FAITH OR FAMILY? Some Catholic couples seeking kids struggle with church doctrine

[irishpatrick]

chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-catholics-ivf-05-apr05,0,6702066.story

Six months after they met, Alicia and Joe Malnati discussed baby names. Faithful Roman Catholics, they waited to make a lifetime commitment before they consummated their relationship.

But after two years of marriage—one of them spent trying to get pregnant—the young Streamwood couple still had not conceived.

" ‘Let nature take its course.’ We heard that a lot," said Joe Malnati, 29. “Wait. Just wait.”

The Malnatis soon discovered they were waiting for a moment that would never arrive—not without a little help from science. After ovulation accelerators, sperm-count enhancers, inseminations and acupuncture failed to work, they pursued in-vitro fertilization.

Read the rest here:

chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-catholics-ivf-05-apr05,0,6702066.story

 

[rlg94086]

chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-catholics-ivf-05-apr05,0,6702066.story

Six months after they met, Alicia and Joe Malnati discussed baby names. Faithful Roman Catholics, they waited to make a lifetime commitment before they consummated their relationship.

But after two years of marriage—one of them spent trying to get pregnant—the young Streamwood couple still had not conceived.

" ‘Let nature take its course.’ We heard that a lot," said Joe Malnati, 29. “Wait. Just wait.”

The Malnatis soon discovered they were waiting for a moment that would never arrive—not without a little help from science. After ovulation accelerators, sperm-count enhancers, inseminations and acupuncture failed to work, they pursued in-vitro fertilization.

Read the rest here:

chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-catholics-ivf-05-apr05,0,6702066.story

I do understand the struggle and pain of not being able to have children, but it saddens me that this couple and their doctor don’t understand or ignore Church teaching. …and defiant comments like “I’m not married to the guy giving sermons” make me even sadder.

 

[Father_of_9]

Couples who are truly faithful to their Catholic faith will see their burden as an opportunity to praise God, not as a curse. We are all called to carry our crosses, whatever they might be. One year is not a long time to wait for a child. It may be possible that they will conceive a child yet - the childbearing years are a long time. But if it doesn’t occur, there are lots of children who are waiting to be adopted by a loving couple. Remember, children are a blessing and none of us are entitled to any blessing. We only receive blessings due to God’s love and mercy according to His will.

 

[heronimo]

Couples who are truly faithful to their Catholic faith will see their burden as an opportunity to praise God, not as a curse. We are all called to carry our crosses, whatever they might be. One year is not a long time to wait for a child. It may be possible that they will conceive a child yet - the childbearing years are a long time. But if it doesn’t occur, there are lots of children who are waiting to be adopted by a loving couple. Remember, children are a blessing and none of us are entitled to any blessing. We only receive blessings due to God’s love and mercy according to His will.

I agree with you!!!

 

[manualman]

It’s easy to be a faithful catholic - until God allows something hard to come your way. Until then, you don’t really know if you’re faithful or not.

Actually, I still haven’t had to pass a test like that myself. God must know I’m a wuss!

 

[rlg94086]

It’s easy to be a faithful catholic - until God allows something hard to come your way. Until then, you don’t really know if you’re faithful or not.

Actually, I still haven’t had to pass a test like that myself. God must know I’m a wuss!

Very well said!

Lord give me strength to stay faithful when tested.

 

[Earnest_Bunbury]

2 Timothy 4:3

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires.

This has always happened, but now it is rampant in the Catholic Church. The groups in my parish who pray, adhere to the Church’s teaching. Those that sit around, talk, and lament over primarily temporal problems, want to change teaching on ordination of women, hierarchy, contraceptives, and even teaching authority. When even the Church is affected, then the times are really bad.

 

[Hopeful23]

My parents had to wait seven years after they were married in order to have my brother, had two miscarriages, and then me. I don’t think that they should have caved in so easily, it is a burden, yes, but at the same time it’s a time to grow closer to each other and to Christ and if you cannot then conceive, there’s always adoption because, sad as it is to say, there are many children out there who aren’t being lover and who are unwanted by their birth parents.

 

[eichenb2]

It’s easy to be a faithful catholic - until God allows something hard to come your way. Until then, you don’t really know if you’re faithful or not.

Actually, I still haven’t had to pass a test like that myself. God must know I’m a wuss!

 

[cathgal]

This is what you call ‘no perserverance until the end’. :dts:

They gave in to their desire.

 

[kristie_m]

I don’t agree with their choice, as it conflicts with the teaching of our Church. However, adoption isn’t always a viable option. Most insurance companies will pay for IVF in part or in whole, whereas the financial burden of adoption may be what hinders many couples.

I’ve done some research on this, as my hubby and I have also struggled with infertility these last two years. We don’t have the $20-$25 thousand dollars it would cost us to adopt, and so have chosen to wait and hope.

 

[St_Francis]

I don’t agree with their choice, as it conflicts with the teaching of our Church. However, adoption isn’t always a viable option. Most insurance companies will pay for IVF in part or in whole, whereas the financial burden of adoption may be what hinders many couples.

I’ve done some research on this, as my hubby and I have also struggled with infertility these last two years. We don’t have the $20-$25 thousand dollars it would cost us to adopt, and so have chosen to wait and hope.

Would it cost that much through Catholic Charities?

 

[kristie_m]

Would it cost that much through Catholic Charities?

You know, I checked with Catholic charities and they referred me to someone else. I’m not sure but I think there may be laws in place in CA that prevent Catholic Charities from doing adoptions anymore due to the whole same-sex adoption thing. I’m totally speculating here, but it makes sense.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…We are all called to carry our crosses, whatever they might be. …

I have great sympathy for those who carry the cross of infertility. Through faithfully carrying their cross they may help others in our contraceptive culture recognize the blessing of fertility and children. Many in our culture treat fertility as a curse by voluntary rendering themselves infertile through contraception and sterilization. Infertile couples who desire children remind us that fertility is a blessing that we should not take for granted.

 

[Joan_REDirector]

I don’t agree with their choice, as it conflicts with the teaching of our Church. However, adoption isn’t always a viable option. Most insurance companies will pay for IVF in part or in whole, whereas the financial burden of adoption may be what hinders many couples.

I’ve done some research on this, as my hubby and I have also struggled with infertility these last two years. We don’t have the $20-$25 thousand dollars it would cost us to adopt, and so have chosen to wait and hope.

Maybe it costs all that money to adopt a cute little newborn with no defects. I don’t know. That was not the case for me and my husband.

When our two beautiful, healthy children were toddlers, my husband felt a strong leading from the Holy Spirit. He had the urge to do something to show his gratitude for all our blessings. “Let’s adopt a difficult to place child.” he said.

We did. We connected with the state department that oversees foster care. They had plenty of children free to be adopted looking for families to love them. Long story short, a third child, a little boy came into our lives.

Forty years later … It wasn’t easy. At that time, nobody knew how devastating in utero drug exposure and fetal alcohol syndrome could be. But, weak, ignorant, and arrogant as we were, God chastized us and strengthened us. A little child led us. We marvel at our son’s perserverence and lack of bitterness.

You say you want children? There are children out there all right. That child may be free for adoption but so hurt, sick, weak that nobody wants her. That child may be the neice’s or cousin’s baby that will die on the abortionist’s table if you don’t step up. That child may be the stray little relative that needs a guardian, even if only for a few years. He may be one of the many foster children who needs a safe and loving place just for awhile.

More than one poster reminded us that children are a blessing not a right. There are many little blessings out there right now. Is God leading one of them to you?

 

[Morwenna]

Maybe it costs all that money to adopt a cute little newborn with no defects. I don’t know. That was not the case for me and my husband.

When our two beautiful, healthy children were toddlers, my husband felt a strong leading from the Holy Spirit. He had the urge to do something to show his gratitude for all our blessings. “Let’s adopt a difficult to place child.” he said.

We did. We connected with the state department that oversees foster care. They had plenty of children free to be adopted looking for families to love them. Long story short, a third child, a little boy came into our lives.

Forty years later … It wasn’t easy. At that time, nobody knew how devastating in utero drug exposure and fetal alcohol syndrome could be. But, weak, ignorant, and arrogant as we were, God chastized us and strengthened us. A little child led us. We marvel at our son’s perserverence and lack of bitterness.

You say you want children? There are children out there all right. That child may be free for adoption but so hurt, sick, weak that nobody wants her. That child may be the neice’s or cousin’s baby that will die on the abortionist’s table if you don’t step up. That child may be the stray little relative that needs a guardian, even if only for a few years. He may be one of the many foster children who needs a safe and loving place just for awhile.

More than one poster reminded us that children are a blessing not a right. There are many little blessings out there right now. Is God leading one of them to you?

Great post, Joan!

I posted the following on another thread awhile back; because I’m too lazy to retype it, I’m copying/pasting the whole thing again here, as it seems relevant:

Adoption is something that has been very near and dear to my heart for a long time. If God someday blesses me with a husband, I’d love to adopt a child or children.

I remember years ago seeing a documentary on an orphanage-type facility. Once a month, they would have an ‘open-house’ in which prospective parents would come in to meet and spend time with the children there.

So, every month, the kids would put on their best clothes, comb their hair, and try SO hard to be ‘good’ so that someone would choose them. Every month they would go through this again and again, hoping that THIS time, if they just tried harder, someone would want them. It absolutely broke my heart. :crying:

There are organizations which help with the financial costs involved (I’ve had these bookmarked for years, in the hopes that I’ll one day be able to use them ). Here are a few, if anyone is interested:

giftofadoption.org/About.asp

nafadopt.org/how-we-can-help/how-we-can-help.shtml

members.shaohannahshope.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ado_applicationstart

achildwaits.org/Grant%20Program.htm

God bless all those who struggle with infertility, and please do keep these dear children in your prayers as they wait so desperately for a home and family.

 

[wisdom_3_5]

I don’t agree with their choice, as it conflicts with the teaching of our Church. However, adoption isn’t always a viable option. Most insurance companies will pay for IVF in part or in whole, whereas the financial burden of adoption may be what hinders many couples.

I’ve done some research on this, as my hubby and I have also struggled with infertility these last two years. We don’t have the $20-$25 thousand dollars it would cost us to adopt, and so have chosen to wait and hope.

There is a tax credit of $10,000.00 per adopted child here in the US.

My husband and I have been infertile for over 17 years now (we spent the first 5 years of our marriage contracepting, we weren’t Catholic then). We did the injections, chiropractor/acupuncture, herbal teas, vitamins, modified diet etc. but when we got to the end of all that we knew that IVF was not for us. It really made us stop and look at our situation and try to discern what God wanted for us and not just getting something because we wanted it. We were (are) very thankful for the Wisdom of the Church. I never felt hemmed in by the Church’s “rules” but saw them as guideposts to avoid turning away from God. We’ve adpoted two beautiful children whom we would never know if we had pursued IVF.

You might check the naprotechnology.com/ website if you haven’t already. I found out about this a few years ago. I probably would have tried this if I wasn’t already over 40 at the time. Modern infertility treatments are a “band-aid” approach . . . from the site:

**Until 1978, most of the effort in medicine in evaluating and treating women with infertility was placed in trying to identify and treat the underlying causes. In 1978, in vitro fertilization produced a paradigm shift. It led to a “skipping over” the causes and this continues up to the present time to be the foundational management approach. In essence, this is a symptomatic or Band-Aid approach to treatment, not one that gets to the root causes. **

 

[GodsGadfly]

Plus, the $10,000 tax credit can be carried over multiple years, so if you dont’ have room for it in one year’s taxes, it moves on to the next.

One claim liberals often use against pro-lifers is the “children waiting to be adopted.” By this, they mean older children and teenagers, which doesn’t seem to ahve anything to do with abortion at all. But it does have to do with infertile couples.

I have long wanted to adopt an older child. I’ve read that it only “costs” about $5000 to adopt an older child or teen. In our case, it would not be feasbile right now, and even if we hit the place where we could afford it or had the house with the room, I don’t think they’d let us adopt because of my health.

But there really are options out there. There is also fostering.

The entire article is a straw man.

 

[choose_to_love]

If you don’t have the 10 G’s up front, the credit doesn’t do you much good.

That being said, we have been tremendously blessed by the action of the Holy Spirit, or as I sometimes say, the Holy Spirit Adoption Agency. Two private (non-agency) adoptions, total cost under 9K, picked up DD #1 at two days old, DD#2 at five days old, from our local hospital. God is never outdone in generosity. If you are seeking to adopt, besides prayer, which of course should be primary, get the word out - -OBs who come in contact with women who may be pregnant in difficult circumstances, social workers at the hospital, crisis pregnancy centers, attorneys who specialize in adoption. These kind of informal referrals were the genesis of three adoptions for us (one failed, where bio mom changed mind at seven months).