Father-in-law strikes again...

[puzzleannie]

your first move should be for the two of you to go talk to the priest before you begin any other planning.

there are possibilities, examples from recent weddings in our parish:
Bride Lutheran, Groom Catholic parishioner, received dispensation from bishop to marry in bride’s family church with Catholic deacon officiating, no communion service.

Groom Baptist, Bride Catholic, obtained proper dispensations, deacon presided over exhange of vows, groom’s father, a minister preached a wonderful sermon on marriage (entirely Catholic in every respect, including welcoming children).

Bride Methodist, Groom Catholic, obtained proper dispensations, married in bride’s church with bride’s methodist pastor as witness. This was done because of extreme objections of her family to even stepping foot in a Catholic church. This bride (whose children are now grown) just entered the Catholic church last year, raised her children Catholic and finally made the move.

Bride RCIA catechumen, groom RCIA candidate (Episcopalian) married in small ceremony officiated by priest after Saturday evening Mass, with a few family members (not those who objected to the proceedings) and some parishioner friends, reception at Luby’s afterwards. Priest gave lovely homily on sacramental nature of marriage, and how their marrige will become sacramental upon bride’s baptism.

 

[cheddarsox]

At least try to consider why future FIL is reacting this way. It may be hard since you have no children yet yourself, but imagine how much you love your bride to be and proceed from there…He believes that his daughter, whom he loves as only a parent can love a child, is being led into a faith that will endanger her immortal soul. Can you honestly expect him to sit there and pay for the priveledge of watching that happen?

Would you respect him if he had so little conviction in his faith that he thought it was gosh golly great that his daughter was leaving it?

Now, I’m not there, maybe he’s abusive and mean and overreactive or whatever. But someday…if your daughter is planning on giving up the Catholic faith, marrying a Baptist and planning on raising your grandkids Baptist…will you be saying “Great honey…how can I help?”

It’s easy to paint future FIL as a bad guy, and totally ignore that he takes faith/salvation just as seriously as you do yourself. Maybe he is honestly distraught over his understanding of his daughter’s salvation.

That being said. The point of a wedding is marriage, not a party. Ask around…if the wedding day is the most important day, best day of the marriage…in marriages that last…it’s not.

Get married, there will be many opportunities and events to have a big party over later, if you can’t afford it now. Love your wife and children and be the best husband, father and son in law you possibly can. Be a man that your father in law respects, even if he does not respect your faith…and he may eventually be willing to reconsider how he feels about your faith as well.

Whether we like it or not…people are the “catechism” and “creed” that people of other faiths read. We are not very likely to pick up a whole book on another faith, but we surely do scrutinize the behavior of the people we know of other faiths, and this certainly influences how willing we are to “learn more”.

Best to you.

cheddar

 

[maggieodae]

You are not going to like the answer i am going to give you. You can get married for a small stipend to the Priest-you can have it done after Mass one day if you wish. I guarantee you if you start letting your future in-laws bend you to their will your marriage will be hell for both you and your wife.

As far as them not coming to the wedding that is their choice though I suspect when push comes to shove they will attend. At this point it looks like they are trying to “buy” you off.

A wedding is NOT about the flowers, guests and size of the affair. It is about God’s covenant between a man and a woman. The most important guest at the wedding is God Our Father.

Be at peace knowing the real Father will be there with you and it doesn’t get any better than that.

 

[4HisChurch]

Another Shouldn’t it be a “Christian” communion? I find it interesting how some people complain about how non-catholics treat catholics on this forum yet I come across comments such as this. The sad thing is, the comment is true.

It’s also interesting how a catholic would be welcome by protestants to take communion in their church but catholics don’t extend that same welcome to protestants. I actually take offence to that.

As someone else stated, Catholics beleive that Holy Communion in the Catholic Church is the Body and Blood of Christ. We take Christ literally when he said, “This is My Body.”

If someone doesn’t beleive this, that’s fine. They wouldn’t want to take Communion in a Catholic Church anyway. If a person does beleive this, they would be wise to become a Catholic.

 

[runandsew]

Ok, I know that I am supposed to be forgiving here…and I am really trying to do that, but there is a big part of me that is kind of hurt by all this. I consider it a personal slap in the face.

I am afraid that I may never be able to look at them the same way again. After all…I am a Catholic…they hate Catholics…so they kind of hate me by default.

Thoughts?

Show them your faith through love.

My daughter is marrying into a anti-catholic family, They are going to have a non-catholic wedding, but we will pay what we can afford.

I feel sorry for you. You will have to scale back your wedding plans for now. But at a later date, you can have your marriage vows renewed with a bigger celebration when you can afford it.

A friend just joined the church this year and got married in it.
Her family was 7th Day Adventist. I think on her side of the family and friends, only the parents and non 7th Day Adventist friends showed up to the wedding, But they all showed up for the reception. It was really sad that they wouldn’t show up for the wedding. They had a note on their wedding invitation that said that if anyone didn’t want to attend the wedding, they were still welcome at the reception.

 

[crmcfl]

My grandfather disowned my mom for marrying a Catholic. He refused to attend their wedding. She later converted, all later reconciled and my grandfather loved us very much.

My husband was not Catholic when we married. His grandfather was a Southern Baptist minister. One of their family traditions was that grandpa did all the weddings in the family and there was intense pressure to go along with that. We were married in Catholic church by a priest, but grandpa did one of the readings and said a few words on marriage. (no intercommunion - can’t go there)

My mom was a widow and we had a very small wedding that we mostly paid for ourselves. Mom was willing, but I didn’t want to stress her finances. I figured I was 21, I was an adult, it was time to step up and act like one. These days it’s even easier with stores like Sam’s and BJ’s that have catering food for cheap.

28 years later, I barely remember our wedding. It was small, it was lovely, but it’s what comes after that’s important.

Be kind. Tell your in-laws you’ll miss them and if they change their mind, they’ll be welcome. People can’t fight with you if you refuse to fight back.

 

[reneeville]

I am just extremely moved by all the wonderful responses to your plea Brad. I remember when you first announced “issues” with the in-laws. From my humble observation, it appears that you and your intended will have the most beautiful wedding…alone, by the prayers and intentions of those here who care.
I believe that weddings have become “extravaganzas” which makes me wonder who we are trying to impress. Heed the advice of those suggesting to scale back some (BlestOne’s testimony is AWESOME and drives home a great point!) I would stand firm on marrying in the Church of your faith… I don’t believe you should compromise the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony in another’s church. Continue praying for those who pre-judge the love that God has placed between you and your intended… like others have said, it’s a control thing.
And, as others have stated, very little time will have elapsed when God will bless you with your own family and those minute details of your wedding day will be but lovely moments in memory.
Thank you for sharing your “saga” with us!
In Christ’s love,
Renee