Felt uncompfortable by an offer from two good friends

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WilmaORTEGA

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Hi guys, been away awhile and now need advice on a certain matter.

Okay, a male friend of mine was consoling me on my breakup with my ex and he said he thought I needed to get my mind off things and offered to have three way sex with him and his wife.

At first, I thought he was just joking but then his wife came over and said they often have three way sex, sometimes with two men to give her extra pleasure and sometimes with two women to give the husband extra pleasure.

I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE and said I had to go to a doctor’s appointment so I could leave the conversation.

I am looking for advice on how to decline their offer but still maintain our friendship as they are GREAT FRIENDS of mine.
 
Wilma,

They may have been friends with you in the past, but these two are taking advantage of your pain to feed some very distorted and disturbing adulterous sexual practices. IOW, they are NOT being friends to you now. My advice would be to find refuge in your family or other friends and/or your church. This situation will only cause you more pain. Flee any company with these folks.

I will remember you in my prayers.

God bless,

Gordo
 
I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE . . .
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Well, I guess. Duh. :banghead:

I’m sorry to be flippant, but this OP is either a troll or in serious need of pulling their head out of . . . well, let’s say “out of the sand.”

Run from these people. Run fast. Run far.
 
WilmaORTEGA said:
Hi guys, been away awhile and now need advice on a certain matter.

Okay, a male friend of mine was consoling me on my breakup with my ex and he said he thought I needed to get my mind off things and offered to have three way sex with him and his wife.

At first, I thought he was just joking but then his wife came over and said they often have three way sex, sometimes with two men to give her extra pleasure and sometimes with two women to give the husband extra pleasure.

I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE and said I had to go to a doctor’s appointment so I could leave the conversation.

I am looking for advice on how to decline their offer but still maintain our friendship as they are GREAT FRIENDS of mine.
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The direct approsch might really be the best. That would be immoral and a major sin for me to accept that proposal.
 
Thanks you guys for your responses, these two really do treat me great, I don’t agree with their sexual habits but I can honestly say they treat me great.

Better than my parents who were upset that I broke up with my ex, they loved him because of his financial status, my mother told me how is she gonna get that BMW she has always wanted and my father wanting the Plasma Television he has always wanted?😦

My ex didn’t treat me too well most of our relationship, the way he verbally abused me took it’s toll on me:( and I finally had enough and ended the relationship.

I go to church every once in awhile.
 
Just tell them you’re not into it, and ask (politely of course) that they keep what goes on in the bedroom in the bedroom.

If they keep trying to pressure you into a threesome when you clearly don’t want to, that’s a very bad sign and it’d be best to get away – if not, well, they’re swingers and made a faux pas, let he who is without sin cast the first stone and all that. If good, upstanding Catholics only made friends with other good, upstanding Catholics the Church wouldn’t have lasted a single decade.

Sorry you ended up on the spot like that. Swingers or no swingers, it sounds like it’s good you’re out of that relationship. I hope it all works out, especially with your parents – the behavior you described is absolutely repulsive.
 
If they attend the same church as you do, follow Matthew 18, you are already on verse 16 in this matter. If they are not Christians, then you should treat them like they are, Rapists, sexual perverts,

Matthew 18:15-18 (New International Version)

15"If your brother sins against you,[a] go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’** 17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be[c]bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be[d] loosed in heaven.

Acts 15:29
You are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from sexual immorality. You will do well to avoid these things. Farewell.

1 Thessalonians 4:3
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;

2 Timothy 2:22
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers ] Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Ephesians 5:3
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.

1 Corinthians 5:9
I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—

These people ceased being your friends the second they suggested this sexual perversion.**
 
I agree with those who say you don’t need these people as friends. They are preying on your vulnerablity with the breakup of your boyfriend. They are thinking of their wants and needs, not yours. You felt uncomfortable because you have a working conscience. Pray for God to guide you in His will. You’ll never be sorry. God Bless you.
 
Some sexual predators prey on young kids, these sexual predators are salivating over your body. Friends? Ya, like wolf friends when a lamb wanders into their den. Seems like you must have a personality trait of some kind that draws abusive people. Might be worth checking into it with a good Christian counselor. Without such a look into your psyche you may never draw really good people near. Basically you are probably a very nice person, but there is a possibly a potential chink in your armor. One I can think of right away is that you have difficulty discerning which friends are good for you.
 
with my southern accent…Sweety…you need new friends…

Just like the saying goes Friends don’t let friends drive drunk…so I coin the saying Friends don’t ask friends to have sex for fun. No doubt in my mind…they are preditors. Your friends are NOT really friends. They want…well you know what they want. You need to find healthy relationships. And you also need to dump anyone that lives an immoral life style. It’s really that simple. Openly sinful people love to drag others down with them. It’s part of their pleasure game in life. They like to participate in the “blessings” without the sacrifice. You apparently are not strong in your faith. I suggest enrolling in an RCIA class to meet new friends and learn as they learn. Honestly, they probably know more than you from what I’m hearing from you. Not always true, but manytimes it’s so when they are form evangelical faiths.

Join a book club in your Parish. Find a parish and commit to it. Go to confession to get on the right track and for your own sake/strength try to go to frequent confession, weekly at first but try at least 4 weeks. Make an appointment with a good priest. If your “good looking”…dress modest and learn to carry yourself a little more modestly…that way you may begin to attract better people that are more attracted to you as a person rather than your body.

My wife surprized me after we married. She came from a very conservative evangelical faith in a conservative family. The “blessings” of her beauty are incidental, however, I married her for her. Her first haristyle was really funky and after she moved to a real city she morphed into a beautiful woman but reamined beautiful on the inside. We’ve been married for 18 years. I wondered around forever never meeting a Catholic woman who knew her faith and followed it. Many wanted to live some kind of life styles of the rich and famous without the work. God blessed me with some looks, but also with a good head on my shoulders to make it eventually…My dignity was overlooked because I couldn’t provide these women in my life with material possessions. At the same time I was twisted to dub certain qualities as beauty rather than see true beauty. Example, I was sort of pushed into believing that only blondes were my thing…My wife is brunette…I find God’s choices are better than mine. He also blessed me with a good Christian wife that eventually found the fullness of the faith. God gave me a Catholic wife, 17 years after the fact, but we’re all Catholic. Surround yourself with Christians, not idiots. Unless you tend to lean away from God you will never be real friends with those outside Christianity. And only catechized orthodox Catholic friends will truly understand and share your faith in the fullness of Christ.

Maybe you should read “Theology of the Body” and participate in the discussion groups. It sounds like you lack self-respect. You may be lost and need to enter into self protection mode by entering into some of the programs I’ve mentioned to give you that friendship you truly need. Discover your dignity…or something like that.
 
WilmaORTEGA said:
Thanks you guys for your responses, these two really do treat me great, I don’t agree with their sexual habits but I can honestly say they treat me great.

Better than my parents who were upset that I broke up with my ex, they loved him because of his financial status, my mother told me how is she gonna get that BMW she has always wanted and my father wanting the Plasma Television he has always wanted?😦

My ex didn’t treat me too well most of our relationship, the way he verbally abused me took it’s toll on me:( and I finally had enough and ended the relationship.

I go to church every once in awhile.
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As the Confessor told me yesterday, Satan likes to throw darts to keep us away from the Eucharist, the Source and Summit of the Faith. He is our True Food and True Drink, and Jesus exhorts us “I will raise him up on the last day”, of the ones who partake of Him under the species of bread and wine. Sacramental Confession is a good start (and mandatory for missing Sunday obligation and other personal sins). Also - pray to Our Lady, the Blessed Virgin Mary, our Mother and Queen! For Her prayers are always in tune with God’s Will, as the blessing of Her Son remains in Her at all times. I can testify to having been brought back to Christ many times because of Her flawless intercession. Who better to petition in prayer than the One who bore God in Her womb for the salvation of souls. Be encouraged!
 
They can no longer be your friends.

They have chosen to break the sanctity of their marriage, and have gone on to attempt to infect others.

I would suggest that you explain to them that they loose the graces God grants to married couples by doing this, and that you and everyone else found in this predicament have no option but to distance themselves from them as God instructs until they once again regain their friendship with God.

Explain that the repercussions are now inevitable for them. The children may later come to learn of their habits and so will their family, and that will cause discord as is predictable in compounded sin. But it isn’t too late and God can in his mercy
block this from happening if he deems them to be sincere.

Tell them that they desecrate the spirit of Marriage and hold it as a mockery in front of God. Right now satan is supplying them with the material(other people) to further desecrate it.

Bid them farewell and say you will pray for them in hopes they will come to their senses before it is too late. Ensure you never become an instrument of scandal, and that also means not to admit to anyone else the truth that you know. You need to help them regain their footing even though they are blind to knowing they have fallen, and not cause them to fall further.

AndyF
 
WilmaORTEGA said:
Hi guys, been away awhile and now need advice on a certain matter.

Okay, a male friend of mine was consoling me on my breakup with my ex and he said he thought I needed to get my mind off things and offered to have three way sex with him and his wife.

At first, I thought he was just joking but then his wife came over and said they often have three way sex, sometimes with two men to give her extra pleasure and sometimes with two women to give the husband extra pleasure.

I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE and said I had to go to a doctor’s appointment so I could leave the conversation.

I am looking for advice on how to decline their offer but still maintain our friendship as they are GREAT FRIENDS of mine.
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“It’s a sin; I’m not interested.”
 
Wilma–I’m sorry you were caught in the middle, and off guard like that. I would be asking myself if it were me…‘are these my friends?’ Friends look out for one another. If your friends do not respect their own marriage, how can they respect any one else? If they cannot respect you, then friends is really not what they are. Friends don’t use us. They love us. There is no love here.

I’d move on. I’d be kind…and charitable…Sorry, I’m not into that, and I am not going to do something sinful like that. (But, I’d move on)

Flee from near occasions of sin, St Paul taught. I will keep u in my prayers…
 
WilmaORTEGA said:
Hi guys, been away awhile and now need advice on a certain matter.

Okay, a male friend of mine was consoling me on my breakup with my ex and he said he thought I needed to get my mind off things and offered to have three way sex with him and his wife.

At first, I thought he was just joking but then his wife came over and said they often have three way sex, sometimes with two men to give her extra pleasure and sometimes with two women to give the husband extra pleasure.

I felt EXTREMELY UNCOMPFORTABLE and said I had to go to a doctor’s appointment so I could leave the conversation.

I am looking for advice on how to decline their offer but still maintain our friendship as they are GREAT FRIENDS of mine.
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I cant believe that there would ever be a thread like this here. Wilma, Wilma, the bloke is trying to use you. His wife is a fool to allow this to go on. Dont you feel uncomfortable knowing this guy was trying to hit on you? For all you know he could have been lurking, wiating for this opportunity. Please stop this situation, please be careful.
 
Wilma, if you care about these people, and it seems you do, and don’t want to end your friendship, I’d explain to them, in your own words, that this creeps you out, is contrary to everything you believe, and you’d appreciate it if they’d never bring this up again.

You could try to discuss why you think it’s wrong. I can’t imagine they are practicing Catholics if they play these kinds of games. Beyond the morality of it, it’s just plain yucky to me.
 
Cathryn said:
I agree with those who say you don’t need these people as friends. They are preying on your vulnerablity with the breakup of your boyfriend. They are thinking of their wants and needs, not yours. You felt uncomfortable because you have a working conscience. Pray for God to guide you in His will. You’ll never be sorry. God Bless you.
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My thoughts exactly.

Let’s see, they’re inviting you to commit incest within their marriage at a time when you’re smarting from a breakup?

And for your benefit or theirs?

If they were indeed serious about such an invitiation, you gotta seriously question whether or not you want to be friends with these “friends”.
 
There is a saying, you can’t choose your relatives, but you can choose your family.

expect these two to employ alcohol as a means to suduce you.
 
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