End-of-pew blockers

[RyanBlack]

Yet parents with young children who do have developmental disabilities are still able to keep their children in line during Mass. It sometimes involves taking them out more often, but give them some credit. They can and do learn how to behave.

One size doesn’t fit all. It depends on the parents, and on the particular child. As someone who has worked in a group home setting and as a special education teacher, I assure you that some children with certain disabilities, if severe enough, will never be able to sit still and be quite throughout an entire Mass/DL.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

This is absolutely true. People didn’t take their kids everywhere with them then like they do now - Mass included. And you can see this gong back a long ways. In some Saint lives you can read about them going to Mass for the first time at 6, 7 or 8 or even older.

Parents either took turns as described below, or left young children with a family member, neighbor, or servant.

Remember also that children didn’t receive First Holy Communion until they were at least 12 or older (St Bernadette was preparing for her FHC when she had her visions of Mary and she was 16-18).

Pope St. Pius X encouraged the movement to a younger FHC, but it didn’t change everywhere right away. And even so, people didn’t commonly take under-6 children out and about until very recently.

I’ve tried to find out from this forum in the past how this was handled back in the day. I guess most people my grandmother’s age don’t go on the Internet or those who were alive back then were too young to remember, but I ended up asking my grandmother.

She told me that people didn’t bring young children to mass back then. She never did (she had six) and never remembered anyone else bringing them to her parish. My grandfather would watch the younger children while she brought the older children to mass. He was a Lutheran, so it worked out well in their situation (although he was in the process of joining RCIA the year he passed away). But other families where both parents were Catholic had to take turns going to mass. When they had their first child, there were two priests at that particular parish. The priest who was not saying the mass would actually watch their son, pushing him in the pram outside or in the sacristy while mass was going on. Again, people didn’t bring babies to mass at that church either.

I don’t know if this was the case everywhere, but it was at all of the parishes my grandmother was part of growing up and as an adult. We’re from a very Catholic area, too, where it wasn’t strange to see three Catholic parishes within a couple blocks of each other.

 

[RyanBlack]

When I was a kid, my mom informs me I was a little angel who sat perfectly still and quiet during Mass. We never had any issues getting the end of the pew as we left early for Mass.

You can’t judge everyone else according to the experiences of your childhood.

 

[RyanBlack]

The priest needs to say the words of consecration during Mass, and say them correctly. If one’s children are behaving in such a manner that distract him to the point he can’t do this, then there’s no point in them or anyone even being there. There are some things during Mass which are actual needs. I think the priest’s needs in order to offer a valid Mass trump everyone else’s.

I have a hard time believing that this happens frequently enough that it’s even a real issue.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

You don’t see the issue with this because you’re not a parent of a young child. It seems simple enough, but the realities of lire with young children have a way of making things turn out differently from how you planned, in spite of your best efforts.

I don’t need to have children in order to see the issue here. This is nothing overly special. It really is common sense. I need to get somewhere at a certain time, but I anticipate that my children are a real hassle in the morning and take longer to get ready and to get to where we need to go in order to get there on time. That means I need to allow for that extra time by getting up earlier and getting the children ready and out the door earlier so I can arrive at church with ample time before Mass starts.

Aside from completely unpredictable scenarios such as things involving vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places, etc, there will really be no lateness. I promise.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

I have a hard time believing that this happens frequently enough that it’s even a real issue.

If the priest needs to make an announcement about it on more than one occasion, then it is happening too frequently.

 

[RyanBlack]

I don’t need to have children in order to see the issue here. This is nothing overly special. It really is common sense. I need to get somewhere at a certain time, but I anticipate that my children are a real hassle in the morning and take longer to get ready and to get to where we need to go in order to get there on time. That means I need to allow for that extra time by getting up earlier and getting the children ready and out the door earlier so I can arrive at church with ample time before Mass starts.

Aside from completely unpredictable scenarios such as things involving vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places, etc, there will really be no lateness. I promise.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Come back and lecture about my life as a parent when you yourself are a parent. Things other than vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places happen that can cause your plans to leave to be delayed, in spite of getting up earlier and all of your best intentions.

 

[RyanBlack]

If the priest needs to make an announcement about it on more than one occasion, then it is happening too frequently.

Maybe the priest in question is someone who way too easily distracted. I have never heard any priest in any parish make any request that even remotely suggested that there was such a problem. I think what’s really at play is personal preferences and biases about how children ought to behave.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

BTW: For those of you who didn’t know, one of the gifts of the devotion to the Seven Sorrows of Mary is peace in the home (ie: Children will not be unruly). Many traditionalist priests speak about this and attest it to be true.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I don’t need to have children in order to see the issue here. This is nothing overly special. It really is common sense. I need to get somewhere at a certain time, but I anticipate that my children are a real hassle in the morning and take longer to get ready and to get to where we need to go in order to get there on time. That means I need to allow for that extra time by getting up earlier and getting the children ready and out the door earlier so I can arrive at church with ample time before Mass starts. Aside from completely unpredictable scenarios such as things involving vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places, etc, there will really be no lateness. I promise.

:crying::crying:

Do check back in and let us all know how that works out for ya.
Best comment of the year! Priceless…
Your priest ever talk about humility?

 

[RyanBlack]

BTW: For those of you who didn’t know, one of the gifts of the devotion to the Seven Sorrows of Mary is peace in the home (ie: Children will not be unruly). Many traditionalist priests speak about this and attest it to be true.

Many traditionalist priest who themselves have never had the responsibility of being a parent.

 

[elvis1943]

Ryan,
I try to get to mass early enough to get an aisle seat. I will gladly get up and let you by, but I have a medical condition and sometimes have to leave church abruptly. It is less disruptive if I am on the aisle. I don’t want this condition, but I have been blessed with it and live day to day.
Bless you for getting your children to church. My parents had the same challenges, getting 4 unruley kids to church who really didn’t want to go was an enormous burden. But they did it and will be well rewarded and blessed for it as you will.
Keep It up, and I will gladly give up my pew for you, but please try to understand, things arent always as they seem.’
love,
Mitch

 

[Sarabande]

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Come back and lecture about my life as a parent when you yourself are a parent. Things other than vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places happen that can cause your plans to leave to be delayed, in spite of getting up earlier and all of your best intentions.

lol! Yes. Everyone I know, myself included, has had to eat our words and put our tails in between our legs once we had kids. We thought we would be much better parents than the ones we currently saw. Everything seemed so cut and dried. I was always overly prepared for everything and thought I was perfectly prepared for parenthood. Guess what, I found out that you are never prepared enough. You get better at it as you go along, but almost everything I thought was the “right way” pre-children is just a joke once you have them. I think having children is God’s way of humbling us. I always picture Him saying warm-heartedly, “Ha! Ha! Sarabande. You thought you knew it all when it came to raising children. It’s a lot different from watching your siblings or babysitting. Just throw most of what you thought out the door and welcome to the realities of actual parenthood.” God has a good sense of humour. I’m laughing now as I think about my naivete and ignorance going in.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Come back and lecture about my life as a parent when you yourself are a parent. Things other than vomit, urine, and feces not in their appropriate places happen that can cause your plans to leave to be delayed, in spite of getting up earlier and all of your best intentions.

True…I am not a parent…and yet I see people with large families that do get there early. How is it that they make it work and others don’t? And when I was a child…there were three of us…and from the time I was little I remember having to go to Mass…and we got there early. It was expected-as was sitting there quietly and coloring or playing silently. Again…no witnesses… If we didn’t behave…there were consequences…same thing at restaurants.

Now adays it seems like there are more families (not all) that let their kids run wild… I hate going to a nice restaurant only to have someone’s little darling yelling so loud I can’t even hear my husband at the same table…and we go later to try to avoid families.

A couple of Sunday’s ago…one blessed little boy was blabbing on a conversation at the same time the priest was trying to give his homily. Finally the priest stopped and commented on two homilies going on…

So, what is the difference between some families? How come some can make it there early and some can’t.?

 

[Corki]

Ok, I have been a single and a parent. I have been mobility imparied and way to pregnant to scootch over for anyone.

That being said, if I am at Mass by myself or with just the kids, and someone comes to the end of the pew, I will almost always move to the center. If I am with my husband, who has an anxiety disorder and won’t make it through Mass unless he is on the end, I will step out to let them more easily pass by. But I can’t imagine anyone being so rude as to come up to me after I am already seated (or kneeling in prayer) and tell me to move in to the center!

 

[maryjk]

One size doesn’t fit all. It depends on the parents, and on the particular child. As someone who has worked in a group home setting and as a special education teacher, I assure you that some children with certain disabilities, if severe enough, will never be able to sit still and be quite throughout an entire Mass/DL.

And not all children that are disruptive come from a group home setting with severe disabilities. I fact, I would dare say, MOST children are considered normal children growing up meeting most of not all developmental milestones.

So saying that most children should be able to learn to sit through Mass without major disruptions or even that most developmentally challenged children should be able to learn to sit through Mass isn’t really going out of bounds. MOST should. Of course there will be a few that can’t.

But are we really saying that all of those children that have a hard time sitting through Mass are so disabled that they can’t? Or is it that Mom and Dad or whomever is taking care of them aren’t stepping up to the plate to teach them?

I can’t get over this statement

I have literally had children sneak slowly to my side of the pew, and enter into my personal space and start climbing on and over me and my stuff while the parents remained oblivious to this.

And yet, some are jumping all over this poster because he gets up and moves away from some families??? I am a Mom and I would be moving too. Sorry, there isn’t any reason for a child to be climbing on me and for the parent to not do anything about it.

 

[SMHW]

She told me that people didn’t bring young children to mass back then. She never did (she had six) and never remembered anyone else bringing them to her parish.

My parents did not regularly take me to Mass until I was about six years old. (I was the oldest.) My parents took turns.

At some point the family did start attending Mass together. At age seven or eight I think I was considered old enough to assist with caring for younger siblings. I do remember that about the time I was in the third or fourth grade I was in charge of accompanying my younger sister on bathroom breaks.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

You don’t see the issue with this because you’re not a parent of a young child. It seems simple enough, but the realities of lire with young children have a way of making things turn out differently from how you planned, in spite of your best efforts.

True, but not on a week-in week-out basis unless the entire household is always in an uproar. Kids get to school on time, parents get to work on time, piano lessons, sports practices, etc all manage to work out. Why is Mass different?

Yes, the kids need to be a bit more dressed up than during the week, but no one really has to look like the Pope will be at Mass every week. Boys wear a polo and dress slacks (even the same polo and dress slacks every week). Girls wear a slip on style dress, or the same as the boys. Baby wears a onesie.

My kids actually had “Sunday clothes” when they were little. Made the mornings so much easier, and who cares if they wear the same thing every week - it isn’t a fashion show.

A family tradition of donuts, breakfast out, pancakes at home, or something similar after Mass also makes the mornings smoother and the “I don’t wanna go…” less.

 

[maryjk]

True, but not on a week-in week-out basis unless the entire household is always in an uproar. Kids get to school on time, parents get to work on time, piano lessons, sports practices, etc all manage to work out. Why is Mass different?

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

A family tradition of donuts, breakfast out, pancakes at home, or something similar after Mass also makes the mornings smoother and the “I don’t wanna go…” less.

True…I always knew that there was a chocolate creme filled doughnut or blueberry waffle with my name on it if i behaved…if I didnt…well my brothers were going to gloat about them getting one and me not…