Experiencing a dark night of the soul.. why do I not feel God

[mangy_dog]

I am a new Christian, going on 4 years now, and I fear that my faith has deteriorated to the point of being an intellectual exercise/set of accepted beliefs. All I ever hear from Christians is how they ‘feel’ God’s love/presence. Yet, I have never experienced such a feeling. Due to this I have often been attracted to Buddhism because of its pragmatic approach to alleviating spiritual suffering. I can honestly say I have been for the last 4 years of my life been suffering from a spiritual vacuum, a long dark night of the soul.

At times I feel frustrated with others, because all you ever hear them talk about is their feeling yet I do not have this assurance/feeling. I have never experienced such a feeling and don’t know why. What does this all mean, how does one make sense of this spiritual emptiness. I want to experience the joy and assurance I see in the eyes of many believers but for whatever reason I do not – I don’t believe I ever will, I came to faith through reason… grew in faith, through study… it has always been an intellectual endeavor, never emotional.

Hello,

There is a lot of good advice on these posts. In contemplation it is ok to have a “dark night of the soul”. It is to be expected, however our actions or reactions to this dark night is what sets us on the right or wrong path. St. Theresa, St John and others warn of the dangers of trying to reach out for the “feeling” or the mystical experience. In contemplation you, me, we recieve from God even when we [feel] that nothing has happened.
That is probably the toughest aspect of contemplation - to not know…to not be sure…to not feel whether or not we’re “doing it right”.
I personally recommend Thomas Merton’s writtings. Seeds of Contemplation; Thoughts in Solitude and Contemplative Prayer.

Remember that to be in the presence of the Lord is not to feel but to accept - aquiesce anima mea in Deus salus mea.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

 

[pray4peace]

I am sorry you are experiencing the dark night. Many people do not “feel” close to God. Love is not an emotion , but an act of the will. If you love God you will continue to do His will even if you don’t have the warm and fuzzy feelings.

God has allowed you and others to have this feeling of darkness for a reason, consider it a blessing and a cross to carry for Jesus.

Blessed Mother Teresa had this darkness for over 10 years and was so very sad that she could not feel His presence. She prayed and accepted this as she continued to love and help the poorest of the poor. She never gave up or ran away from what she believed.

You can continue to love and do His will in the darkness. I will pray for your continued strength. God does have a plan for you, trust Him.

 

[Morwenna]

I dont really know who to verbalize my words… i thought i was being rather articulate. I thought this was a common notion? You hear it everywhere in the catholic pews and especially in the evangelical circles about ‘knowing’ God. Experiencing his Love for you, that he cares, He’s there for you , etc… i can’t really describe it because ive never experience any spiritual consolations or ‘emotions’… i am just trying to word what they seem to be describing. When you hear them talk its like they are talking about a loved boyfriend/girlfriend, and i have a hard time relating to God that way. Like an earlier poster said, I can relate to him as the philosophers did… not as I would to my loving mom or girlfriend.

We all bring our own unique, individual personalities to our relationship with God, so I think it’s to be expected that we won’t all relate to Him in exactly the same way. Sometimes the emotional ‘distance’ can be the result of bad experiences earlier in life (more to come on this), but at other times it may just be part of our inborn personalities. If you’ve ever done Myers-Briggs personality typing, it’s very possible that your preference is for ‘T’ (thinking) rather than an ‘F’ (feeling). Nothing wrong with that, if that’s the case … maybe you just relate to the world (and to God) on a more cerebral level.

For me, although I am more on the emotional side, I still could never feel close to my Heavenly Father, or get any real sense of love from Him, because of growing up with a very difficult and unloving earthly father … I just had no experience of fatherly love, and couldn’t even imagine it on anything more than an intellectual level. One of the greatest mercies and graces in my life was meeting a warm, kind older man at my former job, who consistently gave me real fatherly affection, although I didn’t realize it as ‘fatherly’ at the time, just friendly. It wasn’t until years later that, like a smack in the forehead, it hit me: “THAT’S what a loving father/daughter relationship feels like!” I can’t tell you what a difference that made for me. Although it took me another few years to completely open myself to God and learn to truly love Him (and to feel His love for me), I think the door was opened on the day that I first realized what fatherly love felt like.

I don’t know if any of this has been helpful to you, but I thought I’d share a couple of possibilities that have occurred to me.

Please don’t give up … you never know what wonderful experiences God has in store for you in the future :heaven: and in the meantime, you can still continue to serve and follow Him.

I will be praying for you, FP.

 

[po18guy]

I came to faith through reason… grew in faith, through study… it has always been an intellectual endeavor, never emotional.

I recommend that you seek a spiritual director. What is missing is the profound spiritual aspect of Christianity. The intellect can be swayed by logic or a persuasive argument, but the spirit lives in a mystic state of union with the Father. Since we are body and soul, you have the body part down well through cognition. It’s your soul that is lacking in spiritual nourishment.

As a Catholic, you would have many options in spirituality. Eucharistic adoration is absolutely the best. Spending time with Christ in prayer, contemplation, and simple brotherhood brings many spiritual graces. Also, being prayed over for the release of the gifts of the Holy Spirit set my faith life on fire. Absolutely supernatural prayer experiences followed. There has been no turning back.

Buddhism offers much - except salvation. Only Christ offers salvation - even for Buddha!

Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[Future_Prodigy]

I recommend that you seek a spiritual director. What is missing is the profound spiritual aspect of Christianity. The intellect can be swayed by logic or a persuasive argument, but the spirit lives in a mystic state of union with the Father. Since we are body and soul, you have the body part down well through cognition. It’s your soul that is lacking in spiritual nourishment.

As a Catholic, you would have many options in spirituality. Eucharistic adoration is absolutely the best. Spending time with Christ in prayer, contemplation, and simple brotherhood brings many spiritual graces. Also, being prayed over for the release of the gifts of the Holy Spirit set my faith life on fire. Absolutely supernatural prayer experiences followed. There has been no turning back.

Buddhism offers much - except salvation. Only Christ offers salvation - even for Buddha!

Christ’s peace be with you.

See, this is the kind of rhetoric used in many christian circles these days and it does not do justice to people like me who have to shoulder a burden as deep as this. (im not attacking the poster either, just pointing it out)

 

[Gizmo]

I am a new Christian, going on 4 years now, and I fear that my faith has deteriorated to the point of being an intellectual exercise/set of accepted beliefs. All I ever hear from Christians is how they ‘feel’ God’s love/presence. Yet, I have never experienced such a feeling. Due to this I have often been attracted to Buddhism because of its pragmatic approach to alleviating spiritual suffering. I can honestly say I have been for the last 4 years of my life been suffering from a spiritual vacuum, a long dark night of the soul.

At times I feel frustrated with others, because all you ever hear them talk about is their feeling yet I do not have this assurance/feeling. I have never experienced such a feeling and don’t know why. What does this all mean, how does one make sense of this spiritual emptiness. I want to experience the joy and assurance I see in the eyes of many believers but for whatever reason I do not – I don’t believe I ever will, I came to faith through reason… grew in faith, through study… it has always been an intellectual endeavor, never emotional.

Back to the beginning then Prodigy. I feel for you and what you are going through but I am just as lost trying to figure out some of your hangups. So …

1. You have been a Christian, going on 4 years now, and for 4 years you feel as though you have been in a spiritual vacuum. So you mean to tell us that you have never felt any joy at all in being a Christian in any of that time?
2. You have to realize that it was not you who gave yourself faith. Sure your reason was the means through which you came to the truth but it was also being directed by God. CCC 153 Faith is a gift of God, a supernatural virtue infused by him. “Before this faith can be exercised, man must have the grace of God to move and assist him; he must have the interior helps of the Holy Spirit, who moves the heart and converts it to God, who opens the eyes of the mind and ‘makes it easy for all to accept and believe the truth.’”

Also, if you converted through reason, this would mean that you have at least made some deduction as to why the only Church that is the True one is the Catholic Church - so why would you even give any thought to being a Buddhist if you know that it does not even worship the true God?

1. You say that this has always been an intellectual endeavor for you and never emotional. In all seriousness, faith is not something that involves the emotions. Our faith can maybe make us emotional at times but our emotions should never have any sway over our faith. For example: I am having the worst day of my life; my best friend has just died of a terminal illness. Emotionally I am ticked off that God had to take him at this moment in my life (which is a natural response) but in terms of faith I still believe as true everything I believed before my friend died, because my faith is not based on emotions. If my faith was based on emotions I would have probably not just been ticked off that God took my friend at that time but I would have probably had a real crisis of faith at that moment because what my faith was grounded on was being shattered.

I don’t know, that might not be the best example. I just wanted to show you that faith and emotions are two different things.

Maybe as an update to people who are following this thread, could you tell us if any of what we are saying helps at all?

 

[Future_Prodigy]

You raise a good point about faith – this being that it is a gift form God, not of our own accord. I can relate to this because in my last year of high school I came to God during a low point in my life… I was immersed in the ‘partying’ culture and to be frank I believe that through my perpetual state of being, God called me to Him - not in a vocal kind of way… more in a putting questions into my head that I never would have thought of on my own. I started to question everything from the meaning of life to our material culture. So, maybe in these sorts of events I should look for God, and forget the emotional side.

It is ironic that I am now graduating with a Honors Bachelor of Arts degree in Religion and Culture, so my life has taken a different route that’s undeniable but this ‘feeling’ still gets to me when I’m alone at night trying to get to sleep. Do you ever wonder maybe your tricking yourself into believing something that’s not real? I don’t know, nevermind

Also, if you converted through reason, this would mean that you have at least made some deduction as to why the only Church that is the True one is the Catholic Church - so why would you even give any thought to being a Buddhist if you know that it does not even worship the true God?

If I could be frank again here - it simply is the appeal of a peaceful mind state. You always hear about Christians being at peace, etc but i do not experience this… so it is Buddhism’s appeal of achieving this on your own via meditation etc, that appeals to me - not having to rely on God to give me peace, something i can tangibly work towards and cultivate. Cause i am definitely not at peace. I want to experience inner solace, and a stilling of my mental thoughts, etc. Christianity has not given me this and it seems Buddhism offers a pragmatic program for such a goal. (I said I would be frank)

But the problem remains, that at heart I self-affiliate as a Christian so I am in quite the conundrum.

 

[Future_Prodigy]

Also, if you converted through reason, this would mean that you have at least made some deduction as to why the only Church that is the True one is the Catholic Church - so why would you even give any thought to being a Buddhist if you know that it does not even worship the true God?

If I could be frank again here - it simply is the appeal of a peaceful mind state. You always hear about Christians being at peace, etc but i do not experience this… so it is Buddhism’s appeal of achieving this on your own via meditation etc, that appeals to me - not having to rely on God to give me peace, something i can tangibly work towards and cultivate. Cause i am definitely not at peace. I want to experience inner solace, and a stilling of my mental thoughts, etc. Christianity has not given me this and it seems Buddhism offers a pragmatic program for such a goal. (I said I would be frank)

 

[Gizmo]

If I could be frank again here - it simply is the appeal of a peaceful mind state. You always hear about Christians being at peace, etc but i do not experience this… so it is Buddhism’s appeal of achieving this on your own via meditation etc, that appeals to me - not having to rely on God to give me peace, something i can tangibly work towards and cultivate. Cause i am definitely not at peace. I want to experience inner solace, and a stilling of my mental thoughts, etc. Christianity has not given me this and it seems Buddhism offers a pragmatic program for such a goal. (I said I would be frank)

But the problem remains, that at heart I self-affiliate as a Christian so I am in quite the conundrum.

405 Although it is proper to each individual, original sin does not have the character of a personal fault in any of Adam’s descendants. It is a deprivation of original holiness and justice, but human nature has not been totally corrupted: it is wounded in the natural powers proper to it, subject to ignorance, suffering and the dominion of death, and inclined to sin - an inclination to evil that is called concupiscence". Baptism, by imparting the life of Christ’s grace, erases original sin and turns a man back towards God, but the consequences for nature, weakened and inclined to evil, persist in man and summon him to spiritual battle.

409 This dramatic situation of “the whole world [which] is in the power of the evil one” makes man’s life a battle:

2015 The way of perfection passes by way of the Cross. There is no holiness without renunciation and spiritual battle. Spiritual progress entails the ascetics and mortification that gradually lead to living in the peace and joy of the Beatitudes:

2573 God renews his promise to Jacob, the ancestor of the twelve tribes of Israel.17 Before confronting his elder brother Esau, Jacob wrestles all night with a mysterious figure who refuses to reveal his name, but he blesses him before leaving him at dawn. From this account, the spiritual tradition of the Church has retained the symbol of prayer as a battle of faith and as the triumph of perseverance.

Prodigy, the Catechism talks a lot about the spiritual battle that we face. I always look at it this way - that we will always be in some form of spiritual battle in this life because we will always, hopefully, be working on our own perfection and holiness through life. Lately I have been facing several things in my own life that I know have been spurred on by God because I know that there would be no way that I would think of doing this on my own. For a while I have been praying that God would show me the things I need to do or get rid of in order to be closer Him and to be more serious to my vocation. In the last few weeks my attention has been moved to my video game system as being one of the main obstacles in my life and that I should go so far as to sell it. I know that I (as a guy who likes video games a lot) would never have played with the idea of selling my PS3 without some sort of inspiration from God. I have been beginning to conclude in my own life that the only way for me to start finding real peace is to not have all the distractions of a video game system and even limiting how much time I watch TV or read comic books. I just have this feeling that I know that the more of those I give up - the more peaceful my life will become. I share that with you because maybe there is something you have in your life that is holding you back from having real peace. I think that God is always ready to give us this peace but that sometimes, like in my case, we have filled ourselves with so much other stuff there is no longer any room in us for that peace to go.

We all want that peace but I think that we have to battle our way through the path of perfection in order to get there. And not to put the other Christians down but sometimes people can even be misled as to whether they have true peace or not. So, maybe they do but maybe they don’t and they are just acting like they do. So I wouldn’t compare yourself to them in that regard. Years ago I thought I had that final and lasting peace cause everything seemed to be going fine and then the Lord turned up the heat, so to say, and that peaceful feeling wasn’t there as much. This was primarily cause I realized that I had a long way to go in means of conversion and perfection.

My best friend is Buddhist and I know that she faces just as many trials and tribulations as I do.

Remember what St. Augustine said, “Our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.”

 

[mangy_dog]

You raise a good point about faith – this being that it is a gift form God, not of our own accord. I can relate to this because in my last year of high school I came to God during a low point in my life… I was immersed in the ‘partying’ culture and to be frank I believe that through my perpetual state of being, God called me to Him - not in a vocal kind of way… more in a putting questions into my head that I never would have thought of on my own. I started to question everything from the meaning of life to our material culture. So, maybe in these sorts of events I should look for God, and forget the emotional side.

It is ironic that I am now graduating with a Honors Bachelor of Arts degree in Religion and Culture, so my life has taken a different route that’s undeniable but this ‘feeling’ still gets to me when I’m alone at night trying to get to sleep. Do you ever wonder maybe your tricking yourself into believing something that’s not real? I don’t know, nevermind

Also, if you converted through reason, this would mean that you have at least made some deduction as to why the only Church that is the True one is the Catholic Church - so why would you even give any thought to being a Buddhist if you know that it does not even worship the true God?

If I could be frank again here - it simply is the appeal of a peaceful mind state. You always hear about Christians being at peace, etc but i do not experience this… so it is Buddhism’s appeal of achieving this on your own via meditation etc, that appeals to me - not having to rely on God to give me peace, something i can tangibly work towards and cultivate. Cause i am definitely not at peace. I want to experience inner solace, and a stilling of my mental thoughts, etc. Christianity has not given me this and it seems Buddhism offers a pragmatic program for such a goal. (I said I would be frank)

But the problem remains, that at heart I self-affiliate as a Christian so I am in quite the conundrum.

Buddhist meditation - Catholic contemplation…apples and onions.

Conundrum, yes definitely. You will probably take the long, long road that will (hopefully) bring you back to contemplation. Non-christian methods or systems of meditation will give you a sense of peace but like all non-christian systems it will be a short lived instant gratification and it will perish…hopefully your christian faith won’t perish with it.
You seem quite intent on persuing the “pragmatic program” if you haven’t already done so.
Reason and faith - the factual method and the supernatural. The pushing aside or postponing of one for the other makes for an incomplete catholicism.
Reason, facts, methods and systems alone will obtain for you a superluous kind of pseudo-peace unlike the peace that only Jesus can give. Is contemplation an exercise in patience and perseverance?..yes it is.
Dabble in other (non-christian) systems and you expose yourself to influence from Lucifer, the allure of the world and your own concupiscence.
Read Thomas Merton’s: Contemplative Prayer and Seeds of Contemplation.

Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum.

 

[4loveofJesus]

May God’s peace, love and mercy be with you and to all!

God loves each and every one of us with an everlasting Love. It is Him Who is drawing you closer to Him. It is Him Who gave you the desire to search for Him, the desire to know Him and the desire to experience His Love and Peace that surpasses all human understanding.

We may read, study and talk about somebody for hours and hours for so many years and yet only know that person on an intellectual level but SPENDING time with that person helps us know that person on a more personal, more intimate level. Same thing applies with our relationship with Our Good God and Savior Jesus Christ. The more time we spend with Him the more closer we draw to His Adorable Heart.

Try spending some time with Our Good Lord Jesus Christ in adoration. You can stay for a while after holy mass or you can drop by for a few moments anytime in Church or go to an adoration chapel and just gaze at Our Good Lord Jesus present in the Most Blessed Sacrament or just close your eyes and let go. No need to speak for He knows the longings of your heart. Let Him do the speaking in the innermost being of your soul. If it is according to His most Holy Will to manifest Himself, His most Adorable Presence, He will. If not, do not be discouraged just know that you are in the presence of God Himself, The King of Kings, The Lord of Lords. No matter what, be faithful and always persevere for one day He will reward you for your faithfulness to Him and grant you the longings and desires of your heart.

Another important thing is having that purity of heart and of soul through receiving the Sacraments of the Holy Eucharist and Confession frequently so that we may clearly see the presence of God everywhere, in others and in His creations.

God bless! Praying for you and for all!

Blessed be Jesus and Mary!