Feelings of unworthiness

[dmftx]

I am so happy for you! All of our sorrows, sufferings and regrets are learning experiences to bring us closer to God. Understanding that helps me change my perception and empowers me to “keep on keeping on”.

Hugs!

 

[fred_conty]

Howdy All,

I’ve been a long time lurker on both the forums and reader of the CA articles, but I just joined today. I certainly believe God is active in our lives, but have always cast a skeptical eye at someone who says they’ve been “called to do something”. I’m not sure why yet, but for some reason today, I felt called to join this website.

Why this website? I don’t know. I’ve got a great group of Catholic friends from my local parish, my father’s a Catholic Deacon, it would seem I have a great network of people to lean on, but here I am.

I’m in a major spiritual trough. I’ve struggled with addictions in my late teens and early 20’s only to finally beat them back with my prayer life, attending reconciliation regularly, and praying the rosary, going on the ACTS retreat 5 years ago really lit the fire in my prayer life and brought me back to full active participation in the Catholic Church, where I’d been a wall flower during college. Unfortunately, I’m back in my old habits. I feel so bad, so unworthy, so evil, the best word I can think of is so BASE.

I can’t stand myself right now, I’ve betrayed my wife and daughter, and that’s something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I hate the sins I commit, yet I feel compelled to do them, and I fantasize about them. I love our Lord and His Blessed Mother so much, yet I can’t imagine the pain and the shame they feel when they look at me, yet I’m taught that it can’t be so, I don’t believe it anymore. I haven’t gone to Reconciliation for two years (when the first small leaks started appearing before the dam burst) as I don’t trust that I’m fully sorry what I’m doing. How can I when I keep fantasizing about doing them?

I’m really lost right now, today is my 31st birthday and I’ve never felt so alone or out of control. My entire life I’ve excelled at everything I’ve done and I’m now the poster child for the man who has everything who has nothing.

Please pray for me.

One thing you have going for you is your honesty. You know, some find this very hard to do…to be honest. Yet it is the first step back to Jesus. “Lord have mercy on me for I am a sinner.” That is what it takes to return to Jesus, who by the way never turned from you at any time…he is just waiting.

I have a great faith in Mary and also in her appearence to a Sister in Paris France in 1840. At that time Mary told this sister to make a green scapular and to give it out to people. And to those who accepted this scapular, she would see to it that they would have their faith deepen and would also receive the graces to return to the church if need be.

All she askes is that you keep it on you, in your wallet, or your room. Say the prayer every day, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.” And then believe that she will keep her promise to you. It is required that it also be blessed.

The heart of Jesus is moved by the heart of Mary. If she says something, it will happen. Trust her and use her gift to you, for that is what she herself would say to you.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

 

[Flambeau]

One thing you have going for you is your honesty. You know, some find this very hard to do…to be honest. Yet it is the first step back to Jesus. “Lord have mercy on me for I am a sinner.” That is what it takes to return to Jesus, who by the way never turned from you at any time…he is just waiting.

I have a great faith in Mary and also in her appearence to a Sister in Paris France in 1840. At that time Mary told this sister to make a green scapular and to give it out to people. And to those who accepted this scapular, she would see to it that they would have their faith deepen and would also receive the graces to return to the church if need be.

All she askes is that you keep it on you, in your wallet, or your room. Say the prayer every day, “Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.” And then believe that she will keep her promise to you. It is required that it also be blessed.

The heart of Jesus is moved by the heart of Mary. If she says something, it will happen. Trust her and use her gift to you, for that is what she herself would say to you.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.

What a great post Fred, thanks again, and God Bless you as well.