Face-to-face Confession

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FrancescaMaria

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Does anyone know why priests often assume that people who want to do face-to-face Confession prefer to sit in a chair? Most priests allow me to kneel on the floor, but occasionally I encounter some, who tell me not to and ask me to sit in the chair. What is the appropriate thing to do in such a circumstance, remain kneeling on the floor or obey the priest and sit in the chair?
 
I wish that I could give better advice, I don’t know what the “right” answer is and I have never faced this situation. However, I tend to give deference to the priest and his wishes unless my conscience forbids it.
 
if there is a kneeler, then you can kneel,
but if there is a chair and the priest instructs
you to sit, sit!!
 
As long as you give a good confession you can kneel to your hearts content afterwards.
 
When I’m in a reconciliation room, I always kneel behind the screen, even when the priest knows it’s me. I simply tell Father that kneeling behind the screen helps me focus and give a good confession without getting distracted. He always tells me to do what makes me comfortable.

If I’m confessing in an office, parlor, etc., I sit and often have my head bowed a little, looking down while confessing. This helps me focus, like the kneeling does. But I look up from time to time to look the priest in the eye (if he’s looking at me - some look up towards God or have their heads bowed in prayer too during my confession).

I assume (but could be totally wrong) the reason why a priest would tell you to sit when their is no kneeler is so you don’t appear to be kneeling to the priest. I can imagine how it might make some feel uncomfortable, especially if they don’t understand why you are kneeling in front of them.

God Bless.
 
Thanks for all your replies. In our parish, they only have Confessions on Saturdays and I can’t come, so most of my Confessions are by appointment in the priest’s office. My regular priest never has a problem with me kneeling in his office (even though there is no kneeler), but it happened to me once that he was out of town and I had to ask someone else, who told me not to kneel and to sit in the chair instead. So I did, but about half way through, it was hard for me to continue, so I kneeled and finished and remained on my knees. The priest did not say anything, just absolved me, but I felt really bad afterwards about disobeying him. My regular priest is back, so it will probably not be an issue now, but I am just wondering, how to better and more respectfully handle such situation in the future.
 
FrancescaMaria said:
Does anyone know why priests often assume that people who want to do face-to-face Confession prefer to sit in a chair? Most priests allow me to kneel on the floor, but occasionally I encounter some, who tell me not to and ask me to sit in the chair. What is the appropriate thing to do in such a circumstance, remain kneeling on the floor or obey the priest and sit in the chair?
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Do, or do not do whatever your confessor tells you.
 
Irishmom2 said:
This is almost the same advice that was given to the OP yesterday in the Ask an Apologist forum.
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I noticed that after I posted…still good advice! While arguing with a priest is not the best of ideas, simply walking away is often the best in many situations…
 
Crusaderbear said:
Thank you father,a and walk away, find another priest.
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Seriously? So a penitent in mortal sin, for example, in the presence of the opportunity for grace, would waltz away from this opportunity over a question of posture? I’d be freakin’ glad to be absolved right then and there.

Sit in the chair, confess your sins and be absolved. You can find another confessor later.

Gosh. Priorities, please. The state of one’s soul is way more important than a preferred posture.
 
Crusaderbear said:
I noticed that after I posted…still good advice! While arguing with a priest is not the best of ideas, simply walking away is often the best in many situations…
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Yes! I was relieved when the Apologist told me that it was appropriate to kneel, but I was still unsure what to do next time I am in the situation described above. I am now thinking that if I am making an appointment with someone I have not confessed to before, I should just ask when making the appointment to avoid the situation altogether, i.e. “Father, would you please hear my Confession sometimes … and would you allow me to kneel even without a kneeler?” I know it may seem like a little thing, but kneeling really makes a difference for me; I just cannot imagine being in the presence of Christ in this sacrament, asking for forgiveness, and not to being on my knees if I capable to.
 
FrancescaMaria said:
Yes! I was relieved when the Apologist told me that it was appropriate to kneel, but I was still unsure what to do next time I am in the situation described above. I am now thinking that if I am making an appointment with someone I have not confessed to before, I should just ask when making the appointment to avoid the situation altogether, i.e. “Father, would you please hear my Confession sometimes … and would you allow me to kneel even without a kneeler?” I know it may seem like a little thing, but kneeling really makes a difference for me; I just cannot imagine being in the presence of Christ in this sacrament, asking for forgiveness, and not to being on my knees if I capable to.
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Hey, that’s even better!
 
My guess is because it is in his office. His office door probably has a window to it (and it should). Kneeling in front of someone implies submission to them. We live in a society where “50 Shades of Grey” was a very popular book, even among Christians. Someone walking by and seeing someone kneeling before a priest in his office may get the wrong idea. Even if it is an incorrect idea I don’t think the priest should have to deal with that stress.
 
Lol. I had the opposite problem. We have a new Priest at my old church and when I went for my first confession with him he and I had a tug of war going on until I realize he did not want me to have the chair and in a very stern voice informed me he did not do face to face confessions. aFter confessing your sins he would then say well I’ll just sit here and waif for you to tell me more sins. iT was a stale mate as he and I just waited for about 3 mins with me not confessing more. I go to confession about every 2 months so I’m pretty sure what I need to confess. this was my church for about 6 yrs.
I am now in a parish that has several Priests that are excellent for confession.
 
We don’t have a confessional, we have a room for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It has a small curtained area for those who want it, but it also has armchairs. I sit and have a conversation with the priest.

It’s informally-formal - he follows the text, as it were, but it’s much more a discussion than a listing of sins. He’s a great communicator, which helps a lot.
 
horselvr said:
Lol. I had the opposite problem. We have a new Priest at my old church and when I went for my first confession with him he and I had a tug of war going on until I realize he did not want me to have the chair and in a very stern voice informed me he did not do face to face confessions. aFter confessing your sins he would then say well I’ll just sit here and waif for you to tell me more sins. iT was a stale mate as he and I just waited for about 3 mins with me not confessing more. I go to confession about every 2 months so I’m pretty sure what I need to confess. this was my church for about 6 yrs.
I am now in a parish that has several Priests that are excellent for confession.
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It falls within the rights of the priest, who may insist on the use of the screen or confessional even when the penitent requests face-to-face confession. In this case, if the priest has strong personal reasons to object to face-to-face confession he should have the confession area arranged so that face-to-face confession is impossible, i.e., the chair should be removed by the sacristan before the penitents arrive. This would lead to less confusion and frustration on the part of the penitents.

Personally, I hate using a screen because you are expected to kneel. I have extremely bad knees and find it impossible to kneel without crying out in pain. To use a confessional with a sensor under the kneeler I have to contort my body to put one foot on the kneeler with enough weight to depress the sensor while leaning forward enough to be heard by the priest through the screen. I also write my sins down so I usually need to use a flashlight-which I keep on my key-chain just for such occasions.
 
:hmmm:

After reading the aforementioned response to this question in AAA, I have trouble believing Fr. Serpa meant for the penitent to walk out on confession right then and there when he said, “If you feel uncomfortable with this priest, find another confessor.” Rather, I think porthos11’s take is what Father meant: go ahead with the confession then explore other options for the future afterwards. I’m not Father or porthos, however, so I could be interpreting this wrong all the way around.
 
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