. The several tendencies he mentions are going to be different for many of us depending on certain inclinations to indulge ourselves, such as pride, greed, gluttony, etc. And these are very often spiritual vices, such as spiritual gluttony, spiritual pride, etc. He describes them in separate chapters.

As we progress in prayer and mortification, the roots of these tendencies will cling to our spirits and are in need of purification. The beauty of it is that we cannot rid ourselves of these by our own bootstraps or efforts, but it is the Lord who undertakes to passively purify us little by little.

Because it is painful to the spirit, since we lose Christ’s consolations and experience nothing but aridity and a sense of abandonment at times by God, it will silently accomplish God’s work if we remain faithful in spite of the desert we find ourselves in.

That’s a reaaaally capsule form as best I can share it. And God treats all of us with the same loving mercy to make us true sons and daughters. He prunes every vine that it may bear more fruit. 🙂
 
317 said:
It’s not thoughts anymore. I was ablr to ward off the impure thoughts. It’s the sensual feelings I get. I know this sounds terrible, but I am not some “sicko.” I pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet every year. My priest speaks “choppy” english, and told me he doesn’t fully understand what I’m trying to say. I am struggling because I don’t understand why, after so long, would God allow me to go through this when it appers so blasphemous to me! I understand the concept of an unwanted thought, and being able to immediately dismiss it, but I can’t do that with these biological responses. It is awfulo. I go to confession often, but I have such respect for Holy Communion that I have not taken it since last Easter because I don’t see how I can possible be in a state of grace with these impure reactions. Am I making any sense?
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Recieve communion!! The Eucharist is the strongest weapon we have against the evil one! If at all possible, try and receive it every day. Even if you have been having those thoughts, make an act of contrition, and see a priest for reconciliation the next time you are able to. God bless!!
 
317 said:
When I have them, I IMMEDIATELY say “Please forgive me, I condemn those feelings.” I have tried reciting scripture when they happen, I have prayed each and every time, I have plead with our Father to relieve me of this and it won’t go away. .
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When I read the first part of which you wrote (here that I quoted) I knew this wouldn’t work. All of the “I condemns” you muster is no match for the evil one. Instead, always call on Jesus. Say “Jesus, I don’t want these feelings, help me, now, please, make them go away.”

Then you say you have plead with Our Father, so apparently you have tried that? Don’t give up. Ask Our Father in the name of Jesus.

I think also, if you focus on the feelings and willing not to have them so much, its harder. I know that when work is done for trauma victims, accepting the feelings is a step toward making them go away. Like, “I won’t feel anxious, I won’t feel anxious” only focuses you on feeling anxious. What helps trauma victims is to say, “Even though I feel anxious, I deeply and completely accept myself.” That statement is the beginning of overcoming trauma-induced anxiety."

I think the same thing would help with this. Accepting the feeling. “Even though I have these feelings, I accept myself, and my Lord Jesus accepts and loves me.” Ask God for His peace, and say, “Lord Jesus, I cannot stop these feelings but I know you can. I give up. I wait on you to take them away. Jesus, I trust in you.”

Then ignore the feelings that you can’t do anything about, live with them and accept their there. Because you already gave them to Jesus, so, don’t be an Indian-giver now. Believe, He will take them away, and wait on Him. He will. Have peace anyway, becasue you are trusting Him. Accept that you have them, don’t fight them, while you wait for Him to do what He will surely do.

Meanwhile pray for the opposite. Tell Jesus that you know His Mother is pure, and that He is, and that He created you pure and for purity and that He wants to wash you clean. Ask Him to help you grow an understanding and love of Our Lady’s purity, and His, and also your own pruity that you know he is creating inside of you, even if you do not see it yet.

…http://www.tldm.org/News7/OurLady1.jpg
 
Thank you all so much for your help and support. You have brought tears of gratitude to my eyes all afternoon. Please continue to share your experiences and knowledge with me. This has been a long journey of suffering and I realize it may be much longer, but for the first time I have a glimmer of hope! Please pray for me that I will not lose hope or become despondent. I will pray for you as well, that because you have shown me mercy and compassiion, God will do the same for you. God bless you all!
 
You are most welcome, 317. I wondered if your priest was able to give you some good spiritual counsel, and if it was similar to what we shared here? If not, then God was truly gracious to you in this thread, and I am blessed that you received comfort. It makes it all worthwhile to reach out to you.
 
My priest is a wonderful man that I admire and respect; however, he was not able to understand my situation in a way that he was able to give me any advice. This morning I reached a point of complete desperation - I was almost ready to give up and just collapse from exhaustion. (These feelings plague me every waking minute that I am not distracted by something non-spiritual.) I am physically and emotionally exhausted. Before I logged on, I pleaded with God to bless those who would answer my call for help with wisdom and discernment. I can honestly tell you, Joysong, and the rest of you who responded that I think God directly used you as an answer to that prayer. He must look upon all of you as a vehicle for His compassion on this earth. You are surely blessed in His eyes!
 
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