Ex-Wife Is Dying

[hsmomforlife]

As far as talking to a Priest, I got “A lot of people are hurt and angry at the whole situation. I would try to stay away from here if and when her family are around”.

Hopefully you have more than one priest in your parish and you could try talking to the other one?
If not, maybe you could talk to a priest at a neighboring parish?

 

[RKO]

Maybe I should add something: I am the WORST sinner on this forum. And that is NOT an attempt to portray myself as a humble “saint” via reverse, psychology. suffice it to say I am worse than wretched. The log in my eye is ever before me. So perhaps you are not as troubled by your sins as me. or perhaps you don’t sin. My personal failures prohibit me from judging anyone else.

But, good for you for being in a better position in terms of your soul.

 

[jay29]

wow. Nobody knows what transpires inside someone’s heart. He ex could be 100% right, but he can’t know for sure. he only has his perceptions. But since I don’t know what is going on inside these people I am not going to pass judgment. You can feel free to, if that’s what you think, but it makes it hard to portray our church as the vehicle for God’s forgiveness while we in the pews are so free and loud with our personal condemnations of each other.

Outward actions can be judged and should be. You can’t judge the heart and soul but outward actions you can. The last time I checked, forgiveness isn’t automatic. You have to repent. Without repentance, no forgiveness of sins.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Her family is ridiculous. She left you and thought the grass was greener on the other side. She found another guy and then she tried to soak you for more money after your success. Then she tried to get her claws into you when her life nosedived. Instead of facing the music with her poor choices she tries to off herself. COWARD, like all suicides are.

Her family is mad at you? Find another Church and don’t look back. It was all her choices she ended up the way she is. I wouldn’t even think about going to her bedside.

Yes, that’s exactly what Jesus taught. “All your choices were your own, so don’t come to ME for compassion or mercy!!”

Dear Lord.

 

[jay29]

Maybe I should add something: I am the WORST sinner on this forum. And that is NOT an attempt to portray myself as a humble “saint” via reverse, psychology. suffice it to say I am worse than wretched. The log in my eye is ever before me. So perhaps you are not as troubled by your sins as me. or perhaps you don’t sin. My personal failures prohibit me from judging anyone else.

But, good for you for being in a better position in terms of your soul.

I know where this guy is coming from except the cowardly part of the situation. I’m not caught up with emotional reactions either. This woman made a string of bad decisions and din’t want to face the music.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Outward actions can be judged and should be. You can’t judge the heart and soul but outward actions you can. The last time I checked, forgiveness isn’t automatic. You have to repent. Without repentance, no forgiveness of sins.

But we’re not God, either. We CAN and MUST forgive others even if they don’t repent. It is not for them, but for our further spiritual peace. Look at what Jesus said on the cross.

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Aren’t we trying to be more like Jesus and less like our own weak and sinful selves?

 

[jay29]

Yes, that’s exactly what Jesus taught. “All your choices were your own, so don’t come to ME for compassion or mercy!!”

Dear Lord.

Who said not to come to Him? I go to Him all the time in the Sacrament of Penance. Looks like she needed to. Looks like she was the epitome of selfishness.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I know where this guy is coming from except the cowardly part of the situation. I’m not caught up with emotional reactions either. This woman made a string of bad decisions and din’t want to face the music.

Forgive her anyway. Have compassion on her, she is dying.

Arrange for last rites, this is a soul that is tortured.

I hope no one ever has cause to withhold compassion and forgiveness from you.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

 

[jay29]

But we’re not God, either. We CAN and MUST forgive others even if they don’t repent. It is not for them, but for our further spiritual peace. Look at what Jesus said on the cross.

“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Aren’t we trying to be more like Jesus and less like our own weak and sinful selves?

Can you show me where, if we are supposed to be like Jesus, where He forgave sins without some sort of penance/action first?

Jesus asked His Father to forgive His executioner’s sins on their behalf.

 

[jay29]

Forgive her anyway. Have compassion on her, she is dying.

Arrange for last rites, this is a soul that is tortured.

I hope no one ever has cause to withhold compassion and forgiveness from you.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

The thing is her ex husband is taking the blame. He could forgive her and maybe he will. He shouldn’t feel any guilt for the situation.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Can you show me where, if we are supposed to be like Jesus, where He forgave sins without some sort of penance/action first?

Jesus asked His Father to forgive His executioner’s sins on their behalf.

The woman at the well, the woman being stoned. There are no conditions to our trying to be more like Jesus, it is not a quid pro quo situation. Honestly, Jesus has already covered all of our sins, He just wants us to go and acknowledge them and show contrition, but the sins themselves were covered by His Blood. This man’s ex-wife may be very sorry now, but she cannot physically repent. What better time to show her mercy and compassion?

Your second sentence? The OP could ask Jesus to forgive his ex-wife’s sins on her behalf. He could have compassion on her, her family, and anyone else caught up in this tragic situation. If he has EVER felt even a hint of God’s mercy in his life, I think he must have ignored it. Every day I wake up and understand God’s mercy, and every day I withhold showing that mercy to others is a day I take a step closer to Hell.

You’re added to my prayers. What a bitter and brittle spirit you are showing.

 

[LaSainte]

Her family is ridiculous. She left you and thought the grass was greener on the other side. She found another guy and then she tried to soak you for more money after your success. Then she tried to get her claws into you when her life nosedived. Instead of facing the music with her poor choices she tries to off herself. COWARD, like all suicides are.

Her family is mad at you? Find another Church and don’t look back. It was all her choices she ended up the way she is. I wouldn’t even think about going to her bedside.

I hope that you are never in a situation of true despair where Satan tempts you to take your own life in a moment of weakness. What a horrible thing to say, especially to those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide.

 

[RKO]

Can you show me where, if we are supposed to be like Jesus, where He forgave sins without some sort of penance/action first?

Jesus asked His Father to forgive His executioner’s sins on their behalf.

So how have you confirmed that there was NO repentance. NO Remorse?

 

[maryjk]

The thing is her ex husband is taking the blame. He could forgive her and maybe he will. He shouldn’t feel any guilt for the situation.

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting nor opening yourself up to continued abuse.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

No, no, no.

:nope::dts:

To revel in others’ suffering is not “having a great life.” I think the OP needs to spend some time at the foot of the cross, frankly. Did Jesus say as he was dying, “You guys can all go pound sand, I’m done with you?”

I think the OP is still hurting from what happened but he will regret closing his heart to his ex-wife at this time. Forgiveness is the only way to keep his own dignity and his “record” clean with God. He should have COMPASSION for this broken woman whom he once took vows with. COMPASSION for her wounded family. No one has escaped from being damaged.

We can only look to Christ’s mercy and try to emulate it, even in the worst times of our lives.

OP, your ex-wife, her family and you will be in my prayers. Go and see your priest as soon as possible. Has she had last rites administered? It would be such a blessing if you would arrange for this.

 

[RKO]

here’s why we are so judgmental. I can’t call you on being too judgmental without myself being judgmental. So I think I’ll just go back to working out my own salvation.
Good luck with all of the souls you are trying to save. (serious, not a slam.) I’ll be lucky if I don’t lose the one I’ve got.

 

[The_Bucket]

The woman at the well, the woman being stoned.

Precisely. In the case of the former, all she said was “sir, I can see you are a prophet” when Jesus rattled off a list of her sins. The latter replied “no one” after Jesus asked if anyone remained to condemn her. In neither case did Jesus demand public repentance. You can’t demand repentance. It doesn’t work like that. You either come to the Lord on your own or you don’t. He’s always there to love us but He will never drag us to Him.

And honestly, the OP did a bit of a drive-by and now the thread is being pushed along by someone else. Maybe this other person has been wronged by a woman in his life. I don’t know. I’ve been wronged by others but have also done great wrongs myself. I used to be so caught up in the former that I never paid attention to the latter. My soul paid the price. Focusing more on the latter allows me to let go of the former and I’m more peaceful than I ever have been. I have a lifetime of work ahead of me to just get back to what I’d consider a “normal” level of being able to forgive others and accuse myself, but I am trying.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Precisely. In the case of the former, all she said was “sir, I can see you are a prophet” when Jesus rattled off a list of her sins. The latter replied “no one” after Jesus asked if anyone remained to condemn her. In neither case did Jesus demand public repentance. You can’t demand repentance. It doesn’t work like that. You either come to the Lord on your own or you don’t. He’s always there to love us but He will never drag us to Him.

And honestly, the OP did a bit of a drive-by and now the thread is being pushed along by someone else. Maybe this other person has been wronged by a woman in his life. I don’t know. I’ve been wronged by others but have also done great wrongs myself. I used to be so caught up in the former that I never paid attention to the latter. My soul paid the price. Focusing more on the latter allows me to let go of the former and I’m more peaceful than I ever have been. I have a lifetime of work ahead of me to just get back to what I’d consider a “normal” level of being able to forgive others and accuse myself, but I am trying.

My lesson was learned several years ago when God removed my unforgiving plank in one second or less. I didn’t even ask him to do it! I had constructed quite a bit of my self-image around being the victim of my sister’s bad choices while we grew up under a widowed father. I had always held onto resentment of her, in fact, I nourished it and protected it as my “right.” I was so much like the elder brother in the Prodigal Son parable! “I always did the right thing, and you never as much as acknowledged me!” At least if I was never going to get my due, I could keep my thorny grudge as a pet.

But in a St. Paul on the road to Damascus moment, in an otherwise ordinary day…I saw clearly that her choices were only that - HER choices. That I made different choices based on who I am, and not simply because of what she “did to me.” And our lives were different because of those choices. She has had a very difficult life overall. My heart which was so closed to forgiveness, was quietly and without fanfare, torn open with compassion for her. And this all happened while waiting in the carpool line for my younger son to come out of middle school!!! Praise God for his mercy (and rather a precious sense of humor).

That resentment I had carried for over 20 years never returned. Oh, I probed around my psyche, because I’d had some previous attempts at forgiving her, but this was different. I had no need to forgive because my heart was filled with more than forgiveness. I felt it was a tiny crumb of what Jesus felt for us as He died on the cross of Calvary. Just a tiny particle, and look what it did in my life. I love my sister wholeheartedly now. There are no grudges between us. I pray for her well-being and peace.

God is so great.

 

[styrgwillidar]

…
In the end, she will have most likely have successfully committed suicide. As I write this, she is essentially brain dead after overdosing on a prescription sleeping pills. I have become the target of quite a lot of hate and resentment from her family and friends, blaming her situation on me for not wanting to reconcile. There is even some strong resentment at me from our Church.

Her brother even Facebook messaged me that their family would see to it that I was never able to Marry in the Church again because I was “directly responsible” for her dying.

While I understand their anger and hurt, I don’t see the connection between her own choices to take this entire path, and my refusal to take back a woman that could not be serious about anything but money. …

Not sure why you posted this since you’re not asking for specific advice. A way of trying to process what has occurred? Looking for support in dealing with the anger directed at you?

Where there is life there is hope. Perhaps she will recover, you can pray for that, her recovery and reconciliation with God. Or at the very least for her soul. None of us can know the pain or mental state she was in, perhaps there can be some mitigation that only God can truly fully understand. Her salvation costs you nothing, detracts nothing from your life now and will not detract from your experience in heaven. We know that God wants every sinner to repent, pray for her for God’s sake if not for hers…

It’s a pretty normal human reaction for look for others to blame when tragedy strikes. Easier to blame you for not reconciling than to look to themselves and the things that may have been able to do. Or really come to grips with the fact that this was her choice, this over coming to them for support, for assistance. That death was preferable to her over simply to continue to be in each others lives.Wonder how they supported/advised her during the separation and divorce? Sorry, you’ll have to deal with it. I recommend praying for her family, it’s a tough loss. Yes it’s unjust and unfair. It fails to account for her actions and their predictable affect on you, and how it affected your perception of her. They can’t know the whole story, probably only heard her side, and frankly, the whole story is between you and your wife and not their business. Forgive them in their pain, pray for them as well. Always forgive as you hope and trust in God to forgive you.

As to her mental attitude and whether it was just about money or not is irrelevant. The father in the story of the prodigal son realizes his son is only coming back to him because of money. The son spent all his inheritance and now in his poverty returns to his father for support. Not love, not remorse, not to atone for his wrongs. He comes back to work and be fed, to survive. Yet the father celebrates his return. Your problem is you can’t know her reasons, hopefully your rejection was over trust. Not what you believed her motives were, but that you couldn’t trust yourself or her to know them. And trust is essential to a marriage.

Did you really reject her over the belief that it was all about money, or because you couldn’t trust what her motives were? We all know our limitations, and it would be unfair to both you and her to re-establish a relationship with no trust. Always waiting/assuming the shoe would drop again. I was never the kind of person to want to monitor my spouse, emails, bills, web-pages, etc. etc. I just don’t want to live that way. To me, that is no kind of relationship.

I do not wish my ex ill, but I can not say I wish her well either. I pray for her soul and redemption, because I know that is God’s desire.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

As to her mental attitude and whether it was just about money or not is irrelevant. The father in the story of the prodigal son realizes his son is only coming back to him because of money. The son spent all his inheritance and now in his poverty returns to his father for support. Not love, not remorse, not to atone for his wrongs. He comes back to work and be fed, to survive. Yet the father celebrates his return.
.

Not to quibble, but that is not strictly true. The son does express regret and remorse, and says he’s not worthy to be his father’s servant. It is a parable about how some of us squander away our inheritance from God, end up in the pig’s pen, and only then hit bottom and see He Who loved us and we crawl back to him in shame. Yet, He lifts us up and throws a celebration in our honor!