Emergency please help me

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Corinne3 said:
Yes, on pg. 7 of my posts, yep, I unfortunately did let my h back in the bedroom. However, with all the ups and downs here, now pg. 14, and months later, when I discovered he still retreated back to said stripper just 3 weeks ago, this is totally IT! No more bedroom…
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Hi. I don’t have any advice to add as most of the posters here have already given you good advice.

However, I just wanted to point out that the post on page 7 was done on July 1, just a week ago. It’s these inconsistencies that are making it hard for people to figure out what’s going on to offer assistance.

I have prayed that God’s perfect will for you be done. I hope that whatever you decide to do, you are able to heal and get some peace - both you and your children.
 
Serap said:
This is great, but I think now’s the time to realize it’s time to move on to a better place for you and your children.
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Hi Serap! I do realize this now~! Thanks! 👍 You are so gracious.
 
Sasha wrote:

“However, I just wanted to point out that the post on page 7 was done on July 1, just a week ago. It’s these inconsistencies that are making it hard for people to figure out what’s going on to offer assistance.”

Exactly!

Corinne: I do hope you really do realize this so you and your children can have a much better life without all the stress and the emotional rollercoaster this type of man causes.
 
Sasha said:
Hi. I don’t have any advice to add as most of the posters here have already given you good advice.

However, I just wanted to point out that the post on page 7 was done on July 1, just a week ago. It’s these inconsistencies that are making it hard for people to figure out what’s going on to offer assistance.

I have prayed that God’s perfect will for you be done. I hope that whatever you decide to do, you are able to heal and get some peace - both you and your children.
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Hello Sasha. Thank you for responding with your thoughts. I really appreciate it a lot.

What can I say though? I am an inconsistent woman. My thoughts and emotions may flutter from day to day. I admit this. I guess this does make it hard for someone to help me then. On here. You women though know what this is like, especially when you are going through “the change”.
 
I have been going back and forth for so long now on an emotional roller coaster with my husband. You all know this! I want to do the right thing, what the Lord would have me do here. I have given my h so many opportunities and chances with counseling, etc. for so many years, and he still chooses to be unfaithful. Deep in his sin, he becomes mean and nasty, verbally and emotionally abusive, etc…

My plan was to find a job out of town, take the kids and move away, but honestly, I do not know if I can wait another day living with him, under these conditions. It’s simply crushing me. Ignoring each other, sleeping in separate rooms crushes me, attempting to have a conversation, crushes me. He refuses to talk about anything, tells me to shut up about it…drop it…bury the hatchett, etc. still goes to strippers.

Last night I attempted once again to have a conversation. He said “I don’t want to talk about it”. I was asking him how he felt about our marriage? about sleeping in another room now for 3-4 weeks? about how he feels about going to strip clubs while married? etc…He said nothing, except, “I’m not moving, you move”…and “you have no means to divorce me anyway”…total NO LOVE.

Then later when I asked some further questions, he said 'SHUT THE HELL UP AND GET OUT OF MY FACE" in front of our 16 yo son, at midnight. My son then smoked pot in his room later, I could smell it. Didn’t see it, but I know this is making him sooooo upset. I told him to please move out this weekend or I will file papers. He still is refusing, telling me to get on a train and move…NO LOVE from him, NO compassion, just meanness.

Friends: I believe if he doesn’t move this weekend, like I asked him via e-mail this morning, outlining how I cannot take his emotional/verbal abuse anymore, his unfaithfulness, his porn habits, his lies, deceit and his disrespecting me in front of our kids, etc. etc., I will file papers. He said he won’t move. OK then.

I am planning on filing a restraining order Monday, in which case they will have him kicked out within 7 days by the sherrif. I know I have grounds for it. All my family and friends have told me so, and you on here, whom I don’t know.

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A WISE DECISION? I just feel I am being battered here. ROLLER COASTER GALORE. Torment.

I will get food stamps, luckily until I get a job. Could I lost my kids because I am not working? My husband will be back with his rich parents. What if the court sends my kids there? Could they?

Please help me today.

I know you are all so sick of hearing my plight, but I am ready to be strong and do what is best for me and my children finally* I am not afraid any longer.
 
Congratulations! It sounds like you’re ready!

Since I have no expertise to offer for your situation, I will offer my prayers this weekend for the special intention of your peace and strength.
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curl said:
Congratulations! It sounds like you’re ready!

Since I have no expertise to offer for your situation, I will offer my prayers this weekend for the special intention of your peace and strength.
  • curl
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What a blessing you are to me today! I didn’t know there was such a thing as groups here. Yes, I want to be a member there…just went there and clicked join.

Thank you friend:thumbsup:
 
One more thing, with all my h’s 22 years of being addicted to porn and stripper chasing, this has really affected my self esteem greatly. He makes me feel horrible, ugly, always oagling other women, etc. I have literally LOST myself. Lost my confidence, lost who I am, and what I can do, where I can work, how to even look for work, all my strength has been zapped. Only you women with sex addicted husbands really can understand this, but you men, can have such a de-valueing and devastating affect on your wives when you choose porn over your loving wives. It kills us inside, when you are supposed to love and cherish us, as your wives, mothers of your children.

I will always have this scar now, which someone said, until the hurting stops, the healing cannot begin. Having my h out of the home, will stop the hurting finally, so I can heal.

Please pray for me friends at Mass tomorrow. I need your prayers very deeply.
 
Follow through
  1. File the restraining order on Monday
  2. Tell your son, the sheriff is throwing your father out…get the dope out the house…not sure why you are allowing this
  3. If the son refuses, let him know he can stay with his father.
  4. Do not speak to your husband…anymore…bite your tongue. You don’t need to have any conversation with him whatsoever.
I hope you are not cooking or washing his clothes for him. If you are STOP. Tell your son…no drugs in this house, period!!! It is illegal and if you get busted, if there are younger children DSS could take them away.

There has got to be a “legal aid” office that can get assist you in getting him out of there.

You said the house in in both your names…renting or buying?

You said the car is in his name…bad move.

Are the utilities in his name, water, sewer, electric, cable, internet, oh and cell phone?
 
Good. Follow through and DO NOT BE AFRAID. Do what you need to do, don’t buy into any threats he might make, do not announce your intentions to him. He will get it that you are serious when he is handed the paperwork. He will probably tell you at that point that a miracle has happened and he has seen the light. Don’t fall for it. If a miracle has indeed happened, he can spend months and years living that miracle for you to be convinced.

How are you filing the paperwork for the kick out order? Self help at the courthouse or did you find some assistance?

I agree with Juliana. Don’t put up with the pot smoking and don’t be afraid to call the police on it. Your son will be testing you, and will push you around the same way that he has seen his father do it. You need to show him that you are a woman who means what she says and that there are consequences for his actions. For his own benefit in life he needs to see this from you ASAP.

You really will find a lot more peace and strength once you have your husband out of the house. You feel like you are being battered because you are.

Good for you for moving forward. I am definitely praying for you. Stay calm and be firm. You can do this.
 
Just spoke with one of my best friends and she is telling me to just stick with it for money’s sake. That once his parents are dead, when he has money, they I am entitled to half. I do not know how I feel about this. She is not a Catholic, not that this makes any difference, but still her points have some validity.nI just do not know if I can simply stay with an unfaithful husband just for the sake of money, and financial gain.
What do you all think about this? I think she has some good points, so as to forget myself and merely think ahead,of the money; yes, a consideration, but on the other hand, I am a faithful Catholic and want to be living a REAL marriage,. She has been married 3 times, but maybe she could be right in what she is telling me.
 
Please let me hear from you friends. I was shocked by what my friend said to me. Just leave my h in the home, and wait essentially for his parents to die, and then I will be entitled to a big portion of the money. I think this makes sense, but I do not know how I can tolerate it, being married to an infidel for the next 10 years or so, until his folks kick the bucket.

WHAT are your thoughts?\

Is it worth it to stay in an unfaithful marriage just for the money, and/or inheritance?

I’d love all opinions.

Thank you.

*** i WANT TO LEAVE MY INFIDEL HUSBAND SHOULD I? SHOULD I CONSIDER INHERITANCE HERE?
 
Corinne3 said:
Please let me hear from you friends. I was shocked by what my friend said to me. Just leave my h in the home, and wait essentially for his parents to die, and then I will be entitled to a big portion of the money. I think this makes sense, but I do not know how I can tolerate it, being married to an infidel for the next 10 years or so, until his folks kick the bucket.

WHAT are your thoughts?\

Is it worth it to stay in an unfaithful marriage just for the money, and/or inheritance?

I’d love all opinions.

Thank you.

*** i WANT TO LEAVE MY INFIDEL HUSBAND SHOULD I? SHOULD I CONSIDER INHERITANCE HERE?
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Where is your self respect?
 
I think I read in one of your older posts that you feel ‘hopeless’…apologies if I remembered the wrong word, but it was certainly along those lines.

Perhaps you feel this way because you feel you have no control in this situation. It sounds as though everything is happening to you, not because of your decisions. Once a situation becomes out of your control, it can leave you feeling helpless.

If you make a decision, it will reclaim some of your control, and with that some confidence will be restored. Once control and confidence slowly starts to rebuild, you can feel that you are actually in control of the situation, and not him. It will make you stronger and surer to be able to either leave or ask him to leave or continue, whichever you choose.

So my suggestion would be to make a decision. Not necessarily the big one of whether to stay with him or not, but just a small one to start with. And then make another small decision. Stick to the decision, however small, and see it through. As you start to feel you are taking back control by taking these small decisions and seeing them through, you will probably start to feel more confidence again, and then you will, hopefully, become strong enough to take the big decision one way or another.
 
How many kids do you have under the age of 18?

You are teaching your son how a woman should be treated, by putting up with his father’s bs.

You don’t have to wait for his parents to die. You are intitled to half of what he has now. If he has nothing…you are entitled to half of nothing…so what have you got to lose. Your self respect is and will be in the toilet until you put your big girl panties on and either (1) get him out of there, or leave yourself. And don’t take the pot smoking son with you as he will “add” to the problem. At his age…he made a choice…smoke pot…now he has an addictive persona…and so do you. You are addicted to someone taking care of you at a cost to your self respect.

How is that working for you?

It’s not. And it’s time, time to “take care of yourself”.

When he out, start selling the furniture to get some cash. He has no claim on it, and if he says anything…there is nothing he can do…it’s marital property.
 
dulcissima said:
Where is your self respect?
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What do you mean? Can you explain? Perhaps I have had none for the past 2 years.

Please offer me your views.

My one friend thinks I should do nothing, put up with a loveless and adulterous marriage just for the sake of my h’s inheritance. Then,she says, I could file,and gain half of it. It may well be true. Alimoney is 35% in our state, of income of the man/husband. NOW my h’s income is zero, as he has no job. Should I merely suck it up/ live in a sham for years hoping for this? That the day will come when I will get 35%^ of his money? His parents money? I simply do not know if I can do this friends. I am an honest person. I want what is best for our family and to live an honest Godly life. Any views?
 
Corinne3 said:
What do you mean? Can you explain? Perhaps I have had none for the past 2 years.

Please offer me your views.

My one friend thinks I should do nothing, put up with a loveless and adulterous marriage just for the sake of my h’s inheritance. Then,she says, I could file,and gain half of it. It may well be true. Alimoney is 35% in our state, of income of the man/husband. NOW my h’s income is zero, as he has no job. Should I merely suck it up/ live in a sham for years hoping for this? That the day will come when I will get 35%^ of his money? His parents money? I simply do not know if I can do this friends. I am an honest person. I want what is best for our family and to live an honest Godly life. Any views?
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Corrine, you didn’t one day two years ago suddenly lose your self respect. It’s been chipped away slowly but surely over the years of your marriage, and perhaps even before then.

Where are you getting this 35% number for alimony? There is no hard and fast formula for it. I live in California, just like you do. Alimony is based upon what the standard of living was in the marriage, what the resources are post marriage, and is limited in duration. If you get separated or divorced, you will have to show that you have a plan to become self supporting. You will have to have a plan for education and a career. I am receiving a small amount of alimony each month and will for 5 years post separation. My monthly alimony is 5% of my ex’s gross monthly income, in other words a pittance. Don’t avoid doing the right thing because of the hope for alimony.

Did you marry your husband for money? If not, why would you stay married to him and put up with disrespect and abuse, for the chance inheriting money? You know for certain right now that you would not be treasured or valued. You know that by staying with him and accepting this behavior you are setting a bad example for your children. Does it seem wise to do that for the chance of sharing in an inheritance? You have no idea how long his parents will live, whether they would leave their money to him, or how much of it you would stand to gain. However, you do know for certain the type of inheritance you would be leaving your children by having them continue to grow up in such a dysfunctional home. Just look at your 16 year old and ask if that is what you want for him and for your other children. Do you want them to see that their dad gets to act this way consequence free or do you want them to see him packing his bags and having some consequences?

You need to find the starch in your spine and stop going mushy. Get off this roller coaster and onto a track that will lead you to somewhere you want to be, somewhere your kids NEED for you to be.
 
YES, THANK YOU. I have been so mistreated for soooo long now, that it is hard to see. Some of you may understand some not.

Can you answer my initial question?
 
Corinne3 said:
YES, THANK YOU. I have been so mistreated for soooo long now, that it is hard to see. Some of you may understand some not.

Can you answer my initial question?
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“Is it worth it to stay in an unfaithful marriage just for the money, and/or inheritance?”

There is no amount of money that would make it worth it.
 
FYI: I married my h for love. I do not see the point even of asking me such an insane question. Do you not see this after reading pages …
 
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