Emergency please help me

  • Thread starter Thread starter Corinne3
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Thank you. St. Rita is one of my favorite patron Saints, but she is doing no good for me lately or in my marriage. I feel so alone. I feel completely hopeless.
 
Ailina said:
Hi Corinne,

Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on."

It sounds to me like psychological illness and stress caused by the unfaithful actions of your spouse are already causing instability* within* the marriage. Your counselors and priests have already given you good advice, Corinne. And so have people here. So why are you ignoring it, except for the bad advice quoted above?

Sometimes it is healthier to leave a sick marriage than to stay in it. Eventually, this will take a toll on your health, speaking from personal experience. I stayed in my marriage far too long, and became physically ill with one strange thing or another until he left, because the marriage itself was sick and dying. My body was breaking down under the stress of his infidelity and lack of respect.

Listen to your counselors and priests. They know about your situation more than the rest of us. You will qualify for alimony and child support and half your husband’s assets, including his pension and retirement funds. He needs to leave, unless you want to continue to live with the drama. It is not healthy for you nor your kids, to be living in that kind of tension and turmoil.
Click to expand...
I wish he would leave Alina but he is refusing. My body is breaking down too! Under the enormous stress. I am cracking up. I have been told that obtaining a Restraining Order for infidelity and emotional abuse is useless unless the kids are in harms way. Yet I am considering filing one still, total emo abuse! Please check your PM am writing you now. Just tried and there are many Alinas…which one is yOU?
 
Dear Alina:

I just am trying to PM you now, but there is no “Alina”. There are numerous ones with numbers after the name, letters in front of it, etc. can you tell me which is you? I would love to speak with you. Thank you.
 
Ailina said:
Hi Corinne,

Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on."

It sounds to me like psychological illness and stress caused by the unfaithful actions of your spouse are already causing instability* within* the marriage. Your counselors and priests have already given you good advice, Corinne. And so have people here. So why are you ignoring it, except for the bad advice quoted above?

Sometimes it is healthier to leave a sick marriage than to stay in it. Eventually, this will take a toll on your health, speaking from personal experience. I stayed in my marriage far too long, and became physically ill with one strange thing or another until he left, because the marriage itself was sick and dying. My body was breaking down under the stress of his infidelity and lack of respect.

Listen to your counselors and priests. They know about your situation more than the rest of us. You will qualify for alimony and child support and half your husband’s assets, including his pension and retirement funds. He needs to leave, unless you want to continue to live with the drama. It is not healthy for you nor your kids, to be living in that kind of tension and turmoil.
Click to expand...
NO it is not healthy at all! My husband FYI does not have any wages. He has been on EDD for 2 years, and I have not been able to find a job due to my emotional issues related to his infidelity I know. I am being honest here. I am a smart, talented woman but he has brought me down into the gutter, affecting my health even.

I do not want to live like this any longer.

But what can I do?

I hate my husband and will never ever respect or trust him ever again.

What should I do then? File a restraining order to get him kicked out? Then what? have no money? no job? no ,means to support my family?

I do think I need to find better more secure boundaries within our marriage, which I have not been too good at. When h retreated back to said strip place, he was on the couc h for one week, then back in our bedroom. WHY you ask? Easier I suppose and not such a shock for our kids, having them endure turmoil by their parents.

I feel I need to go to the hospital and admit myself these days. I think I am having a nervous breakdown.
 
Corinne3 said:
Thank you. St. Rita is one of my favorite patron Saints, but she is doing no good for me lately or in my marriage. I feel so alone. I feel completely hopeless.
Click to expand...
Corinne-

I am about to be harsh but let me state that I do this out of charity and love-

Do you wish your children to live as you are living - is this the kind of relationship you want them in? This is what you are condemning them to. St Rita will help your heart but you have to move your feet.

That is enough for being harsh please understand it is out of love. God bless you and your family.
 
Corinne - let me make this real easy for you -
  1. take the kids
  2. go sit in front of the blessed sacrament for an hour for EACH of you
  3. go get a lawyer
  4. file
  5. follow your lawyers instructions - stop talking and do.
 
Corinne3 said:
I wish he would leave Alina but he is refusing. My body is breaking down too! Under the enormous stress. I am cracking up. I have been told that obtaining a Restraining Order for infidelity and emotional abuse is useless unless the kids are in harms way. Yet I am considering filing one still, total emo abuse! Please check your PM am writing you now. Just tried and there are many Alinas…which one is yOU?
Click to expand...
Hi Corinne,

I think you are mispelling my name. It is A**-i-**l-i-n-a, not A-l-i-n-a.

Do you have nowhere else to go? Any siblings or friends from church who can help you out? I know how lonely and isolating and shaming this feels, but it is not your fault.
 
Ailina said:
Hi Corinne,

I think you are mispelling my name. It is A**-i-**l-i-n-a, not A-l-i-n-a.

Do you have nowhere else to go? Any siblings or friends from church who can help you out? I know how lonely and isolating and shaming this feels, but it is not your fault.
Click to expand...
Thank you friend. I have no where to go. Except to my Blessed Mother and to my Savior Jesus Christ.
 
Have you talked to an attorney about a kick out order? This is different than a restraining order.

As far as having no place to go, have you contacted Catholic Charities?
 
I have contacted Catholic charities and they did nothing but refer me to food banks where they hand out stale food, BTW. I did it a couple times, and it made me ill.
 
I was so taken aback it made me sick. ALL the food we got was stale, expired dates, it made me so sick. Our huge multi-million dollar church could not help us one bit, they merely referred us to their food bank where it was more of the same. Good Gracious! You call this Catholic Charities?

When we attended a Protestant Church many years ago and were having hard times, the church paid several bills for us one month. Quite a difference. I am, needless to say most dissapointed.😦 The Catholic Church is the richest in the world yet they cannot even help their own paritioners? Pitiful.

BTW. When we did go to the food bank one month, we got the standard bag…which included baby formula and other stale items. Come on…I have teen boys… What are they thinking? Plus they were rude.
 
Now, now… Catholic Charities is a wonderful organization. As I posted earlier, from my knowledge of their work, they are not positioned to provide the kind of help that you are requesting.

Regarding your situation, I am sorry to say, along with others, that it seems that you are not making any changes. Separate sleeping was a step. The rest of the steps are in the 180 or the detachment aproach.

Have you looked into any CODA meetings?
 
Ailina said:
Hi Corinne,

Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on."

It sounds to me like psychological illness and stress caused by the unfaithful actions of your spouse are already causing instability* within* the marriage. Your counselors and priests have already given you good advice, Corinne. And so have people here. So why are you ignoring it, except for the bad advice quoted above?

Sometimes it is healthier to leave a sick marriage than to stay in it. Eventually, this will take a toll on your health, speaking from personal experience. I stayed in my marriage far too long, and became physically ill with one strange thing or another until he left, because the marriage itself was sick and dying. My body was breaking down under the stress of his infidelity and lack of respect.

Listen to your counselors and priests. They know about your situation more than the rest of us. You will qualify for alimony and child support and half your husband’s assets, including his pension and retirement funds. He needs to leave, unless you want to continue to live with the drama. It is not healthy for you nor your kids, to be living in that kind of tension and turmoil.
Click to expand...
There is wisdom here. What do your children say…“before/after”? Have you given them the chance to really speak their heart to you?
 
Most of you are all so very adament about “leaving a sick and toxic marriage” yet you may have definite means which I do not. Like a husband with a job…Do I have to say it again?I have NONE. And no family. Nothing. No money, no family, no where to go. Period. NOTHING except relying on the Lord. Pray for me if you will please I beg you.

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN UNEMPLOYED FOR 2 YEARS AND HAS NO INCOME…ZERO…WHICH MEANS NO ALIMONEY, NO CHILD SUPPORT. Hello? And I have been a stay at home mom now for several years too with no money. SO>>>>>>>>why do so many of you keep saying something contrary to reality in my situation? Do you not read my thread in all I have posted? maybe not. You tell me to see an attorney, yet you do not realize there is nothing to be HAD. Attorneys cost money. Hello??? If there is something to be gotten this is different friends here. I have not one red cent. Nothing. HOW would I afford an attorney you who even suggested this to me? Answer me please.

OK then. UH,. What can I do NOW? Today. this week. next week. Anything to enforce some emotional boundaries here. This is more my issue now I guess Tell me how I have any boundaries if at all possible anymore.

Thank you for those of you who are listening.

Love,
Corinne J.
 
Legal Aid is available for those who can not afford an attorney. That is an option. Go there and ASK to speak to an attorney.

If you go to a Catholic hospital (I use to work for one) or any hospital for that matter and ask to be placed in a shelter they can put you and your boys in a shelter AND assist with finding job training in the area where you live. They WILL HELP. You have to** ask for social services and someone WILL ASSIST YOU. THEY WILL NOT TURN YOU AWAY**.

Also, try your church or any church for that matter. You say they don’t help. Be persistent. Tell them about your situation and that you need to get out of it NOW.

Catholic Charities where I live does offer many types of services for women who are in need but they HAVE TO ASK for it.

You say your DH has no income. Then where is he getting the $$$ to pay for his stripper?? He has to be getting it from somewhere.

There is a social services in all counties of the states we live in. Check the phone book and start there. What about your family? Can’t you call them and ask for advice at least? I realize you are in a tough situation but saying and doing are 2 different things. Definitely check out social services at your local hospital. I know for a fact that whenever an abused woman was seen in the ER, someone from that dept. would be cld in & the pt. would be protected & assisted w/getting back on her feet PLUS the hospital has many community programs set up for women such as yourself to get back into the job market. They just have to ASK and WANT to do it. Good luck.
 
In addition to Legal Aid, courthouses have self help centers where you can obtain all of the forms and information necessary to file any paperwork that you need to. There are people there to assist you. I have done this myself. Clearly, your husband will not be able to afford an attorney either.

Your county should also have a department of child services that can help you obtain an order for support. If your husband has been on unemployment, it’s unlikely that he will be able to pay very much, but he is obligated to pay for some.

You can also go to the department of social services and find about public assistance to tide you over until you can get a job and be self-sufficient. You mentioned you had a disability and would be limited in the type of work you can do, have you looked into social security?

You can register for community college, get education that can lead to a career, and receive financial aid.

Catholic Charities isn’t the only charity out there. Have you contacted St Vincent de Paul?

Friends or relatives?

You can either CHOOSE to continue down the same path or you can DO something to change the direction your life is headed. You are not powerless and it’s not impossible.
 
I agree with dulcissima. Have you ever heard of the saying that God only helps those who help themselves?

When I was diagnosed with my health problems over the past 42 years, I didn’t sit back and feel sorry for myself. I looked into support groups to educate myself about my illnesses and to meet others like myself. Sure I could’ve just said rely on the Lord alone but there’s more to it than that. Yes, I have faith but the Lord had more in store for me.

After I went through my many surgeries and a stroke that almost ended my life 5 years ago, He used me to assist others going through the exact same thing. I didn’t sit there all depressed thinking that there was nothing else I could do with nobody to turn to. I asked my MD if there were any support groups out there, got up off my butt when I was medically cleared AND DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT instead of feeling sorry for myself and bringing others down w/me and constantly saying nothing else worked. If one door closed, I kept on going until another door opened.

**You have the information available to you. You just have to look into it and not sit back and complain that it’s impossible. **With God, everything is possible. If I can overcome living w/Crohn’s disease, a blood clotting disorder where my body throws clots at any given time, a 12" clot on my brain that caused my stroke, and a recent small bowel obstruction (I’ve had over 20 of them), then you can overcome your cross as well.

Remember, if there are other women far worse than yourself who are able to seek assistance and better their situation for their children then YOU CAN TOO. I’ve seen it with my own eyes as I use to work at a local hospital. Good luck to you. 🙂
 
Thank you.

First step, had a talk with h tonight, told him my feelings, he is on the couch permanently, I am working on things here. For now, this is my boundary I must enforce. Hope I am doing the right thing. I will sleep better I know it. That’s a start anyway. He doesn’t even seem to care about it. OK fine then:(

Will let you know more later.

I do not want to be a pitiful complainer. I feel like I will die lately if I just succomb to this. God will have a plan for me.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. 👍
 
Corinne3 said:
Thank you.

First step, had a talk with h tonight, told him my feelings, he is on the couch permanently, I am working on things here. For now, this is my boundary I must enforce. Hope I am doing the right thing. I will sleep better I know it. That’s a start anyway. He doesn’t even seem to care about it. OK fine then:(

Will let you know more later.

I do not want to be a pitiful complainer. I feel like I will die lately if I just succomb to this. God will have a plan for me.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. 👍
Click to expand...
Corinne- I have to ask as a one person to another - are you seeing a counselor - and have you thought of harming yourself? If so we need to get you some help. I noticed your threads have gone from determined to talking about being with Christ. Can we get you some help?
 
MtnDwellar said:
Now, now… Catholic Charities is a wonderful organization. As I posted earlier, from my knowledge of their work, they are not positioned to provide the kind of help that you are requesting.

Regarding your situation, I am sorry to say, along with others, that it seems that you are not making any changes. Separate sleeping was a step. The rest of the steps are in the 180 or the detachment aproach.

Have you looked into any CODA meetings?
Click to expand...
Hi Mtn Dweller. I sometimes attend S-Anon. which is for partners of sex addicts. it is a 12-step meeting, and quite helpful really. Have never gone to CODA but maybe I should look into it. Thank you for mentioning it! I do think I have a severe co-dependency problem at the moment, and I am trying to figure it out…how it all pans out when one is married, and when we are supposed to be dependent on our spouse…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top