Father letting me suffer; the Church seems to be wrong

[ethereality]

I think that I mentioned in one of my past posts to you that I felt that you should talk to your parish priest or pastor about your struggles,

I did. He hasn’t been able to answer any of my questions. His spirituality is more emotional and sentimental, whereas I am asking rational questions. For example, regarding how we know the Church is correct when by all appearances God doesn’t exist, his response was to point to the appearance of bread (the Host). When I look at the Host, by contrast, it seems like I’m in hell, insofar as my seeking communion with God is frustrated: Instead of a living Jesus, lifeless bread; instead of communion, nothing but trite music to sing. Imagine a “Happy Birthday!” where you open the box and there’s nothing in it. “I got this for you! I hope you like it! What, you say there’s nothing there? That’s your problem and your fault.”

Sometimes when we have our minds so heavily set on one thing, we start to miss other things that are going on around us, that could be to our benefit.

I agree, but the problem is that the suffering forces itself to the foreground, interrupts what I’m thinking and what I’m working on, which is one reason I’m asking God to heal me, so I can focus on my work. I came up with seventeen points one ought to consider to facilitate God’s healing, and they include:
ethereality's Bible Study:

1. Focus on God and ridding yourself of sin, both act and attachment. Sin is separation from God; the less sin, the more you allow God to work in your life and heal you. [Psalm 24, Proverbs 21:13, Matthew 6, James 4, James 5, 1 John 3, St. Aquinas, St. Augustine]
2. Seek to grow in holiness (“seek the kingdom of God”) and do God’s will first, the healing being of secondary importance. Not only does this have practical consequences (e.g. less anxiety over the timing of the healing), but I think it also is healthier for your relationship with God, recognizing that God is more important than His gifts, and as implied at the beginning, it more quickly opens us to be able to receive them. [Matthew 6]

The problem is that I’m miserable and hating my life, and God isn’t helping.

I personally do not think that God would give you a headache. I believe that headaches come from physical sources.

You seem to have missed my argument, namely, that as Frank Sheed and others say, God holds everything in existence, because everything is made from nothing. If God doesn’t hold something in existence, then it ceases to exist. Thus, God gave me that headache because God is the one who held it in existence for all those hours. If God ceased to hold the headache in existence, the headache would have ceased to exist.

As I mentioned in my past posts to you, it has been my experience that God tends to work through other people,

Two problems here:

1. 
   *]I don’t see the reason for saying that God is a separate being from humans but that His actions are the actions of humans. This seems equivalent to “having your cake and eating it, too”: Human actions are performed by humans, godly actions are performed by God. It seems irrational to point to a human doing something good and saying, “That’s God”, and then a human doing something bad and saying, “That’s human.”
   *]I’m praying for the healing of my vision and a body part that was mutilated: There is no available cure for these problems. (Of course, the skeptic is free to argue in the event of God’s healing that I healed myself through the power of the mind; “Because you believed you were recovering, you activated undiscovered self-repair mechanisms.” So I don’t see the argument as viable, “God’s not healing you because it would infringe upon free will to disbelieve.”)
   

   be more open to seeing what might happen around you [after praying for God’s will to be done].

   I pray the Our Father every day. It’s hard to see what blindness and physical suffering can accomplish.

 

[Bonnie]

]He does not willingly afflict or bring grief to human beings.

Read that carefully. It does NOT say that he will not ALLOW afflictions or grief, just that he is not willing do it to us. If we lived in heaven now, instead of later, we would not grow. Think about purgatory. We spend part of our time on earth learning things that will shorten our time in purgatory which, apparently, is more suffering.

Sometimes answered prayer is not helpful. Here’s a very mundane example: Many years ago an uncle asked God to remove his tobacco addiction. And apparently God did - he quit smoking just like that with no withdrawal problems. But he was never able to have empathy for those us who did struggle with withdrawal and the inability to quit smoking the first time.

I, on the other hand, have a boatload of empathy.

 

[PennyinCanada]

"St. Paul explains the meaning of suffering

Suffering is a participation in the mystery of Christ and is the way Paul can become like Christ. Suffering is his way of “becoming like him (Christ) in his death” so that he “may attain the resurrection from the dead” (Philippians 3:10-11). Through his suffering, Paul sees himself as participating in the Passion of Christ. Because we are being saved through the death and resurrection of Christ we must participate in his Passion to obtain salvation.

Yes.

Why do you think that Padre Pio had to suffer the wounds of Christ for over 50 years? He was sharing in the Passion of Christ and gaining merit for himself and the whole world! Our gain and merit will follow us into eternity. It is currency that purchases grace for others and changes the world.

You are not appreciating the opportunity that is present to you. Christ is calling you to be closer to Him and you are resisting and saying no, take it away.

You are listening to the evil one’s voice saying that “God doesn’t hear you”. That is so far from the truth! Please ask your priest to find you a spiritual director. Someone you can get council from on a regular basis. Your life will be very different a year from now. God bless.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Well, Ethereality my dear, the best that I can tell you is that I understand your situation much better than you think that I do.

You see, I was in an accident quite some time ago now, that wasn’t even my fault. I have damaged joints as a result of it, that can’t rejuvenate themselves.

I understand your wanting to be healed. However, God doesn’t always answer those prayers. And, as I keep sharing with you, God is in control, and will chose the way that He decides to do things.

In my case with my health issues, He works through the health providers that are working with me, and guides them. That is how He answers my prayers, in particular.

And, He absolutely works through other people. How do you think He accomplished all that He did through the things that we read about in sacred Scripture? You don’t have to answer this–it is a rhetorical question.

So many of us here it seems, are trying to tell you about “redemptive suffering,” where you can unite your suffering with our Dear Lord’s suffering on the Cross.

I understand your being upset and angry about your injuries/illnesses. Perhaps you still need to grieve for them. ((Hugs)) for you. :hug1:

I had to go through a grieving period, after I was injured, too.

I am so sorry that you feel miserable, and that you hate your life.

Why not just keep talking to God about everything, and keep telling Him your feelings–that you are angry, upset–however you are feeling–just like you are telling us here.

I know how difficult it is, dealing with illnesses and injuries and pain. I live with it 24/7. It never stops for me, but I make sure and offer my suffering back to the Lord on the Cross.

Here is a link to an article about suffering, that may help explain things to you a little bit better than I can:

integratedcatholiclife.org/2011/07/bickerstaff-why-does-god-allow-suffering/

Prayers said for you, dear one.

I care about what is happening to you. Take heart, and don’t give up. Hang in there, and let us know how you are doing.

 

[JRKH]

How do we reconcile what you say to Jesus teaching that God is our “Father”? Calling God “Father” meaningless if He is a being that we must appease by suffering.

Where do you get this idea that we must “appease” God by suffering?
I admit I have not read all of the replies…but I am not aware of any Church teaching that would support such a view.

That said - God, as a Father, may use suffering as a means to teach us - to help us grow spiritually. And after all, he is not asking us to undergo anything that he hasn’t undergone himself (through Jesus, the second person of the Trinity).

Yet NABRE Lamentations 3:33 says, “He does not willingly afflict or bring grief to human beings.” So why, then, would God require me to suffer and refuse to heal me?

This is the thing that you must seek to learn…and I am afraid that we here are not really able to help much in this. You likely need the help of a spiritual director - possibly a regular confessor and/or your pastor.

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Yes.

Why do you think that Padre Pio had to suffer the wounds of Christ for over 50 years? He was sharing in the Passion of Christ and gaining merit for himself and the whole world! Our gain and merit will follow us into eternity. It is currency that purchases grace for others and changes the world.

You are not appreciating the opportunity that is present to you. Christ is calling you to be closer to Him and you are resisting and saying no, take it away.

You are listening to the evil one’s voice saying that “God doesn’t hear you”. That is so far from the truth! Please ask your priest to find you a spiritual director. Someone you can get council from on a regular basis. Your life will be very different a year from now. God bless.

This is good advice.

Peace
James

 

[ethereality]

I’ve suffered from chronic migraines nearly every week for about twenty five years. I have friends with cancer, friends who have lost children to cancer and accidents. People around the world are starving and sick…Praying for eight months and being annoyed you got a headache in mass in return for your efforts is rather presumptuous. Forgive me for my harsh response. Praying for you and your needs.

I suppose I must forgive you, for I think you are the one being presumptuous to suppose that my suffering is less than yours or theirs. I wish I had cancer, so I could die and leave this not-worth-living miserable life sooner. Your post is also a near occasion of sin, because apart from telling me of your prayer, you’ve strengthened the argument for atheism insofar as you’ve implied that God is an incompetent father. “Look at all the suffering in the world!” is not a good thing to say if trying to convince someone of Christian doctrine.

 

[ethereality]

Don’t get so caught up in your own expectations. God is a God of surprises.

It’s nonsensical things like the following question from the article you cited which have characterized my spiritual direction from our parish priest:

The Pontiff therefore invited those present to ask themselves these questions: “Am I docile to the word of God, or do I always do what I believe the word of God is?

Obviously for the Christian this is a false dichotomy: He must both be docile to the word of God, and always do what he believes. Moving from the semantics to the meaning, his underlying meaning is likewise not helpful. What Pope Francis apparently means to ask “in a nicer way” here is: ‘Do my presuppositions prevent me from understanding some deeper meaning of the text?’ This question is not helpful because, if they do, he provides no solution to this problem, and, more fundamentally, the person is not in a position to evaluate whether they do. (Pope Francis later does give an implicit solution to this problem, namely, to pray for God to change your mind in the event that you are mistaken. Of course I’ve already done this, and several times, “If I’m mistaken about the Gospel, please show me, tell me, make it clear to me.”)

I asked my priest, “Why hasn’t God answered? Why hasn’t God said or done anything?” His answer was, “He already has,” and, “He’s waiting for you to do something first.” Neither response was helpful or even informative, because if God already has, then it wasn’t clear to me (i.e. God is incompetent, which is false), and I’m already doing everything I can do to the best of my ability (again implying that God is incompetent, i.e. God not giving me the grace necessary to do something He’s waiting for me to do, which is again absurd).

Similarly, our pastor apparently sometimes tries to “rely on the Holy Spirit” to assign me helpful Scripture reading as penances, but typically the result is something random that has no connection to anything at all. Trying to be nice, I described it earlier as his spirituality being emotional/sentimental rather than logical/rational.

After reading through your article, CrossofChrist, I must say that I do not understand what “newness” I should be open to, unless you mean that by “doing something new” you mean, “God letting you suffer and expecting you to be content in your misery,” which not only appears to me to be contrary to the Gospel (Matthew 7:7-11, Luke 18:7-8), but recalls James 2:15-16:

James, CHAPTER 2 | USCCB[/URL]”]15 If a brother or sister has nothing to wear and has no food for the day,
16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, keep warm, and eat well,” but you do not give them the necessities of the body, what good is it?

This would here apply to God leaving me in misery, and you (and allegedly God) saying to me, “Go in peace, be miserable.” What good is it?

 

[ethereality]

have you asked yourself, am I asking or telling God to heal me?

I haven’t, but now that I have, I think the answer is the former. Please let me explain.

I’m asking for healing because Jesus teaches us that God is a loving Father – more than human fathers – who will give us good things (Matthew 7:7-11). Moreover, Jesus teaches us that we need not even ask, but simply participate in our sonship (Luke 15:11-32, “you are here with me always; everything I have is yours”). Of course, I’m asking and trying my best to believe as a means of participating in this relationship with my Father.

Having now clarified the context of my prayers, here is how I distinguish the former from the latter: Jesus requires us to believe that we will be healed as a prerequisite to being healed (Mark 11), and so I try to, but I try not to think to myself, “God will heal me the moment I receive the Eucharist” (cf. Matthew 9:20-21), or even “God will heal me today,” because then it does make my prayers seem like the latter. Instead, I think to myself, “God may heal me today. This could be the day, or I might wake up healed the next morning.”

The problem I see many here having is that, in order to avoid the conflict with what Jesus literally teaches us in the Gospel, they blame me as either “putting God to the test” or “being presumptuous”. When you were a child and your shoes were coming apart, were you “testing your parents” when you asked them for a new pair of shoes? If you are sick, are you “being presumptuous” when you ask a physician how to get better?

 

[ethereality]

And how did this hero feel about herself? She asked for prayers, most definitely … and her most important prayer request was this:

“Pray for my salvation.”

This is touching, but I have two problems with it:

1. 
   *]I cannot think about heaven. I cannot see any “rewards in heaven”, and “what eye has not seen, ear has not heard” is certainly incomprehensible to me. I am not in heaven. I am here on earth, suffering. I cannot focus on heaven – if you like, God won’t let me focus on heaven, because He keeps me in miserable chains here on earth.
   *]The Gospel teaches us that if we live a certain way and in relationship with God, that we have nothing to worry about. In light of this fact, asking people to pray for my salvation is akin to superstition, as if I lack free will, and as if God’s grace might be capriciously withdrawn unless people pray for my salvation. (It’s worth adding that the Bible expressly contradicts such notions of capriciousness by teaching that God wills for all men to be saved, that Christ died for all, and that God is both just and merciful.) Of course I frequently beg for God’s mercy and forgiveness and His grace to do better, but I don’t see the need to ask others on earth to do so. (I sometimes ask those in purgatory or heaven for their intercession in this regard, however.)
   
   Do I have an attitude problem? Perhaps, but as I said, I’m trying my best – unless it would be better to suffer in silence, something Job did not do. Why do I blame my problems on God? Because not only does God continue holding the conditions of my suffering in existence, but God refuses to heal me, like a millionaire who refuses to spend change to give a homeless person a cup of coffee. He also refuses to let me die, so every blessing in my life, e.g. every meal, is to me like an oasis of refreshment so He can keep forcing me along this desert of pain. “He’s almost at the breaking point, so we better ease up a little bit so we can squeeze more suffering out of him.” This is how God appears to me.
   
   So am I testing God after all? I’m not sure, but how can you blame me if I am? My human father demonstrates his love, hence I know that he loves me. How do I know that God loves me? Fr. Vincent Serpa’s answer is to meditate on the Passion. “You know that God loves you because Jesus suffered and died so you could go to heaven.” There are numerous questions surrounding this argument that must be answered before I can agree with its conclusion. I already asked the main one earlier. Would you force an orphan to walk and crawl to your house barefoot over rough terrain from the orphanage before you will adopt him? If not, then how can you call God a loving father, who requires this of us? “… to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this vale of tears. Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, Jesus.”

 

[ethereality]

EVERYONE suffers in some way or another, some more than others. Sometimes suffering is brought on by our own actions. Jail time for a criminal offense for example; an auto accident caused by texting and driving for another. Or you may get sick, catch a “bug” touching a railing in the subway then wiping your eye. God did not do that to you.

I understand necessary suffering, that which results from our actions or the actions of others. What I don’t understand is unnecessary suffering, and that is what I am objecting to and asking to be healed from. My vision problems, the mutilation that I suffered helplessly at the deliberate hands of others, God can easily heal me of. I would still suffer in this life those necessary sufferings you mention – viruses, evil rulers, sins of others and myself – after receiving these healings, but I would be able to bear them knowing that God loves me, knowing that I can suffer in union with Christ and offer my sufferings for the salvation of others, etc.

To be frank, I’m even okay with my vision problems, although I do become sad if I think about the beauty I’m missing out on, and how it decreases my work productivity. What I don’t understand is why I should have to live my entire life mutilated against my will, and with the daily sufferings that result from it. I don’t see that being healed would infringe upon the free will of those who mutilated me years ago – they succeeded in their objective, after all. It’s not like I’m asking for God to change history.

 

[Bonnie]

I asked my priest, “Why hasn’t God answered? Why hasn’t God said or done anything?”…
After reading through your article, CrossofChrist, I must say that I do not understand what “newness” I should be open to, unless you mean that by “doing something new” you mean, “God letting you suffer and expecting you to be content in your misery,” which not only appears to me to be contrary to the Gospel (Matthew 7:7-11, Luke 18:7-8), but recalls James 2:15-16: This would here apply to God leaving me in misery, and you (and allegedly God) saying to me, “Go in peace, be miserable.” What good is it?

It seems that you have assumed that because you have not yet received the healing you want, you will never receive it. Or is it that you want your miracle on your schedule?

I have had multiple health problems, a couple of which caused me a great deal of pain. I was in enough pain over several months that I wanted to die; it was unbearable. But I did not die, and I finally was sent to a doctor who made a correct diagnosis and performed the surgery. I consider that a miracle. However, there is the chance of the pain coming back - not something I’m looking forward to.

So - I did not get healing when I wanted it - it took years. It was not guaranteed to be a permanent fix - it may well come back. But in the meantime I am enjoying myself as much as possible and thanking God for each pain-free day.

I still have other health problems and so does my husband. But we’re not going to be miserable because of it. As it is said: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

 

[ethereality]

If we lived in heaven now, instead of later, we would not grow.

I don’t see how this follows. That’s like saying once you leave school, you stop learning. No, you can continue learning things without being in school. Likewise, you can continue growing without suffering. Perhaps it would help if you would define what you mean by ‘growing’. For example, would you say that you cannot grow in the ability to follow the directions of cooking recipes without screwing them up? Is it impossible to grow in the ability to drive a car without wrecking it? (And how many times do you have to wreck a car in order to learn how to drive it?) Etc. I don’t see that suffering is necessary for growth, and indeed, I think this idea is contrary to the faith, because the Church teaches us that Original Sin was unnecessary: Adam and Eve did not have to fall.

Think about purgatory. We spend part of our time on earth learning things that will shorten our time in purgatory which, apparently, is more suffering.

This life is purgatory, if not hell. I still wonder whether this is hell.

Sometimes answered prayer is not helpful. Here’s a very mundane example: Many years ago an uncle asked God to remove his tobacco addiction. And apparently God did - he quit smoking just like that with no withdrawal problems. But he was never able to have empathy for those us who did struggle with withdrawal and the inability to quit smoking the first time.

I, on the other hand, have a boatload of empathy.

Well, two responses: 1) He could ask God for more empathy. 2) Your argument here rests upon the idea that suffering is required to obtain virtue, which I still don’t see. I can’t recall anyone teaching that, either. Certainly, there are fruits we can derive from suffering, such as humility, compassion, patience, and the Church makes that abundantly clear, but I’ve not seen that suffering is required for these virtues: God can give them to us freely.

 

[Bonnie]

None of us is as saintly as St. Paul, yet he did not receive healing for whatever his problem was. Throughout the centuries there have been many, many saints who were not healed of their ailments. What makes you or I more worthy of healing?

 

[the_phoenix]

(I sometimes ask those in purgatory or heaven for their intercession in this regard, however.)

You have given me something to work with here that I believe will help. I would suggest that you ask Heidi who is either in purgatory or heaven for her intercession on your behalf, because if she were alive, I know I would direct you to her as being far better able to help you than I am.

May God grant you healing,

~~ the phoenix

 

[the_phoenix]

To Bonnie and SighGuy …

You’re very welcome, and remember we are all connected in the Mystical Body of Christ.

~~ the phoenix

 

[ethereality]

Why do you think that Padre Pio had to suffer the wounds of Christ for over 50 years? He was sharing in the Passion of Christ and gaining merit for himself and the whole world! Our gain and merit will follow us into eternity. It is currency that purchases grace for others and changes the world.

If St. Pio suffered the stigmata for over 50 years, then I don’t know why; I suppose it would be for the reason you say. If I am to be as special as St. Padre Pio, then God needs to give me the grace and the understanding to match. I’ve been begging for this grace and understanding, and have been met with silence, as I said. The more I pray, the more God appears to not exist. I was actually a happier Christian when I wasn’t taking the Gospel so seriously, that is, when I didn’t actually believe what Jesus says about healing.

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. 9 Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, 10 or a snake when he asks for a fish? 11 If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.

It seems I was better off years ago, when I read this passage and thought, “Oh, Jesus doesn’t really mean that,” as you all seem to think. As that fellow with the harsh response implied, “You were believing you would be healed and instead got a headache? Of course, don’t make me laugh; God’s not going to heal you.”

You are not appreciating the opportunity that is present to you. Christ is calling you to be closer to Him and you are resisting and saying no, take it away.

Should I not resist torture and ask for it to be taken away? Do you want to itch? Do you want to be numb? Do you want to have a body part central to marriage that doesn’t function properly? Do you want to chafe whenever you move your legs? Do you want to be unable to sit without discomfort? Do you want to be unable to wear modest, typical clothing most people wear? Do you want to suffer every single day? If this is what it means to “be close to Christ”, then Christ is a sadist. I thought being close to Christ meant peace:

1 The LORD is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack.
2 In green pastures he makes me lie down; to still waters he leads me;
3 he restores my soul.

Yes, I want to be close to this shepherd. I don’t understand why you’re implying that to be close to Him means to be miserable: Doesn’t the Bible imply the opposite?

You are listening to the evil one’s voice saying that “God doesn’t hear you”. That is so far from the truth! Please ask your priest to find you a spiritual director. Someone you can get council from on a regular basis. Your life will be very different a year from now. God bless.

If God exists, then I know that He hears me. That is why I haven’t already killed myself. The main reason I haven’t ended it already is the hope that the Church is correct. However, my faith is as emasculated as I feel: It is difficult to be bothered by anti-Christian politicians increasing their power in the USA when it seems Christianity could be wrong; it is difficult to oppose feticide when life is so miserable. It is difficult to empathize with cancer patients when you wish you could get cancer and die early like they do.

Thank you for the suggestion; I will ask him. However, spiritual directors are hard enough to find in the USA (~24% Catholic), and I am in Japan (<0.5% Catholic).

 

[ethereality]

I believe scripture says something like God answers the prayers of a holy man.

That is one reason why I am asking for the intercession of someone declared Venerable by the Church.

There was Father Solanus who was a Franciscan. …] the book “Father Solanus” by Catherine M Odell …]

amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_adv_b/?search-alias=stripbooks&unfiltered=1&field-keywords=Father+Solanus&field-author=Catherine+Odell&field-title=&field-isbn=&field-publisher=&node=&field-p_n_condition-type=&field-feature_browse-bin=&field-subject=&field-language=&field-dateop=During&field-datemod=&field-dateyear=&sort=relevanceexprank&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.x=29&Adv-Srch-Books-Submit.y=17

Thanks, I’ve added it to my memoirs reading list.

 

[ethereality]

Thanks, by the way, for your kind words.

Why not just keep talking to God about everything, and keep telling Him your feelings–that you are angry, upset–however you are feeling–just like you are telling us here.

Because here people talk back, and I get some solace in responses. When I talk to God, He doesn’t answer, and it just makes me feel even more lonely, or sinful, if I have committed some serious sin since my last confession. It’s also difficult to talk to God, because I feel like I’m wasting my time: I think in concepts, and articulating them to God seems like a waste of time because He already knows the thoughts I’ve had. I still do it sometimes, though, because I have found that I can occasionally elucidate a thought more fully by articulating it to God.

I know how difficult it is, dealing with illnesses and injuries and pain. I live with it 24/7. It never stops for me, but I make sure and offer my suffering back to the Lord on the Cross.

You describe yourself as an old gray mare, however. If you are elderly and dealing with chronic pain, that is not so unusual; yet I am supposed to be “in the prime of my life”… I don’t mean to suggest that my suffering is worse than yours (as I have already criticized another here for doing) – I think sufferings are different, but not necessarily worse, although matters can always become worse …

Here is a link to an article about suffering, that may help explain things to you a little bit better than I can:

integratedcatholiclife.org/2011/07/bickerstaff-why-does-god-allow-suffering/

Thanks, I’ll give it a read …

 

[shanishani7]

Since today was a particularly special Sunday, the Commemoration of All the Faithful Departed (All Souls), I thought God might finally heal me, as I’ve been praying since around February (a miracle of St. Thomas Aquinas’ third category, a natural phenomena occurring out of its usual time or order of occurrence). I thought perhaps God would find it a fitting occasion for the Venerable person whose intercession I’m requesting to “come out of purgatory” (enter heaven properly), if that person is still being purified, and grant this healing as a sign.

Instead, I got a headache during Mass, which lasted most of the day.

I don’t understand why God has refused to heal me, or why God makes me suffer even more, as if to spite my faith. (Yes, God is responsible for my headache, because God is the one holding all things in existence at every moment. If God did not continue to cause my headache for its duration, my headache would have ceased to exist, according to Frank Sheed.) My only explanation is that it hasn’t been a full year yet, that there may be some other day more significant for my intercessor. Nonetheless, my suffering and the absolute silence of God tempts me very strongly to think the Church is wrong about God being my Heavenly Father, about God existing at all. Some time ago I sat down and wrote an exhaustive essay on why I was a Christian, building the strongest case I could, and discovered that all of my arguments rest on uncertain premises, e.g. the Resurrection, or the recent miracles affirming the Church’s message like the Miracle of the Sun of Our Lady of Fatima, or those for which Pope John Paul II was canonized. I would find the case for atheism to be equally strong, except that, in light of this suffering, the case for atheism comes out stronger.

The more I seek God, the more I notice His absence; the more I “believe I will be healed”, as Jesus commands us as a prerequisite condition, the more I am let-down and disillusioned. For this reason I have stopped attending Daily Mass: It is too painful, and I can no longer bear to be disappointed by God. I think I could bear it if God would explain to me why (as people are quick to point out He did for St. Paul), but the only things God has said to me are those writings the Church says He’s responsible for, writings which led me to think God would heal me in the first place, because Jesus quite literally says that He will.

What should I do? I’m rather heart-broken. I’ve tried praying, sitting quietly before His Presence in the Tabernacle, and only one of two things happens: Nothing, or I become drowsy (because I have trouble sleeping at night). At this point, I am like Peter walking on the water – all evidence suggests the contrary is true – except I can’t see Jesus, have started my trek at the bidding of others, and I am suffering.

I believe you may have diseases or illness, which caused your headache. Have you ever seen doctor? Prayed to God for healing, He will guide you and give you a doctor for healing your disease. Believe me - God healed us through a doctor. When you are having treatment, still keep praying and be Patient for the healing.

Go find a doctor. God bless you and He never left you.

Cure your ansomnia first, not enough sleep will affect your health.