Fiancee's friends

  • Thread starter Thread starter stefina
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

stefina

Guest
I’m looking for some advice…my fiancee has a group of friends and all they like to do is drink and smoke weed and other drugs (my fiancee doesnt do any of this) and as we are starting to plan our wedding one of his friends is making me feel bad for getting married cause im “stealing” his best friend away from him. Anyways, me and my fiancee talk about when our wedding day comes I dont want his friends to be stoned at the wedding or anything like that, ESPICALLY during the ceremony. I just dont know how to handle this anymore… I feel like I dont fit into his group of friends. Dont get me wrong they are nice guys, they wouldnt like steal or anything like that… but I just dont like being around them cause they have to get high everywhere they go. Any advice??🙂

Thank you!
God Bless
 
I would tell his friends: When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.
 
I would have a serious talk with your man and ask him to handle it. They are his friends and he has the right to set the rules. If they are truly his friends they will respect the wish of the both of you not to have stoned people at the wedding. Good luck, I hope things go well.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I would have a serious talk with your man and ask him to handle it. They are his friends and he has the right to set the rules. If they are truly his friends they will respect the wish of the both of you not to have stoned people at the wedding. Good luck, I hope things go well.
Click to expand...
I agree on the part of letting the guy handle it with his friends. It might not go well if you confronted them, and you might be seen to be controlling.
I will suggest you try to make friends with them, you being closer to them, you might stand a better chance of dropping a hint here and there and out of respect for you they may make a real effot not to spoil your big day.

good luck
peace and love
odopa
 
Your fiancee needs to handle his friends and lay down the law about your wedding. It needs to come from him and it can’t be “You can’t do this because my future wife will get mad” it has to be “You can’t do this because I will get mad and ask you leave.” If your fiancee can’t handle his friends and put his soon to be wife first there will be more problems to come.

I am curious why your fiancee chooses to be part of a group friends whose favorite activity is getting high and intoxicated -especially his best friend, who seems quite immature. Usually our friends, especially our close friends share like goals and values. What does he have in common with these people?
 
This isn’t about your wedding. Yeah, they might show up and be stoned and ruin your wedding day. Or not.

I’d worry more if they showed up during the rest of your life and ruined your marriage. Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are.

One of three things will happen in the next decade.

Your new husband’s friends will keep him in the circle and it will be a cause of lots of fighting between you and undermine your marriage and make you feel very uncomfortable as children come along.

Your new husband will outgrow his friends and have less and less time for them as he matures.

Your new husband’s friends will grow up and start behaving like adults and not stoner teenagers.

Why the hurry in getting married? I’d be a little wary that my fiance had a need for the company of people who break laws and might bring illegal substances and skeevy people into your midst. Maybe you should wait and hold off on the wedding till you’re absolutely sure which direction your own fiance will grow up in. Do you really want those guys around your newborn someday?

Your fiance isn’t being stolen away. Hopefully he is making a decision to raise his standards and that’s why he is with you. Good luck.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
This isn’t about your wedding. Yeah, they might show up and be stoned and ruin your wedding day. Or not.

I’d worry more if they showed up during the rest of your life and ruined your marriage. Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are.

One of three things will happen in the next decade.

Your new husband’s friends will keep him in the circle and it will be a cause of lots of fighting between you and undermine your marriage and make you feel very uncomfortable as children come along.

Your new husband will outgrow his friends and have less and less time for them as he matures.

Your new husband’s friends will grow up and start behaving like adults and not stoner teenagers.

Why the hurry in getting married? I’d be a little wary that my fiance had a need for the company of people who break laws and might bring illegal substances and skeevy people into your midst. Maybe you should wait and hold off on the wedding till you’re absolutely sure which direction your own fiance will grow up in. Do you really want those guys around your newborn someday?

Your fiance isn’t being stolen away. Hopefully he is making a decision to raise his standards and that’s why he is with you. Good luck.
Click to expand...
What she said! 👍
 
odopa said:
I agree on the part of letting the guy handle it with his friends. It might not go well if you confronted them, and you might be seen to be controlling.
I will suggest you try to make friends with them, you being closer to them, you might stand a better chance of dropping a hint here and there and out of respect for you they may make a real effot not to spoil your big day.

good luck
peace and love
odopa
Click to expand...
AMEN

And it is really really rare for someone to be in a group where everyone smokes pot except that one person. If these are his core group of friends, chances are your boyfriend gets high with them, he just does not tell you.
 
HOLY COW I AGREE WITH that_name! :eek:😛

I am not saying that he IS participating, but the first thing that crossed my mind is what that_name just said.
 
stefina said:
I’m looking for some advice…my fiancee has a group of friends and all they like to do is drink and smoke weed and other drugs (my fiancee doesnt do any of this) and as we are starting to plan our wedding one of his friends is making me feel bad for getting married cause im “stealing” his best friend away from him. Anyways, me and my fiancee talk about when our wedding day comes I dont want his friends to be stoned at the wedding or anything like that, ESPICALLY during the ceremony. I just dont know how to handle this anymore… I feel like I dont fit into his group of friends. Dont get me wrong they are nice guys, they wouldnt like steal or anything like that… but I just dont like being around them cause they have to get high everywhere they go. Any advice??🙂

Thank you!
God Bless
Click to expand...
I would be more worried about more than just the wedding day! You and finace need to have a serious talk about what he sees in these friends and you need to consider how much they are likely to influence him. It takes a strong person to stand up against a group, especially if they have been friends awhile. Did you fiance used to smoke pot or take other drugs with them? How does he handle stress or bad news now? You don’t want to find that at a time of crises in your lives that he is reverting to old ways!

I truly believe in repentance and change, so if your fiance used to do what they do now, I believe it’s possible that he’s changed. One way he’ll show this to you is by standing up to his friends and telling them not to be stoned at the wedding and by not letting come to events with you now when they are stoned (or hanging out with them while they get stoned), because of course he won’t want them over to your house after your married when they are high or getting high!

Edited to add: I agree with the idea of waiting to get married so that fiance and his friends (or without his friends) can grow up.
 
Birds of a feather flock together.

You can judge a man by the company he keeps.
 
Why is everyone looking out for stefina but not a single person has had the urge to talk about what we are called to be. A beacon in the dark! As christians we need to seize any opportunity that comes our way to be Christ. Here is a golden opportunity for stefina to rise up as a child of God and draw these friends to Christ.

This is why I suggested initially that she draws closer to them. The risk, of course, is she herself not turning into a junkie like them. She can discuss with another friend in Christ and together they can take on the evangelisation of these friends as a project.

We will support her with prayers and encouragement and advice on this CAF forum and I believe at least one word spoken by the evangelists will stick in their heads and could be the seed that will grow within them to lead them to salvation.

Let us stop thinking about ourselves all the time and ask what we can do for the other person! that is allowing Christ to reach the world through us.

Peace and love

Odopa
 
odopa said:
Why is everyone looking out for stefina but not a single person has had the urge to talk about what we are called to be. A beacon in the dark! As christians we need to seize any opportunity that comes our way to be Christ. Here is a golden opportunity for stefina to rise up as a child of God and draw these friends to Christ.

This is why I suggested initially that she draws closer to them. The risk, of course, is she herself not turning into a junkie like them. She can discuss with another friend in Christ and together they can take on the evangelisation of these friends as a project.

We will support her with prayers and encouragement and advice on this CAF forum and I believe at least one word spoken by the evangelists will stick in their heads and could be the seed that will grow within them to lead them to salvation.

Let us stop thinking about ourselves all the time and ask what we can do for the other person! that is allowing Christ to reach the world through us.

Peace and love

Odopa
Click to expand...
The issue I have with this advice is that she is thinking of marrying someone it doesn’t seem like she can fully trust. If the dating/marriage question were not there, and if she knew herself to be strong in her faith, than this might be a good plan. Since she is emotionally involved with the finace and allowing her better judgement to be overruled by her emotions (the complaining friend is causing her to feel bad), than I don’t think this is a good plan for her.

There is no value in seeing yourself as a ‘savior’ to people only to find yourself in a worse situation and the people you wanted to help no better off! We should pray by all means, but we shouldn’t encourage a vulnerable young woman to get herself into a dangerous situation with marriage and friendship to people who aren’t trustworthy.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
There is no value in seeing yourself as a ‘savior’ to people only to find yourself in a worse situation and the people you wanted to help no better off! We should pray by all means, but we shouldn’t encourage a vulnerable young woman to get herself into a dangerous situation with marriage and friendship to people who aren’t trustworthy.
Click to expand...
How do you know they are not trustworthy? because they smoke pot? because they are stoned most of the time? lets not label them as a bad pack because they smoke pot and allegedly do drugs. let us always, and the emphasis is on always, seek to help mankind, ask for the grace to be able to befriend the castoffs.

I still stand by advice, its not going to help her if she rejected the pack, she should get to know them with the assistant of another faithful and see what good they can do with this pack. She may come out scoring both a husband and a few saved souls.

peace and love
odopa
 
odopa said:
How do you know they are not trustworthy? because they smoke pot? because they are stoned most of the time?
Click to expand...
You’re kidding me, right?
odopa said:
I still stand by advice, its not going to help her if she rejected the pack,
Click to expand...
Oh yes it will - she will be avoiding an occasion of sin and possible legal problems.
odopa said:
She may come out scoring both a husband and a few saved souls.
Click to expand...
Or she could get dragged down and get involved in drugs and legal problems herself.
 
She is busy trying to discern the most important choice of her life. That is where her attention should be. Whether a fiance who hangs out with people who guilt trip him because his priorities aren’t hanging with his stoner friends anymore is still part of that ilk or has grown up and beyond that behavior.

Her focus right now is not on trying to force the guys to grow up. Or to convert them. It’s really hard to convert people who are under the influence of intoxicants and drugs.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
Her focus right now is not on trying to force the guys to grow up. Or to convert them. It’s really hard to convert people who are under the influence of intoxicants and drugs.
Click to expand...
You befriend them and the holy spirit does the rest.

Peace
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top