Embarrassed to tell the priest

[arewethereyet]

Every Sunday at Mass (I believe this is true also at Daily Mass) when we do the “Act of Penance” and recieve the Eucharist, we are absolved of our venial sins.

However, you said you “know” it is a venial sin. I never make that assumption. There are matters that for most are venial but because of what is in my heart when I commit the sin so affects my relationship with God that it may be mortal. Sometimes it is not the objective “act” that determines its seriousness but the internal objective in our heart/mind.

Additionally, you mention this as a sin that you always struggle with. See what I bolded in the last paragraph from the Catechism. If it isn’t a mortal sin by its nature, it could be because of the hold it has on you or the cumulative affect it can have on your soul.

Note the following from the Catechism:

1856 Mortal sin, by attacking the vital principle within us - that is, charity - necessitates a new initiative of God’s mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of the sacrament of reconciliation:

**When the will sets itself upon something that is of its nature incompatible with the charity that orients man toward his ultimate end, then the sin is mortal by its very object **. . . whether it contradicts the love of God, such as blasphemy or perjury, or the love of neighbor, such as homicide or adultery… But when the sinner’s will is set upon something that of its nature involves a disorder, but is not opposed to the love of God and neighbor, such as thoughtless chatter or immoderate laughter and the like, such sins are venial.[130]

1863 Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul’s progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; it merits temporal punishment. Deliberate and unrepented venial sin disposes us little by little to commit mortal sin. However venial sin does not set us in direct opposition to the will and friendship of God; it does not break the covenant with God. With God’s grace it is humanly reparable. “Venial sin does not deprive the sinner of sanctifying grace, friendship with God, charity, and consequently eternal happiness.”[134]
While he is in the flesh, man cannot help but have at least some light sins. But do not despise these sins which we call “light”: if you take them for light when you weigh them, tremble when you count them. A number of light objects makes a great mass; a number of drops fills a river; a number of grains makes a heap. What then is our hope? Above all, confession.[135]

Wow!!!
Thanks so much, friend!!
I never looked at sin in this way before.
I do have a Catechism of the Catholic Church book but do not read as much as I used to because the vision in my right eye is bad.
Now I feel like it is not just desiring to go to Confession which I just did but knowing I MUST do whatever necessary to stop the cycle.
Thanks for sharing!!!
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

I would second the (name removed by moderator)ut given by guanophore as well as all of the people who recommend going to your Priest in the confessional. We all struggle with sin, and we all have those sins that are habitual. The first step is to confess and receive absolution. The second step (for me, at least) is to try and reduce the frequency. I do this by reducing/eliminating the things that trigger that sin, by praying and by trying to replace the bad habits with something good.

We had a Redemptorist Priest who preached at our Parish mission two years ago. In one of his talks he suggested that if you had habitual sins you needed to really examine them and try to determine what was the “root”. His contention was that some, if not all, habitual sins were branches from some “root” sin and until that was addressed the habitual sins would continue. For example, in my life, anger, taking the Lord’s name in vain these are all the result of the sin of Pride in my life. Working on my humility has greatly reduced those habitual sins.

Thanks, friend!!
I totally agree. One sin does lead to another. I feel there are many connections there. I just went to confession this past Saturday. Now I know I need to do more footwork at home. I do know anger is an attributor to this particular sin. And I do know that I get angry at my 12 yr old alot who can be sarcastic alot. I have learned some coping skills to use when I am tempted from all of you wonderful people.
Thanks, again…
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

I love this quote from the little pocket Guide to Confession that I use:

*“Satan loves sin and hates the grace of Confession that comes to us through the power of the cross of Christ. The devil will try to stop you from going to Confession. He will make you feel frightened, embarrassed, proud, filled with despair or anger. The holy Bishop, Saint Antoninus said, **“The devil takes our shame away so that we sin with ease and then gives it back when we think about going to confession.” ***In other words the suppression of shame that makes sin possible, flares up again to make Confession seem impossible.”

~Liza

Thanks, Liza!!!
You hit the nail right on the head!!
Karen

 

[guanophore]

!
I have thought about saying a Hail Mary when I feel the urge to sin this particular sin.
I think I will try that.
One of the triggers is my preteens attitude with me.
He is your typical 12 yr old…sarcastic.
Very sweet at times but still sarcastic.
So even though he is a trigger I better not remove him!!!
LOL
But seriously I don’t want to point the finger.
I am the one choosing to sin and I think I should accept responsibility because I am making the choice.
So thanks again…I think some extra prayers may help!!!
Karen

See? The Holy Spirit is already guiding you into how to avoid sin. It is a lot harder to sin when you are actively in prayer… I know hwat you mean about sarcastic kids. I get that every day!! It is hard to bless them, but if you force yourself to pray a blessing over them, it keeps the curses from coming out!

you can also pray out loud. Choose a scripture that will be helpful when your 12 year old gets sassy, and say it out loud whenever you have a desire to say something you should not! You can also go to the family forum and post your particulars, and many Catholic parents there will provide you with good advice and support.

 

[decn2b]

Wow!!!
Thanks so much, friend!!
I never looked at sin in this way before.
I do have a Catechism of the Catholic Church book but do not read as much as I used to because the vision in my right eye is bad.

Karen

I am sorry to hear about your eye…on a humorous note…the vision loss isn’t connected with the sin is it? Oh yeah I remember now you mentioned that it wasn’t a mortal sin…nevermind.

Seriously though I will pray for you and I am truly sorry for you vision problem. Just trying to add a little humor.

 

[johnpaul2_fan]

What has helped me the best for rooting out particular venial sins is frequent confession (weekly, or at the least once a month) and praying to help know the cause of the sin. Also, going to the same confessor helps.

 

[arewethereyet]

See? The Holy Spirit is already guiding you into how to avoid sin. It is a lot harder to sin when you are actively in prayer… I know hwat you mean about sarcastic kids. I get that every day!! It is hard to bless them, but if you force yourself to pray a blessing over them, it keeps the curses from coming out!

you can also pray out loud. Choose a scripture that will be helpful when your 12 year old gets sassy, and say it out loud whenever you have a desire to say something you should not! You can also go to the family forum and post your particulars, and many Catholic parents there will provide you with good advice and support.

Thanks, friend, for all the good advice and all your support. I feel like the Holy Spirit is already working in me. I am letting the Holy Spirit work in me I should say. I have gotten so much support here. I appreciate all of it. I also have my prayer partner and friend, Susan, praying for me to overcome this sin. And I have been saying alot of Hail Marys too. I think the more I do the more it will become like second nature. I think eventually I will get to the point where hopefully I don’t commit this particular sin at all. Thanks for your help and for caring.
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

What has helped me the best for rooting out particular venial sins is frequent confession (weekly, or at the least once a month) and praying to help know the cause of the sin. Also, going to the same confessor helps.

Thanks, friend!
I am getting back into going to confession often. And prayer is helping. And there is this priest at my church who is so very gentle. Thanks for your help.
Karen

 

[chevalier]

I’ll just pray for you because people have probably already given you better advice than I could. You don’t have to enumerate venial sins in confession, but it’s good practice. “Just doing it,” is the best way of dealing with fears ever invented. Once you’ve done it for the first time, it will become easier.

 

[arewethereyet]

I’ll just pray for you because people have probably already given you better advice than I could. You don’t have to enumerate venial sins in confession, but it’s good practice. “Just doing it,” is the best way of dealing with fears ever invented. Once you’ve done it for the first time, it will become easier.

Thanks, friend!
I appreciate you being here for me.
And I appreciate your prayers.
I really believe the best thing we can do for each other is pray for each other.
Thanks…
Karen

 

[AHapka]

One thing I might suggest that I have done.

If you really do feel like you can’t mention this sin to your priest, perhaps you could go to confession at a different church? There have been times that I didn’t feel I could speak of my sin to my priest, so I went to a different church where nobody knew me. The sacrament involves mainly confessing your sins to God, so it doesn’t have to be the same priest sitting in person of Christ.

Perhaps this is a cross for you to bear? I have been there, it is hard. But do believe your priests that they have heard it all. Grace and love are waiting.

One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit in our Confirmation is courage- the strength to do what is right even when you are challenged. I would suggest praying to the Holy Spirit that this gift might be more abundantly bestowed upon you. If you haven’t been Confirmed, now would be an excellent time to look into it

I know I will pray for you. In fact, one rosary coming your way

Andy

 

[teachccd]

So regardless of whether the sin you’re talking about is venial or mortal, if it’s really bothering you this much, you should shelve your pride and just go and confess it. Believe me – you’ll feel a whole lot better getting it off your chest.

Good luck and God bless

Nothing more need to be said… God Bless

 

[mom2three]

Hi guys…
So here it is…I have taken care of mortal sin in my past in confession already.
Whew!!!
That was a relief to do that!
BUT…
I have a venial (I think that is the word) sin that I struggle with just about every day.
I am a 39 yr old woman who is raising her child and I am embarrassed.
I should be more mature than this or I certaiinly could be setting a better example for my son.
This is what I tell myself anyways.
Thank goodness my husband has more self control.
Please don’t ask me what the sin is…it is embarrassing.
But it isn’t a mortal sin.
I know that.
I just need to know how do I bring this up to my priest?
How do I stop doing this?
Old habits are hard to break!!
Obviously I have been doing this for years and years.
Thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut!!!
Karen
p.s. Obviously, I struggle with several sins. I am human. But this is probably one I struggle with more.

My priest says: If you have a pattern of sin that is hard to break, don’t expect to just drop it over night. BUT every day, do a little better than the day before. If this is a daily sin you commit, try to do it one less day this week… two less the next and so on. This works with any habitual sin.

Do a little better every day until the sin disappears. In the meantime, if you confess it often, perhaps you will begin to catch yourself before you do it… then, resist the urge to commit it… Each time you don’t you’re getting that much closer to eliminating it.

 

[arewethereyet]

One thing I might suggest that I have done.

If you really do feel like you can’t mention this sin to your priest, perhaps you could go to confession at a different church? There have been times that I didn’t feel I could speak of my sin to my priest, so I went to a different church where nobody knew me. The sacrament involves mainly confessing your sins to God, so it doesn’t have to be the same priest sitting in person of Christ.

Perhaps this is a cross for you to bear? I have been there, it is hard. But do believe your priests that they have heard it all. Grace and love are waiting.

One of the gifts of the Holy Spirit in our Confirmation is courage- the strength to do what is right even when you are challenged. I would suggest praying to the Holy Spirit that this gift might be more abundantly bestowed upon you. If you haven’t been Confirmed, now would be an excellent time to look into it

I know I will pray for you. In fact, one rosary coming your way

Andy

Thank you, friend!
I appreciate all your good advice and your prayers.
And I have been praying.
And I do feel like I am getting a little better at not resorting to this sin when I get upset.
Even one short “Hail Mary” can do the trick.
I have thought about going to a priest that doesn’t know me before.
I was so blessed to have an amazing and truly beautiful priest at my church when I first became Catholic.
There is now a very gentle and soft-spoken priest at my church.
And for the most part I have always sat across from them when I make a confession.
Not only is my left knee bad (unable to kneel - even for a short time) but I like to see them face to face when I am making a confession.
I used to think, in the very beginning, that they would probably be on the other side of the wall listening to my confession, rolling their eyes and shaking their head.
But now I know much better.
I have confessed this sin.
I just need to cope with the feelings that lead to it.
But thanks so much for your reply!
I appreciate it.
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

Nothing more need to be said… God Bless

Thanks again, friend!

“Be still and know that I am God”.

Steven Curtis Chapman sings a song based on that verse.
Makes me cry every time I hear it.
Along with some other contemporary christian songs.
Like the one I heard today…

“Word of God Speak”

Don’t know who sings it but it is pretty awesome!!

Karen

 

[BrooklynBoy200]

Hi guys…
So here it is…I have taken care of mortal sin in my past in confession already.
Whew!!!
That was a relief to do that!
BUT…
I have a venial (I think that is the word) sin that I struggle with just about every day.
I am a 39 yr old woman who is raising her child and I am embarrassed.
I should be more mature than this or I certaiinly could be setting a better example for my son.
This is what I tell myself anyways.
Thank goodness my husband has more self control.
Please don’t ask me what the sin is…it is embarrassing.
But it isn’t a mortal sin.
I know that.
I just need to know how do I bring this up to my priest?
How do I stop doing this?
Old habits are hard to break!!
Obviously I have been doing this for years and years.
Thanks for any (name removed by moderator)ut!!!
Karen
p.s. Obviously, I struggle with several sins. I am human. But this is probably one I struggle with more.

Are you absolutly sure it’s venial? If so, then the above posts seem to take care of it.
And you shouldn’t be afraid to tell people, i’m sure someone else on the forums has had the same problem. Plus, nobody on here knows who you really are.

 

[arewethereyet]

My priest says: If you have a pattern of sin that is hard to break, don’t expect to just drop it over night. BUT every day, do a little better than the day before. If this is a daily sin you commit, try to do it one less day this week… two less the next and so on. This works with any habitual sin.

Do a little better every day until the sin disappears. In the meantime, if you confess it often, perhaps you will begin to catch yourself before you do it… then, resist the urge to commit it… Each time you don’t you’re getting that much closer to eliminating it.

Thanks, friend!
That is very good advice.
I do feel like I am making a little improvement.
Just added prayer.
And all the prayers from all my catholic.com friends!
And congrats on your upcoming confirmation and first communion.
I had my special night four years ago.
All I can say is it will be very beautiful!
Karen

 

[arewethereyet]

Are you absolutly sure it’s venial? If so, then the above posts seem to take care of it.
And you shouldn’t be afraid to tell people, i’m sure someone else on the forums has had the same problem. Plus, nobody on here knows who you really are.

Thanks, friend!
I am pretty sure it is venial. I have taken care of it in confession. I need advice on how to deal with the temptation. I feel like I have made improvement. I have said alot of “Hail Marys” when I feel tempted and that helps. I would rather not say what the actual sin is. I was hurt very badly once. A Christian couple I was friends with hurt me. I opened up to them about certain sin I was struggling with and they went off on me. And then they decided to not be my friends anymore. Even though noone here knows who I am, I would still rather not say what the sin is. But I appreciate your friendship and your help.
Karen

 

[DallasCatholic]

Thanks, friend!
I am pretty sure it is venial. I have taken care of it in confession. I need advice on how to deal with the temptation. I feel like I have made improvement. I have said alot of “Hail Marys” when I feel tempted and that helps. I would rather not say what the actual sin is. I was hurt very badly once. A Christian couple I was friends with hurt me. I opened up to them about certain sin I was struggling with and they went off on me. And then they decided to not be my friends anymore. Even though noone here knows who I am, I would still rather not say what the sin is. But I appreciate your friendship and your help.
Karen

Karen,
It is VERY WISE of you not to place to much trust in the anonymity of the Internet. What I hope the previous poster was suggesting was that you understand that we all feel embarrassed by our sins and that no one person’s sin is necessarily any worse than that of any other person’s. I sincerely hope that the previous poster was not seriously encouraging you to “confess” your sin on this forum.

I would suggest employing an AA principle to help you. “One day at a time”. In other words when this sin tempts you focus on just making it through today. I know for myself that I have to break that down further sometimes. Sometimes I just pray “Lord help me make it through the next few seconds!”. By focusing on just this one day the task of avoiding sin and temptation is not so monumental. This principle is also very biblical as we can see in the Gospel of Matthew Chapter 6 Verse 34.

One thing that helped me put my sins in perspective was reading 1 Timothy Chapter 1 verses 15 and 16. If you would like to know exactly what Paul was referring to then look at Acts chapter 7 verses 56-59…remebering that Paul, before his conversion was Saul of Tarsus.

God Bless you.

 

[Marian_Carroll]

GENERAL NOTICE

Please refrain from posting or inquiring about details of sins or private confessions, your own, or those of others.

These matters are best left between priest and penitent.

Thank you for your cooperation.