Ex-Wife Is Dying

[jay29]

The woman at the well, .

Jesus told her to change her ways:

Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come back.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you have now is not your husband. What you have said is true!”

—John 4:16–18

the woman being stoned.

Jesus told her to go and sin no more

What a bitter and brittle spirit you are showing

Stop throwing stones.

 

[SamH]

Her family is ridiculous. She left you and thought the grass was greener on the other side. She found another guy and then she tried to soak you for more money after your success. Then she tried to get her claws into you when her life nosedived.

Agreed.

Where was her family when she needed help? They want to “blame” someone maybe they should look in a mirror first.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Not to quibble, but that is not strictly true. The son does express regret and remorse, and says he’s not worthy to be his father’s servant. It is a parable about how some of us squander away our inheritance from God, end up in the pig’s pen, and only then hit bottom and see He Who loved us and we crawl back to him in shame. Yet, He lifts us up and throws a celebration in our honor!

And (my favorite part) the father rushes out to meet him on the road home.

 

[SamH]

Forgive her anyway. Have compassion on her, she is dying.

Arrange for last rites, this is a soul that is tortured.

I don’t think you can do that if you aren’t married any more. In this case her family would probably raise **** if he tried.

I hope no one ever has cause to withhold compassion and forgiveness from you.

“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Sometimes you have to learn to live with things you can’t change.

 

[jay29]

I hope that you are never in a situation of true despair where Satan tempts you to take your own life in a moment of weakness. What a horrible thing to say, especially to those of us who have lost loved ones to suicide.

Let me tell you something right now. I’m a paid firefighter/EMT and I have WITNESSED MYSELF the scourge of suicide, kids hanging, overdoses, gun shots and even within my family. Nothing but cowards. I even had a coworker do it recently. Didn’t want to face her demons. I’ve seen suicide all around and I am very familiar with it. It’s an extremely selfish act and those families are left with unanswered questions and are picking up the pieces for the rest of their lives.

Don’t tell me a thing about suicide unless you have witnessed kids hanging from the ceiling and/or have blown off their heads. I have witnessed more than my fair share.

 

[RKO]

Let me tell you something right now. I’m a paid firefighter/EMT and I have WITNESSED MYSELF the scourge of suicide, kids hanging, overdoses, gun shots and even within my family. Nothing but cowards. I even had a coworker do it recently. Didn’t want to face her demons. I’ve seen suicide all around and I am very familiar with it. It’s an extremely selfish act and those families are left with unanswered questions and are picking up the pieces for the rest of their lives.

Don’t tell me a thing about suicide unless you have witnessed kids hanging from the ceiling and/or have blown off their heads. I have witnessed more than my fair share.

I have. And I don’t agree with that at all.
just keep in mind that when you appoint yourself as God’s law enforcement, judge and jury, you take on a lot of responsibility for your own behavior. I applaud your sense of righteousness, but would suggest a tiny bit of humility might better make your case.

 

[The_Bucket]

I can understand being angry with people who commit suicide, especially when you’re left there to help others pick up the pieces. That sucks. But throwing out terms like “cowards” isn’t going to help anyone deal with their anger, grief and various other emotional responses.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

It’s difficult to analyze these type of situations since we only get one perspective.

I’ll just state that divorce is never good, and it oftentimes creates bitterness in hate. If the OP acted in a respectful manner, all the better. Don’t be bitter regarding the matter, nor hold grudges against her. Unfortunately, people eventually get what coming to them, but we should never take pleasure in it, and should pray that they they realize their mistakes and straighten their lives out.

As far as the bitter family members go, ignore them. No good will come of it while they have hate and bitterness directed at you. If they are contacting you through FB, you can file a complaint, and you can also block them.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

And (my favorite part) the father rushes out to meet him on the road home.

Yes, he’s been waiting and watching and he cannot even wait until the son gets home, he goes out to greet him and hug and kiss him!!!

Oh God is so merciful to us.

 

[Quicksilver264]

I guess this post was more about “What the heck is happening, and why?”

Regarding the trust issue and reconciling:

If she was truly sincere, I have a high inkling I would have gone through with a slow but steady process to determine if the Marriage could have been saved.

But when she filed for a divorce modification, AFTER having signed an agreement that “for all time to come” that she waived discovery and knowledge of my financial/personal situation, it raised a big red flag. By Court order, I then had to disclose to her my W2’s, bank statements, retirement info, bonuses, yearly travel expenses for work - basically 20 pages of extremely personal information.

It was only after a 2 hour hearing in front of a Judge where her lawyer attacked every bit of the Settlement Agreement as “flawed”, did she email me and call me saying “I think we made a mistake”.

There was a “Harassment” section of the Settlement Agreement that basically said neither party would bother the other, and that if one party did, there could be “enforcement” of the settlement in terms of a certain percentage of the valued Marital Estate at the time of the agreement, or even a Contempt of Court charge.

Had I known she was on a path to suicide, yes I would have at least gone to or paid for counseling with her, for nothing other than to make sure she got well again. But my Layer advised me against any and all unsupervised contact with her based on her email saying “do not ever contact me again”.

It’s ironic because her parents paid for her to move out and for her new apartment for the first 3 months at the beginning of this.

 

[Chantal25]

Oh dear, you must feel powerless, clearly, you still care about her. You know prayer aren’t in vain, please pray for her.

Can you contact her lawyer and offer to pay for counseling for her? If this is what you truly want to do for her.

I agree with your gut, that it doesn’t look good and she seems to seek for financial safety. i don’t blame her but i hope that she will turn around and do the right thing.

I pray for you, for this situation to heal and be resolved peacefully.

 

[LaSainte]

Let me tell you something right now. I’m a paid firefighter/EMT and I have WITNESSED MYSELF the scourge of suicide, kids hanging, overdoses, gun shots and even within my family. Nothing but cowards. I even had a coworker do it recently. Didn’t want to face her demons. I’ve seen suicide all around and I am very familiar with it. It’s an extremely selfish act and those families are left with unanswered questions and are picking up the pieces for the rest of their lives.

Don’t tell me a thing about suicide unless you have witnessed kids hanging from the ceiling and/or have blown off their heads. I have witnessed more than my fair share.

My “cowardly” aunt whom I loved very much hanged herself with a dog leash from the basement rafters last year. It was horrible. Suicide is not an act of cowardice but the result of dispair and a severely broken psyche. It is an act of utter loneliness and complete hopelessness. It can stem from addiction and grief and shame. Yes, it is selfish. But to call them all cowards is a heartless thing to say, and speaking of cowards, I seriously doubt you ever looked into the eyes of the parents of a suicide as you were cutting him down and said “Your son was a coward.” Only here on an Internet forum behind a computer screen and a keyboard.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Quicksilver, It seems that you lucked out on the divorce proceedings and having to file for a declaration of nullity and all the mess that that entails. I hope that you’ve changed some of the details of the story to keep your privacy. I would keep my head down and my mouth shut if I were you and wait for the whole thing to blow over. Good luck.

 

[RKO]

I guess this post was more about “What the heck is happening, and why?”

Regarding the trust issue and reconciling:

If she was truly sincere, I have a high inkling I would have gone through with a slow but steady process to determine if the Marriage could have been saved.

But when she filed for a divorce modification, AFTER having signed an agreement that “for all time to come” that she waived discovery and knowledge of my financial/personal situation, it raised a big red flag. By Court order, I then had to disclose to her my W2’s, bank statements, retirement info, bonuses, yearly travel expenses for work - basically 20 pages of extremely personal information.

It was only after a 2 hour hearing in front of a Judge where her lawyer attacked every bit of the Settlement Agreement as “flawed”, did she email me and call me saying “I think we made a mistake”.

There was a “Harassment” section of the Settlement Agreement that basically said neither party would bother the other, and that if one party did, there could be “enforcement” of the settlement in terms of a certain percentage of the valued Marital Estate at the time of the agreement, or even a Contempt of Court charge.

Had I known she was on a path to suicide, yes I would have at least gone to or paid for counseling with her, for nothing other than to make sure she got well again. But my Layer advised me against any and all unsupervised contact with her based on her email saying “do not ever contact me again”.

It’s ironic because her parents paid for her to move out and for her new apartment for the first 3 months at the beginning of this.

yep. legal agreements sometimes block you from acting on your conscience. Pray for your ex and don’t dwell on the guilt. There are always LOTS of things that go into the decision to commit suicide. It is not, as has been suggested, one sided.

I pray for you, your ex, and all involved.

 

[jay29]

My “cowardly” aunt whom I loved very much hanged herself with a dog leash from the basement rafters last year. It was horrible. Suicide is not an act of cowardice but the result of dispair and a severely broken psyche. It is an act of utter loneliness and complete hopelessness. It can stem from addiction and grief and shame. Yes, it is selfish. But to call them all cowards is a heartless thing to say, and speaking of cowards, I seriously doubt you ever looked into the eyes of the parents of a suicide as you were cutting him down and said “Your son was a coward.” Only here on an Internet forum behind a computer screen and a keyboard.

Running away from your problems is cowardly. I would never call them that, but that doesn’t change the fact of what it is. You shouldn’t be so judgemental on how I feel. My life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries. Life has made me tougher, especially what I witness what most people never see.

Did Jesus, completely innocent, run away from the cross?

 

[RKO]

Running away from your problems is cowardly. I would never call them that, but that doesn’t change the fact of what it is. You shouldn’t be so judgemental on how I feel. My life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries. Life has made me tougher, especially what I witness what most people never see.

Did Jesus, completely innocent, run away from the cross?

We’re ALL too judgmental. Not just on this thread, but ALL.

 

[LaSainte]

Running away from your problems is cowardly. I would never call them that, but that doesn’t change the fact of what it is. You shouldn’t be so judgemental on how I feel. My life hasn’t been a bowl of cherries. Life has made me tougher, especially what I witness what most people never see.

Did Jesus, completely innocent, run away from the cross?

I’m not judgemental about how you feel. You are entitled to your feelings, but to make a blanket and public statement like “all suicides are cowards” is extremely insensitive to those who have loved ones who have killed themselves. You also don’t know what happens in someone’s life and mind to make them end their lives. Some people might see their children murdered before their very eyes and in inconsolable grief kill themselves. Some people who kill themselves are insane. Some have been raped and abused. Are they cowards?

And no, Jesus didn’t run from the cross, but He is God. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have called him a coward if He did. Not wanting to be tortured either emotionally or physically does not make someone a coward. Suicides deserve our sympathy and should be prayed for, not ridiculed after their death.

 

[mdleagedguy]

My advice to the OP would be to avoid your ex-wife’s family. There’s nothing to be gained there, only hurt. Pray for your ex-wife. There is no escaping God’s justice, but we can access his mercy. Do this even if you don’t feel like it, because you, too, will be accessing mercy when you do this. There can be no downside for you if you pray for her. None. There are benefits for you if you do so. I pray that God brings you peace in an exceedingly difficult situation.

 

[Just_Lurking]

If her family is vindictive enough to do something like keep her body alive just so you can’t get remarried… well then that’s totally crazy. Otherwise, if and when she passes, you’d be free to marry no matter what her family does.

The family may have the following canon law in mind:
Can. 1090 §1. Anyone who with a view to entering marriage with a certain person has brought about the death of that person’s spouse or of one’s own spouse invalidly attempts this marriage.

§2. Those who have brought about the death of a spouse by mutual physical or moral cooperation also invalidly attempt a marriage together.

 

[thomasf]

Sounds like everything worked out well for you. No worries.