Perhaps this poster, mjs1987, has such peculiar ideas because he is very young (22yrs).That’s misguided and misinformed advice. I especially pray for any woman who has ever been or may ever be in a relationship with you, mjs. Women DO care about porn use by their boyfriends or husbands, and they DO feel EXTREMELY degraded AND BETRAYED by it. You may want to think otherwise in an attempt to condone it, but you are not correct.
Wow what a hateful load of garbage. And what a horrible post from a supposed “Catholic” man.She didnt turn you down because of your porn use. She turned you down either because you werent attractive enough, werent man enough overall, or you didnt have enough money. Women put up with a lot of stuff from men if they have these three qualities or one of them in abundance. Ive seen women stay with men that abuse them because the sex is too good to give up. Ive seen fat women become thin and leave their less attractive husband to trade up for someone more attractive. Your porn use didnt have much to do with it. Women dont care about porn. Its just something they say they dont like but complain about simply for the sake of complaining. Women do not like men to tell them about their porn use because it makes them look like perverts and when they keep telling the women she feels like she is the man in the relationship. The man’s job is to only tell the women what she NEEDS to know. A man is there is help the women get through her emotional drama by being strong. If a man needs help with a problem he needs to go to another man because women arent equipped to help men. They have enough drama of their own. They want a man that calm and steady. If you have enough money or looks, they will overlook that but they wont give you love. They will just use you. In lieu of money or looks, you need to man up. Women EXPECT you to watch porn. Your job is to make them feel as if you dont care as much about the women in the porn. If a woman asks if you watch it give as brief an answer as you can and move on. If she complains, ignore it. She wants you to ignore her complaints. It makes her feel as if the problem is under control and gives her a project to work on. She may nag you but you only say the bare minimum and be done with it. She may complain but she will respect and love you.
DISCLAIMER: Do not watch porn if you can avoid it. Simply, do not share your struggle with a woman. They wont respect you for it and it will make them mad. Be a man and try to deal with women as little as you can. God made women the way they are for a reason. I do not understand that reason but God does. He created them to be drama queens and complainers so consider it God’s way of telling you that he is in charge of everything.
So you are saying a man dating a woman who he may in the future marry, that he should not tell her he has a pornography problem? There are plenty of women who come on this forum with men who are just like that. They find out after their married and its a miserable mess.Provbrs17v27, you really need to leave your sins in the confessional. Nothing good can come out of sharing all of your personal struggles with your girlfriend. If you simply feel you must tell someone, I really recommend you don’t tell anyone you are in a romantic relationship with. If for no other reason than when the relationship goes south you have to worry about them telling the whole world about your personal sins. There is a good reason that we no longer have public confessions. Just imagine how hard it is to overcome your failings when you are constantly mired in your past sins. Confess your sins and then move on.
Completely agree with you.So you are saying a man dating a woman who he may in the future marry, that he should not tell her he has a pornography problem? There are plenty of women who come on this forum with men who are just like that. They find out after their married and its a miserable mess.
If somebody is doing anything where they feel enough compulsion to label themselves an “addict”, they shouldn’t be dating. If he is just like every other man and woman on the face of the earth and simply struggles with purity then he needs to keep his private sins private. Everyone one is terribly sinful down to their very core and even people who aren’t just outright wicked are, at the very least, weak and mediocre. Jesus forgives our every fault but other people are not so accommodating. I don’t think a public confession of sin is an advisable thing to do because it poisons the way people view you and hinders you in overcoming your sins.So you are saying a man dating a woman who he may in the future marry, that he should not tell her he has a pornography problem? There are plenty of women who come on this forum with men who are just like that. They find out after their married and its a miserable mess.
“Struggling with purity” is worlds removed from viewing porn.If somebody is doing anything where they feel enough compulsion to label themselves an “addict”, they shouldn’t be dating. If he is just like every other man and woman on the face of the earth and simply struggles with purity then he needs to keep his private sins private. Everyone one is terribly sinful down to their very core and even people who aren’t just outright wicked are, at the very least, weak and mediocre. Jesus forgives our every fault but other people are not so accommodating. I don’t think a public confession of sin is an advisable thing to do because it poisons the way people view you and hinders you in overcoming your sins.
I had to read this one twice. It made me laugh. You are joking - right?She didnt turn you down because of your porn use. She turned you down either because you werent attractive enough, werent man enough overall, or you didnt have enough money. Women put up with a lot of stuff from men if they have these three qualities or one of them in abundance. Ive seen women stay with men that abuse them because the sex is too good to give up. Ive seen fat women become thin and leave their less attractive husband to trade up for someone more attractive. Your porn use didnt have much to do with it. Women dont care about porn. Its just something they say they dont like but complain about simply for the sake of complaining. Women do not like men to tell them about their porn use because it makes them look like perverts and when they keep telling the women she feels like she is the man in the relationship. The man’s job is to only tell the women what she NEEDS to know. A man is there is help the women get through her emotional drama by being strong. If a man needs help with a problem he needs to go to another man because women arent equipped to help men. They have enough drama of their own. They want a man that calm and steady. If you have enough money or looks, they will overlook that but they wont give you love. They will just use you. In lieu of money or looks, you need to man up. Women EXPECT you to watch porn. Your job is to make them feel as if you dont care as much about the women in the porn. If a woman asks if you watch it give as brief an answer as you can and move on. If she complains, ignore it. She wants you to ignore her complaints. It makes her feel as if the problem is under control and gives her a project to work on. She may nag you but you only say the bare minimum and be done with it. She may complain but she will respect and love you.
DISCLAIMER: Do not watch porn if you can avoid it. Simply, do not share your struggle with a woman. They wont respect you for it and it will make them mad. Be a man and try to deal with women as little as you can. God made women the way they are for a reason. I do not understand that reason but God does. He created them to be drama queens and complainers so consider it God’s way of telling you that he is in charge of everything.
Wouldn’t it be a relief if he were joking?I had to read this one twice. It made me laugh. You are joking - right?
Having grown up with six brothers, in a household that welcomed my seven uncles,“Struggling with purity” is worlds removed from viewing porn.
By its nature (and intent) porn presents women as objects to be used (and abused).
Porn use indicates that a man is in no way ready
for any normal relationship with a woman.
Code:Catharina, your views are very mush skewed. I am sorry to say this but porn has everything to do with purity. Yes, you are correct in the fact that porn is degrading towards women, but it is not all that. Men are hardwired completely different then woman. They are engineered to get aroused at the sight of an attractive woman. It does not matter whether or not you are married an attractive woman is still an attractive woman. The man will feel that way till he dies. Yes, he can be completely loyal to his wife or girlfriend but the fact remains that woman are still attractive and, as we were created by God, that is a good thing. We are to marvel at what God has created. This being said brings me back to the point that it has everything to do with purity. According to the Catholic Church, porn is in direct contradiction to purity and what the church holds as moral acceptable in regards to living a chaste life. For you to sit here and say that this argument has clear black and white sides is ridiculous and ignorant. You need to open you eyes and see that your hard and fast ideas that all men are dirt if they look at porn is wrong. I again would like to reiterate the fact that 70 percent of men look at porn. I ask you how you can be so close minded about what the problem is. Men have huge issues and we need help. Some seek help, some don’t care, some don’t know any better but we all need help. For you to sit there and say that all men that look at porn should be dumped on the street is one not in anyway a Catholic attitude and two not helping the problem in any way. Think about the Good Samaritan story. If you are to just walk by because you are too good to help or too disgusted to help then God looks down on you. You have not taken care of his sheep. Please think about it, and responded.
I cannot begin to grasp what you’re saying regarding purity and viewing porn.“Struggling with purity” is worlds removed from viewing porn.
By its nature (and intent) porn presents women as objects to be used (and abused).
Porn use indicates that a man is in no way ready
for any normal relationship with a woman.
Code:Catharina, your views are very mush skewed. I am sorry to say this but porn has everything to do with purity. Yes, you are correct in the fact that porn is degrading towards women, but it is not all that. Men are hardwired completely different then woman. They are engineered to get aroused at the sight of an attractive woman. It does not matter whether or not you are married an attractive woman is still an attractive woman. The man will feel that way till he dies. Yes, he can be completely loyal to his wife or girlfriend but the fact remains that woman are still attractive and, as we were created by God, that is a good thing. We are to marvel at what God has created. This being said brings me back to the point that it has everything to do with purity. According to the Catholic Church, porn is in direct contradiction to purity and what the church holds as moral acceptable in regards to living a chaste life. For you to sit here and say that this argument has clear black and white sides is ridiculous and ignorant. You need to open you eyes and see that your hard and fast ideas that all men are dirt if they look at porn is wrong. I again would like to reiterate the fact that 70 percent of men look at porn. I ask you how you can be so close minded about what the problem is. Men have huge issues and we need help. Some seek help, some don’t care, some don’t know any better but we all need help. For you to sit there and say that all men that look at porn should be dumped on the street is one not in anyway a Catholic attitude and two not helping the problem in any way. Think about the Good Samaritan story. If you are to just walk by because you are too good to help or too disgusted to help then God looks down on you. You have not taken care of his sheep. Please think about it, and responded.
For unknown reasons, you continue to misquote me.Ok you yourself said that porn is not a question of purity and I was trying to inform you that it was.
two I beg you to ask any of the men in your life if they have or have ever had a problem with porn and although it is possible the odds are if they say no they are lying so please don’t be so foolish to think that all the men in your life are perfect angles.
Three you clearly do not understand that times have change so much in the last 30 years. I never said that men have a need for porn I said men marvel beautiful women. But since you brought it up lets go down this road. Men have masturbated since the dawn of time. That is a fact. So what is porn for, to get men off. They use porn to get off that’s it. Now let’s think about this more. In the last 200 years man has started marring later in life. Before hand he married relatively close to when he hit puberty so he would not have struggled with the sexual release issue. Now I am not trying to prove in anyway that any of this is ok porn is not ok and usually is a mortal sin.
Masturbation is not ok but is also not always a mortal sin. So for you to sit there and say that all men who look at porn are filth and should be treated as such I ask you what you are thinking did you even read the last post. The Catholic Church itself has done studies and so has the secular world. You know what they say. Porn and masturbation together cause a dopamine release that is more powerful then cocaine.
Now that being said how can it not be an addiction and how can it not mean that someone needs help. you cannot not just say goodbye you are dirty so I wont mess with you please listen to what I say so many men struggle with this problem and if there are people out there saying no you are too dirty to help or to worthless or not worthy to be in my presences then how in the world do you expect or even hope for change just think about it.
I don’t want a quick response telling me that I am wrong because that means you have not thought about it.
That means that viewing porn is the opposite of practicing purity.
To deny that fact is to deny truth.
If you imasgine that I believe my borthers or son never viewed porn, you're delusional.
I know that all of them came to reject pornography at all times.
They did so in a effort to become holier.
Masturbation is normal? Last I heard it is always a mortal sin.
Willfully viewing porn - also last I heard it's mortally sinful.
Might it be that some men and women do not bear the culpability for these grave sins?
Yes - that can be true. However masturbation is still ALWAYS a mortal sin.
You must be a terrifically confused young man.
To imagine that that freedom and license are identical? Ahhhhh - NO.
Anyone can develop a habit of sin because it "feels good."
The battle-cry of the sex-crazed 1960s was: "if it feels good, do it!"
Don't delude yourself. You are saying nothing that is new. NOTHING.
I was thinking through all of this and more - likely before you were born.
I promise you that normal women, good women, holy women want nothing
to do with men who are dependent on viewing pornography.
WHY? It's simple. Better men exist!Really disgusting, huh?I don’t like where this thread is going. I should simply unsubscribe to the thread, but I thought I would just throw that out there.
Poor little fella had a problem. He knows it is a problem and he knows it is not right.
How on earth did this become about woman bashing(in the case of one poster) and the defense of pornography as simply a fact of life by several others?
I’m sure the original poster is strong enough not to be swayed by some of this foolishness, but please, PLEASE, PLEASE consider that you are posting on a Catholic site and are representing yourselves as Catholics. This isn’t the Misogynist Answers Forums, the Pornography Defense Answers Forums, or the Pervasive Secular Culture Answers Forums.
My “opinion” re ordination of women is the teaching of the Church.I apologize for miss quoting you what I meant o say is that when something becomes an addiction it is no longer the same as freely choosing it. So by that note when one becomes addicted to porn you are not longer held to the same standard as the person who is not addicted. Please look it up in the catechism under the use of porn in masturbation sadly I do not have one with me here so I cannot give the exact citation.
In regards to your family. You are one of the lucky few families in this world that won’t ever have to deal with this problem but sadly most of the world does and it is very real for all of us. Again, you are misquoting me. I speak of folks who FIGHT temptation and win.
Again with the masturbation and porn I felt like I made it clear that I believe that both are mortal sin unless there is some aspect of addiction or habitual action, at which point again I refer you to the same part of the catechism.
With the idea of do what feels good. Here it is. When a 10 year old boy sees porn and masturbates for the first time which is the common practice and he then proceeds to participate in the actions for the next several years because either he thinks its cool or it simply feels good and he likes it then yes he is accountable for it. But I ask you what 10 year old and the years to follow know what is right. He has no way of understanding that his immortal soul is being destroyed. I don’t care how many times you tell him he simply won’t understand. So this activity continues for several years and when he final starts to care about whom he is as a man it is too late. He has been looking and masturbating for years and it has become both habitual and an addiction. So he is no longer accountable for his action. Yes he should try to fix himself but just like a crack addict or any sort of drug it is going to be a long and painful process. This does not mean that he is not ready for a relationship or that he is not deserving of anyone’s ones love because he is, it simply means that he has struggles and problems that he needs to work out. **Ridiculous and a lie. A 10 yr-old boy (!) understands and accepts “thou shalt not steal,” "thou shalt not kill, etc. Are you saying that most 10 yr-old boys are without faith? That they court impurity??? Absurd. **
I don’t really think that it is relevant that you have been thinking about this since before I was born. One this was not an issue until the 20 years as you said before. **WHAT? Are you joking? Are you delusional? I never said that so again you misquote me. ** And if it is true that we are not worthy to be in relationships with women then we are all screwed. And I hate to say because I know you will hate it but, you cannot relate to this generation. Your thinking is so twisted that your opinion is irrelevant to me. The opportunity for sex and impurity is so much greater then it has ever been in any generation. **The opportunity for sex-play began with vigor in the 1960s. The world of morality was turned upside-down. I was there and you weren’t. ** And again I ask if you think we that have these problems are filthy and disgusting then where are we to find help? How are we to find help? According to you we are deserving of death, which is what is implied by what you have said. **Another misquote by implication - no surprise! What should you do? Stop the DENIAL. Recognize that your choices define you. Begin a prayer life. Enter into the heart and work of the Church. Find a good confessor and use him. Embrace a Sacramental life - not porn. **
PS. I would like to hear what your opinion of women’s ordinations is, if you would be so kind?
Wow, unrelated. I’ll tell you anyway. I’m against it. Weren’t asking me? I’m going to guess just for fun and say Catharina is against it too.PS. I would like to hear what your opinion of women’s ordinations is, if you would be so kind?
Really good guess!Reminder: This thread was about the original poster’s relationship, the situation he has been left in and how he should deal with the changes/understand his ex’s way of thinking. If I am incorrect in this, let the original poster please correct me. Stop de-railing this thread guys and gals.I am certain you can find an argument to jump into about the wiring of a man, the objectification of a woman, or the moral/venial sin question regarding porn in the Moral Theology section or the Philosophy section of the forum.
Wow, unrelated. I’ll tell you anyway. I’m against it. Weren’t asking me? I’m going to guess just for fun and say Catharina is against it too.
Take it outside, and by outside I mean to the Private Messages or to the Moral Theology, Apologetics, or Philosophy Forums.