Sure, date both so long as you are sure that they are both aware that they are not in an exclusive relationship. Which means more than just ‘not lying’ it means actually telling them that you do not yet view the relationship as exclusive.
I can’t see non-exclusive kissing as acceptable, even by explicit agreement. (Which is again not in any way a jab at the OP’s slip of judgement or difficult current situation but discussing a concept.)
Not really. It’s just that romantic kissing isn’t a recreational activity and that romantic relationships need to be monogamous even if no sex is involved. But some Catholics disagree and, sadly, there’s no specific, explicit authoritative work of moral theology to cite here. I’ve got to admit some personal bias as well. I tend to view non-exclusive kissing in terms of conduct unbecoming and the degree of my dislike of it exceeds the degree of its moral wrongness (which I’d be hard-pressed to prove in absolute terms).
The secular view is that a kiss is like drinking water, and that is completely harmless. You can go out right now, and kiss as many girls you’d like. I don’t think this is a view you would want to have. Furthermore, obviously you shouldn’t be “sleeping together” with any girl until marriage. This is also a not big deal for the secular views with the ideas of one night stands, friends with benefits, and others sins against chastity. Thus, I recommend you ignore such secular views, and pray to God for some guidance on this topic, perhaps ask your Spiritual director?. Also, it is important you realize that if you start kissing the second girl, and you are still kissing the first girl, and still going out with her… Let me point out that this is deceitful, and selfish. You shouldn’t be looking for polyamorous relationships.
Which is the precise problem with nonexclusive dating.
I agree with you. In fact, my girlfriend told me the exact same thing. It is deceiving if you start doing so with more than one girl. This is why I agree that if OP is kissing one girl, and starts kissing the second girl then he is being deceitful, and selfish.
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I pretty much qualified the dating of both by saying engaged or serious relationship.
Which had nothing to do with the point I brought up, but which I also have a problem with.
All I know is that I would be seriously hurt and feel as though I had been treated unfairly if I found out that a guy I had been dating and becoming emotionally close with was also dating other women at the same time. I would feel personally violated and as though he had broken my trust. I know I am not the only woman who would feel this way, and I would certainly expect this kind of exclusivity long before I would truly consider a relationship “serious”, but again, perhaps my definition of a serious relationship is different than yours. I addressed "lying’ and exclusivity in post 41. Defining casual dating and a serious dating relationship is to be looked at first. Serious says it all. Casual is “playing the field” and working through the women who may or may not be a good fit for you. You are correct that it would be hurtful if someone was in a serious dating relationship and then announced they were with someone else on the side.Which had nothing to do with the point I brought up, but which I also have a problem with.
My original point was that it is not sufficient to merely avoid lying about being in a non-exclusive relationship. If one knowingly withholds the information that one is in a non-exclusive relationship from the multiple people one is dating evven though there is the possiblity, or even worsse, the likelihood, that any of them look at their relationship with you as exclusive, then there is a huge problem. That is deception by omission. It is not technically lying, but is still an unacceptable form of deception, which is why I was pushing him to make sure to explicitly tell them that he views the relationship as non-exclusive. Now, I realize that by lying you might have been including this kind of deception, and if so thats all fine and dandy, we’re on the same page, it just seemed too easy for someone to come along and read that all they had to do is not lie and then it would be ok, and so go on to deceivve others through omission, all the while thinking their doing nothing wrong, because, well, technically they’re not lying.
My new issue, now that you point out that you think exclusivity is only necessary for serious or engaged couples, is that the nature of the emotional attatchment between people that must develop before a couple becomes very serious or engaged is exclusive. Once that emotional attatchment begins to develop, and once the couple start to nourish that emotional attacthment, the relationship should be exclusive. Maybe our difference in opinion is coming from a different understanding of what counts as “seriously” dating. If it does we might actually be in agreement about the essence of what we’re saying and just be using different words to express it. Hopefully this is the case.
Which does not include finding out what kind of kissers they are! Just saying.
There should not be such a thing as a non-serious relationship. That kinda sounds like going through the motions for the excitment of it. I guess as far as a coffee and a dance goes that could probably be okay barring risk of emotional harm through misunderstanding, but when stuff like kissing etc. comes, then no, no, no. Because it becomes like the spin the bottle party game, which is poor style. Call me a prude if you will.
I suppose many people wouldn’t mind non-exclusive fornication, much less making out, much less lesser things than that.
I prefer “dating” to boyfriend. Boy whatever stops at about age 16 or something. It’s man after than. I find the expression humiliating from a man’s point of view. I’d insist on being introduced as a friend instead, to avoid that “boy” thing. Besides, “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” is beginning more and more to imply fornication.
I agree with this. I am the same way. I know I couldn’t multiple date… I think it would just end up being meeting people and never develop into anything else. I wouldn’t be serious and I don’t think i would even see seriousness in the man’s part, so nothing would happen. I would either get into a lot of trouble (like the OP seems to have gotten into) or I would have nothing happen at all.
Men might disagree with that, but then again, they are not women and have no idea. They can think its fine and dandy, and some women might agree with them, but I don't believe it. I know how I am as a woman and how I work, and even how I denied it at one time because I wanted the physical 'love'/attentions of a man. It just ends in sorrow and sadly too many girls are falling for that trap of believing a man's intentions are further than they are when they kiss you.This. Dating two people (or more!) is confusing and unnecessary. If you reach the point where you discern that the girl is not someone you wish to continue seeing, THEN you are free to date others, as long as you have explained that you have no romantic feelings with the first.
Like I said, if by lying you include any sort of deception, even by omission, then we are on the same page.
I wasn’t specificly bringing that point up because of you, moreso because of the general opinion that seemed to be here that it would be fine to keep on as is, only saying something if asked.Are we on the same page with the definition of dating here? Just making sure. This because I’d like, with all said against the decidedly romantic dating, kissing etc., with multiple people, to keep the distinction that just talking, getting to know each other etc., as friends, is generally okay, and it will generally be interpreted as a date by a bystander by default.
Honestly, why would you do this. To me it seems kind of dirty. I understand it’s in the early stages of the relationship, but seriously, that to me just seems wrong. Maybe i’m bitter though because I’m 23 and I can’t even get one girl to date me let alone two.
It’s a good rule - just make sure you have a calender and keep it updated.
If you are feeling guilty it’s your conscious telling you something.