Fiance angry cause i wont marry him

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Priscilla, in a way, the hardest part is over–you told him.

But now, the scary part kicks in. If he gives you ANY kind of trouble, go stay somewhere else til this weekend and then, come back with a brother, an uncle or your father, to be there with you as he moves out.
 
Irishmom2 said:
Priscilla, in a way, the hardest part is over–you told him.

But now, the scary part kicks in. If he gives you ANY kind of trouble, go stay somewhere else til this weekend and then, come back with a brother, an uncle or your father, to be there with you as he moves out.
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Good advice. Please follow this advice. And please do not back down.
 
priscilla1714 said:
we have been through counseling. both of us. individually and then together. for 2+yrs. in my soul, i know not to marry him but can the devil be deceiving me to believe that maybe i am wrong about my judgments and inner instinct? maybe he is the suitable man for me but im just overanalyzing the relationship and am too scrupulous of what a marriage should be. im so very confused.
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The fact that you are questioning it is the answer to your question.
 
🙂 thank you all. Much love to every one of you. I will keep u all posted after the weekend.
 
Wondering what happened this weekend, and hoping that fiancé moved out without any drama…
 
Hi irishmom. Disappointing news: im still cohabiting with the very dysfunctional and unstable wolf in sheep’s clothing. I just learned by reading, that he is very likely to b passive aggressive. He made arrangements to move out but stupid me, asked him not to leave. And now after visiting with priest after priest, i am still confused. Again, our local priest at a recent confession assured that it is OK to cohabitate while another (yesterday) said it was entirely wrong. I still havent broke through. Prayers please.
 
Yes, that is disappointing. I am not sure why you even went back and asked both priests again. You got the same answer. We’re you expecting them to say differently this time?

The dysfunction is not all with your boyfriend, it is also with you. Why you would want to remain with someone that treats you the way he does is beyond me or anyone else that has posted on this thread. Perhaps it is time for you to get further counseling, because this is a problem for you.

May God bless you and guide you.
 
Yes please listen to Irishmom2 get out of this relationship Everyone has given you advice and I think you have some problems of self esteem I know I was in your situation over thirty years ago please get out now find a priest who is orthodox in his thinking and talk to him. Don’t listen to priests like the one who says that its okay to live together without marriage in fact avoid priest like that because they are only going to give you advice that will hurt you.
 
priscilla1714 said:
Hi irishmom. Disappointing news: im still cohabiting with the very dysfunctional and unstable wolf in sheep’s clothing. I just learned by reading, that he is very likely to b passive aggressive. He made arrangements to move out but stupid me, asked him not to leave. And now after visiting with priest after priest, i am still confused. Again, our local priest at a recent confession assured that it is OK to cohabitate while another (yesterday) said it was entirely wrong. I still havent broke through. Prayers please.
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It sounds like you are waiting for some epiphany or for the hand of God to scoop you out of your situation for you. It doesn’t work like that I’m afraid. You have to either make the decision to end it and then make it clean and quick or just marry the guy and live with this inevitable torment for the rest of your life. The thing is that you are trapped by co-dependency and you have to rise above that to make your decision. Make it. Stick to it. Give your kids a better life than this.
 
Don’t marry a man who’s already making you feel miserable and causing pain in your life, who’s practically forcing you to marry. You don’t owe it to him to sign up for a life of pain (several decades…). You don’t owe it to him (especially not when he says you do).

If it’s hard for you to believe us here, ask your parents, siblings, friends, priest, a nun, a coworker, anybody you can trust. Several people even.
 
priscilla1714 said:
Hi irishmom. Disappointing news: im still cohabiting with the very dysfunctional and unstable wolf in sheep’s clothing. I just learned by reading, that he is very likely to b passive aggressive. He made arrangements to move out but stupid me, asked him not to leave. And now after visiting with priest after priest, i am still confused. Again, our local priest at a recent confession assured that it is OK to cohabitate while another (yesterday) said it was entirely wrong. I still havent broke through. Prayers please.
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Priscilla -

Your intellect has not broken through to your will as to what is the higher good : co-habitating (and thereby having sexual relations or bringing scandal) or living a life of holiness.

It’s in your power to act, regardless if the other party is functional or disfunctional, a wolf, a fox, a lamb, a goat or a whatever description that you want to assign.

PnP
 
This is a battlefield in my mind. I am mentally weary and feel as if im losing my mind trying to figure what to do. Are you guys genuinely seeing that this is a bad relationship, over all or are you all just chastising a man with mental issues?
 
priscilla1714 said:
This is a battlefield in my mind. I am mentally weary and feel as if im losing my mind trying to figure what to do. Are you guys genuinely seeing that this is a bad relationship, over all or are you all just chastising a man with mental issues?
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Come on now, Priscilla.

Are you trying to say you don’t know this relationship is bad news?

Forget the fact that you live together. Forget the “different” views from different priests…

Just look at the rest. Read over what you told us and read what everyone has said in response. Many people have given you their time already. I am not sure people want to have to repeat or rehash what they already said because you won’t end what you have to know is bad.
 
I concur with those who have advised you to break off this relationship. However, if you are not ready to do that, at least get yourself into a safe environment where you can sort things out without living under the kind of pressure that you have described.
  1. Get back into counseling so you have your own professional therapist who looks out for you, and can help you through this.
  2. Live independently from this man. Although you backed down from having him move out, you can revisit the issue for several reasons including:
  3. The priest said not to live together.
  4. You cannot make a decision about marriage without “space”, so you can think clearly.
  5. Or, ask your own therapist, and if she says to live apart, she is your reason.
The couples that I know whose marriages have lasted, the wife is not under any kind of “control”, and has her own friends, resources, interests, and often, her own faith. What you are describing, during the period before marriage when people generally behave their best, is alarming to say the least.

Good luck.
 
Priscilla, you have already answered your own question. Why don’t you trust yourself? If you have not married this guy in all these years and have doubts, he is definitely not the one for you. Ask yourself why you feel the need to hang onto this bad relationship.
 
priscilla1714 said:
Hi irishmom. Disappointing news: im still cohabiting with the very dysfunctional and unstable wolf in sheep’s clothing. I just learned by reading, that he is very likely to b passive aggressive. He made arrangements to move out but stupid me, asked him not to leave. And now after visiting with priest after priest, i am still confused. Again, our local priest at a recent confession assured that it is OK to cohabitate while another (yesterday) said it was entirely wrong. I still havent broke through. Prayers please.
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I can’t even imagine a priest telling you it’s OK to co-habituate!! It is NOT OK. It is sinful. Seems like your looking for a priest to tell you what you want to hear. You know what your doing is wrong, now the choice is yours if you want to obey God or self. God Bless, Memaw
 
Memaw, we are cohabiting in a state of grace and chastity. Thats what makes it okay.
 
priscilla1714 said:
Memaw, we are cohabiting in a state of grace and chastity. Thats what makes it okay.
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It’s not unheard of. I know of 2 couples who were allowed by the parish priest (not liberal minded at all, I know him well) to cohabitate as brother and sister. There were extenuating circumstances in both cases that I won’t go into here. Knowing these couples, I very much doubt that they disobeyed the injunction against pre-marital sex. Interestingly though, neither of them ended up getting married, either to each other or anyone else, and they eventually broke up.

Having said that, whether or not you have permission to live together this is not a good situation for you and you already know that. You already know what to do. Your battle is you don’t want to do it.
 
priscilla1714 said:
Memaw, we are cohabiting in a state of grace and chastity. Thats what makes it okay.
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As a Catholic, cohabitation is not okay. There may be extenuating circumstances in some cases, but this is not the norm and as a Catholic, you should not be cohabiting as this does not apply.
This is a battlefield in my mind. I am mentally weary and feel as if im losing my mind trying to figure what to do. Are you guys genuinely seeing that this is a bad relationship, over all or are you all just chastising a man with mental issues?
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This is a bad relationship. If your fiancée were to post on CAF, I would be advising him to move out and get counselling for his mental issues. Since you are the one posting, I can only advise you.

Move out. Stop consulting a Priest, whom you know is pressuring you into getting married, and who has been shown to be wrong numerous times on this thread.

Stop justifying your fiancée’s behaviour. Yes, he has mental health issues. But if he is doing nothing about them, then the mental issues are not the main problem; he is.

If you want your relationship to continue, you need to move out. It’s hard to see the problems in your relationship when you are so involved and you need to take a step backwards so you can fully see why we on this thread are advising you the way you are.

I know I have said this before, but please, think about your children. Think about what’s best for them - is living with a man who threw away medication to help his mental issues really the best thing for them?

Lastly, if you decide to move out or to have him move out, stick to it. Don’t change your mind and ask him not to go. Your relationship needs help, and you need distance to be able to see it.

Lou
 
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