Feeling abandoned by God at times

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I had been suffering a long period of time… 12 years, age 12-24. I prayed firefly for help- I thought my help arrived when I received medical help at age 17, but I was misdiagnosed with a form of schizophrenia and heavily medicated. For 7 years I was obese, depressed and during my medicated years I picked up bad coping habits. I was at my wits end-had done novenas. healing retreats, even a small pilgrimage etc. I was told I would be mentally ill forever and I was so heartbroken for those 7 years as my health failed me constantly, and I tried so hard to overcome some sins and could never seem to get the grace to do it. In2018, a crisis happened, which estranged me from my family and many friends… found out the schizophrenic illness was actually PTSD from family abuse as a child, and the terrible emotions I experienced coming off the drugs, having my trauma triggered big time and losing a majority of the people I thought loved me within 8 months… I remember laying on my floor in March of 2019 screaming at God, asking him why after all those years of intense praying he gave up on me-and in that moment of desperation I decided to give God one more try… and trust that despite what had happened, he would take care of me if I let him. Since March I secured good work, lost the weight and stopped medication, have been receiving trauma treatment and my habitual sins are almost completely a remnant of the last. Have a lovely girlfriend, and my future is no longer bleak, but exciting. I’ve had moments, I am still not sure if my family will ever be reconciled to me-BUT I am getting word my absence has made them reflect more and I can see hints that my daily rosary has been actually affecting my family… I know it changed me inside out. Your story of “will I ever be healed” sounds similar to me in 2016… I held on to hope, and even on my last big moment of despair in March of 2019, I had the grace of God to help me make the decision to not give up. If you are suffering take comfort in knowing God is paying attention. I still flip back and forth between abandonment and loving God, usually when my PTSD gets triggered… but through it all, the gifts that pain have given me will stay with me-long after the story is over and heaven is my home. Suffering is terrible, painful and always seemingly hopeless… my story of pain is still ongoing, burn yet I see small progress everyday. Work on loving God and eventually suffering becomes fun. Like “God, what is this event going to teach me, and what will gift will I achieve” god bless you.
 
The great blessing here is that things are not always as they seem. Every burden, every stress, every heartbreak is a tiny splinted of the cross which is your path to heaven.

We lose focus when we look at the micro and forget the macro. The goal is heaven, and we ought to be willing to pay any and all prices for that eternal benefit.

Saint Thérese of Lisieux trained herself to smile each time her cross was made obvious to her; each time she was annoyed or wronged. She knew that each of us has our path to Calvary well planned out for us.

If we but admit our weakness, our inability, God’s strength and grace will flow. It is not easy. But, I am slowly teaching myself to love suffering for love of God.

When I am ready to give up, I remember the One Who did not give up.

Suggestion: For a sacramental, do you have a “Holding Cross”? Shaped to fit comfortably in your hand, it can be a very powerful reminder of the suffering that was endured for your salvation.
 
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My favorite verse from the Old Testament is by Saint Raphael the Archangel. He told Tobit and Tobias:
“Because you were acceptable to God, it was necessary that your faith be tested.” Tobit 12:13 (Douay-Rheims, Knox)
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We are tested, burdens placed upon us, challenges and trials put in our path. But why?

Because we are acceptable to God! If that is not both comforting and inspiring, I do not know what is.
 
po18guy said:
Because we are acceptable to God ! If that is not both comforting and inspiring, I do not know what is.
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That’s definitely a great thing to remember. God has definitely been working on building me through trials this year. I love reading about the saints, too. When I was reading a lot about them I was more willing to endure. I think I’m going to start doing that again.
 
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