Engaged/birth control

[Ruthcloud]

I do hope that I did not offend you or come across as too naïve. I don’t really have to procreate…we might be childless who knows. I just have so many questions, please be patient with me. I am not against NFP and will use it someday, I just want to have a special wedding night and honeymoon and first months of marriage withouit charts and thermometers. We also have no valid reason to avoid.

 

[Moore11]

I do hope that I did not offend you or come across as too naïve. I don’t really have to procreate…we might be childless who knows. I just have so many questions, please be patient with me.

No offense at all. Heck if I had a vote I’d say everyone should make a baby on their wedding night!! (thank goodness I dont have a vote) and as for being naive… Just by acknowledging that you are less naive than my wife and I were…

 

[Ruthcloud]

Oh thank you! I do know that one day I will look back and think “how much I did not know” I guess that is the rite of youth eh!
Even your words “honeymoon baby” would have been taken as “mistake” or in a way as poor luck just even 8 months ago, now I just see it as a natural part of being married and a good thing. So I see myself maturing in even short increments.

 

[thewanderer]

Hi Ruthcloud! Congratulations on your engagement! It really is an exciting time, isn’t it? Me and my fiance became engaged in Dec. and are planning on being married later this year as well.

I guess I don’t have all that much to say except thank you for starting this thread. Its always so refreshing to hear of other young adults (I’m in my early 20’s) who recognize the beauty of the Church’s teachings on sexuality. I always feel like laughing when I hear people claim that the Church is puritan or repressive, because they just don’t have a clue. Oh, well, I guess we can always pray that they might one day realize just how beautiful the Church’s idea of sexuality actually is.

Oh, also, have you read JPII’s book “Love and Responsibility”? If not I highly recommend it.

 

[Ruthcloud]

Hi wanderer congrats on your upcoming marriage! It is a very exciting time:thumbsup:
I have only skimmed thru the book you mentioned,
I have been pouring lots of energy into books on marriage and family life . Sounds silly but my fiance is gambling more on me than me on him.(He does not think so)
He comes from a regular above average family and can draw upon a lifetime of this, I do not have the same advantage as I have have no real family or experience. So I have to put a little more effort into this.
I also have bought many books on how to cook and bake…I was so inexperienced that I did not know how to boil an egg! Most foster parents are not keen on giving you the run of the house or kitchen.
So I got my hands full!
It will be worth it though, I have an amazing guy…he has abs of steel and a heart of a saint. I am not just saying that either…my last foster home kicked me out when I became an adult by age…the money stopped coming.
He took me in with no strings attached, we were only friends then and he had a girlfriend, I had no money or much to offer. He did not take advantage of me in any way and only had my best interests in mind. He changed my life!
So we will use NFP when the need arises, I am just not in that situation at this time! I will just trust in God and concentrate on having a wonderful honeymoon!

 

[RoseMary131]

I will just trust in God and concentrate on having a wonderful honeymoon!

…concentrate on having a wonderful honeymoon - that lasts a lifetime! No need to limit your thoughts to a few honeymoon months - stretch your honeymoon for a lifetime!

 

[Ruthcloud]

Good advice! Be that couple holding hands walking down the street at 60

 

[akela135]

Hi Ruthcloud!

I respect your feelings on NFP but wanted to point out there would be no harm in taking a class and then charting for a month (so you are familiar) then putting all that aside and not touching it again until you need it and hopefully you won’t. The reasons I say this is two fold. One because they often ask a new learner to abstain for a cycle to learn the method which can be hard on a normally active marriage and as you are already abstaining it would be easier now. Then two, if you had any issues it might be nice to know early. I myself found out I had an issue that put me at risk for miscarriages and it was nice to start treatment before marriage so any life that was created would be safe! Now I’m done with my NFP talk!

My DH and I are young, 24 and 25 and I’ve found this site so wonderful for helping us feel like we are not alone in our thoughts about marriage. We are somewhat odd because we plan for my DH to be the stay at home parent. He’s a novelist and so can work from the computer in our home, all the better to watch and homeschool any future children! Until he gets his feet off the ground in his career I’m the money maker. Although in a perfect world his novels will take off and then we can both be home all the time with our family.

While you study on families just remember that every family is different, so you and your FH (future husband) will work to create a family that is just right for you! You can take it a day at a time and learn what needs to happen to make everything run smoothly. Even people who have good models with how they were raised and grew up have to learn to change and adapt as they learn to blend their spouse’s idea of the perfect family with their own ideas. I’m sure you and are FH will have a happy marriage if you keep God centered in your lives and work to grow together in the way God leads you. I’ll be praying for you!

 

[cheezey]

RuthCloud,
God Bless. Congratulations!

Be a good example.
Be Love.

 

[Ruthcloud]

I do thank God fir this site, the misinformation out there is massive. Cosmopolitan was what shaped my worldview on the maariage act.
I live in a small town and one co-worker friend of mine who was raised Catholic told me that to be open to life and be moral was the withdrawel method, she called it “pull in pray”
Sounded religious to me. Why would I question it. I just accepted that when we want to space our children this is the method we would use to minimize chance of pregnancy combined with NFP
The information on this site does point in another direction as I have not heard anything other than the husband and wife should desire to see the whole marital embrace thru to the very end
I did bring this to my friends attention and she mentioned that she is still open to life as her husband releases sperm while regular intercourse is going on, so they are still open to life while reducing the chances.
Is this a legal loophole?

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Hi Ruthcloud Welcome!!!

I’m so happy you have joined us and are putting a lot of effort into preparing yourself so well for marriage! Society often focuses so much on the wedding, and not on the marriage, you are doing well in learning all you can from the Church .
I always find people that are discovering and embracing the Faith so refreshing and inspiring!!! Thank you for that .

I was 23 when I got married (we were virgins as well when we got married ) and we had a honeymoon baby. I think she really helped us with our transition .
If I can help you with anything please let me know.

 

[Ruthcloud]

Good point akelia
I do have a pamphlet from the church for a class, I think that I will take it.
We are remote and the class is around 4 hours away if it is not snowing, the church is an hour and a half away. You are right I can just ditch it before the wedding. I have done a little charting, I could tell when I was ovulating as I had a little pinching sensation on one side. It does teach us about how wonderfully made we are! You also have a good point, maybe I never need to use it either…I was not even thinking that far ahead.
My future MIL does practice NFP, but I have only met her once and she lives very far away…too uncomfortable also KWIM?

Lifeis beautiful
Thank you for the kind words! I guess a honeymoon baby does make it a great transition.
Just like getting married young, maybe we won’t get set in our ways, our way is already set for us…hard to explain! Must have been neat to be your first time and then have such a bundle of joy to remind you of your special night…cool!

 

[akela135]

I do thank God fir this site, the misinformation out there is massive. Cosmopolitan was what shaped my worldview on the maariage act.
I live in a small town and one co-worker friend of mine who was raised Catholic told me that to be open to life and be moral was the withdrawel method, she called it “pull in pray”
Sounded religious to me. Why would I question it. I just accepted that when we want to space our children this is the method we would use to minimize chance of pregnancy combined with NFP
The information on this site does point in another direction as I have not heard anything other than the husband and wife should desire to see the whole marital embrace thru to the very end
I did bring this to my friends attention and she mentioned that she is still open to life as her husband releases sperm while regular intercourse is going on, so they are still open to life while reducing the chances.
Is this a legal loophole?

This is not a legal loophole, it is in fact sinful to use withdrawal. If you want to understand the reason why better I recommend reading through the “Moral Theology” section of this forum as there are many threads there that talk about it in detail.

Off another post of yours, it is really easy to get set in ones ways. I recently read an article that talked about the very thing. The human brain can expend less energy when it follows a routine and thus trying to change a routine makes a persons brain work harder. The routine pattern is so ingrained it takes minimal energy to use those brain parts and pathways that the mere act of using new sections of ones brain is exhausting mentally. Sometimes you just have to bravely stride into new territory and plans before your brain has time to realize what has happened!

 

[Ruthcloud]

I should be OK…the only routine here is there is no routine! I do know what you mean though! Right now work, planning the wedding…endless long car trips to the city, putting in fence posts as we want to have some cattle…so on and so forth! Maybe eloping would be more sane!
I did read through the moral theology section and it seemed like people arging over points and counter points. I think it is a topic that most people don’t want to discus as it seems to be an explosive topic. Even the father seemed uncomfotable and just said that we should be open to life, and we just took it at that! as we felt we also dodged the bullet LOL. One of those things that get pushed under the rug!
I should talk to my co worker as she is quite a sincere person and hopefully is not sinning, I an not an expert obviously.Her views seemed saintly compared to our other co-workers…the air gets blue with their talk.

 

[Chantal25]

Mother Mary became the mother of Jesus at 15, so no, you aren’t too young if your heart is ready.

Congratulations and i pray for you to have a blessed marriage, a happy family and for you to always make room for God in your heart.

Love and blessings

 

[thewanderer]

Hi wanderer congrats on your upcoming marriage! It is a very exciting time:thumbsup:

Thanks!

I have only skimmed thru the book you mentioned,
I have been pouring lots of energy into books on marriage and family life . Sounds silly but my fiance is gambling more on me than me on him.(He does not think so)
He comes from a regular above average family and can draw upon a lifetime of this, I do not have the same advantage as I have have no real family or experience. So I have to put a little more effort into this.

Honestly though, while its harder in many ways, having experienced first hand what happens when kids don’t have a loving intact family it makes you that much more determined and careful about making it work. It can also make you appreciate a truly good man all the more. It takes a lot of strength to come from a broken background and rise above it, you sound like you’re doing a fantastic job!

I also have bought many books on how to cook and bake…I was so inexperienced that I did not know how to boil an egg! Most foster parents are not keen on giving you the run of the house or kitchen.
So I got my hands full!

It will be worth it though, I have an amazing guy…he has abs of steel and a heart of a saint. I am not just saying that either…my last foster home kicked me out when I became an adult by age…the money stopped coming.
He took me in with no strings attached, we were only friends then and he had a girlfriend, I had no money or much to offer. He did not take advantage of me in any way and only had my best interests in mind. He changed my life!
So we will use NFP when the need arises, I am just not in that situation at this time! I will just trust in God and concentrate on having a wonderful honeymoon!

It sounds like you’ve found a real gem. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.

 

[Irishmom2]

Did anyone else catch her referring to her “husband”? but she’s engaged?

I called him “Husband”. It is also hard as the wedding is coming up and we also live together.

Perhaps living with him already explains the OP calling him husband.

I hate to be the one to burst everyone’s little bubble about this relationship, but from what you have said, you lived with this guy when he had a girlfriend and you got kicked out of your foster home, and then became his girlfriend, where you are now living with him.

If you got kicked out because you turned 18, and you are now 19, that doesn’t leave a lot of time for you to have known him without having lived with him.

If you were my daughter, I would want you to wait longer. I would want to be sure you were marrying for all the right reasons, but that you would be able to do things on your own and be able to support yourself. So I wouldn’t want you to live with him.

Let the flaming begin.

 

[Ruthcloud]

I totally understand where you are coming from IrishMom, and thank you for being concered for me.
I have had many friends tell me that it is not a good idea to go from under the care of your father(in my case the state) to going under the care of a husband, I should be on my own for a while and be independant.
I totally agree with you and my goal was to be independant and sucessfull.I now make very good money.
I did not have anyone to guide me, but one thing that I have noticed in life is that people can make some terribly wrong judgements in life based off wrong decisions. One of the most foolish of decisions I have seen is having sex very quickly after meeting someone…it changes everything as you can’t make a proper decision as this blinds a persons to a very large degree. God made this as a glue that binds us together, and has probably got some people thru the first years of marriage. All of my friends have jumped into the sack with guys right away and have had disasterous results, as the love chemicals hid the fact that their partners were in fact unhealthy from the start.
I have had many boyfriends and dates and all were incompatable and red flags came up very quickly, the commonality is that they wanted to get into my pants, and when they knew that that was not going to happen they quickly faded away some begged and some got mad and called me names…glad I did not end up with ike Turner LOL.
Following the bible does eliminate some awefull realities. The only way I could have had relations with any of my previous boyfriends would have had to be with some serious protection against disease and pregnancy…that in itself is a red flag!
My husband also has the same desire as the above guys, but he is clearly sending a way different signal, he is stating that he wants us to be a family by standing before God and myself in Holy Matrimomy. I do take this very serious and I would not enter into any relationship without contraception if I had any doubt or wrong reasons…t would have the potential to ruin my life,my husbands life and any childrens life that come out of our marriage…the buck stops here, what happened in my life will not be repeated! .
I don’t need an animal I need a man. My fiance is some serious eye candy, yet is exactly what I desire and need in every other aspect. I could not imagine life without him and could not imagine going one day past the wedding date without being his wife!
I have known him for many years but because of the age difference just admired him from a distance as he is 6 years older, we have been very close friends for 3 years.I will be 19 when we get married but the next month (may) I will turn 20, I am a little wet behind the ears, and I do pray every night that I can be a great wife who makes a difference in her mans life.

 

[VivienneJ]

Your sensible maturity amazes me, Ruthcloud. May all the preparations for your marriage go smoothly and you and your husband (to-be) experience all the joys and blessings of marriage. I was a little older than you, but went straight from my father’s home to my husband’s home (and he was 11 years older than me). If it were not for a tragedy some years ago we would still be married.

 

[Ruthcloud]

Thanks for the kind words Vivienne.
I am so sorry for your tragedy, that is so sad. I will pray for you.

IrishMom
Maybe you have misread the situation, I have never lived with my fiance as husband and wife.
There is a seperate area in the house… an in law suite I guess you could call it. With a seperate kitchen and bathroom etc., it is beautiful
That is where I lived. A couple of his friends lived with him in the main house.it was loads of fun!
They moved away and when he proposed I then moved into one of the bedrooms in the main house…not into his bedroom. We still get along like peas and carrotts
His girlfriend at the time was one of many 2-6 month stints…we called him Alfie. I am not a house wrecker…as there was nothing to wreck. She will be coming to the wedding.
We have never had relations with each other or anyone else for that matter.
I do hope that you were only referring to my age and immaturity…on this point I can understant your view…