Fiancee's friends

[mommamia]

16 years ago when I got married I had similar issues with dh’s friends. They were for lack of a better word “losers”. Getting high and doing drugs. At one point in time I left him and told him I would not put up with a man who used drugs. He cleaned up and came back, I became the evil witch who ruined his life .

I put up with his friends, mostly. Then one day his “best” friend came to our house and proceeded to tell dh in front of me that “It was a shame I was around, now he couldn’t have any fun anymore”. I knew as soon as I heard dh’s answer that I had made the right choice, he told his friend that I did not ruin his life, and that he would be lost without me.

Funny thing is years later, this guy and I are friends. He grew up, and even apologized for his earlier treatment of me. But, he was the one who had to change his life. In fact a couple friends from those days are back around, and some are still off doing God knows what.

It is not wrong to distance yourself from those who bring you down. If they can’t be sober for one of the most important days of yours and your fiance’s life, are they really friends? But I agree your future husband must be the one to speak to him about it, and it needs to be him that wants it. Your just going to come off looking bad if he says “she wants you to…”

Oh, and dh’s cousin did “ruin” my beautiful wedding. Funny thing is 16 years later all I can do is laugh about it. OK, so I still don’t really like this guy, but I am no longer angry.

 

[stringbeanduck]

How do you know they are not trustworthy? because they smoke pot? because they are stoned most of the time? lets not label them as a bad pack because they smoke pot and allegedly do drugs. let us always, and the emphasis is on always, seek to help mankind, ask for the grace to be able to befriend the castoffs.

I agree sort of. I never look at person who smokes the plant as a bad person right off the bat. Because I know for fact that there are good people out in the world who do happen to smoke it instead of getting hammered on liquor. And the difference is amazing. Anyhow, I suppose that’s an argument of it’s own.

The OP’s hubby soon to be needs to tell his friends to be well behaved at the wedding or don’t come at all. These are his friends; therefore he needs to manage them. If he gets the point across that this is serious business, chances are they will listen.

 

[puzzleannie]

I’m looking for some advice…my fiancee has a group of friends and all they like to do is drink and smoke weed and other drugs (my fiancee doesnt do any of this) and as we are starting to plan our wedding one of his friends is making me feel bad for getting married cause im “stealing” his best friend away from him. s

are these people (epithets deleted) casual friends, or are they actually his best friends, the people he choses to spend most of his time with, who share is interests, values, concerns, and who respect what he respects, and who wish the best for him as he wishes the best for them? does not sound if there is a way to reconcile the definition of friendship with the way these people live and especially with the reaction of the so-called best friend who is describing a very unhealthy reaction to the news of his “friend’s” engagement.

the question to ask is why have you committed yourself to a relationship with someone who has chosen these people as the most important in his life, next to you. why are you attracted to someone who hangs around with dead heads? Do these friends reflect his values, and the activities he condones, whether or not he does them? Think long and hard before you associate yourself with this group, which is what you are proposing to do.