End of relationship

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you are not even arguing what i am saying but ok i am sorry your right i am wrong

one more question
do you think that every person that has ever looked at porn or masterbated and did not go to confession is going to hell?

lets put aside those that are ignorant. this would not include the 10 year old boy that i mention according to what you think he knows
 
The_Indeed said:
you are not even arguing what i am saying but ok i am sorry your right i am wrong

one more question
do you think that every person that has ever looked at porn or masterbated and did not go to confession is going to hell?

lets put aside those that are ignorant. this would not include the 10 year old boy that i mention according to what you think he knows
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**I have no idea who is going to hell. Nor do you.

Why would I “argue” with a person who routinely mis-quotes me?**
 
the church says all those in mortal sin go to hell
yes

you say that masterbation and porn are always mortal sins unless ignorant
yes

there for again i ask do you believe that the 10 year old is going to hell because he masterbated or looked at porn
 
The_Indeed said:
the church says all those in mortal sin go to hell
yes

you say that masterbation and porn are always mortal sins unless ignorant
yes

there for again i ask do you believe that the 10 year old is going to hell because he masterbated or looked at porn
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Here is what I actually said:

**
Masturbation is normal? Last I heard it is always a mortal sin.
Willfully viewing porn - also last I heard it’s mortally sinful.

Might it be that some men and women do not bear the culpability for these grave sins?
Yes - that can be true. However masturbation is still ALWAYS a mortal sin.
You must be a terrifically confused young man.
To imagine that that freedom and license are identical? Ahhhhh - NO.**

PS you truly need help. Seek it.
 
From the CCC:
The integrity of the person

2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.125

2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.126 “Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.”

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
 
LindaSK said:
From the CCC:
The integrity of the person

2338 The chaste person maintains the integrity of the powers of life and love placed in him. This integrity ensures the unity of the person; it is opposed to any behavior that would impair it. It tolerates neither a double life nor duplicity in speech.125

2339 Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy.126 “Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.”

2354 Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.
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Many thanks, Linda.
 
I wonder if you have begun the work of recovering from your porn addiction yet? My assessment of the women you supposedly loved (while lying to her) is the first step in recognizing that YOU have to come to God with your (perhaps) increasing awareness that PORN has led you to this point in your relationship. PORN let you down, not the woman you supposedly loved. PORN will (hopefully) let you down enough to where you will seek help in a good S.A. group. You need a sponsor, not a girlfriend. I am sure that you are NOT getting involved in your own recovery, because you speak about how even some priests do porn. Go into a prison where you will encounter some men who have even done murder. Where is the logic here, Proverbs?

Your girlfriend is probably hurt by your lying to her, and SHE is in recovery because I saw that you said that she has a therapist who told her to not have any contact with you. I HOPE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HONOR HER REQUEST TO NOT HAVE CONTACT WITH HER. Pray for her to be strong during her therapy, and to get well within her own soul. I would pray the same for you. Contact a S.A. group as soon as possible. Your soul is crying out for you to begin to heal from this addiction. Our Lord Jesus Christ
is waiting to lead you out of this valley of darkness. Read Psalm 23. Yes, you need the rod, but it will be accompanied by His staff of guidance, as well. Walk in the Celtic way.
 
bridgid82 said:
I wonder if you have begun the work of recovering from your porn addiction yet? My assessment of the women you supposedly loved (while lying to her) is the first step in recognizing that YOU have to come to God with your (perhaps) increasing awareness that PORN has led you to this point in your relationship. PORN let you down, not the woman you supposedly loved. PORN will (hopefully) let you down enough to where you will seek help in a good S.A. group. You need a sponsor, not a girlfriend. I am sure that you are NOT getting involved in your own recovery, because you speak about how even some priests do porn. Go into a prison where you will encounter some men who have even done murder. Where is the logic here, Proverbs?

Your girlfriend is probably hurt by your lying to her, and SHE is in recovery because I saw that you said that she has a therapist who told her to not have any contact with you. I HOPE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HONOR HER REQUEST TO NOT HAVE CONTACT WITH HER. Pray for her to be strong during her therapy, and to get well within her own soul. I would pray the same for you. Contact a S.A. group as soon as possible. Your soul is crying out for you to begin to heal from this addiction. Our Lord Jesus Christ
is waiting to lead you out of this valley of darkness. Read Psalm 23. Yes, you need the rod, but it will be accompanied by His staff of guidance, as well. Walk in the Celtic way.
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Beautiful post. Kudos to you.

Yes, OP seems still to be “acting in his own defense.”
He needs to be acting to conquer the hold that porn has on his life.
 
catharina said:
Your point?
I never suggested revealing use of porn.
I said anyone who uses porn is not ready to relate to a real woman.
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My mistake. I thought you were responding to me when you said women must be warned about porn use.
 
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KostyaJMJ:
Thanks, KostyaJMJ.

Indeed women do need to be warned when men are using porn.
My guess is that the truth would NOT come from the user.
The use of porn can still be a “hidden” activity.
However, the user’s choice of friends can reveal a lot:
language, behavior, references, attitudes.
A woman should keep her ears and eyes open around a male’s friends.
They can reveal so much of the man’s beliefs and actions.
 
Provbrs17v27 said:
I know this wont change and thats why i love her! I was not looking for someone to accept it but to stand by me as i worked through it and be there at the end to celebrate with me!
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I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, but as someone who broke up with another person that I loved over this exact issue, perhaps I can help you out with some of the (possible) reasons why she was so affected by the revelation that you lied to her about your addiction:
  1. Assuming you were really in love (I was) it’s 100,000 times harder to hear about an issue like this than it would be with someone you are casually dating. Multiply this exponentially if you kept this issue from her until later in the relationship.
  2. You mention that you looked at porn frequently before dating her and then less and less as you got to know her. Whether you realise it or not, she was becoming your substitute for porn which is not healthy. It doesn’t mean you gave up the addiction just that you found a substitute - something more interesting - for now.
  3. Porn addictions destroy marriages and absolutely annihilate a person’s ability to love another in a normal, healthy way. It may seem harmless but it is not - it does awful damage, conditioning the person who watches it to treat person they love into an object to be used. Your girlfriend probably understood this and realised the potential damage that could occur from affirming your behaviour by remaining in the relationship.
  4. This addiction isn’t a silly habit that you can simply give up or get over on your own. It requires serious prayer, guidance from a Priest and, if necessary, therapy. When you are in a state of addiction like that it is not good to be in a relationship where your addiction can harm others (whether you realise it or not).
I am am saying all of this in the utmost charity. For the sake of your future girlfriend(s) and spouse, please get help now. Don’t treat this as a minor issue because the longer you expose yourself to the influences of porn, the more it will damage your ability to enter into a Christlike relationship with a woman. Find a good Priest, get rid of your computer if necessary (internet access is less important than your eternal soul) and start NOW.

I will say a prayer for your intention. :gopray2:
 
Onegin said:
I’m sorry to hear you are going through this, but as someone who broke up with another person that I loved over this exact issue, perhaps I can help you out with some of the (possible) reasons why she was so affected by the revelation that you lied to her about your addiction:
  1. Assuming you were really in love (I was) it’s 100,000 times harder to hear about an issue like this than it would be with someone you are casually dating. Multiply this exponentially if you kept this issue from her until later in the relationship.
  2. You mention that you looked at porn frequently before dating her and then less and less as you got to know her. Whether you realise it or not, she was becoming your substitute for porn which is not healthy. It doesn’t mean you gave up the addiction just that you found a substitute - something more interesting - for now.
**3) Porn addictions destroy marriages and absolutely annihilate a person’s ability to love another in a normal, healthy way. It may seem harmless but it is not - it does awful damage, conditioning the person who watches it to treat person they love into an object to be used. Your girlfriend probably understood this and realised the potential damage that could occur from affirming your behaviour by remaining in the relationship. **
  1. This addiction isn’t a silly habit that you can simply give up or get over on your own. It requires serious prayer, guidance from a Priest and, if necessary, therapy. When you are in a state of addiction like that it is not good to be in a relationship where your addiction can harm others (whether you realise it or not).
I am am saying all of this in the utmost charity. For the sake of your future girlfriend(s) and spouse, please get help now. Don’t treat this as a minor issue because the longer you expose yourself to the influences of porn, the more it will damage your ability to enter into a Christlike relationship with a woman. **Find a good Priest, get rid of your computer if necessary (internet access is less important than your eternal soul) and start NOW. **

I will say a prayer for your intention. :gopray2:
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All of the above, especially the bolded.
 
I didn’t see it mentioned in the previous six pages (apologies if I just overlooked it), so I thought I should mention that there is a social group here on CAF that provides advice and support for people who want to kick this habit…
 
curl said:
I didn’t see it mentioned in the previous six pages (apologies if I just overlooked it), so I thought I should mention that there is a social group here on CAF that provides advice and support for people who want to kick this habit…
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See post #20 in this thread. I posted 3 links which provide similar info.

Many blessings to you and yours and please pray for me. Also praying for all of us.

God bless.
 
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