Ex-Catholics unable to get married?

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dixieagle said:
I think that what the OP was surprised at is the fact that - despite the fact her parents only had her baptized to satisfy her grandmother, and that she herself has never practiced Catholicism…the Church still considers her Catholic by virtue of that Baptism. She did NOT make that choice, which is part of her point.

Clearly, only a priest, well-informed about canon law, the changes re: formal defection as it pertains to marriage, etc., can answer the OP’s questions.

I admit that, even as a lifelong, practicing Catholic, it seems odd to me that someone who never practiced Catholicism, due to her parents’ laxity in that regard, may still be bound by Church law with regard to marriage.

OP…contact a priest in your area and have a good chat.
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and the issue is not the baptism - it is the parents lack of conformity to the vows they made in the sacrament - and the God parents for that matter. both took vows to raise the OP Catholic and make sure the OP had a full understanding of grace and sacraments, etc and well, we can see that did not happen - what they gave were empty promises.
 
joandarc2008 said:
and the issue is not the baptism - it is the parents lack of conformity to the vows they made in the sacrament - and the God parents for that matter. both took vows to raise the OP Catholic and make sure the OP had a full understanding of grace and sacraments, etc and well, we can see that did not happen - what they gave were empty promises.
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It would seem, pressure from the OP’s grandma, who only had the best intentions of course and unfortunatley passed away. Though the OP did not have the choice to be baptised, she does have the choice to live as a Catholic or not. It would seem that is what she is truly struggling with.

And/Or that her Catholic Relatives would have to view the marraige as invaild. But as I said, OP, you can only control yourself, not the views or beliefs of others. Ya it seems kinda mean from a non-Catholic view. But the great (and hard) thing about the Church is that it cares about the truth, wether it hurts or not.
 
And why should four years (though you’re all really referring to one event) I don’t remember trump the (admittedly short so far) lifetime that I do remember, including about 15 years in which my Christian (albeit mostly non-Catholic) values have been the most important considerations in my life? I mean, Catholicism would indeed be preferable to no religion, but I’m not exactly an atheist. There’s no gap here for the Catholic church to fill.

I am fully persuaded in my own heart that reconciling with the Catholic church would not make me right with God, but would put up a blockage between us. In the end, I’ll follow Christ as best I know how, and if that means anything unacceptable to the Catholic church, well, what He thinks about it is more important.
Romans 14:4 NKJV:
Who are you to judge another’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand.
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WholeHeart said:
And why should four years (though you’re all really referring to one event) I don’t remember trump the (admittedly short so far) lifetime that I do remember, including about 15 years in which my Christian (albeit mostly non-Catholic) values have been the most important considerations in my life? I mean, Catholicism would indeed be preferable to no religion, but I’m not exactly an atheist. There’s no gap here for the Catholic church to fill.

I am fully persuaded in my own heart that reconciling with the Catholic church would not make me right with God, but would put up a blockage between us. In the end, I’ll follow Christ as best I know how, and if that means anything unacceptable to the Catholic church, well, what He thinks about it is more important.
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And you know this how? Because you know the teachings of the Catholic Church so well? That you can’t in good concience reconcile with it? I’m sorry if this is harsh but you keep saying stuff like that. I’ll have you know that it is only in the Catholic church that I have found the fullness of Christ…and experienced a love for him like I have never known!

So…do what you want but please stop with the little digs at the Catholic church.

Thank you!
 
Annabelle_Marie said:
And you know this how? Because you know the teachings of the Catholic Church so well? That you can’t in good concience reconcile with it? I’m sorry if this is harsh but you keep saying stuff like that. I’ll have you know that it is only in the Catholic church that I have found the fullness of Christ…and experienced a love for him like I have never known!

So…do what you want but please stop with the little digs at the Catholic church.

Thank you!
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Well, if it weren’t for everyone saying how much I need to “get right with God” by getting right with Catholicism, I wouldn’t need to explain this. And I actually have done a fair amount of research. If there is reason enough to keep me away showing so near the surface, how deep do I need to go?

In other words, I’m not making “little digs” for the sake of attack. I’m being somewhat more explicit than I would otherwise consider necessary, in self-defense, which I wouldn’t need to do if others hadn’t been making direct statements about my spiritual state in general, when the issue at stake is a very specific concern.

I’m not asking how to make anybody think I’m right with God in general. I’m asking how to make them know I’m married.
 
joandarc2008 said:
and the issue is not the baptism - it is the parents lack of conformity to the vows they made in the sacrament - and the God parents for that matter. both took vows to raise the OP Catholic and make sure the OP had a full understanding of grace and sacraments, etc and well, we can see that did not happen - what they gave were empty promises.
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All true. I still find it possible to understand the OPs surprise that the Church, in which she was not brought up and of which she has never considered herself a member, has certain requirements of her with regard to her marriage.
 
WholeHeart said:
I’m asking how to make them know I’m married.
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You can only be (validly) married by doing it the right way. Beyond that all else is smoke and mirrors.

So - beyond us making up stories for you to tell, I believe you have your answer.

~Liza
 
WholeHeart said:
And why should four years (though you’re all really referring to one event) I don’t remember trump the (admittedly short so far) lifetime that I do remember, including about 15 years in which my Christian (albeit mostly non-Catholic) values have been the most important considerations in my life? I mean, Catholicism would indeed be preferable to no religion, but I’m not exactly an atheist. There’s no gap here for the Catholic church to fill.

I am fully persuaded in my own heart that reconciling with the Catholic church would not make me right with God, but would put up a blockage between us. In the end, I’ll follow Christ as best I know how, and if that means anything unacceptable to the Catholic church, well, what He thinks about it is more important.
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Yes, this is what I have been trying to convience you to do all along! Do what you want (i may not agree) if you believe them to be right, but do not expect anyone else, especially the Catholic Church to change their stance on the matter.

God Bless
 
WH, maybe they’ll give you the dispensation. With the new rule denying formal defection, surely there will be other cases like yours.
 
WholeHeart said:
Well, if it weren’t for everyone saying how much I need to “get right with God” by getting right with Catholicism, I wouldn’t need to explain this. And I actually have done a fair amount of research. If there is reason enough to keep me away showing so near the surface, how deep do I need to go?

In other words, I’m not making “little digs” for the sake of attack. I’m being somewhat more explicit than I would otherwise consider necessary, in self-defense, which I wouldn’t need to do if others hadn’t been making direct statements about my spiritual state in general, when the issue at stake is a very specific concern.

I’m not asking how to make anybody think I’m right with God in general. I’m asking how to make them know I’m married.
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I will be blunt:

Are you trying to convince us, and by extension the Church that what you are doing is ok? Sorry, you won’t be able to do that. Are you asking us how to get your realtives to accept what may be an invalid marraige? Well you won;t get that either. I think a secular or non-catholic forum is better suited for this question.

God Bless
 
Flame4 said:
I will be blunt:

Are you trying to convince us, and by extension the Church that what you are doing is ok? Sorry, you won’t be able to do that. Are you asking us how to get your realtives to accept what may be an invalid marraige? Well you won;t get that either. I think a secular or non-catholic forum is better suited for this question.

God Bless
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Non-Catholics mostly just wonder why on earth it would matter, and of course they know even less than I do about what to do practically. And I certainly do think that it is ok for me to get married within my own religion! It’s not becoming “unequally yoked” to marry another Christian of the same background. I would consider it direct disobedience to Scripture for me to marry a Muslim or an Atheist, for example, but certainly not another serious Christian. Hmph. We even both had one Catholic and one non-Catholic parent. Neither of us has ever been married before. What’s the problem? The problem is an illogical change to some document, and my own desire to avoid even a hint of scandal. I thought it better to risk offending random strangers on the internet than most of my extended family, or I would have just asked them what options were available. I’m not going to not get married, but if there is a way around the “rule” that would be considered valid, why on earth would I not want to take it?
 
WholeHeart said:
Well, if it weren’t for everyone saying how much I need to “get right with God” by getting right with Catholicism, I wouldn’t need to explain this. And I actually have done a fair amount of research. If there is reason enough to keep me away showing so near the surface, how deep do I need to go?

In other words, I’m not making “little digs” for the sake of attack. I’m being somewhat more explicit than I would otherwise consider necessary, in self-defense, which I wouldn’t need to do if others hadn’t been making direct statements about my spiritual state in general, when the issue at stake is a very specific concern.

I’m not asking how to make anybody think I’m right with God in general. I’m asking how to make them know I’m married.
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You were baptized Catholic. Obviously your grandmother thought it was important and she thought you would be brought up Catholic. It’s not the church’s fault that you weren’t. I’m sure your grandmother must have been praying for that.

Anyway…you can’t change the Church’s teaching about that any more than you can about communion.

Did you go back and look at the Jimmy Akin link? Have you talked with a priest yet? It appears from that link…and this one

jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2006/04/formal_defectio.html

that you need to write a letter formally defecting and get it recorded in your church where you were baptized. This will break your entire ties with the Catholic Church. Now if you don’t want to formally defect…then you are still bound by the laws and will need to get a dispensation–IMO. But you can’t have it both ways.
 
Annabelle_Marie said:
You were baptized Catholic. Obviously your grandmother thought it was important and she thought you would be brought up Catholic. It’s not the church’s fault that you weren’t. I’m sure your grandmother must have been praying for that.

Did you go back and look at the Jimmy Akin link? Have you talked with a priest yet? It appears from that link…and this one

jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2006/04/formal_defectio.html

that you need to write a letter formally defecting and get it recorded in your church where you were baptized. This will break your entire ties with the Catholic Church. Now if you don’t want to formally defect…then you are still bound by the laws and will need to get a dispensation–IMO. But you can’t have it both ways.
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Annabelle,

The Jimmy Akin link is from 2006 and not the most current information. Here’s a copy of what I posted in the other thread. The new rule is discussed here.
Annabelle,
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Jimmy Akin’s column is from 2006. While I think the process for formally defecting is the same, the result is now different. Since Dec. 2009, the Vatican removed the effect that defection had on marriage, “abolishing the anomoly” as the quoted canon lawyer put it.
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Here’s a link from the time of the change.
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catholicnewsagency.com/ne…s_on_marriage/
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I’d already read the Jimmy Akin link (by the way, that’s out of date). I’m not in a situation right now where I can talk to a priest myself, but I’ve asked one of my relatives to ask a priest what I can do.
 
Corki said:
Annabelle,

The Jimmy Akin link is from 2006 and not the most current information. Here’s a copy of what I posted in the other thread. The new rule is discussed here.
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Can you repost that link…because it didn’t work…
 
Corki said:
Annabelle,

The Jimmy Akin link is from 2006 and not the most current information. Here’s a copy of what I posted in the other thread. The new rule is discussed here.
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ahh…see that is why I put IMO…and talk to a priest. When I e-mailed Jimmy it was for a marriage in 1988. 🤷

So it seems like the only way for the OP is to get a dispensation. The Church is not going to change it’s rules for her. But…as most people pointed out…what does she care if it’s considered valid or not? She’s not Catholic. And having done due dilegence, I doubt that her Catholic relatives would not support her…unless she goes around telling them how stupid the Church’s rules are…:o If she ever decides to become Catholic, ehhh, come home, then she would need to get her marriage convalidated before taking communion. But she would have a lot more work before that. Like my husband, we are now in a valid marriage, FOR SURE, but he has to go through RCIA before he can take communion.

It sounds like there are other issues…I know I use to think my parents annullment was the Church rejecting me…because I had SO many misconceptions about her. Only when I was truly ready to listen did I find out how wrong I was…and how rich my faith is. I used to not like that I was brought up Catholic…now I’m glad my parents had me baptized at 7 days old!
 
WholeHeart said:
I’m not in a situation right now where I can talk to a priest myself, …
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Do you mind explaining this a bit? What “situation” could prevent you from taking care of your own business with this? You seem concerned about it, yet you send someone else to do this for you?

Sorry - confused.

~Liza
 
lizaanne said:
Do you mind explaining this a bit? What “situation” could prevent you from taking care of your own business with this? You seem concerned about it, yet you send someone else to do this for you?

Sorry - confused.

~Liza
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Out of town with no transportation for an extended period of time. Anything more would be more personally identifiable than I want to put online.
 
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