T
The_New_Sage
Guest
Let me begin with a sort of run-down of what happened from day 1.
I was dating someone I’ll call “K”. While K and I never got to the point where we said, “I love you”, we were pretty close and I really liked him. We communicated every day, even while I was overseas on a school trip, until I returned, when he ghosted me. I was crestfallen.
I found another man, “J”, online, but only half-heartedly agreed to meet him, as number one, he listed his religion as “atheist”, but also because I was still hung up on K. When I finally met J, we stayed up until two in the morning and the restaurant/bar we were at ordered us to leave because we just couldn’t stop finding things to talk about. Never before had I felt such a connection with someone. We were pretty much inseparable from that point on. When religion came up, I shared my points of view, and he said he’d never met a Christian like me before and listened to what I had to say and seemed interested. He never had a problem with me going to church or Bible study and even met my priest.
It didn’t take long for us to fall completely in love. I’d never been happier and neither had he. We were that disgusting couple that even was affectionate in public, shamelessly. He liked my family and I liked his. We talked of marriage as though it was inevitable.
Once, early on, he said to me, “I once thought I wanted to be a woman, but now I know that I’m just really in touch with my feminine side.” No problem! That was back when he was at his happiest.
Then he got a promotion at his job that he pretty quickly discovered he hated. He went from happy and carefree to stressed and anxious and snippy. While he was never mean or hurtful towards me, he was irritable. He also got withdrawn. Still, he would randomly call me to tell me he loved me and ended every conversation with “I love you”.
Then one night, while slightly drunk, he told me he wanted to be a woman. While it broke my heart, I somewhat chalked it up to his being drunk and also the stress he was under. However, within the span of a week, he bought himself female clothes - dresses and tights - and created a new Facebook profile of himself as a woman. He started going out in the dress and outfit. To say I am heartbroken and devastated is an understatement.
He told me more. His transsexualism was odd: He never had a problem with his body or appearance, at least until he decided he was trans, but seemed to revolve around the fact that he considered himself “submissive” compared to a man’s traditional gender role. He also revealed that he was subjected to sexual abuse as a child at the hands of his grandfather, who enforced very strict gender roles and called him names, which he admitted could play a role in what he’s experiencing right now.
I encouraged him to go to therapy. He said I’d have to go with him because he couldn’t talk about the abuse with a stranger. I agreed to go. The first appointment was an intake appointment when they asked a lot of questions in order to match him with the best therapist/counselor for his situation. I had to tell the interviewer about the abuse. They’re supposed to call back sometime this week.
In the meantime, I continue to see him as a friend. He says he feels confused about what he wants. He says he primarily identifies as his female alter ego right now, but doesn’t go out as “her” unless he’s playing a music show or seeing friends at a restaurant or bar in the evening. He doesn’t know if these feelings are permanent. In fact he said that he felt uncomfortable creating the female Facebook profile because it gave what he’s feeling and doing a level of permanence which he’s not sure is going to stick around.
I asked him if he’d continue cross-dressing if the therapist told him to stop or if the antidepressants they’ll probably put him on (he’s definitely depressed and anxious, also suffers from panic attacks and experiential avoidance) cause those feelings to stop, as they sometimes do. He said he’d stop in those circumstances. Even though he’s cross-dressed twice in the past week, and says that for the time being he “feels mostly female”, he still wants to continue with therapy and considers it a possibility that this is all caused by the abuse at the hands of his grandfather. He’s willing to deal with that in therapy, and is aware that it’s going to take some time - possibly years.
I admit that I still love him. I’m anxious to see how this will work out. I feel conflicted - on the one hand, I feel that as a Godly person, I should be there for him while he works through these feelings and encourage him to move forward, AWAY from transsexualism in as gentle and loving a manner as I can. On the other, I have numerous people telling me to just drop him because he’s never going to get better.
I admit I feel some anger towards God right now. When K ghosted me, I was mad enough. But once I met J, I reasoned that first off, God wanted us to be together because we were both so, so happy, and secondly, I was going to lead J to Christ - not overnight, but as a good and righteous partner. Since we were both so happy and J was opening up to my faith, I felt this was an entirely reasonable conclusion. To have the rug ripped out from underneath me, and in such an absurd way, is tearing me apart.
I have to ask, Why would God make us both unhappy and have J go down a path of perdition rather than have us stay together and work towards his salvation? It doesn’t make sense.
I was dating someone I’ll call “K”. While K and I never got to the point where we said, “I love you”, we were pretty close and I really liked him. We communicated every day, even while I was overseas on a school trip, until I returned, when he ghosted me. I was crestfallen.
I found another man, “J”, online, but only half-heartedly agreed to meet him, as number one, he listed his religion as “atheist”, but also because I was still hung up on K. When I finally met J, we stayed up until two in the morning and the restaurant/bar we were at ordered us to leave because we just couldn’t stop finding things to talk about. Never before had I felt such a connection with someone. We were pretty much inseparable from that point on. When religion came up, I shared my points of view, and he said he’d never met a Christian like me before and listened to what I had to say and seemed interested. He never had a problem with me going to church or Bible study and even met my priest.
It didn’t take long for us to fall completely in love. I’d never been happier and neither had he. We were that disgusting couple that even was affectionate in public, shamelessly. He liked my family and I liked his. We talked of marriage as though it was inevitable.
Once, early on, he said to me, “I once thought I wanted to be a woman, but now I know that I’m just really in touch with my feminine side.” No problem! That was back when he was at his happiest.
Then he got a promotion at his job that he pretty quickly discovered he hated. He went from happy and carefree to stressed and anxious and snippy. While he was never mean or hurtful towards me, he was irritable. He also got withdrawn. Still, he would randomly call me to tell me he loved me and ended every conversation with “I love you”.
Then one night, while slightly drunk, he told me he wanted to be a woman. While it broke my heart, I somewhat chalked it up to his being drunk and also the stress he was under. However, within the span of a week, he bought himself female clothes - dresses and tights - and created a new Facebook profile of himself as a woman. He started going out in the dress and outfit. To say I am heartbroken and devastated is an understatement.
He told me more. His transsexualism was odd: He never had a problem with his body or appearance, at least until he decided he was trans, but seemed to revolve around the fact that he considered himself “submissive” compared to a man’s traditional gender role. He also revealed that he was subjected to sexual abuse as a child at the hands of his grandfather, who enforced very strict gender roles and called him names, which he admitted could play a role in what he’s experiencing right now.
I encouraged him to go to therapy. He said I’d have to go with him because he couldn’t talk about the abuse with a stranger. I agreed to go. The first appointment was an intake appointment when they asked a lot of questions in order to match him with the best therapist/counselor for his situation. I had to tell the interviewer about the abuse. They’re supposed to call back sometime this week.
In the meantime, I continue to see him as a friend. He says he feels confused about what he wants. He says he primarily identifies as his female alter ego right now, but doesn’t go out as “her” unless he’s playing a music show or seeing friends at a restaurant or bar in the evening. He doesn’t know if these feelings are permanent. In fact he said that he felt uncomfortable creating the female Facebook profile because it gave what he’s feeling and doing a level of permanence which he’s not sure is going to stick around.
I asked him if he’d continue cross-dressing if the therapist told him to stop or if the antidepressants they’ll probably put him on (he’s definitely depressed and anxious, also suffers from panic attacks and experiential avoidance) cause those feelings to stop, as they sometimes do. He said he’d stop in those circumstances. Even though he’s cross-dressed twice in the past week, and says that for the time being he “feels mostly female”, he still wants to continue with therapy and considers it a possibility that this is all caused by the abuse at the hands of his grandfather. He’s willing to deal with that in therapy, and is aware that it’s going to take some time - possibly years.
I admit that I still love him. I’m anxious to see how this will work out. I feel conflicted - on the one hand, I feel that as a Godly person, I should be there for him while he works through these feelings and encourage him to move forward, AWAY from transsexualism in as gentle and loving a manner as I can. On the other, I have numerous people telling me to just drop him because he’s never going to get better.
I admit I feel some anger towards God right now. When K ghosted me, I was mad enough. But once I met J, I reasoned that first off, God wanted us to be together because we were both so, so happy, and secondly, I was going to lead J to Christ - not overnight, but as a good and righteous partner. Since we were both so happy and J was opening up to my faith, I felt this was an entirely reasonable conclusion. To have the rug ripped out from underneath me, and in such an absurd way, is tearing me apart.
I have to ask, Why would God make us both unhappy and have J go down a path of perdition rather than have us stay together and work towards his salvation? It doesn’t make sense.
