Feelings hurt by my Husband

[Lillith]

This is the situation:

H has a high school friend who is also best friends with my sil who totally snobs me everytime we run into her. She won’t look at me, does not acknowledge me when I speak, has never spoken to me now that I think about it.

At first my H said it was all in my head, which hurt my feelings…then back in Dec. this lady came over to our house and snobbed me at my kitchen table, but this time my SIL noticed. I was so relieved that I’m not crazy…it really happens…but again my H did not notice, but we talked about it.

It happened again last night, and my patience is running thin for it. I can’t tell you why she’s doing it (neither can SIL) but I don’t deserve such disrespect while she fawns over my husband (yes she is a little flirty…that does not bother me)

My feelings are hurt cause my husband isn’t in the slightest bit concerned that she is making me feel yucky. I want him to be angry that she is snobbing me, but he just doesn’t see why. I want him to take up for me…to be “I will not associate with you if you can’t associate with my wife” but he just doesn’t feel that way. It’s no big deal…but if it were happening to him…he’d be mad I know it!

I also wonder how to deal with her and be a good christian at the same time. what she is doing is so devious that if I were to confront her she could easily say I am insane…what would you do???

Teresa

 

[Nanny_PK]

I can understand why you would be upset that your husband hasn’t taken your side BUT if I were you, I’d take care of it myself – I will add that I’m single so I’ve had to become very independent in situations that I would have in the past because if I don’t do it, nobody will.

I would just make sure that I’m not around her – if you run into her in public, just avoid her. I certainly would not have her in my home!!! I can’t control who’s out in public but I can control who crosses the threshold of my home. If H has a problem with that, I would very kindly say, “I will not be disrespected in my own home. If she can’t be civil to me, she’s not going to be allowed in.”

Just my two cents. Take it for what it’s worth

 

[kage_ar]

Once this “friend” graduates from highschool and matures, this behavior should come to an end. If not, you might have the city water investigated for some strange chemicals - this simply is not the way civilized adults behave.

 

[Lillith]

Once this “friend” graduates from highschool and matures, this behavior should come to an end. If not, you might have the city water investigated for some strange chemicals - this simply is not the way civilized adults behave.

That’s what I’m thinking…crazy thing is this lady is forty years old…way to old to be that mean.

I wonder why she hates me

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

It’s no big deal…but if it were happening to him…he’d be mad I know it!

Hmmmm…I wonder if you could set that up? Have any guy friends who would play along and give hubby an in-your-face example?

I also wonder how to deal with her and be a good christian at the same time. what she is doing is so devious that if I were to confront her she could easily say I am insane…what would you do???

**What I would like to do in that situation would be the hardest. Be so nice, so drippingly sweet and charitable. And keep the sarcasm (which I am very prone to) out of my voice and off of my face. The only way I could do this is by constantly asking the Holy Spirit to speak through me.

Make it impossible for her to ignore you without proving what a snot she is being. Example:
If she is in your home again ask her if she’d care for a drink. If she pretends you don’t exist, get closer and ask again…sorry you must not have heard me, would you care for a drink? Ask everyone else first and then ask her. Do things that will make it very clear that you are present and demand the respect due to you, especially in your own home.

The only way to get hubby on your side is to give him nothing bad to say about you (by being gracious and kind) and allowing him to see for himself how she is treating you.
**
Teresa

 

[mariam1976]

i totally agree with malia and if she still persists, then go the route of Nanny PK… i too totally believe that while i cannot control everything that happens outside the home, and need to be gracious no matter what, in my house, i will be respected or you r not welcome!!

 

[Lillith]

i totally agree with malia and if she still persists, then go the route of Nanny PK… i too totally believe that while i cannot control everything that happens outside the home, and need to be gracious no matter what, in my house, i will be respected or you r not welcome!!

To be really sweet will be a hardship…But I’ll try. What I really wanna do :banghead:

About my husband…I don’t understand how he didn’t notice. It makes me feel invisible…if my SIL hadn’t noticed he might not believe me still…why is he so oblivious? Is that a man thing or just him…

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

i totally agree with malia and if she still persists, then go the route of Nanny PK… i too totally believe that while i cannot control everything that happens outside the home, and need to be gracious no matter what, in my house, i will be respected or you r not welcome!!

**
The only problem with that route is that it’s not just her house, it’s her husband’s too. If he doesn’t even see a problem he is not likely to just accept that his “friend” is no longer allowed over especially because of something so silly as his wife’s “over reaction or paranoia”. It will solve the immediate issue of not having to be subjected to disrespect in her own home by this woman but not the one of being disrespected by her own husband.**

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

To be really sweet will be a hardship…But I’ll try. What I really wanna do :banghead:

Oh trust me, i understand! But you did ask how to be a good Christian… if you had just asked how I would deal with it woman to woman it would have been a whole different story, lol

 

[dixieagle]

To be really sweet will be a hardship…But I’ll try. What I really wanna do :banghead:

About my husband…I don’t understand how he didn’t notice. It makes me feel invisible…if my SIL hadn’t noticed he might not believe me still…why is he so oblivious? Is that a man thing or just him…

It sounds to me (old married lady of 34 yrs) as if this woman is flat out jealous of you and has a thing for your husband. Men can be thick about things like this; he may also enjoy the attention.

Be sure you give him plenty of attention, but let him know exactly how this makes you feel - “I feel very slighted by this woman, especially in our own home, and it hurts me that you don’t support me in this.”

 

[Nanny_PK]

**
The only problem with that route is that it’s not just her house, it’s her husband’s too. If he doesn’t even see a problem he is not likely to just accept that his “friend” is no longer allowed over especially because of something so silly as his wife’s “over reaction or paranoia”. It will solve the immediate issue of not having to be subjected to disrespect in her own home by this woman but not the one of being disrespected by her own husband.**

True. Didn’t really think of that – like I said, I’m single so I don’t have to deal with that scenario However, maybe SIL would be willing to explain to H what she observed. That might help him “see the light.”

 

[Lillith]

**
The only problem with that route is that it’s not just her house, it’s her husband’s too. If he doesn’t even see a problem he is not likely to just accept that his “friend” is no longer allowed over especially because of something so silly as his wife’s “over reaction or paranoia”. It will solve the immediate issue of not having to be subjected to disrespect in her own home by this woman but not the one of being disrespected by her own husband.**

Exactly…why is he so dense and how do I get him to understand? I already explained the shoe on the other foot thing he just doesn’t get it…

 

[CarrieH]

About my husband…I don’t understand how he didn’t notice. It makes me feel invisible…if my SIL hadn’t noticed he might not believe me still…why is he so oblivious? Is that a man thing or just him…

It’s a man thing. They are often clueless about social cues and nonverbal communication, and unless this woman comes right out and says something rude, your dh just might not “get it.”

 

[Lillith]

It sounds to me (old married lady of 34 yrs) as if this woman is flat out jealous of you and has a thing for your husband. Men can be thick about things like this; he may also enjoy the attention.

That’s exactly what I think! He likes the attention…I sure wish I could get a guy on here to explain:thumbsup:

Be sure you give him plenty of attention, but let him know exactly how this makes you feel - “I feel very slighted by this woman, especially in our own home, and it hurts me that you don’t support me in this.”

I already had this conversation…he apologised but I could tell by the glazed look in his eyeballs that he doesn’t get it.

 

[mariam1976]

**
The only problem with that route is that it’s not just her house, it’s her husband’s too. If he doesn’t even see a problem he is not likely to just accept that his “friend” is no longer allowed over especially because of something so silly as his wife’s “over reaction or paranoia”. It will solve the immediate issue of not having to be subjected to disrespect in her own home by this woman but not the one of being disrespected by her own husband.**

i am sure she is not the only friend that they have… so if she is not being paranoid about just about everyone slighting her, he should not have any issues with one woman not being in their house becos she is not being respected in the house…

anyways, he is supposed to be prioritizing her first and then everyone else… just my :twocents:

 

[mercygate]

To be really sweet will be a hardship…But I’ll try. What I really wanna do :banghead:

About my husband…I don’t understand how he didn’t notice. It makes me feel invisible…if my SIL hadn’t noticed he might not believe me still…why is he so oblivious? Is that a man thing or just him…

Men belong to a different emotional species. They are from a different planet. Forget about having “hurt feelings” over this.

You want him to notice something? Show him a lug wrench. He’ll notice THAT.

 

[Lillith]

Men belong to a different emotional species. They are from a different planet. Forget about having “hurt feelings” over this.

You want him to notice something? Show him a lug wrench. He’ll notice THAT.

LOL

 

[b_justb]

If you feel someone is disresecting you in your own home - go to the person and talk to them about it directly.

If your spouce doesn’t notice it or care - so what, it bugs you so take care of it yourself.

ug me man … where I make fire now?

 

[Lillith]

If you feel someone is disresecting you in your own home - go to the person and talk to them about it directly.

I am afraid that she’ll say I am making it up…it is underground type of DISS. she could easily say it is all in my head, which is what my H thought until I found a witness.

If your spouce doesn’t notice it or care - so what, it bugs you so take care of it yourself.

LOL…

 

[yellowbird]

If you feel someone is disresecting you in your own home - go to the person and talk to them about it directly.

If your spouce doesn’t notice it or care - so what, it bugs you so take care of it yourself.

ug me man … where I make fire now?

I’m with B on this one. I think you should nicely confront her… especially since it happened in your own home. “Did I do or say something to offend you? I get the distinct impression that you’re snubbing me.” She’ll probably deny it - but at least you’ve put her on notice that you’re well aware of what she’s doing.

I too think she’s “into” your husband.

This is NOT the time to be mad at him. She’d probably love that?!