I appreciate the time everyone has taken in answering my concerns. The the bottom of it is this - The Catholic Church is an institution that does note believe in Divorce, and in said institution, you can not remarry if you choose divorce. I do not agree with that stance. I believe that divorce is sometimes the best way forward for all involved. I’m not contesting the church’s view, merely saying that I don’t agree with it. My ex-wife also professes to believe in it.
My issue is that if a person claims to agree with this principal, but when considering divorce says things like “don’t worry - I’ll say you’re crazy and get an annulment”, and proceeds to do so, then that is tantamount to a divorce. If the Church does not believe in divorce, that is their prerogative. But from everything I’ve read, both here and elsewhere, including quite a bit of what is being said at the Vatican level about the doing out of annulments in North America as compared to everywhere else in the world, Annulment has become, in some if not many cases, a Catholic divorce. I’ve seen this in action and I’m seeing it now. People like my ex-wife want it both ways. They want to be able to say that marriage is forever, and then when it falls apart, say, “oh, except in this case.” I find it hypocritical. If you are in the church and decide you want a divorce, then, by the church’s belief system, you should be choosing not to have another Catholic marriage.
The degree of “being Catholic” seems to stretch from the belief in big ceremonies and big white dresses at first communions, as is my wife’s Catholic tradition, to people who spend time in prayer every day and for whom the Church has changed their lives, as is my girlfriend’s. Yet it was perfectly acceptable for me to marry a “Good Catholic” who decreed that we didn’t need to say grace in our home but dresses our daughter to the nines if the Bishop is going to be in church, but “a bad idea” to date a woman who has taught that same daughter about spirituality, because the girlfriend doesn’t agree with every point in the Catechism.
I recognize that there are a vast number of Catholics who are spiritual and who love the Lord as my girlfriend and I do. But I also contend that there are a large number for whom the church is only about appearances, being seen at mass, and going through the motions. This is the sort of Catholic I lived with.
Yes I am in a lot of pain over my ex-wife’s actions, not the least of which is this latest action, but now the Catholic church is about to become another weapon of hers and another agent of that pain. I appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut that annulments do not always work that I have received on this board from well-meaning people, but a bit of investigation into how the diocese runs from a clergyperson here has also revealed to me that not one case was known of by that person where an annulment did not go through if enough time and money were invested. And that is a sad state of affairs.
So I thank you all for you (name removed by moderator)ut and I must leave this discussion here. I have gained a lot of valuable information and support and I don’t think it’s healthy for me at this point, given my emotional rawness, to continue down a road of (albeit interesting and intelligent) debate on the subject. Perhaps I’ll come back with an update for all who were kind enough to contribute.
With thanks, and blessings to you all.
