Family vacation with boyfriend

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Long story short, my family is going on a weekend trip and invited my new boyfriend to go. Him and I are both devout Catholics, we’ve known each other for over a year but recently started dating. My family is less strict on their practice, so they don’t always know Catholic teachings or follow them. They also aren’t aware of how closely him and I live to follow Catholic teachings. So I’m nervous because on this trip, they might put us together in a room for sleeping, although for sure in separate beds. I still feel like that’s a “near occasion of sin” deal. And even if they did put us in separate rooms, is it still unchaste for him to be going on a vacation with us? We’ll have been dating for about 3 months at that point.
Also, my sister and her husband want me to visit them in another state with my boyfriend, but they live in a one bedroom apartment so we’d be stuck in the living room, although one of ya on the couch and on the floor. Is that still in the “near occasion of sin” area too? Keep in mind they do not like religion, especially Catholicism, so they would not be ones to make accommodations.

I’m new to this Catholic dating atmosphere, but I want to get it right! Prayers and advice appreciated, thank you!
 
Hello MF and welcome to the Forums.
Being both devout Catholics I’m sure you would know quite a bit about chastity and can stand your ground on right and wrong.You can insist on seperate rooms,no problem there.
God bless.
 
I am a non-believer but always try to make accomodation for others’ beliefs and practices. When my Hindu sister-in-law visits I keep all meat and utensils used for meat away from her food and skip garlic and onions for her portions. I treat all couples as they wish to be treated regardless of their sexuality or practices (within my own moral decisions of course). So a gay couple - fine. A couple who want to sleep apart, and they don’t have to tell me why, fine (might be snoring for all I know). These to my mind are rules of hospitality. I hope that you are able to reciprocate with your own hospitality should thing go well in this relationship!
 
Macbethsfool said:
my family is going on a weekend trip and invited my new boyfriend to go. Him and I are both devout Catholics, we’ve known each other for over a year but recently started dating.
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Putting him through all the inconvenience is not a good idea,but if this trip would fix an future engagement or near future marriage, your good to go, if you think so as the will of God, take your time to discern
Macbethsfool said:
I still feel like that’s a “near occasion of sin” deal. And even if they did put us in separate rooms, is it still unchaste for him to be going on a vacation with us? We’ll have been dating for about 3 months at that point.
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second, if you feel this would be an occasion to sin and you know all the circumstance ,save yourself the trouble, and tell him in a polite manner that you don’t want to put him in a situation where he’s uncomfortable and have to adjust a lot. latter make it up to him.
 
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Occasions of sin are kinda dependent on you. Do you think you could sleep in the same room with him and not end up having sex? What might be a huge temptation for one couple might not be for another.

Anyway, if you’re nervous about explaining it all from a Catholic perspective, you can keep it vague or put it in non-religious terms. Instead of talking about near occasions of sin, just say “oh, me and Bob have only been dating a few months, that might be awkward…how about he books a separate room for himself?”
 
You don’t say how old you are, but I am assuming you are an adult.

Just book your own lodging arrangements. If you can’t afford to do so, then it is a financial issue, not a religious one. Just say you don’t have the funds in your budget for a joint vacation right now. It is fine to set boundaries with family. One such boundary is privacy. If they push that you all can share a room, all you have to say is that it is a “privacy issue” so that won’t work for you.

If your family is irreligious, I wouldn’t bother bringing religion into the converrsation. There are plenty of secualr people who avoid pre-marital sex for all kinds of reasons, too.
 
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I would personally recommend you to sleep at separate rooms to make sure that you won’t fall into sin. Maybe explaining it to them in a way that makes them understand what great matter it means to you to make sure that you won’t end up falling into something that you don’t want to, could help?

It’s important that they try to respect your way of thinking and your values as well.
 
Personally I think it’s not a good idea. Keep in mind, you might not marry this guy. If you marry someone else do you honestly want to remember sleeping on the couch next to a guy on the floor who now has a different wife? For me at least, I wouldn’t feel good about this situation as a guy.

At minimum separate rooms. It’s not good that you have been dating only 3 months and might sleep in same room, your family acts like you two are a longterm couple. Maybe you will
Be, but you sure aren’t yet and could easily break up any day
 
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If you feel tempted in the situation, pray an Our Father and a Hail Mary and leave the room. Also, ask your parents to be in separate rooms if you can.
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
Personally I think it’s not a good idea. Keep in mind, you might not marry this guy. If you marry someone else do you honestly want to remember sleeping on the couch next to a guy on the floor who now has a different wife? For me at least, I wouldn’t feel good about this situation as a guy.
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You’re entitled to your feelings, but as a married guy that strikes me as a truly insane thing to be retroactively jealous about. Like, next level possessiveness and just plain weird.

Like I said, I’m not trying to tell you how to feel but that just seems like a bonkers thing to feel upset about if they break up.
 
If you are not comfortable traveling with your boyfriend, then, simply say “I appreciate the offer, but, I’d like for this vacation to be just us family”.

Similar for your sister, tell her “we are not yet to the point in our relationship where we are traveling or vacationing together. I’d love to come visit you and we can sit up all night like we did when we were kids!”

No need to imply to your family that they do not:
Macbethsfool said:
always know Catholic teachings or follow them.
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That will do more to turn them away than anything.

Simply, kindly, decline to invite your boyfriend on vacation.

Honestly, in my family, boy/girl friends were not included in travel plans or in official family pictures until there was an engagement ring.
 
Is it even a good idea to go on vacation with a guy you’ve only been seeing for three months though?

I ask the real questions.

BokbokBAWK
 
It’s not a jealously and it’s not being upset. I personally would feel sad that I point myself in that situation, you may call it ‘next-level’ chastity or guarding myself. It has nothing to do with passiveness, I couldn’t care what she did. I would care what I did in this scenario. If you think I’d judge some women for laying on a couch next to a guy, you clearly misunderstood. I would be disappointed in myself, nothing to do with her
 
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I don’t get what you’d be judging yourself for. Sleeping in the same room with someone you didn’t have sex with? Would you consider this some kind of preemptive cheating on your wife or something?

I’m not trying to be snarky, I’m genuinely confused.
 
No I would not find this cheating because that makes no sense. But I would 1) find this the near-occasion of sin, and 2) would feel it wasn’t appropriate and I would regret it later.

You saying you don’t regret kissing any females that weren’t your wife (if you did)? I would but maybe that’s just me and my screwed up views on relationships. After years of porn addiction I’m very careful about how I act, bit too much, got some traumatic experiences from it I have to overcome and deal with so this might just be me going a bit over the top
 
GospelOfMatthew said:
You saying you don’t regret kissing any females that weren’t your wife (if you did)? I would but maybe that’s just me and my screwed up views on relationships. After years of porn addiction I’m very careful about how I act, bit too much, got some traumatic experiences from it I have to overcome and deal with so this might just be me going a bit over the top
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I don’t categorically regret kissing other women before my wife, no. There were definitely individual women I regret getting involved with because we weren’t good for each other, but I don’t feel like dating other women in general before my wife was wrong or inappropriate or makes my relationship with my wife less special or anything.

In fact, I think part of me becoming mature enough to have a healthy relationship with my now-wife is that I had relationships under my belt already that I learned and grew from.

Of course, you should obey your own conscience but it does strike me as pretty over the top.
 
Well, I’ve known him for a year and we only are just now dating because we were really good friends, and then discovered how much we liked each other! So for more context, he’s not a stranger, and we both have the same friends and stuff! Also, my family is super open about stuff like this, and automatically assumes that any significant other will be the one we marry (which I appreciate, because it’s a very positive outlook and that would be ideal!)
They were shocked when I was dating a guy in my senior year of high school for a month and we hadn’t talked about getting married lol
 
I feel as if I can handle the temptation, because I very much look forward to all the mystery and excitement that comes from waiting till marriage. Also, we talk a lot about putting God at the forefront, and we both wouldn’t want to ruin that. It’s more of a scandal deal I guess, my roomies and I are who are all Catholic as well talk about what scandal is, especially as women with boyfriends. And so it’s been on my mind a lot lately
 
I don’t think being able to “handle” the temptation is the right answer on your part. You might be able to “handle” the near-occasion of sin but that’s still a sin to be in that near-occasion. I might be able to “handle” going on google images and looking at provocative images but knowing that could lead to pornographic images, why would I tempt myself? We don’t mess with temptations - but hey, I have some past weird thinking patterns after years of addiction to terrible impure stuff so I’m not the one to give advice on this. Just giving my two cents
 
No no, you have a good point. I shouldn’t “handle” it, that was a poor word choice on my part! I would like to avoid all of that! I want him to come, but not sure how to explain it well to my family. Also, I just want to be a good example in my college faith community, and be able to help others who have questions too, because I’ve talked about this before with my friends
 
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