Ex-wife sleeps with 13 year old son in the same bed

[KellyPalmer]

I wonder If the people who defend this woman’s actions would also be on the side of the women who breast feed their 7 year olds.

I would. I am breastfeeding my 3yo as I type this. I have many friends who have breastfed to age 7. It’s still within biological norms.

 

[Marie1234]

i wonder if the people who defend this woman’s actions would also be on the side of the women who breast feed their 7 year olds.

yikes…

 

[Marie1234]

I would. I am breastfeeding my 3yo as I type this. I have many friends who have breastfed to age 7. It’s still within biological norms.

Really? Women actually do that!

Yeah…that is not within the “biological norms”… I think you should talk to you doctor and see what he would recommend you to do with regards to breastfeeding. 7 seems very old to me.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Really? Women actually do that!

Yeah…that is not within the “biological norms”… I think you should talk to you doctor and see what he would recommend you to do with regards to breastfeeding. 7 seems very old to me.

I mean technically our ancestors might have done it but that was out of necessity. Food was scarce!

I’m not a big fan of extended breast feeding, much less to toddlerhood. 7 is extreme.

But there is a world of difference between sucking on your mother’s nipple and innocently sharing a bed.

 

[KellyPalmer]

Really? Women actually do that!

Yeah…that is not within the “biological norms”… I think you should talk to you doctor and see what he would recommend you to do with regards to breastfeeding. 7 seems very old to me.

Yes, women do that including my close friends. Most drs have very little (if any) training and/or education on breastfeeding. I would rather ask an IBLC…and I have! It absolutely is within biological norms. Here is an article from a world renowned anthropologist on the subject, explaining why – A Natural Age of Weaning

 

[KellyPalmer]

I mean technically our ancestors might have done it but that was out of necessity. Food was scarce!

I’m not a big fan of extended breast feeding, much less to toddlerhood. 7 is extreme.

But there is a world of difference between sucking on your mother’s nipple and innocently sharing a bed.

I agree there is a difference however I would challenge you on the term “extended breastfeeding”. It would more appropriately be referred to as full-term breastfeeding. Of course, this is mostly best suited for another thread.

 

[bilop]

I would. I am breastfeeding my 3yo as I type this. I have many friends who have breastfed to age 7. It’s still within biological norms.

Yikes! Seven! That’s weird.

A 7 year-old has no need for breast milk. They can get all the nutrients they need from solid foods.

Even a 3 year old doesn’t need breast milk, unless you’re someplace where the water is tainted and pasteurized milk unavailable.

God Bless

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Yes, women do that including my close friends. Most drs have very little (if any) training and/or education on breastfeeding. I would rather ask an IBLC…and I have! It absolutely is within biological norms. Here is an article from a world renowned anthropologist on the subject, explaining why – A Natural Age of Weaning

No. I absolutely hate it when people go against their doctors with the line “Doctors have very little education in __________.” You name it I’ve heard it. Childbirth, breastfeeding, nutrition, vaccines, hygiene, etc. No, your doctor may not be able to tell you the anthropological history of breastfeeding, but he has devoted his entire life to learning about the human body and what is best for it now in our modern world.

 

[KellyPalmer]

No. I absolutely hate it when people go against their doctors with the line “Doctors have very little education in __________.” You name it I’ve heard it. Childbirth, breastfeeding, nutrition, vaccines, hygiene, etc. No, your doctor may not be able to tell you the anthropological history of breastfeeding, but he has devoted his entire life to learning about the human body and what is best for it now in our modern world.

Except for that’s a factual statement. Why would I go to a dr on a topic of which they know little to nothing about simply b/c of how I feel about a statement? I’ve read studies on this and they show that a dr is most likely going to give his opinion based on his own personal situation with breastfeeding and nothing more. I have been told the most ridiculous and incorrect information from doctors about breastfeeding many many times over the past 10 years that I’ve been breastfeeding my children. Why would I take my questions to someone without training on the topic? Makes more sense to go to a professional with plenty of training/education on the subject.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Except for that’s a factual statement. Why would I go to a dr on a topic of which they know little to nothing about simply b/c of how I feel about a statement? I’ve read studies on this and they show that a dr is most likely going to give his opinion based on his own personal situation with breastfeeding and nothing more. I have been told the most ridiculous and incorrect information from doctors about breastfeeding many many times over the past 10 years that I’ve been breastfeeding my children. Why would I take my questions to someone without training on the topic? Makes more sense to go to a professional with plenty of training/education on the subject.

That sounds an awful lot like shopping around until someone tells you what you want to hear. The link you posted talked about the history of breastfeeding, it made no claim on what was best for children now.

 

[Marie1234]

No. I absolutely hate it when people go against their doctors with the line “Doctors have very little education in __________.” You name it I’ve heard it. Childbirth, breastfeeding, nutrition, vaccines, hygiene, etc. No, your doctor may not be able to tell you the anthropological history of breastfeeding, but he has devoted his entire life to learning about the human body and what is best for it now in our modern world.

Well doctors aren’t correct 100% of the time. They’re wrong a lot, actually. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little skepticism and it’s important to do your research. But yes, I agree that doctors are educated and do know a lot. But it’s not good to follow their advice blindly either.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Look the OP has come on here and has made several comments about how awful his ex is.

True…I have.

Threatened to call CPS

Nope…never threatened. Said I was thinking about it. The reason I was thinking about it was to get their opinion in a private way without naming names, etc… They deal with this and could give me an oipinion on how common this was or how worried I should be.

.and wants to point out how messed up SHE has made the son. With no recognition on how this is the parents fault. Both of them. For all we know the son could have heard his mother weeping at night and then sees his dad with his new family and his mom is all alone and he may be interpreting that as a responsibility he should take care of. He is wrong, they should not be sleeping together but I think everyone on here has flipped out and jumped to conclusions.

Uhh… yup. Almost everyone.

1. The mother is alone with the son.

True. In bed.

1. The son is “immature”

Yes…he is a little. Always has been. Nobodys fault…just the way it is.

1. The OP talks openly of how the mom has “messed up the kid already”

Not too openly, but yes. It is possible…right?

1. The OP talked of how he does not like to get his current wifes family of lawyers involved in his “former” life.

I don’t like to…partly because they have helped a lot for free already. The ‘former life’ was referring to my life from THEIR perspective. I did not mean to separate my life into halves as it sounded to a lot of you.

1. The OP has been absent from co parenting for 8 years.(he admitted he and his ex have never been able to co parent.

Co-parenting takes 2 people to communicate. Again…it is possible for the 1 person absent from communication is mom…right?

1. The OP has stated he has not attempted any form of more custody to “keep the peace” but then wants to jump in and intervene when he finally found something to attack his ex on.

Wrong. I have had 8 years of this kind of stuff to constantly weigh. I could have gone to court probably 5 or 6 times now and fought and fought for equal custody, but like I said before…who really wins? Not me really and not really the kids. Great…so I get more time…but all they remember is that mom & dad had to fight again and now there is more up-heaval in our schedule and so on and so forth. I am sacrificing greatly for the sake of peace and hope that God will provide us the QUALITY of time we need together for them to become good men. Our time may very well be in the future…I don’t know but I hold out some hope of that.

I dont know what the situation is and neither do any of us. All we have is one side of a very bitter divorced situation and frankly.
But no one seems to care about the child here. A child who sees a dad with a new family, a child that does not want to visit dad. A child who is probably trying to take care of his mom (which is not his job) and a confused child.

Lots of people care about the child here. This is very hurtful. I would not have posted this if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t put my painful family business on display for feedback if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have asked for neutral 3rd. party help with this dilemma if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have the brass to think about taking on my ex-wife in court if I didn’t care, and I sure as heck wouldn’t get over all the negativity and wishes for revenge and move forward with a peaceful mature solution if I didn’t care (You did see what I have decided to actually DO…right?). I wouldn’t pray for her conversion of heart if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have worked so hard over the years to provide a very comfortable existence for two complete families if I didn’t care. I wouldn’t be able to show them what a true marriage is and what true love looks like if I didn’t care.

Yet everyone seems to come right to the OPs side and pat him on the back and encourage him to take action when we have no idea what is going on.

Not everyone, but some…yes. Thank you.

honestly I think the son is protecting his mom. I think the son feels like its him and mom against the world. And frankly it might be. But what needs to happen here is that the adults need to start acting like adults and take care of this child who needs something. No more complaining about how evil the other ex is, no more battling and finger pointing about why the kid is so messed up and whos fault it is. And if we can pick up on that tension and blame and hate in the few posts here then why on earth would we think the child has not picked up on how dad feels about mom. A mom that he lives with, a mom that takes care of him and a mom who is hurt just like he is.

I complain and vent precisely beacause it is the internet. I do not vent to them.
I was trying to get across that since they live with her most of the time it is more like they pick up on how mom feels about me. Every day. Mom divorced Dad. Every day whether implied or blatant that is the message they get.

My older son has no real issues. He sees the dis-connect between the message he recieves and the reality he experiences with me.

 

[KellyPalmer]

No. I absolutely hate it when people go against their doctors with the line “Doctors have very little education in __________.” You name it I’ve heard it. Childbirth, breastfeeding, nutrition, vaccines, hygiene, etc. No, your doctor may not be able to tell you the anthropological history of breastfeeding, but he has devoted his entire life to learning about the human body and what is best for it now in our modern world.

Oh and let me know when the modern world came up with something better suited nutritionally for human children than breastmilk? According to the American Academy of Family Physicians, children weaned before the age of 2 are at an increased risk for illness. We humans aren’t always the best at trying to outdo God’s design. Weaning our children prematurely to give them cow breast milk that’s made for baby cow’s when 3/4 of the world’s population is intolerant. Not the best idea. It’s unfortunate that our “modern world” gives their babies substandard nutrition for the sake of being modern.

 

[KellyPalmer]

That sounds an awful lot like shopping around until someone tells you what you want to hear. The link you posted talked about the history of breastfeeding, it made no claim on what was best for children now.

Really? If that’s what that sounds like then you aren’t doing a good job of reading. Going to those with training/education on a subject for questions on said subject sounds like shopping around until someone tells me what I want to hear? Got it…makes sense . And I guess you think you know what I wanted to hear too .

 

[Armor_of_Light]

Not to de-rail the de-railment here, but…

Look. In the OP and following posts I was trying to be as charitable and as neutral as I could muster AT THE TIME. You guys gotta understand…it hit me like a ton of bricks and there is some relevant information I did not have at the time, and some I left out I guess.

He has been doing this (co-sleeping) for years. We divorced when he was 5 and he has been doing it the whole time. Not every night but a few times a week. I have always known this…no big deal when he was younger. I thought he stopped a couple of years ago. My older boy told me that he still asks to do it although not as frequently. What I did not know at the time was that although she allows it…she also WANTS HIM TO STOP and has given him the “You are 13 years old now…bla bla bla” speech

So…now after a calm phone conversation with her (yes it does happen sometimes) I told her I’d be happy to have a little talk with him as well to re-inforce her efforts to have it end.

So there you have it. A good resolution using sound judgement and cool heads.

There is no way I’m the only one who has vented on this forum.

 

[pnewton]

Well doctors aren’t correct 100% of the time. They’re wrong a lot, actually.

As opposed to strangers on the internet?

The thing is, there simply is a dearth of information on this situation. What little there is comes through second-hand accounts (hearsay) that is very emotionally charged. I feel for the OP. I know what a trial it is not being able to have a say over the raising of your child when you do not think it is being done right. But that is often reality. Anger and venting can only change the person, not the situation. In such situation, I think the only real recourse is prayer, not only for the petition, but for the restoration of faith. It is not unsual for a child of divorce to dislike parental visitation. Kids go through that from time to time. Please do not take it to heart, although I know that is probably impossible advice.

Just pray and enjoy what time you do have with your kids. Live your faith and be an example for them as they grow up. They **do **grow up.

 

[hurting]

OK Kelly…enough.

It is my family you are talking about. My Son.
I did not divorce my wife. She divorced me.
If you must know the truth…She demanded primary custody for 2 reasons. One was stated pretty clearly to me at the time, and it went something like this: “You have been super dad for all this time and the only way I’ll get a chance to have a relationship with them is to have full custody”.

I’ll let you guess the other reason.

You did not give due attention to the thread or my responses.
Don’t you DARE tell me that contacting CPS or an attorney is a terrible thing to do to my family. It may not be the correct response to this situation, but CPS and attorneys are there to help.

I’ll guess. Is it because the money follows custody?

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I’ll guess. Is it because the money follows custody?

I said I’ll let you guess…I never said I’d confirm or dis-confirm.

 

[Do_Good_Then_Go]

Not to de-rail the de-railment here, but…

Look. In the OP and following posts I was trying to be as charitable and as neutral as I could muster AT THE TIME. You guys gotta understand…it hit me like a ton of bricks and there is some relevant information I did not have at the time, and some I left out I guess.

He has been doing this (co-sleeping) for years. We divorced when he was 5 and he has been doing it the whole time. Not every night but a few times a week. I have always known this…no big deal when he was younger. I thought he stopped a couple of years ago. My older boy told me that he still asks to do it although not as frequently. What I did not know at the time was that although she allows it…she also WANTS HIM TO STOP and has given him the “You are 13 years old now…bla bla bla” speech

So…now after a calm phone conversation with her (yes it does happen sometimes) I told her I’d be happy to have a little talk with him as well to re-inforce her efforts to have it end.

So there you have it. A good resolution using sound judgement and cool heads.

There is no way I’m the only one who has vented on this forum.

This sounds great. Well done.

 

[hurting]

It doesn’t matter to me who initiated the divorce. The fact is you are divorced from your wife. I absolutely will dare to say that contacting CPS about this is a terrible thing to do. Yes, they are there to help and wasting their precious time with this only to result in harming your family is beyond terrible.

Uh, it always matters who initiates a divorce insfoar as it establishes motive and/or wrongdoing, at least in the light of God’s law.