Engaged Man with Questions About Female Sexual Problems

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Okay, since we are all giving our opinions here, I will chime in to say that I discussed this thread with my husband last night and he and I are both in agreement that if this bride-to-be were me, I would start with the dilators immediately, and check back with the doctor to see if any progress has been made and if there was still a problem, go with the minor surgery. Both of us were very concerned about the possibility of serious injury or psychological damage done to the bride on the wedding night if the groom is clumsy or frustrated or impatient (as young men are sometimes wont to be) because he is not able to penetrate his wife without her experiencing great pain. New husbands are not exactly known for having the greatest self-control or awareness of how gentle they need to be, and if the bride-to-be in question is already fainting every time she has a pelvic exam, there is a serious problem that could result in physical or psychological injury.
Just my two cents.

But my best advice is for her to listen to her doctor and follow their advice. OBGYNs have seen enough to know what they are talking about.
 
mommamaree said:
Both of us were very concerned about the possibility of serious injury or psychological damage done to the bride on the wedding night if the groom is clumsy or frustrated or impatient (as young men are sometimes wont to be) because he is not able to penetrate his wife without her experiencing great pain. New husbands are not exactly known for having the greatest self-control or awareness of how gentle they need to be, and if the bride-to-be in question is already fainting every time she has a pelvic exam, there is a serious problem that could result in physical or psychological injury.
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Wow, that’s pretty bad if a husband doesn’t have the “patience” or “self control” to go slow and gently as to not cause physical and emotional damage to his wife. If that’s the case, I don’t think he ought to be a husband at all. :nope:

Being young and eager, and being a MAN is no excuse for such behavior and lack of consideration for the woman he just promised to love and cherish and protect.

(not saying that you’re advocating this, mamamaree… just adding to your post. and I agree - start with dilators immediately, though I’d wait until after the wedding to see if surgery is necessary.)
 
Debora123 said:
Wow, that’s pretty bad if a husband doesn’t have the “patience” or “self control” to go slow and gently as to not cause physical and emotional damage to his wife. If that’s the case, I don’t think he ought to be a husband at all. :nope:

Being young and eager, and being a MAN is no excuse for sure behavior and lack of consideration for the woman he just promised to love and cherish.

(not saying that you’re advocating this, mamamaree… just adding to your post. and I agree - start with dilators immediately and then wait and see about surgery.)
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Let’s just say, my husband and I married at 19, and he had NO idea of female sexuality, except the distorted views in porn.

Edited to add: because of my personal history, if I struggled with the same problem as the OP’s future bride, I would do the surgery before the wedding. It would save a lot of injuries.
 
mommamaree said:
Let’s just say, my husband and I married at 19, and he had NO idea of female sexuality, except the distorted views in porn.

Edited to add: because of my personal history, if I struggled with the same problem as the OP’s future bride, I would do the surgery before the wedding. It would save a lot of injuries.
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…I would just talk to my fiance ahead of time and make sure he understands. :o

Though I’m sure even if I didn’t, he’d be perfectly capable of understanding this: “OOOOUUUCH!!! BE CAREFUL! UGH THAT HURT!!!” …even if nothing else.
 
It might also be useful to remember that in this situation, it was the husband-to-be that came looking for suggestions and advice. So I think we can safely assume he’s aware of the situation and willing to accomodate his bride.
 
Debora123 said:
Wow, that’s pretty bad if a husband doesn’t have the “patience” or “self control” to go slow and gently as to not cause physical and emotional damage to his wife. If that’s the case, I don’t think he ought to be a husband at all. :nope:

Being young and eager, and being a MAN is no excuse for such behavior and lack of consideration for the woman he just promised to love and cherish and protect.
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No kidding! The OP already knows the possible situation going into it, I would certainly hope he isn’t the type that would try to force her!! :eek:

That being said, not every couple IS able to consummate their marriage the night of. I mean, think about it. It’s a pretty high-speed day and in some cases, can be stressful. After being up all night dancing, drinking, and having fun, a couple can be exhausted. We were married out of town and spent the night in the hotel where the reception was. Our wedding night was spent together for the first time, but we weren’t physically ready to consummate until we were at home, safe and comfortable in our own bed. I don’t think that’s the end of the world at all. I would definately not recommend surgery until the bride and groom have time to be intimate together.
 
Debora123 said:
…I would just talk to my fiance ahead of time and make sure he understands. :o

Though I’m sure even if I didn’t, he’d be perfectly capable of understanding this: “OOOOUUUCH!!! BE CAREFUL! UGH THAT HURT!!!” …even if nothing else.
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Yeah, and see that was where my poor training came in. I was not aware that I was able to object due to pain or overuse. 😦 So I started having chronic pain and medical problems, and continued suffering for years. I mentioned the pain repeatedly outside of the act, but was not aware that I was allowed to say no because I needed to heal.
 
nodito said:
It might also be useful to remember that in this situation, it was the husband-to-be that came looking for suggestions and advice. So I think we can safely assume he’s aware of the situation and willing to accomodate his bride.
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Yes, thank God for his wonderful attitude. That is beautiful. 👍
 
Allegra said:
No kidding! The OP already knows the possible situation going into it, I would certainly hope he isn’t the type that would try to force her!! :eek:

That being said, not every couple IS able to consummate their marriage the night of. I mean, think about it. It’s a pretty high-speed day and in some cases, can be stressful. After being up all night dancing, drinking, and having fun, a couple can be exhausted. We were married out of town and spent the night in the hotel where the reception was. Our wedding night was spent together for the first time, but we weren’t physically ready to consummate until we were at home, safe and comfortable in our own bed. I don’t think that’s the end of the world at all. I would definately not recommend surgery until the bride and groom have time to be intimate together.
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👍
 
mommamaree said:
Yeah, and see that was where my poor training came in. I was not aware that I was able to object due to pain or overuse. 😦 So I started having chronic pain and medical problems, and continued suffering for years. I mentioned the pain repeatedly outside of the act, but was not aware that I was allowed to say no because I needed to heal.
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😦

Aw no… I’m so sorry.

Was this due to a protestant background??
 
Debora123 said:
😦

Aw no… I’m so sorry.

Was this due to a protestant background??
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Yup! That and some seriously hypocritical elders in our lives who, despite being Christian, regularly watched porn and talked about porn and went to strip clubs and massage parlors left porn laying about the house for children to find and be exposed to. And I was also “trained” in the school of thought that “A man wants a lady on the street and a wh*re in the bedroom” and that if I didn’t make sure my man was satisfied, I would deserve it when he left me or cheated on me.
 
mommamaree said:
Yup! That and some seriously hypocritical elders in our lives who, despite being Christian, regularly watched porn and talked about porn and went to strip clubs and massage parlors left porn laying about the house for children to find and be exposed to. And I was also “trained” in the school of thought that “A man wants a lady on the street and a wh*re in the bedroom” and that if I didn’t make sure my man was satisfied, I would deserve it when he left me or cheated on me.
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Wow I am so sorry. No “Christian” should ever be led to believe this. Actually, no person AT ALL should ever be led to believe this.
 
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