I appreciate the time everyone has taken in answering my concerns. The the bottom of it is this - The Catholic Church is an institution that does note believe in Divorce, and in said institution, you can not remarry if you choose divorce. I do not agree with that stance. I believe that divorce is sometimes the best way forward for all involved. I’m not contesting the church’s view, merely saying that I don’t agree with it. My ex-wife also professes to believe in it.
For a little insight, this statement, if it is in fact how you felt about marriage at the time you were married, would be IMHO (I’m no canon lawyer, just someone in the process) more relevant to the tribunal than whether you’re bi-polar. You seem to be indicating that you believed at the time you were married that divorce and then remarriage was a valid option. This doesn’t call into question whether you were capable of a life-long commitment, it shows that you don’t believe God expects that, that He doesn’t expect life-long commitment in all cases. The God accepts divorce and remarriage as acceptable. That is independent of whatever your wife’s approach/belief/understanding of marriage was as well.
BTW, the Church agrees with you that divorce is sometimes the best way forward for all involved. But, it does not free one from the vow they took before God.
My issue is that if a person claims to agree with this principal, but when considering divorce says things like “don’t worry - I’ll say you’re crazy and get an annulment”, and proceeds to do so, then that is tantamount to a divorce. If the Church does not believe in divorce, that is their prerogative.
Ok. I wouldn’t be worrying about what someone else’s or institutions beliefs and focus on my own. You have taken on a Catholic girlfriend. Why? Is she a bandage for your emotional wounds or someone you can give of yourself to? What are her beliefs about marriage? Can you love her enough to support her needs/beliefs/desires? Do you believe it’s ok to do that, put a person in a position to choose between you and their beliefs, to make compromising themselves a condition of being with you? Again, the issue of someone going into a marriage indicating they’ve identified on out is far more relevant to validity than someone with a controlled bi-polar condition. A person choosing to act wrongly is not the fault of the Church. The process the Church has established allows these issues to be brought up.
But from everything I’ve read, both here and elsewhere, including quite a bit of what is being said at the Vatican level about the doing out of annulments in North America as compared to everywhere else in the world, Annulment has become, in some if not many cases, a Catholic divorce. I’ve seen this in action and I’m seeing it now. People like my ex-wife want it both ways. They want to be able to say that marriage is forever, and then when it falls apart, say, “oh, except in this case.” I find it hypocritical. If you are in the church and decide you want a divorce, then, by the church’s belief system, you should be choosing not to have another Catholic marriage.
Sorry, some people are hypocrites. You and I can’t change that. We can only focus on and live our own lives by our own beliefs. And, if a marriage is valid a Catholic should not be choosing any form of marriage (Catholic or otherwise) regardless of whether they are legally divorced.
The degree of “being Catholic” seems to stretch from the belief in big ceremonies and big white dresses at first communions, as is my wife’s Catholic tradition, to people who spend time in prayer every day and for whom the Church has changed their lives, as is my girlfriend’s. Yet it was perfectly acceptable for me to marry a “Good Catholic” who decreed that we didn’t need to say grace in our home but dresses our daughter to the nines if the Bishop is going to be in church, but “a bad idea” to date a woman who has taught that same daughter about spirituality, because the girlfriend doesn’t agree with every point in the Catechism.
You offer a false dichotomy. The Churches position is you should have gotten to know your spouse well enough prior to marriage to understand her values. You could have had either woman if you’d met them at the same time, or passed on marrying your first and waited to find someone whose values you agreed with. You didn’t. That was your decision, not the church’s, and decisions have consequences. Did you mean until ‘death do you part’ when you took your vows before God or didn’t you? Why are you worrying about what other ‘degrees’ of Catholicism others practice instead of your own beliefs?
I recognize that there are a vast number of Catholics who are spiritual and who love the Lord as my girlfriend and I do. But I also contend that there are a large number for whom the church is only about appearances, being seen at mass, and going through the motions. This is the sort of Catholic I lived with.
Yeah, people do bad things while claiming to be Catholic. That has nothing to do with how you live your life and adhere (or don’t) to your avowed beliefs or vows (Nancy Pelosi springs to mind)
Yes I am in a lot of pain over my ex-wife’s actions, not the least of which is this latest action, but now the Catholic church is about to become another weapon of hers and another agent of that pain. I appreciate the (name removed by moderator)ut that annulments do not always work that I have received on this board from well-meaning people, but a bit of investigation into how the diocese runs from a clergy person here has also revealed to me that not one case was known of by that person where an annulment did not go through if enough time and money were invested. And that is a sad state of affairs.
Why do you care whether the annulment is granted or not? If you think the Church is wrong about prohibiting remarriage, why argue against the one process the Church has established to allow remarriage? Why is something comporting to your views a ‘sad state of affairs’? Why so concerned whether your ex achieves her goals or not? Why be concerned of how the annulment affects her life instead of considering how it would affect yours? I don’t think you’ve moved on. BTW, my parish priest indicates most folks seeking annulments with no grounds are screened out by the parish priests prior to even filing.
So I thank you all for you (name removed by moderator)ut and I must leave this discussion here. I have gained a lot of valuable information and support and I don’t think it’s healthy for me at this point, given my emotional rawness, to continue down a road of (albeit interesting and intelligent) debate on the subject. Perhaps I’ll come back with an update for all who were kind enough to contribute.
With thanks, and blessings to you all.
