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Marie1234
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Actually, I haven’t either…?You’ve never seen a thread on this site on modesty???
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jimmy
Guest
Or maybe start a thread on a somewhat different subject…ahem.Actually, I haven’t either…?
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VivienneJ
Guest
So encouraging to read this.
Single parenting is tough, I have a few close friends who are divorced (some cases where I’ve maintained friendship with both parties, and I have an idea how conflicted they both are) plus, I became a single mother to an 11 year old and a 13 year old daughter due to death, and I know how tough it was. Single parents do need impartial third parties to give them advice, or just to bounce ideas off at times. Some of the worst mistakes I made as a single mom were when I got advice from close friends and one friend irreparably damaged our friendship through her misinterpretation of a situation and her ill-considered advice.
The more you and your ex-wife can discuss the welfare of your sons in a peaceful way, the better for the boys - and that can be done, although it is hard.
Excellent observation, Julianne, and sadly so very, very true.Good to hear that you and his mother are BOTH taking the situation in hand - sounds like Little Bro has developed a bad habit that needs to be stopped at this point. Sorry the thread got into the weeds, but that seems to be an unwritten rule on CAF.
- OP posts a problem, a situation, and asks for help understanding or addressing it.
- Other forum members come on and give their best advice, usually based on their experience, strength, hope and our Church’s guidance.
- One or two posters then contradict the prevailing advice with, “Well, it isn’t done that way in such-and-such a culture,” and, “I have friends and/or family members who haven’t done it that way and they (or their children) turned out FINE.”
- The OP re-states the situation only to face even more vehement responses that “It IS NOT unusual! I do it all the time!” or, “This will not scar your child in any way because they do it that way in the jungles of South America!”
- If things get too heated, the mods close the thread.
A young man with a delightful sense of humour!Hahaha, you’re optimism is contagiously hilarious. Of course it doesn’t. If history means anything, we will run this thing to the ground until the moderators close it.
(BTW for those who haven’t seen a modesty thread, do a search, but “you have been warned” is’s not pretty!)
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TEPO
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My sister slept with her son until he was 17… 
Again, no father in the house.
Her other child, an older daughter came out of the closet a few years ago… Her girlfriend is a violent alcoholic… Again, no father.
…fathers are important.
Again, no father in the house.Her other child, an older daughter came out of the closet a few years ago… Her girlfriend is a violent alcoholic… Again, no father.
…fathers are important.
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pnewton
Guest
As I am the one who said you were venting, let me make it clear that I meant no insult. I was only offering an observation, specifically, because people do vent their frustrations here. Likewise, it is next to impossible for someone so heavily invested in a situation to present the situation neutrally. These are not criticisms. They are observations on factors that need to be considered before we engage in rash judgment, in this case against either you or your ex. In this particular case, I have lived through a similar period of my life, so I understand the emotional frustration.
I am glad you were able to speak with your ex and reach an agreement on this one issue. All too often this is not possible.
One final note. This is a cautionary tale that points to a truism I like to mention to people considering divorce (with kids). The relationships do not end. If the marriage is not working out, then you can bet the divorce won’t either. It is a frying pan into the fire situation. Those of us who have been hauled down this path against our will understand all too well how much God hates divorce.
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Armor_of_Light
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Thanks Brother-
No…no insult taken. Observation correct. Like I said…I try and tried to present neutrally at the time but of course failed.
And yes. It is so stupidly ironic to think that divorced people will experience some sort of magic healing and get along afterwards well enough to ‘co-parent’. We didn’t ‘co-anything’ when we were married!
This thread really brings to light a basic problem we had in the marriage. Now before you read on let me make it clear that this is not a vent, or a bash, or even complaining. Its just the way it is…
But look at what happened on this thread…(and most other threads for that matter). I post it in a few words, phrases, etc. and some people immediately get it as I meant it, read the situation correctly, and some just 1) do not or 2) will not or 3) can not, and I can’t do anything to fix any one of those 3 situations outright…I can only try to help situation 1.
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Sarabande
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That is a problem with the written word, or should I say the typed word. At least when you see it written, sometimes the handwriting is an indicator of how the author may be feeling. Through no real fault of their own, people’s interpretations of situations will be colored by their own experiences and personalities or even how they are feeling on the day they read the OP. It will also be colored by how the OP presented the information. So, the OP will need to reword the situation in order to help make others understand it correctly. I think most understand that when they decide to type something so personal, there will be people of all kinds who will read into what they wrote in a positive or negative light and in between. The very negative ones can sometimes be rather nasty, whether or not they are correct. The very positive ones can sometimes be a little too supportive when maybe they should be presenting some “hard love” (depending on the situation). It’s one of the reasons why I tend to be hesitant about putting too much personal info out there, especially family problems… but that’s just me. I understand why others need to do it.
I’m so happy that you were able to talk to your ex. That is just the start to healing for your son.
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Marie1234
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And what might that subject be?..hahaOr maybe start a thread on a somewhat different subject…ahem.
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hurting
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Please stop making statements such as this - you are in desperate need of counsel with respect to the English language. The OP did not divorce his wife - she divorced (civilly) him by filing a lawsuit against him. For all intents and purposes, even in states that still require, at least technically, fault on the party of one of the spouses to allow a divorce, it is well nigh impossible for a spouse to prevent it. From a legal standpoint, a truly mutual ending of a civil marriage is a dissolution, although the effects and key components are the same.
You seem to imply that the fact that the parents of this boy are divorced is the key issue at play here, but if this is your pretext, you need to state it more clearly. Your attempt above to do so further hurt your position instead of helping. Further it does matter to someone either seeking or offering counsel in such a matter to not only know who divorced whom but whether such action was warranted or not becasue it establishes (or does not) culpability on the part of that individual.
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hurting
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There was nothing whatsoever wrong with the way the OP presented the situation. He did so factually and unemotionally. The understanding problem lies with those who entirely and only though their own fault jump to defend an inherently indefensible situation, a mother sharing a bed with her teenage son in the modern U.S. He did not ask anyone if this was “OK” as he had already correctly concluded that it is not under any circumstances for any length of time. Full stop.
The only question here is HOW this exceedingly maladaptive situation can be brought to a swift and inglorious halt.
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hurting
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As much as this thread has been co-opted to date, the above needs to be shouted from the rooftops. From one who has just started his journey being hauled down the path.
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Sarabande
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I was meaning any OP in general… not just this OP. My apologies for not being clearer on that. I was also responding to the last part of his post where he mentioned that some people immediately understood what he wrote and how “some just 1) do not or 2) will not or 3) can not, and I can’t do anything to fix any one of those 3 situations outright…I can only try to help situation 1.” He was right. He could only try to help in situation 1 by rewording what he said to help make the issue more clear to them. That’s very normal in any kind of communication, especially with the written word with people you don’t know personally and have no sense of facial expression, vocal inflections, etc. There will always be people who may not completely understand what the other is saying even if it may be completely clear to the writer or to others reading it. As I mentioned, people’s comprehension of any situation or even style of writing will be colored by their own experiences and personalities. It’s natural and everyone does it. It’s no one’s “fault”, per say, so it’s very common that the original writer (OP in general) will need to reword things in order to get his/her complete meaning across correctly to those who don’t completely understand or, because of their own experiences, will conclude something opposite to what is actually happening. That’s all I’m saying. I’m not placing any blame or judgment on AofL or to anyone else on this thread, for that matter. I’ve always found communication in writing interesting because of how differently people can comprehend even a simple statement on paper or on the screen.
I’m just very happy that it appears the situation will be brought to a halt soon based on this OP’s recent update. That’s the best piece of information shared on this thread.
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jimmy
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And what might that subject be?..haha
I don’t know…something innocent…like
Hot teacher/librarian fetishes…Is it alright if my future wife dresses up like a hot teacher for me?
or fireman fetishes….Can I dress up as a fireman for my future wife?…I think this one would be fun. Could you imagine the possible innuendo in some posts…“excuse me ma’am there is a fire in your pants. I’ve got my extinguisher right here.”
Bwahahaha
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Armor_of_Light
Guest
How about a lethal combination like:
I don’t know…something innocent…like
Hot teacher/librarian fetishes…Is it alright if my future wife dresses up like a hot teacher for me?
or fireman fetishes….Can I dress up as a fireman for my future wife?…I think this one would be fun. Could you imagine the possible innuendo in some posts…“excuse me ma’am there is a fire in your pants. I’ve got my extinguisher right here.”
"Can I dress up as Harry Potter for my husband because he is “just curious”?
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BlueEyedLady
Guest
…How would I know if this Harry Potter costume is “modest”?
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EasterJoy
Guest
Wow, kids. Are you guys still angling to get this thread shut down, just to prove your point?
(You know that won’t count to prove you right!)
(You know that won’t count to prove you right!)
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jimmy
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Hahaha, that could a good thread.
No, we’re just thinking up ideas for threads when this one does get closed.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Hey, if we keep it civilized, we can add another 700+ responses before the mods shut it down! LOL
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EasterJoy
Guest
The fire extinguisher was a little close to the line for a family forum. Just sayin’…do remember there are impressionable 13 year olds reading, sometimes.
That is another thing to remember before we hit “submit”: We can never know if the OP is representing himself honestly. It is not just that we ought to concern ourselves that the OP is a father who is not telling us everything. Where we answered harshly about the ex-wife or the 13 year old, we have to realize that it might be one of them who are posting, and not the father they are pretending to be.
You learn these things hard on this forum. We all fall from time to time, but we ought to be careful about that. Anybody on the planet in any circumstance and with any history can read what we post. It shouldn’t take moderators to remind us of that, especially the old-timers.
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hurting
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I am as skeptical as anyone regarding people telling the whole truth, especially as it relates to sensitive matters such as these, but it seems to me that requests for advice and the presentation of facts related thereto should be accepted at face value absent some obvious indication that there is a credibility problem. I read this forum far more often that I post, and it is usually obvious in the initial post whether or not the poster is seeking help in good faith as opposed to trying to get his/her ego stroked. In this particular case, the OP laid out a cogent set of facts and a pretty straightforward request for advice right up front.The fire extinguisher was a little close to the line for a family forum. Just sayin’…do remember there are impressionable 13 year olds reading, sometimes.
That is another thing to remember before we hit “submit”: We can never know if the OP is representing himself honestly. It is not just that we ought to concern ourselves that the OP is a father who is not telling us everything. Where we answered harshly about the ex-wife or the 13 year old, we have to realize that it might be one of them who are posting, and not the father they are pretending to be.
You learn these things hard on this forum. We all fall from time to time, but we ought to be careful about that. Anybody on the planet in any circumstance and with any history can read what we post. It shouldn’t take moderators to remind us of that, especially the old-timers.
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