Feeling really upset about AL

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Harmony

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I feel very upset about Amoris Laetitia. The Pope says that divorced and remarried people can be “accompanied” by a priest.

I feel like a kid who had to sleep without a blanket through cold winters and even illnesses, but didn’t complain and offered it up, and then in the end, on a warm day someone else comes in with a skinned knee and all of a sudden all these warm blankets come out!!!

Either priests do NOT have time to really take care of their flock, which is why they can’t help, or they DO.

Now the Pope is saying they do have that time.

I realize that i should probably be offering it up, etc. Etc. But I suffered and my children suffered because of this. Now all my children have left the Church and are in need of psychological help, and this is in part because priests didn’t have time to help.

I’m not blaming the Church for my specific problems, just saying that there were problems and the priests didn’t have time for that. But now they have time to “accompany” all these people in irregular marriages.

I feel confused and like I’ve been kicked in the teeth by my own Church.

Just so that you don’t think that I’m saying this without understanding the “plight” of these people who are “suffering so much,” my own marriage was not regularized for more than 6 years after I returned to the Church and that was why ai say that there are other bigger problems than being in an irregular marriage and unable to receive communion.

I just don’t know what to do when I feel like my own Church is hurting me so much.
 
The fact that the Pope says they “can” does not mean that they do.

Priests are stretched very thin these days and there are not enough of them to take care of everyone’s needs. I am quite sure there are people having all kinds of crises nowadays who are not getting the ideal level of attention from their priests.
 
Believe me, I know. But what I really want to know is, I feel really hurt or abandoned by the Church. My heart is sad, not so much because of me, but because of my trying to be a good Catholic with no support and very little knowledge, and now I feel like this has hurt me because I really really tried to be a good Catholic and defend the Church but then this comes along.

What was all that suffering for? Why aren’t bigger problems addressed? I feel like I was trying to be a good Catholic and not complain, to offer it up, to pray for things, getting shut down in trying to start a group by people with a middle-school “cool girl” mentality,n and now the people who cried about not being allowed to receive Communion get the accompaniment I and many others could have really used!

I did my best to do what the Church said, and it hasn’t done any good at all.
 
Thank you for your reply. I just feel kind of run over by a truck.
 
Harmony said:
Amoris Laetitia
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First, let’s look at the text of the letter. In the section titled “Accompaniment after breakdown and divorce”, para 242 the text reads:

The local community and pastors
should accompany these people with solicitude,
particularly when children are involved or when
they are in serious financial difficulty

https://w2.vatican.va/content/franc..._esortazione-ap_20160319_amoris-laetitia.html

Each Bishop is the chief pastor for the souls in his Diocese. He appoints priests as pastors of parishes. In many US Dioceses, the Bishop’s office also trains lay people to be “Advocates” at the parish level to accompany those going through the validity process.

While parish pastors would love to be able to personally spend time with every parishioner, (and in some places in the world that may be possible because they have many priests in a parish) in the typical US parish you have a pastor and for very large parishes a couple of associates. They are caring for thousands of souls.

This is why the Holy Father speaks of both the “local community” - which means the parish - and pastors. We lay people need to love and accompany our brothers and sisters in good times and in bad times.
 
Harmony said:
I’m not blaming the Church for my specific problems, just saying that there were problems and the priests didn’t have time for that. But now they have time to “accompany” all these people in irregular marriages.

I feel confused and like I’ve been kicked in the teeth by my own Church.
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God will repay you in the end what is rightly yours. God will dole out justice to the Church that it deserves.

You have every right to be upset. But also, be thankful that you’re around to see these changes. The Church has lost many of it’s members because of stuff like this.

Priests have a rather large millstone hanging over their head, much larger than the average person. Have mercy on them and God will have mercy on you.

Tell your children that there are many people in the Church who feel the same way they do but are there nevertheless because of the realization that nothing that is controlled by mere mortals will ever be anything close to perfect. But the Church is, IMO, the best we’ve got.
 
This is not the part I am talking about. This is just saying that the parish community should be nice to divorced and remarried families in the same way they should be nice to everyone else. The part I am tlaming about is where the priests “accompany” the couple.

Where was all this accompaniment when I was trying to raise my children Catholic? Where was al.this accompaniment when my relatives were trying to get through their lives and they have now left thechurch?

I this is why I feel like the Church has kicked me in the teeth. I struggled through all this, and now all of a sudden priests are called on the accompany ONE group of people, because they cried about not being able to receive communion. All the rest of us just have to offer everything up, but this ONE group gets accompaniment?

There is such a great need in the Church for help for people, a lot of people, and we are all supposed to suffer for the gokd of our souls. our children are being hurt and there is no recognition of the NEED people have for more than pray and accept Gods will.

Its not what you wrote about, its the part where one small part of the Church gets something denied to me and to many, many others, because we did what the Church said to do in the face of suffering.
 
Harmony said:
Believe me, I know. But what I really want to know is, I feel really hurt or abandoned by the Church. My heart is sad, not so much because of me, but because of my trying to be a good Catholic with no support and very little knowledge, and now I feel like this has hurt me because I really really tried to be a good Catholic and defend the Church but then this comes along.

What was all that suffering for? Why aren’t bigger problems addressed? I feel like I was trying to be a good Catholic and not complain, to offer it up, to pray for things, getting shut down in trying to start a group by people with a middle-school “cool girl” mentality,n and now the people who cried about not being allowed to receive Communion get the accompaniment I and many others could have really used!

I did my best to do what the Church said, and it hasn’t done any good at all.
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Is it possible you are not completely understanding AL and all it’s implications?
How do you square your interpretations of AL with this:


The Pope specifically states those in mortal sin must go to confession before receiving the Eucharist.
 
there is nothing I can tell my children now, and I certainly don’t blame priests.

I fell like Peter: that is no place better, but why does the Church hurt people? They ignore people and then they suddenly turn around and hurt them?
 
Harmony said:
The part I am tlaming about is where the priests “accompany” the couple.
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Thing is, that is not what the document says.

I am sorry that you feel this way, I am sorry that people distort and twist the Holy Father’s words and hurt people even more!

If you were in my parish, I could give you the information about Catholic support groups.

Rose Sweet offers retreats AND a series that can be done at parishes

http://www.catholicsdivorce.com/


Perhaps you can be the change you want to see in your parish and facilitate this support group!
 
From Rose Sweet’s website:

I don’t trust the Church, and I haven’t been to Mass for years…
It’s okay, you’re not alone. Many Catholics who suffer the pain of divorce come back after a long time, hoping to find some solid footing, but not really knowing what to expect. We’ll help you find your way.

If you’ve been hurt by someone in the Church, consider this: In the field of medicine there are insurance scams, rip off artists, doctors who should lose their licenses, and of course a whole world of mysterious medical talk that we really don’t understand.

It’s the same with the Catholic Church. Jesus, the Great Physician, built His church as a hospital; through it He can—and most importantly He WANTS TO—work healing wonders in your heart and soul. But you might encounter some less-than-perfect people along the way, even a “Nurse Ratched” or two! Don’t give up.

Please keep an open mind; you are welcome. We are here for you. We want to introduce you to the Church in a way you maybe have never known. We hope you won’t let the past keep you away from the gifts, the blessings, and the strength He wants for you. For more information go to www.CatholicsComeHome.org

Bible: Upon this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it. Matt 16:18

Catechism: From the church (you) receive the Word of God . . . the grace of the sacraments that sustains (you) on the way . . . and an example of holiness. CCC 2030
 
TheLittleLady said:
Thing is, that is not what the document says.

I am sorry that you feel this way, I am sorry that people distort and twist the Holy Father’s words and hurt people even more!
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Yes, it does say that several times. Here is one of them from n. 300
Priests have the duty to “accompany [the divorced and remarried] in helping them to understand their situation according to the teaching of the Church and the guidelines of the bishop.
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1Lord1Faith said:
Priests have the duty to “accompany [the divorced and remarried] in helping them to understand their situation according to the teaching of the Church and the guidelines of the bishop.
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Every nullity investigation I have known of begins with a meeting with a priest.
 
My opinion on Amoris Laetitia has changed almost weekly. I still don’t like it, but what gets me even more is the media coverage of it. I can’t accept the words of a reporter until I’ve read the document myself, which I have. It still leaves me sitting in lukewarm water - neither hot nor cold, but enough to annoy the nerves.

Although the Holy Father has said several times the those in mortal sin must go to confession, we won’t hear about. At the same time, this Pope has said other questionable things regarding people who may be admitted to communion and he is surrounded by several Marxists and other liberal theologians.

The public attitude towards annulment must be changed. I’m sick of hearing about “oh, he has to go get his Church divorce before he marries Susan.”
 
Maybe this will help, n.312 from AL
  1. This offers us a framework and a setting which help us avoid a cold bureaucratic morality in dealing with more sensitive issues. Instead, it sets us in the context of a pastoral discernment filled with merciful love, which is ever ready to understand, forgive, accompany, hope, and above all integrate. That is the mindset which should prevail in the Church and lead us to “open our hearts to those living on the outermost fringes of society”.366 I encourage the faithful who find themselves in complicated situations to speak confidently with their pastors or with other lay people whose lives are committed to the Lord. They may not always encounter in them a confirmation of their own ideas or desires, but they will surely receive some light to help them better understand their situation and discover a path to personal growth. I also encourage the Church’s pastors to listen to them with sensitivity and serenity, with a sincere desire to understand their plight and their point of view, in order to help them live better lives and to recognize their proper place in the Church.
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How did the church let you down? You entered into an marriage that wasnt a sacramental marriage, correct?
 
That paragraph specifically talks about an examine of conscience for those who have divorced and remarried.

Again, the word “accompany” has different meanings. The Holy Father does not demand the impossible. I picked a random US Diocese (Kansas City/St Joseph Missouri). The ratio in 2016 was 730 parishioners to every priest.

http://www.catholic-hierarchy.org/diocese/lc.html

28% of Catholics get divorced. http://www.ncregister.com/daily-news/catholics-continue-to-have-lowest-divorce-rates

That is 200+ divorces per priest in that one Diocese.

We, the parishioners in the pews HAVE to step up and begin accompanying our brothers and sisters, in good times and in bad.
 
The irregularity of my marriage was never a big issue for me: I accepted the Church’s understanding of my situation and lived with it. I only brought it up to show that it was not due to lack of understanding of being in that situation that causes me to be upset.

But for regular parishioners who have difficulties, there is very little access to priests. And it’s because priests don’t have time. oK, fine; I dealt with that and with trying to learn about Catholicism from the internet and from books.

My problem is now suddenly priests are being directed to make time or have time to help one small group of people with a sigtuation which was previously very clear.

I was not raised Catholic, so I didn’t know a lot of things. It is not easy to form a deeper friendship with people in a parish as an adult with children. And who knows what they know? Having heard many really erratic statements from lay people who attend Mass weekly, they are even less trustworthy than priests, who might tell you its ok to use birth control and or to use the internal forum solution. (Luckily this problem is being taken care of as younger younger priests seem to adhere better to Church teaching.)

What is the visible Church supposed to be to us, and are we just to pray, pay, and obey, and suffer alone with no answers? Pastor in Latin means shepherd and shepherds are supposed to care for their sheep. But priests have all this other stuff to do, so we sheep aren’t getting what we need.
 
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