Engaged and Worried that we're "drifting"

[CajunsforChrist]

Cajuns, I hear a lot about constructive criticism, time management, constant improvement, the need always to be improving something and, finally, being goal-oriented. Some of these things are indeed moral obligations (strive for holiness, don’t waste your time, do something constructive, serve others, carry your weight…), but some feel a bit like we’re talking about corporate management…

I agree, the word “goal-oriented” does come off a little “corporate”. I never thought of it that way. Let me try and re-phrase what I meant. When we first started dating he had a job, lots of money saved up, and had big dreams to go to school to be a physical therapist. These are all amazing goals to have, and were many of the reasons I became attracted to him.

I think that you worded it right on the money by saying that one should also have “moral obligations” which would consist of all of the things you stated. The only problem is he’s lacking in many of them. I am too in a few. I think I also worded myself wrong by putting “constructive criticism” instead of just sharing our feelings. This is something that we did last night. I guess I stated constructive criticism because I don’t think that when people “share” it should be somewhat spiteful but rather with the intentions of wanting to improve yourself and the person that you love.

I also think that your advice about constantly winning over a girl’s heart was awesome! You pretty much said exactly how I feel. It really cannot be worded better other than he’s gotten comfortable in our relationship. I think men sometimes believe that once you won the girl that the hard part is over but really we just love to be loved.

I don’t think that he’s depressed because I’ve seen him that way before and it was much different he really is just genuinely very laid back. I actually was too for the longest time and then somewhere along the lines he began depending on me for everything and I guess I felt like I had to grow up faster. I’m a firm believer that gently and respectfully reminding your significant other of things that we like that they’ve once done and we wish them to continue to do is also key to having good communication with one another.

 

[StillWondering]

I don’t want to ramble on for too long so I’ll try to be short and sweet. My fiance’ and I have been engaged for a little over a year now. We’ve been together for over 2 years. We met at college and one of the main things that attracted me to him was how spiritual he and his family were. It might sound weird but I knew he was the one for me. I still believe this to this day.
…

Dear Miss,

Have you two considered going to consoling together, just to bring up the issues. Many times it’s hard to say what we need to say and have the other person honestly hear us. Just having a third person to listen and make the both of you accountable for what you are saying and thinking for a few hours could be the boost to start resolving issues. You mentioned you were bottling up and he currently relies on you to keep his priorities straight. It sounds like parts of the relationship did not continue to grow like the rest and part of him needs more emotional growth. Think of a plant that is growing really well with good water and good sunlight but underneath the soil is lacking in nitrates. After a while the nitrates will run low and you need to infuse it with some healthy bacteria to refresh the soil.

 

[CajunsforChrist]

Dear Miss,

Have you two considered going to consoling together, just to bring up the issues. Many times it’s hard to say what we need to say and have the other person honestly hear us…QUOTE]

Actually that’s a great suggestion and so far yes, we actually have made reservations to attend a couples retreat in a couple of weeks where we will be allowed the time to share with each other. Within the last few days we’ve gotten a lot better about talking and sharing our feelings with one another. We’re progressing forward and for that I’m truly thankful and blessed. Thanks for the suggestion!