Entering a Marriage with Significant Student Loan Debt

[Deo_Gratias42]

Ah youth.

I did not meet my husband until I was 36 and he was 41, married at 38 and 43.

I scoff at thee.

I know there’s a family like that at my parish, got married late, but still have 8+ kids.

 

[Contra_Mundum_1]

Well, men, too, especially if they lose their jobs or have to take a job “below” what they had hoped for. They can get very despondent if their paid employment or working position was “who I am” instead of “what I do”, instead of being allowed to take pride in doing whatever work they have to do, paid or not, high status or not, and doing it well and honestly. That is very sad, yes!

Yes, there is so much pressure on men. The root of the problem is that people are valued in terms of how much they earn. People define themselves in terms of what they do for a living. It is difficult to keep a sense of perspective and shrug that off because the pressure is immense. I was brought up to believe that people are valued as human beings through the work they do. I grew up under communism so that explains this crude marxism However, capitalism is equally brutal.

 

[SeekNFind]

So many great posts, although I can’t reply to them all. Thank you all for your perspective!

But back then I was single and I had different plans. Things just turned out this way. I’m convinced I will use my degree in one way or the other. So don’t feel like your career choices have been wrong, because you just don’t know what the future will bring.

I am glad that I will be able to take care of myself if, God forbid, I never marry. However, sometimes I think there are other less stressful and expensive ways I could have done that. I wasn’t looking at the big picture at that time. I had major tunnel-vision. . .

Since this thread has morphed a little I’ll add some more thoughts

There are some very conservative Catholic sites as there are some very conservative Catholics - and some would, I’d argue, go overboard with expectations. **There’s nothing unholy about a woman working - if the Proverb states that a good wife spins flax into linen so her children can have clothing, I think it’s no less valid a use of her time in this day and age to earn wages and buy the linen (or the clothing). **.

I don’t feel strongly about it one way or the other. I could see myself working but I could see myself staying home if that’s what this future husband wants. I could also see my heart melting over the idea of leaving my child with a nanny. Again, I’m getting ahead of myself.

I would be very cautious about visiting those websites!! Very often, they are ran by schismatic groups or those with an irregular status in the Church. Either way, they have a not so subtle knack of presenting their personal opinions as Church teaching. It would be best not to go to those sites anymore.

Yes, maybe I should stay away from those types of sites.

I’m in the same situation you are, and I’ve already had one relationship fall apart because of what I suspect was in large part my debt. Around $60,000. Like you have, I have a five-year plan for debt freedom, and it requires living on a ramen-and-PB&J budget. Sadly, by the time I’m debt-free, I’ll be 31 or 32, and really too old to be just getting married for the first time. I need to find a woman who will stick with me through it all. The advice here – don’t worry about it, just do the best you can – is basically sound, in large part because it’s the only option you have. God will provide, one way or another.

If 31 or 32 is too late for marriage, this thread is moot. LOL.