etiquette at Mass

[DrFloyd]

I’m actually glad he brought it up. My biggest issue is someone trying to hold my hand during the Lord’s Prayer. We never did that where I grew up, and I find it invasive.

 

[rick43235]

Maybe you need some instruction from a skilled usher …

I don’t mean Jerry (Usher). I mean me.

At my previous parish, after the other usher had packed his side of the church to what he was sure was maximum capacity, I’d go over and show him how to get nine chubby tourists into a pew built for eight regular people. (The parish was in a state historic park, and 80% of the people at Mass were from out of town.)

I had no compunctions about dragging latecomers all the way up the side aisle to the front pew. Of course, I wouldn’t tell them that the only open spot was in the front. I’d point sort of toward the middle and motion for them to follow me. I’d stop at the middle, and, when they had caught up, I’d walk to the front, motioning them again. They were stuck–and served them right for being late.

No one was allowed to put a young child or a purse or a coat on the pew, to take up space when someone else needed to sit. My thinking was: “You wanna sit? Fine, but don’t make this pregnant woman stand or this elderly man lean against the wall. You can put your belongings or your toddler on your lap. That’s why God made laps.”

You let people stand even though there was room in the middle of a pew? You wouldn’t have passed the usher test at my parish. All you need to do is to go to that pew, lean close to the guy hugging the end, and ask him to move in.

If he scoots in, keep waving him down the pew until his elbow hits the rib of the person at the other end. If he doesn’t move, smile at him, lean down, tilt up the kneeler, and wave in the family with four kids and two car seats.

The secret: Just be pushy. Real pushy. (Pretend you’re assigned to pack commuters into a rush-hour Tokyo subway.)

Of course, if the person at the end of the pew is there for an obvious medical reason, you smile a lot and say “Thanks” repeatedly, but you still tilt up the pew and wave the others in.

As a non-Catholic who attends mass every week with my Catholic wife, I make a genuine effort to sort of blend in so that I am not a distraction to others. One of the things that I try to do is to sit on the end of the pew (on the outside aisle) so that when others get up to go to communion, no one has to crawl over me. When they return to their seats, I get up, step into the aisle, and let them in. So, I usually arrive several minutes early so that I am assured of an aisle seat. Of course, if an elderly person, a pregnant woman, or a disabled individual needed the aisle seat, naturally, I would relinquish it. But if some able-bodied person tries to move me over just because they got there later than I did, well sorry…they’re crawling to the middle - pushy usher or not.