Exploring Catholicism- having trouble attending Mass with my young children there

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I have been exploring Catholicism for the past few months- I have been a Christian for about 5 years now. I have been trying to attend Mass weekly but I have two young children under the age of three and my local churches don’t have a cry room or any area separate- I understand the reasoning behind welcoming small children to Mass after reading all the articles out there on it but they all seem to give advice to people complaining about others’ children there. Could anyone give me some advice/mentorship/guidance on attending Mass with such little ones? My 3 yr old is a bundle of energy and my husband and I can’t keep him from running everywhere or talking up a storm for the whole hour while entertaining the 1 yr old without having food for them getting crumbs everywhere (which only lasts so long), and comprehend anything going on in the Mass itself (we are still trying to understand all the parts and processes ourselves)- it is enough at this point for us to want to hold off on converting until they are older and I know that’s not the answer. I just need some help.
 
So, there’s no easy answer here. I have an (almost) two year old, and I definitely get what you say about having trouble focusing on him and being able to pay attention to the mass.

My advice is to keep going, even if you can’t focus completely. While rambunctious children may ruffle a few feathers, in my experience, most people are pretty understanding. This is doubly-true of parishes where there’s no cry room.

You can learn about the mass as you learn more about the faith.

Also, why no food? We typically feed my son his breakfast if we go to morning mass.
 
I bring food but that only lasts so long and I end up crawling under the pews to get the crumbs. Thanks for your reply.
 
Welcome!!!

For a three year old, first just get him used to sitting still. Have some quiet time in the evening. A few minutes when everyone sits in their chair and looks at a book and are very quiet. Heck, start with 1 minute and add one minute every day.

Our kids are used to constant entertainment and screens and flashy toys.

Kids benefit by being bored, being quiet.

Then, look at Mass not as one hour of quiet, but, sets of a few minutes.

Singing, standing, kneeling, saying responses, these break up the “quiet times”. Encourage singing! Most parishes sing the same group of songs over and over, so, learn some of them. Listen to them at home and in the car and sing along! Your three year old will soon be belting out “On Eagle’s Wings” and “Here I Am, Lord”. You can likely call or ask the music director for the name of the Mass Setting they use, find it online and sing those parts at home.

If your kids are healthy, an hour without a snack should be do-able.
 
I know this answer is maybe not popular, but I suggest it because you said you and your husband are both trying to follow along with the Mass. Have you considered letting one of you go to Mass alone while the other stays with the kids, and then the one at home goes to a later Mass when the first returns to stay with the kids? It’s what my parents did until I was about 3 and able to stay reasonably well behaved for the hour. When the kids are a little older you can all go as a family, things won’t be so nuts, and by then you’ll be more familiar with the Mass yourself too.
 
Bring a couple of books they could look at or a soft toy that doesn’t make any noises.

Feed the children before Mass. During Mass it is Jesus Christ we consume to become more like him. Letting children eat during Mass is usually a bad idea as food gets stuck everywhere and then someone sits on it or kids decide to throw it around. I know what it looks like after 5 toddlers ate lunch at the pre-school where I worked.

My parish priest doesn’t care if infants and toddlers scream or walk around. Most parents remember the days when they had young children to take care of. There are lots of young children in my parish and we are glad to have them and their parents come to Mass. Get to know the other parents in the parish. They might have some more ideas about introducing the faith to children.
 
How much do you love God? How much do you love the Holy Spirit? How much do you love our Lord Jesus?

Love will find a way. I am constantrly surprised where I find God’s grace, and also where it finds me.

Do not be afraid!
 
Welcome, newbie! If your church has different times for mass, you may find that a different time works better than the other. Maybe at a vigil mass on Saturday, the children will be less energetic than at a morning mass. My daughter used to climb on my lap during the homily and fall asleep.

I do think that attending separately for a year or so might change things too. You and your husband will both be able to learn and observe more if you are not having to watch and worry about what your children are up to.
 
Two pieces of advice - take all the help you can get and don’t worry to much about being perfect ! Children are Gods gift in marriage and Catholic Churches need more children !
 
Someone has already suggested the split-shift approach. It is worth a try when there is no childcare.

If you are all together:
Read the mass readings as a family before you get out of the car in the church parking lot. This way you’ve all had atleast one dose of them in case it becomes hard to pay attention or you have to take a kid out during one.

Decide what basic behaviors you want to target for their age and make those “the rules.” We used to have the kids tell us the rules (also in the car before we went inside) with hand gestures for memory.
  1. (Cup hand behind ear) Listen to Mommy and Daddy.
  2. (whispers) Be quiet.
  3. (Prayer hand gesture) Sing songs and say prayer.
  4. (Whole body flails) No wiggle worms.
Packing boardbooks or other books can be helpful if you’ve practiced what that is going to look like in church. Quietly pointing to different things together. The trouble I ran into was my kids fighting over the books we brought and making it all worse.
 
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newbie322 said:
ploring Catholicism for the past few months- I have been a Christian for about 5 years now. I have been trying to attend Mass weekly but I have two young children under the age of three and my local churches don’t have a cry room or any area separate- I understand the reasoning behind welcoming small children to Mass after reading all the articles out there on it but they all seem to give advice to people complaining about others’ children there. Could anyone give me some advice/mentorship/guidance on attending Mass with such little ones? My 3 yr old is a bundle of energy and my husband and I can’t keep him from running everywhere or talking up a storm for the whole hour while entertaining the 1 yr old without having food for them getting crumbs everywhere (which only lasts so long), and comprehend anything going on in the Mass itself (we are still trying to understand all the parts and processes ourselves)- it is enough at this point for us to want to hold off on converting until they are older and I know that’s not the answer. I just need some help.
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When I attend the Latin mass, the kids are pretty loud. The parents with the louder kids often sit in the back or on a side aisle so they can walk the kids out to calm them down.

There is a saying I heard once in regards to kids… a quiet Church with no kids is a dying church, a church with loud kids is a thriving Church.

When I take my 4 year old son by myself, who cannot sit still to save his life; I bring a TON of food and a coloring book (which I only take out in emergencies).

I bring a lot of grapes, strawberries, muffin, cheerios, etc. Crumbs… don’t worry about them. Most parishes have a cleaning crew that comes on Mondays or Tuesdays. Of course, try to clean up a little, but don’t worry about the crumbs, just wipe on the floor whatever you can’t clean up. Or better yet (assuming there is time between masses), go to the bathroom after mass and get a wet paper towel to whip up the crumbs.

When my son uses the coloring book, he sits on the keeler and uses the pew as a table.

The important thing is that you & your kids are there. Don’t let kids keep you from mass.

BTW - here are two Catholic coloring books for your 3 year old that you can have him use at mass:
God Bless
 
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DisorientingSneeze said:
The trouble I ran into was my kids fighting over the books we brought and making it all worse.
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that’s why I say you bring the exact same coloring books for multiple kids. They each should have the same, so there is no fighting. You also have to make sure they each have their own crayons so they don’t fight over a color.
 
phil19034 said:
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DisorientingSneeze:
The trouble I ran into was my kids fighting over the books we brought and making it all worse.
Click to expand...
that’s why I say you bring the exact same coloring books for multiple kids. They each should have the same, so there is no fighting. You also have to make sure they each have their own crayons so they don’t fight over a color.
Click to expand...
I didn’t trust mine with writing utensils in the pew when they were young enough to need something to keep busy. I’ve seen other families have success with that though.

Eventually we did end up getting each of them one of these. They are intended for children on the autism spectrum who want to know what comes next and what they should do at that time. The simplicity of the visuals work well for any children who cannot read yet.

 
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Personally I’d suggest taking them to Mass with you… sit them between yourself and your husband so that they can’t be running off with you having to go chase them. Take food, drink and soft toys. If they cry, just comfort them. I’m guessing that the majority of parishes in the world have no cry room.

‘Let the little children come to me; do not prevent them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.’
 
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I suggest taking your three-year-old to the church during the week when it is empty and quiet. You can walk around and look at the colors in the windows and the statues and talk about them. You can show him how to kneel and pray. You can teach him to dip his fingers into the font and make the sign of the cross. You can talk about how during Mass we stand and sit and kneel and sing, and while other people are doing these things, we don’t run around and make noise. Make sure you practice whispering, too. It’s something that doesn’t come naturally.
 
I like the split “shift” suggestion. Also, as scary as this sounds, try sitting up front. Your little one will be able to see what is going on and might stay engaged.
I started RCIA when my youngest was 2.
Trust me, they learn and it will get better! I’m 3 years in and he sits quietly playing (for the most part) but we always sit up front so he can see things.
 
My earnest advice is to persist in trying to go as a family. Don’t worry if you can’t devote your full attention to the process because you’re there and in the presence of Jesus anyway.

When my children were that age they were holy terrors. The older two boys were 14 months apart and were a real handful. My husband and I decided on doing the split shift but after a few months, our Priest who had been at the seminary with my uncle and knew enough to be blunt… made a homily about the importance of bringing our babies to Mass.

That was about 23 or 24 years ago. At the time I was mortified and still have some now hilarious stories about Mass adventures. One Mass my husband and I suddenly started hearing muffled giggles from the family of teenagers behind us. We looked over to see my 4 and 3 year old sons systematically crushing milk arrowrroot biscuits in their hands trying to make the family behind us laugh.

It’s worth the effort. My children have remained faithful and involved in Church life and we are really proud of them now in their late to middle 20’s.

It’s worth all the effort to bring them along.
 
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Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to pay attention to every part of the mass. Try to read the readings ahead of time for better comprehension.

I have three children under 5 so much of my energy during mass is focused on making sure they are quiet and somewhat engaged. I am happy when I get one nugget of wisdom from the homily. Often I try to offer up my stress during mass during the offering of the gifts.

Try to go to mass by yourself once in a while also.
 
Welcome. I’m glad you’re attending mass.

Might I suggest leaving your children home? I suggest this because young children (children under the age of reason) are not bound to hear mass where Catholics above the age of reason would need to.
 
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