Fiancé and Annulment

[acanonlawyer]

The point remains: there is no longer an “automatic appeal” of every first declaration of nullity.

Now, after the Pope’s modifications, there are only “real” appeals which, as you say, do not happen in most cases, in most dioceses. I’ve heard about a Defender here or there that appeals everything but that’s just a rumor (as far as I’m concerned, since I haven’t seen proof).

Dan

 

[angell1]

yes, you are right, and if his annulment is not granted, then you can’t marry him at all.

seems like you are on the right track and trying to do the right thing. I also personally think you should not be engaged at the moment. other posters are right, it does not seem like your boyfriend is quite ready for this, considering that he seems to think it is not a big deal and you had to tell him to get an annulment. and yes, also do not move in with him, that would just add further complications.

I know you feel like you love him and I am not going to contest that, but truly loving someone is putting them first and caring for their soul. For now, just be patient and wait for the tribunal decision first

 

[Lara]

You might consider something a priest once told me. The question isn’t, “Is this the guy for me?” but rather, “Am I willing to do everything that it takes to make this marriage work?”

In your case, that means waiting for his annulment, accepting that your engagement isn’t like everybody else’s and is disappointing, and dealing with an ex-wife. How do you feel about all that?

I’m also concerned about your expressions “falling in love” and “in love.” While those are wonderful feelings, the day to day work of loving somebody is more of a daily decision than a feeling.

If I were you, I’d break off the engagement and go on a long vacation, which you probably need anyhow, or move to another city. Leave it up to God for a while and don’t actively pursue this man. Throw this fish back in the sea, and if it happens to end up on your line again, deal with it then with renewed energy.

The main reason I’m saying all this is I don’t think you two should have been dating without his receiving an annulment first. You didn’t know that then, but you do know it now.

If he wrote a post today, I’d be advising him to contact his ex-wife to see if they could reconcile.

 

[April29]

Yes! This is absolutely correct and please do not move in together before you are married ( if the annulment is granted). This would be considered adultery and you don’t want to start off your marriage this way. Best of luck and don’t worry, be patient, if this is what God wants He’ll help you do it the right way!

 

[otjm]

While I agree with your suggestion to take some time off - and maybe even move away, I am going to take a different turn in the discussion.

Two issues seem to be floating here.

1. He said he would apply for a decree of nullity - and then (for an unspecified time) did nothing. I am not sure what this is saying: I could make guesses (a: he is not particularly strong in his faith - or perhaps even weak: b: he is a serious procrastinator). Either of these things (or whatever else was the reason he did nothing until you lowered the boom) will be something you are going to live with. And I can just about guarantee they will not change in the future. Are you realistic enough to recognize this, and then live with it for the rest of your married life?
2. You have commented about his ex wife. Hate to break the news, but his marrying you is not going to sprinkle fairy dust on her, with the result of her disappearing in the future. She may - or may not - continue to be in the background.

I am not suggesting you not marry him, should the tribunal say he is free to marry. But it would behoove you to at least put some distance, both in time and space, between the two of you (and I am not talking about one week, either). You have the rest of your life to live, and it providentially could be 5, 6, 7 or more decades. That is a whole lot of time. Be wise.

 

[April29]

You know, and aside from the very good points you made, the fact that the annulment hasn’t been granted, she is not really his ex wife yet. For all we know, if the marriage was valid, she is his wife not matter whether they are together anymore or not. So yeah, it’s a tough situation to be in OP! But everyone here is giving you good advice from what I can see!

 

[phoage]

Marybel,

In a Catholic marriage, there are 3 parties, you, your fiance, and God. If this marriage is to happen, all three must agree.

Certainly, as others have advised, go see your priest. tell him the deal. You will have to have a marriage tribunal for your first marriage in any case. He can also advise you on your situation.

The biggest thing you need to do is take this to God. If it is His will, this will happen in His time. Pray that He show you His will and then accept it. He has a way of making His will known if you can listen to that “still small whisper”.

When you have done that, you have done everything you can.

I will pray for you.

Patrick
AMDG

 

[ncfddm]

First, you must have an annulment before getting married. You should actually have an annulment before getting engaged. As far as the church is concerned, you are engaged to a married man because a divorce means nothing to the Catholic Church.

Do NOT move in together. Very bad idea and scandalous (which is a sin). I hope that you are not in a sexual relationship, because that would be adultery. Moving in together is going to put you in a near occasion of sin, which at times can be a sin itself. After his annulment (assuming the previous marriage is really invalid) then you should make the engagement official, not before, because otherwise in the eyes of the church, you are engaged to a married man.