Father's right to know

[skigirl1689]

Firstly, I am not involved in the situation so I cannot easily affect opinions or decisions, but it has weighed greatly on my mind for 2+ years.

One of my relatives had a baby without knowing she was expecting; she was in her 20s. She decided to keep the baby and is raising him with her parents. He is an absolutely wonderful little guy and we all love him.

But…she never told his father. He moved out of state, and he had said he never wanted kids and didn’t go to church. We are a strong Lutheran family, so I understand her desire to bring her son up in the church. I also think the father deserves to know he has a son and her son deserves a father.

I know I cannot do anything about her choice not to tell the father, and it isn’t my business. However, I worry that one day he will find out about his son, and there will be consequences.

My question is this: Do fathers have a legal right to know about their children? I guess I am just curious. Like I said, I’m not in a position to say anything and I shouldn’t judge…I just think it’s sad he doesn’t have the opportunity to know his dad.

 

[Linybaby]

Ideally, yes I do think fathers have a right to know if they had a child.

However, do you know all the specifics about him? Was he nice to the mother of the child? Did/does he have a bad past/currently in trouble? Meaning with the law or drugs etc?

Does she know where he lives? Does she have his contact information?

The baby boy will eventually want to know who his father is and why he is not around. She will have to explain all this to him. Does she have a plan when he has those questions?

 

[skigirl1689]

I know no one knew they were together in the family, it was a very short “relationship” (not sure how long it lasted), and then he moved. She met him through a mutual friend, so I am pretty sure there could be some way of contacting him…how else could they know where he moved to?

I guess it is just was a short thing…this is all I know.

You are correct: there may be something none of us know that has influenced her choice, and we may never know. And I know the little boy will be curious as to why he doesn’t have a daddy like all of his friends and cousins, but I don’t know what she plans to tell him. I keep thinking one day his dad could very well figure out he has a son…especially in this internet age.

 

[Linybaby]

I know no one knew they were together in the family, it was a very short “relationship” (not sure how long it lasted), and then he moved. She met him through a mutual friend, so I am pretty sure there could be some way of contacting him…how else could they know where he moved to?

I guess it is just was a short thing…this is all I know.

You are correct: there may be something none of us know that has influenced her choice, and we may never know.

Something that is ever so true… You never know what happens behind closed doors.

I would pray for her and the baby boy…

 

[Phemie]

A friend of mine was in a relationship. Before she could tell him she was pregnant, he put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. She charged him and he fled. She returned to her parents’ house, had her baby and proceeded to raise the child herself with help from a whole lot of people and if she has her way he’ll never know he has a child.

 

[Linybaby]

A friend of mine was in a relationship. Before she could tell him she was pregnant, he put a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her. She charged him and he fled. She returned to her parents’ house, had her baby and proceeded to raise the child herself with help from a whole lot of people and if she has her way he’ll never know he has a child.

Wow, Thank God she got away safe and sound!

 

[Cariethra]

Legally, if the father’s name isn’t on the birth certificate. He doesn’t have any rights to the child.

If he were to find out about the boy. He would have to jump through hoops to get a paternity test and it would cost HIM in the end. I doubt he would be interested.

 

[Xantippe]

Unless the mother is off Facebook and totally off the grid, the father knows if he wants to know.

 

[Cricket2]

Firstly, I am not involved in the situation so I cannot easily affect opinions or decisions, but it has weighed greatly on my mind for 2+ years.

One of my relatives had a baby without knowing she was expecting; she was in her 20s. She decided to keep the baby and is raising him with her parents. He is an absolutely wonderful little guy and we all love him.

But…she never told his father. He moved out of state, and he had said he never wanted kids and didn’t go to church. We are a strong Lutheran family, so I understand her desire to bring her son up in the church. I also think the father deserves to know he has a son and her son deserves a father.

I know I cannot do anything about her choice not to tell the father, and it isn’t my business. However, I worry that one day he will find out about his son, and there will be consequences.

My question is this: Do fathers have a legal right to know about their children? I guess I am just curious. Like I said, I’m not in a position to say anything and I shouldn’t judge…I just think it’s sad he doesn’t have the opportunity to know his dad.

They might have a legal right, but that does not mean it is a good thing in some cases. It is her choice. Leave it alone.

There might be good reason for her to keep her silence. Maybe she knows something about this person that would not make him safe around a child. If he does find out that is her business and problem. Not yours.

 

[skigirl1689]

They might have a legal right, but that does not mean it is a good thing in some cases. It is her choice. Leave it alone.

There might be good reason for her to keep her silence. Maybe she knows something about this person that would not make him safe around a child. If he does find out that is her business and problem. Not yours.

Of course. I do not even know his identity and even if I did, it is not my place to say anything.

I was just wondering about the legality of it all. Seems like fathers really don’t have rights even if he is a good person and would like to be a father to said child. But I do understand there are
cases where it is better the father does not have knowledge of the child.

As to Facebook, you can have your profile pretty private so it is not necessarily true he would find out if he can’t see her profile. Just an observation.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

One of my relatives had a baby without knowing she was expecting; she was in her 20s.

Its hard to believe in this day and age especially with all the sex education going on that a woman in her 20’s would think she could have sex and then think that she would not get pregnant , even at 15 girls know this, there is lot to be said in being chaste, for your husband to be.

 

[Linybaby]

Of course. I do not even know his identity and even if I did, it is not my place to say anything.

I was just wondering about the legality of it all. Seems like fathers really don’t have rights even if he is a good person and would like to be a father to said child. But I do understand there are
cases where it is better the father does not have knowledge of the child.

As to Facebook, you can have your profile pretty private so it is not necessarily true he would find out if he can’t see her profile. Just an observation.

Yes, facebook can be very private but there are some picture that are for public view, the two on top (from what my friends tell me-I don’t have one) so you really have to be careful.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Several thoughts have come to my mind.

First off, perhaps this mother does not know who the father is (after all, she supposedly didn’t even know she was pregnant), so she decided to tell a ‘story’ that the dad left the state before he knew so she could save facet

Then, the other though is, men know women get pregnant. So if he can leave the state so quickly, it is his fault for not knowing he has a son.

All this to say only the mother knows the true story and she has the right to make whatever decision and no one has a right to judge her.

Sure I feel for the little boy. But I do think it is between him and his mom and I would not put my nose in it and possibly create a wedge between them. Not to mention, not every kid grows up wanting to know who their parents are. I know several people who were adoption and they have never spent time wishing they knew who their biological paretns are

Angie

 

[Stillsosola]

Firstly, I am not involved in the situation so I cannot easily affect opinions or decisions, but it has weighed greatly on my mind for 2+ years.

One of my relatives had a baby without knowing she was expecting; she was in her 20s. She decided to keep the baby and is raising him with her parents. He is an absolutely wonderful little guy and we all love him.

But…she never told his father. He moved out of state, and he had said he never wanted kids and didn’t go to church. We are a strong Lutheran family, so I understand her desire to bring her son up in the church. I also think the father deserves to know he has a son and her son deserves a father.

I know I cannot do anything about her choice not to tell the father, and it isn’t my business. However, I worry that one day he will find out about his son, and there will be consequences.

My question is this: Do fathers have a legal right to know about their children? I guess I am just curious. Like I said, I’m not in a position to say anything and I shouldn’t judge…I just think it’s sad he doesn’t have the opportunity to know his dad.

If he isn’t willing to help support this child then no he shouldn’t even be in it’s life too many men get the perks of fatherhood without the pains of supporting the kids and going through tough times with them your cousin is on the right track in my opinion and trust me I will get flamed for this opinion but it is how I feel.

 

[skigirl1689]

Several thoughts have come to my mind.

First off, perhaps this mother does not know who the father is (after all, she supposedly didn’t even know she was pregnant), so she decided to tell a ‘story’ that the dad left the state before he knew so she could save facet

Then, the other though is, men know women get pregnant. So if he can leave the state so quickly, it is his fault for not knowing he has a son.

All this to say only the mother knows the true story and she has the right to make whatever decision and no one has a right to judge her.

Sure I feel for the little boy. But I do think it is between him and his mom and I would not put my nose in it and possibly create a wedge between them. Not to mention, not every kid grows up wanting to know who their parents are. I know several people who were adoption and they have never spent time wishing they knew who their biological paretns are

Angie

Of course it is between mother and child and grandparents whom he is growing up with. Like I said in the OP, I am not judging, just curious as to what is legal. I do think fathers should know, if there is no other issues of violence or abuse, etc.

Maybe he was planning to move out of state prior, who knows. It doesn’t mean he was escaping the situation. Like my mom always says, people think it’ll never happen to them (i.e. the consequences of risky behavior).

If he isn’t willing to help support this child then no he shouldn’t even be in it’s life too many men get the perks of fatherhood without the pains of supporting the kids and going through tough times with them your cousin is on the right track in my opinion and trust me I will get flamed for this opinion but it is how I feel.

I do understand this opinion…but he doesn’t know about the child (as far as I know). Maybe he does, and if that is the case and won’t support the child, then I fully agree.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Of course it is between mother and child and grandparents whom he is growing up with. Like I said in the OP, I am not judging, just curious as to what is legal. I do think fathers should know, if there is no other issues of violence or abuse, etc.

.

Fair enough, but if one is curious as to the legalities of it all, it would be helpful to know where you live since there are different laws in different places

 

[maryjk]

Legally, if the father’s name isn’t on the birth certificate. He doesn’t have any rights to the child.

If he were to find out about the boy. He would have to jump through hoops to get a paternity test and it would cost HIM in the end.** I doubt he would be interested**.

Unless the mother is off Facebook and totally off the grid, the father knows if he wants to know.

If he isn’t willing to help support this child then no he shouldn’t even be in it’s life too many men get the perks of fatherhood without the pains of supporting the kids and going through tough times with them your cousin is on the right track in my opinion and trust me I will get flamed for this opinion but it is how I feel.

Wow. And we are suppose to be pro-life, pro-family.

A child should have the basic right to a mother and a father. Remember, that is part of the reason homosexual couples shouldn’t be able to adopt.

 

[maryjk]

Thought I would link these two articles.

An interesting read for those that have no problem hiding a child from their father.

Here and here.

 

[Phemie]

Thought I would link these two articles.

An interesting read for those that have no problem hiding a child from their father.

Here and here.

I think there’s a big difference between the mother raising the child without the father’s knowledge and the mother giving the child away without giving the father a chance to raise the child himself. But to me it still depends on what’s best for the child. In my friend’s case, I think it’s best that both she and the child be as far away from the father as is possible.

 

[Ronman]

What ??