Why can’t you do anything during the fertile times?After a serious conversation and a lot of tears (from her) we are sort of between the sword and a hard stone. On the one side I want her to feel desired, but on the other I can’t really do anything during the fertile times, which makes us feel really distanced during these times.
Don’t really know what do do or say…
God bless,
D.
Because we are using NFP.Why can’t you do anything during the fertile times?
NFP does not mean you have to avoid fertile times. I assume you mean that you are trying to avoid pregnancy? My question is why? There’s a reason that God creates us women to want sex more during our fertile times. The marital embrace is meant to be unitive and procreative.Because we are using NFP.
God bless,
D.
That is a very personal question and I don’t think the OP should feel obligated to answer, in spite of the fact that he started a thread on a very private topic and mentioned things I would never discuss in public.I assume you mean that you are trying to avoid pregnancy? My question is why?
Fair observation. This is a very personal question and I agree that the OP should not feel obligated to answer. That said, it’s still at the heart of the issue and it’s hard to have a discussion where the heart is ignored. I guess the only thing else I can really say, without more info, is to discuss this with a Priest.That is a very personal question and I don’t think the OP should feel obligated to answer, in spite of the fact that he started a thread on a very private topic and mentioned things I would never discuss in public.
The place to discuss the issue he is dealing with is with a priest; either in the confessional, or through spiritual direction or simply asking a priest for advice on a marital problem.
There’s also lots of assumption here that a mortal sin is going on. It may or may not be mortal depending on the circumstances. Again, best discussed in the confessional by the penitent herself and the priest.
From the point of view of discussing it with his wife… that too is a highly personal thing. From my 24 years of marriage (I’m male), I would say that being:Fair observation. This is a very personal question and I agree that the OP should not feel obligated to answer. That said, it’s still at the heart of the issue and it’s hard to have a discussion where the heart is ignored. I guess the only thing else I can really say, without more info, is to discuss this with a Priest.
I am not totally in the same line thanh you, the marital act is not, by nature, **only for fertile times. **It is for all times, per se. Because of the Original sin and o the wrong effects of this original sin, there are ideologies, heresies, wrong mentalities, diseases…etc.NFP does not mean you have to avoid fertile times. I assume you mean that you are trying to avoid pregnancy? My question is why? There’s a reason that God creates us women to want sex more during our fertile times. The marital embrace is meant to be unitive and procreative.
I agree with you that it’s not only for fertile times. What I’m trying to convey (as a woman), our fertile times are when our bodies long for our husbands the most (generally speaking). Our bodies do this on purpose because God designed us this way. It’s physiological. It’s science.I am not totally in the same line thanh you, the marital act is not, by nature, **only for fertile times. **It is for all times, per se. Because of the Original sin and o the wrong effects of this original sin, there are ideologies, heresies, wrong mentalities, diseases…etc.
The absolute procreationsim, the absolute physiologism, the anti-responsible procreation, even with sexual intercourses during infertiles times, the contraceptive tools, the abortion, the theoritical providentialism, the conjugal quiestim, the conjugal fideism, the anti-conjugal erotism, the wrong ideas on the union of bodies in the marriage… are dangerous.
If a woman has a issue with conjugal sex during infertile times, she need to see a doctor in female sexology, and a doctor in gynecology.
Marital act is for all time, by nature. After in the real life, it is different of course. Each woman is different. **But she has to accept in her mind, in her reason, in her intellect that the marital act is for all time. **Thus, she is okay for the NFP, She has to be okay for sex during infertile times, to do her best and may be see a doctor if there is a medical problem in her libido with the corollaries.
I don’t understand your response or why it was directed towards me. You think it would be too controversial/emotionally charged and/or focused on doctrine for a man to talk to his wife about why they are trying to avoid pregnancy?From the point of view of discussing it with his wife… that too is a highly personal thing. From my 24 years of marriage (I’m male), I would say that being:
are likely to be major fails. If they’re using NFP, I’m sure his wife doesn’t need a lecture on doctrine, she probably knows it well enough. Either a need isn’t being met, or a weakness is involved. We all have weaknesses, and someone shouldn’t have a guilt trip laid on them for having one just because it happens to be sexual.
- confrontational and
- focused on doctrine
This needs to be approached in a loving, non-accusatory, non-confrontational and non-emotionally-charged manner.
Some gentle inquiries about whether everything’s alright, is she stressed, can he help her with anything? All without mentioning masturbation. For some, masturbation can be a stress release. Perhaps abstaining is very frustrating to her, and with other daily frustrations, the glass overflows. We all have different capacities.
Suffices to say that the OP should really be taking this up with a priest, or perhaps a good Catholic-friendly marriage counselor or psychologist.
No need for us (not pointing the finger at you personally) to overreact with “her soul is in danger…” etc. Fact is all of our souls are in danger over something or other. I’m willing to bet that a good priest will be far more pastoral than we are!
I am sure that if they are using NFP, they both must have reasons for it and have discussed it. One thing about NFP is that you can’t go it alone.I don’t understand your response or why it was directed towards me. You think it would be too controversial/emotionally charged and/or focused on doctrine for a man to talk to his wife about why they are trying to avoid pregnancy?
Yes, those reasons are entirely their own. Every aspect of this situation is entirely their own. But the reasons for key to the situation.I am sure that if they are using NFP, they both must have reasons for it and have discussed it. One thing about NFP is that you can’t go it alone.
Those reasons are entirely their own.
What I am suggesting is that he avoids confronting her on the masturbation issue but instead try to work on easing her frustrations, something all married folks have (and not all frustrations are sexual, perhaps easing the other frustrations will help her with her sexual frustration as well).
But as I said, I was not pointing the finger at you personally but responding in a general way.
Please. Lust is inordinate enjoyment of sexual desire, period. Everyone who is trying to achieve chastity at one point or another feels this sense of “urge” to get “physical relief”. Masturbation is intrinsically evil, period. As you learn more about sacred tradition on the topic, you’ll start to understand why it’s no relief at all.Ior she may not even be lusting at all and just trying to get physical relief.
Sex is always unitive and procreative. Therefore, any sexual act must conclude with the man finishing inside of the woman.Is there a problem with giving your wife oral or digital stimulation? Or is that out of bounds?
As Kelfa says, it must end with the man finishing inside his wife. However, doing these things as an act of foreplay is morally permissible to do to your wife even to the point of her climaxing (And her to you, except you cannot climax purposefully during foreplay like she can.). It is even morally permissible to do these things to your wife after you have had sexual relations if she did not orgasm. It is a good and unifying deed to make sure she does. It must simply happen in the overall context of marital relations. These things by themselves can never be morally justified, but if they are done in the context of marital relations than according to the Church they are okay and in fact morally good.Is there a problem with giving your wife oral or digital stimulation? Or is that out of bounds?
This is very true…As Kelfa says, it must end with the man finishing inside his wife. However, doing these things as an act of foreplay is morally permissible to do to your wife even to the point of her climaxing (And her to you, except you cannot climax purposefully during foreplay like she can.). It is even morally permissible to do these things to your wife after you have had sexual relations if she did not orgasm. It is a good and unifying deed to make sure she does. It must simply happen in the overall context of marital relations. These things by themselves can never be morally justified, but if they are done in the context of marital relations than according to the Church they are okay and in fact morally good.
You can have maybe one or two kind and gentle informative discussions on this. “I’m pretty sure the Church teaches that is wrong.” If she’s not open to listening, nagging and harrassing her over it likely won’t help. We’re to admonish the sinner, not bang them over the head with it. As such, the next step would be prayer. Of course, you should be praying for your spouse anyway, but it can be a special intention that she grows in chastity and understanding and thus develops morally in the right direction. It can also be motivation to pray if you’re struggling with motivation. Beyond that, I would also encourage you to trust in God’s goodness, mercy and to be patient toward your wife.Hello,
If you find out your wife masturbates during the fertile times of the NFP, what can you tell her?
Kind regards,
D.