Falling into sexual sin

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Tex and Augustine: I did go the the “Pure Love” page already… what actually hurt my feelings was seeing that they did not seem to take into account that both men and women are victims of satan in the area of sexual sin. Its not only a womans problem, neither to stay “pure” nor to suffer from contrition. I did read about Crystalinas fall at 15 years old. I still believe that sinning as an immature and non-christian person of 15 at a party… is somewhat different from falling at the age of 25 as a mature Christian woman. I too did stupid things at the age of 17… things I do not remember much of and dont identify my person with. I too had a second virginity …being a virgin I fell much harder for the second time. this second virginity …I am not sure it works anymore in my case. I have to suffer this one out. Do I then say I will sin again?. Knowing now my weakness I am afraid I cannot promise anything if I one day ever have a serious relationship again. I did tell my friend however that I am not coming to see him anyway this Christmas because I will not even take the risk… I do not want to fall… and fearing that I might do so I told him the truth and that I cannot come… So I am “safe” now … what I need is to reclaim joy in my life and reclaim Jesus Christ as the sole person in the universe who should tell me how I should or should not feel about my self. I cannot trust myself with myself… I cannot trust my self with the demon and I cannot trust my self with Christians who - well-meaning of course - will tell me that I will be alright only after they have driven in th nails by reminding me: “yes… you will probably be sad forever (rightly) because you are a fornicator and a whore… just to get that straigt …we can now start the comfort and healing process…” This is not the healing I need. I need myself to realise that this is not the end of the world and I got to accociate my self with people who have been through enough of the real life themselves to confirm this to me. I do not wanna write letters like Crystalina about all my tears and all my just sadness and my victories, trying to earn myself a man who, in the end, is no more worthy for me than I am for him, not because he is has had sex, but because we all have sinned and without Jesus we can do nothing… I wanna embrace life and look to other peoples needs and stay close to Jesus … the one who really does not look back.
Okay guys… I am pep-talking myself here… I hope you know that I am not suggesting that you have not been good to me…you four… I thank you and I bless you… You can tell me if you want me to clarify something or if you dissagree.
Yours Grace.
Jesus lives… praised be His Name.
 
Grace,

I think that you’re on the right track. You’ve shown in this thread that you regret your actions and know very well the inclinations of your heart. But more than that, you’ve taken all this up to Jesus, recognizing that you’re powerless and only He heal your heart and strengthen your soul.

Just be warned: it may take some time for grace to work on you. Take one day at a time and never leave the side of Jesus Christ, always persevering in prayer. So let concerns about a husband for the time you meet him.

:blessyou:
 
Grace~hope you made it to mass today and listened to the beautiful Gospel of Luke and the parable of the prodigal son. It is one of my favorite readings because of all the times I fall short, disappoint myself and others and offend God. I left mass with such a renewed sense of peace knowing God so rejoices when we return to Him after sinning with sincere contrition. He can separate us from Satan, but Satan cannot separate the repentant sinner from God.

As others have said…don’t be so hard on yourself. You have been given the gift of faith and your sin is one so many adults have battled. You are not unloveable because you sinned, and if anything will become more gentle and compassionate with others who have stumbled in the same way or fallen to other temptations. Peace.
 
GraceDK
You have been receiving some really great advice. I wish I had followed some of it when I was younger.
To be a Catholic, you have to understand “paradox”. (Good books re. this is Dr. Scott Pecks, “A Road less traveled”, and “Further along the road less traveled”). To say that “Faith is not emotion is a mantra”, ignores that our first commandment is to love the lord our God with our whole heart, mind, and soul
Our whole heart includes, all our emotions as well as our whole intellect. It is not either or, it is both and. (paradox). Your passion is a gift from God. It also has responsibilities and consequences that go with it.
May that be why you have been in serious sin? If God has brought you there, He will bring you through it too. He has me, many times.
Using mystical concepts in careless ways is one of my pet peeves. I call it mixing Theology, Philosophy, and Psychology. (To validate one’s own spin on things?). Many “good people” make a living at it. The Devil short circuits the Holy Spirit when this happens and you are wise to be wary. Some Saints were even fooled by the Devil, and we have been warned to watch out for wolves in sheep’s clothing.
Listen to Fr. Corapi. You are at war with the Devil, it is real, and the prize is your eternal soul “In the end, you and I will be in one of two places, Heaven or Hell.” You can’t be in a war and not be wounded.
Your transformation is a life long journey. Bishop Sheen was once asked when do you know you know all there is to know about your Faith? His answer was three days after you are dead. Go to this web site for some Christian sexuality help christopherwest.com/works.asp
And listen to EWTN on line at ewtn.com/
(Click on the radio tab, and then the listen live drop down choice.)
“Falling like a house of cards” is a good analogy. One of the effects of sin is a weakening of the will (the other is a darkening of the intellect). The first sin you commit is the hardest. After that it becomes easier and easier. Go to Confession a lot, not just once. It strengthens the will to resist “falling like a house of cards”. Go to Mass, be a good student, smile, continue helping others carry their cross, say a quick morning offering and love a lot. All evil can be cured. The cure is love. All the good you do strengthens the wounded will. (And enlightens the intellect) Praise God He is unconditionally, out of control, in love with us! (WHY He loves US is the real question)
I have learned not to share my opinions unless asked. Now aren’t you sorry you asked? Forgive an old man for acting like a scolding father.
Pax,
 
Grace, there is so much wonderful advice already in this thread, so I’ll just add a few things. I’ve had guilt in this area as well, and had trouble putting it behind me (sometimes it still is hard) but I know Jesus has forgiven me and I have to accept that forgiveness so that I can allow myself to move on to do good for the Lord.

I highly suggest praying the Divine Mercy - anywhere, anytime, especially in adoration if you can.

Music is a big part of my life, and I’ve found these songs to be very comforting:

“Cry Out to Jesus” by Third Day
godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=d396599bbb31f697005b

“Set Me Free” by Casting Crowns
youtube.com/watch?v=gBiFBU0Oh9Q

“East to West” by Casting Crowns
youtube.com/watch?v=s6zdihmwy1M
“Who Am I” by Casting Crowns
godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=69e8c2aa22913a0d91b2

“I Am” by Mark Schultz
youtube.com/watch?v=bZGUwJ2LA5M

“Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)” by Chris Rice
youtube.com/watch?v=e_4g8_e16dc&mode=related&search=

Listen to them if you have time, and I hope they’ll help. ❤️

I’ll pray for you. God bless! :crossarc:
 
First off, yes you are forgiven, you are loved by God, and nothing you have done will stop Him from guiding you to fulfil your calling and vocation, whether that is to marriage or something else.

On the other hand, don’t despise the gift of tears you have been given. Perhaps with the guidance of a good spiritual director or by joining a group like the Confraternity of Penitents you could channel this into a positive life of freely and joyfully-given penance, not for your own sin, which is already forgiven, but for the conversion and forgiveness of those others who have fallen into sexual sin in the past.

It’s just a thought, but one to ponder.
 
Dearest Belle.
Thanks so much for your comfort…
This one is for you Belle: youtube.com/watch?v=DrpOKc0LtoE and I also love casting crowns: “praise you in this storm”… I am sure you know that one. (you’re taste is not so bad by the way;)
I am still stuggling here waking up every day remembering my situation and trying to figure out how to go about my life. Could you tell me how you dealt with your guilt…? Only if you want to…

DL: I am not sure about the gift of tears… I sure do have tears and plenty. Since I came to know Jesus a few years ago I have wept easily over beautiful words, music and during prayer… today as I was reading a generel text about salvation history in my theology-book I wept very much… and I have kleenex lying all over the place these days (it aint pretty)… especially in the night I draw close to God… I have made a motto in my mind: better get close to Jesus and get dissolved (in tears), than not to get close… and get dissolved I do. I end up on the cold floor, reconsecrating my life to Jesus in sobs… and He told me yesterday: “In your weakness I can be sovereign King.”
I wonder what drives us to the momentary insanity that makes us commit grave sin. And then I think about how easy it was to follow that line… its like living in oblivion… and then resurfacing to the reality really hurts.
when it comes to joining kind of a club of sinners… I am here… besides. I dont live in America. But thank you.

I am continuously asking myself about the punishment-question.
The other day, as I was praying with pentecostal friends of mine they talked about justification … that Jesus Christ is our justification. I could only Amen that… and at the same time I thought: We always hear we are forgiven… but justified is also a strong comforting word… and I left these brethren greatly encouraged. If the Father sees Jesus in my place… if Jesus is my justification… then how could anyone ever call to mind my past sins… both future holy friends that i might meet (I fear such a meeting) and my self…
I have said to God… “I want to bear the punishment of my sin if it is not all consumed in the sacrifice of Jesus”. As you all can see I am a bit confused… earlier, as an evangelical, I would have known with full-blown certainty that Jesus had taken the punishment upon Himself… Now I am wondering because the Catholic Church talks about reparation and atonement, which I find, honestly in my heart, a bit strange. I mean… Is the answer maybe such that if we are contrite sinners, who recognize the Cross, and therefore allow the full effect of the atonement sacrifice of Jesus in our lives there is freedom… coz Jesus paid fully… whereas the unrepentant sinners are the ones whose sin reflect back on the earth and causes all the suffering because they dont allow for the suffering of Jesus to be efficient… please answer if you can with charity because I am a bit confused at the practical implications of sin … I do realise we can mae penance for others… but voluntarily, and that creation is still under the effect of the fall…so too our flesh.
 
Dear Gil…
I don’t experience you as a scolding father. I think you have many good points and meeting good people who have comitted grave sins is a comfort to me.- makes me feel like I am not alone and there are people out there who satan has not won over even though he had joy watching us fall for a moment, an hour or a night. Jesus is our Lord… and you are absolutely right. He is crazy about us… as one of my teachers said the other day: “Its a major unending question how a good created being can do an evil deed… but it does!”
If you are interested in the paradoxes in faith I would greatly encourage you to read the Danish Christian philosopher Kierkegaard (fantastic and most genious of all writers I have read)… I would encourage you to read “fear and trembling”… oh that got me weeping when I read it… not surprizingly:)
By the way, Kierkegaard also talk a lot about passion… and how passion (leidenshaften) is not only important but crucial to Christian life…or at least to heroic faith. But the Passion must be baptised as he calls it. And you are right… getting myself into this mess which ended in sinning was a product of (unbaptised) immature passion. You see, I meet this wonderful brother and I put everything in to saving him but end up falling and falling with him… but we were both passionate… wildly so… the kind of people that kiss greatly and write poetry to one another, who run across the city with supernatural strength to see the other just for a moment and happily wait and find joy therein for several hours in anticipation of seeing the other… Foolish? absolutely ( I never thought such madness could take place at 25)… and I never meant to fall in love with this person… we prayed together and talked for hours about David and Goliath and such… and because my passion was so great so too was my selv-giving emotinally untill I could not bear to stand in the Church so full of emotions that were directed at a mortal man… thats when I stopped seeking refuge in Jesus through Mass and prayer and hoped in my own strength… out of passionate guilt came idotic choises … But still I always loved passion more than lethargy and I do see its potential where indifference has none. People sometimes get blown of their feet when I talk with such passion about Jesus, they say: We want what she has got (even the happy Pentecostal friends) but it humbles me greatly to experience just how stupid I am… and thats just all there is to that.
I like the last part of your post… it’s true… getting back into life, in particular trying to be a good fellow-sister in the Body of Christ is important (there is sooo much work to be done and I believe satan tempts us just so he can damage not just one soul but the whole Body through one persons fall)… also I find that Christian litterature is up-lifting… take for instance Aurelius Augustin …he talked about getting saved from sin and what it really means… the weakness and how it is overcome. We are weakened… yes but we must get back on the horse and never let that sneaky old snake think we are not getting back up… (I read about a desert father who was prone to often fall into sexual sin (I think he was alone in his room but I am not sure) yet everytime he fell he immediately went down on his knees to pray… in the end satan got real tired of him and left him alone.
Gil… don’t you think that realising what we really are (sinners in need of Jesus ) widens both our compassion for ourselves and for others so we are humbled and more “real” and we understand what has always been true but what we did not realise: That Jesus is as far above any creaure in virtue as the heaven is from the earth… so we can love Him with peace… knowing He is our sole redeemer, our sole comforter, our sole King… we gotta look at Him and serve His house… not get overfocused on our selves and our own tent… as Scriture says: WHEN WE BEHOLD GOD we are transformed from glory to glory… only then…
God bless you brother Gil… and you are welcome to talk to me any time… 🙂 And please tell me if I can help you in any way to get out of temptation…
 
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