Finding a Catholic Spouse

[Lutheranteach]

I’ve been happily part of an interfaith marriage for 15 years, so don’t count out anyone. Sometimes God doesn’t give you exactly what or who you want, but rather who and what you need.

 

[Norseman82]

I agree with the catechism. How does that make my statement wrong? Our bodies were created with nuptial meaning, according to the catechism and according to John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Still, if you read John Paul’s writing that I quoted, not all have it “in them” to be “called” to married life. That’s just honest truth.

Sounds very contradictory to me.

 

[Norseman82]

And the irony is, the parishes need the single people to help with the activities.

As well as $$$$ in the envelopes.

 

[CountrySinger]

As well as $$$$ in the envelopes.

True. The large family might not have the money to give each week. To bad my parish shot itself in the foot and ran out anyone who isn’t in a family or on Social Security.

 

[Norseman82]

I’m 36. Single. Male. Never married. Finding eligible Catholic women is impossible. Is there still time for me?

I have come to the conclusion (fairly or unfairly) that the Catholic Church simply doesn’t care about all the singles - many of whom, like myself, simply ditch the Church for more fellowship elsewhere because the isolation and being treated like a ‘second-class citizen’ is simply too toxic and too unhealthy for me. Dogs get treated with more respect than single Catholics…! (There are pet blessings at a lot of parishes, but never any special masses said for the intention of singles.)

If I ever do get married, it’s incredibly unlikely it would be to a Catholic women. They simply don’t exist: they’re all either married or lesbian. And slimmer odds each passing year: I heard some guy on Kresta’s radio show raving about how preferable it is for Catholic singles to be married young (before 30), and I nearly fell out of my chair. What’s that guy smoking?* Before 30?* Ha-! Too funny.

Since very few (if any) Catholic parishes seem care about singles, it would be nice if they would help subsidize membership to AMS or CatholicMatch or other web sites that pick up the slack where these parishes have failed miserably.

Singles, particularly those of us 30+, are the ‘black sheep’ of the Catholic Church. That’s the inconvenient truth of it that very few people want to acknowledge. We simply want to put pretty names on it like “vocation” and “keep praying,” but all the while single Catholics remain second-class citizens. Jesus would never have treated us this way, and neither would have Peter or Paul or any of the early Church fathers.

Part o fthe problem is that many “singles ministries” have no clue as to what singles need. Single people want compatible Catholic spouses, but instead we are often chided for seeking marriage and told we should learn how to be “happy singles” (ignoring the fact that many of us have already discerned that lifelong celibacy is not for us, otehrwise we might be wearing collars by now). I think it was Mary Beth Bonacci who compared the treatment of singles to a baby who cries out from hunger, but instead of being fed the parent takes a rattle and tries to distract the child “Ooh, see th enice rattle!!”.

Meanwhile, the hunger only gets WORSE.

If there are no decent Catholic men, that’s because we have all been pushed out of the parishes to make way for the seniors and parents and kids and “Protestant-style entertainment” LifeTeen masses.

Add to that that we are being pushed out of the way for divorced people (who may or may not have annulments) and fornicators/fornicatrices who have kids out of wedlock or who are cohabiting. But if you play by the rules and and say, “hey, what about my needs?” you are criticized. You can see that right here at CAF.

And I think part of the problem is that we are letting the divorced people and the “Midol Mafia” set the agenda for the never-maried people. No offense, but single never-marrieds have different needs and issues than divorced people and single parents who get knocked up out of wedlock. The latter, which was once the exception, now seems to be accepted as the rule, and that is why I think things are so messed up for singles who do in fact play by the rules.

 

[Norseman82]

True. The large family might not have the money to give each week. To bad my parish shot itself in the foot and ran out anyone who isn’t in a family or on Social Security.

I think the next time someone at the parish gives me grief I will ask "how would you like to lose me…

and my envelopes?"

 

[CountrySinger]

I think the next time someone at the parish gives me grief I will ask "how would you like to lose me…

and my envelopes?"

Hee. My parish has already had to let go of people (including the evil DRE). I will have to say that if I wasn’t leaving already. It’s too bad, I love love love my priest, I wish I could take to him with me to my new church.

 

[Rascalking]

What is with all this complaining (sorry, it sounded like people where upset about being single and catholic,etc)?

I love being a single catholic. My parish treats me like gold. No one is talking to me about lifelong celibacy, or the priesthood or anything else. I date women here and there, trying to find a potential spouse, but none have come along that I see myself with long term. Yes, theres been some in the past that lasted for a while, but it eventually didn’t work out. I like having time to spend with my family (niece, nephew, etc) friends, their familes, hobbies, work, etc. Married people can’t do half the stuff I do! They’re too busy!

I do want to be married, family, all that jazz, but I’m only 30. I’m still young. I’ll find someone, I know it. Even if I find someone when I’m 40, 50, or whenever.

Maybe some of you wouldn’t be single if you didn’t complain so much!

(by the way, that last line was a joke. I see your points, but I just disagree with them).

 

[CountrySinger]

What is with all this complaining (sorry, it sounded like people where upset about being single and catholic,etc)?

I love being a single catholic. My parish treats me like gold. No one is talking to me about lifelong celibacy, or the priesthood or anything else. I date women here and there, trying to find a potential spouse, but none have come along that I see myself with long term. Yes, theres been some in the past that lasted for a while, but it eventually didn’t work out. I like having time to spend with my family (niece, nephew, etc) friends, their familes, hobbies, work, etc. Married people can’t do half the stuff I do! They’re too busy!

I do want to be married, family, all that jazz, but I’m only 30. I’m still young. I’ll find someone, I know it. Even if I find someone when I’m 40, 50, or whenever.

Maybe some of you wouldn’t be single if you didn’t complain so much!

(by the way, that last line was a joke. I see your points, but I just disagree with them).

I’m glad that you are treated well. My parish treats me like a leperous prositute. I remember one time I was tired when I went to mass (my friend and I went to go see a movie Saturday night), and people said I wouldn’t be so tired if I didn’t sleep around. What?! I’ve been called a w***** because I’m a single woman who is 28. Maybe they are jealous, I don’t know. They forgot that Jesus was single.

 

[ChristinaM]

I’m glad that you are treated well. My parish treats me like a leperous prositute. I remember one time I was tired when I went to mass (my friend and I went to go see a movie Saturday night), and people said I wouldn’t be so tired if I didn’t sleep around. What?! I’ve been called a w***** because I’m a single woman who is 28. Maybe they are jealous, I don’t know. They forgot that Jesus was single.

I would say you need to find a new parish with fewer filthy minded gossips!

 

[Norseman82]

What is with all this complaining (sorry, it sounded like people where upset about being single and catholic,etc)?

I love being a single catholic. My parish treats me like gold. No one is talking to me about lifelong celibacy, or the priesthood or anything else. I date women here and there, trying to find a potential spouse, but none have come along that I see myself with long term. Yes, theres been some in the past that lasted for a while, but it eventually didn’t work out. I like having time to spend with my family (niece, nephew, etc) friends, their familes, hobbies, work, etc. Married people can’t do half the stuff I do! They’re too busy!

I do want to be married, family, all that jazz, but I’m only 30. I’m still young. I’ll find someone, I know it. Even if I find someone when I’m 40, 50, or whenever.

Maybe some of you wouldn’t be single if you didn’t complain so much!

(by the way, that last line was a joke. I see your points, but I just disagree with them).

First, when the Greek women complained about being neglected in their shar eof their distributions, they weren’t told to “stop complaining”, the diaconate was set up for them.

Second, if I knew I could handle lifelong celibacy, there is a chance I’d be wearing a collar by now.

Third, some of us are beginning to see that there may be more days behind us than ahead of us. Additionally, we’ve been hearing more and more in recent years how men’s fertility is not what it was after the age of 45.

Fourth, some of us were robbed of families early on in life and getting married and having children is the only way to have a family. And no, I’m not interested in the “alternate forms” of family nonsense.

Fifth, it causes a crisis in faith for the people who “play by the rules” and can’t find a spouse to see those who don’t “play by the rules” rewarded with spouses and families.

 

[Norseman82]

I remember one time I was tired when I went to mass (my friend and I went to go see a movie Saturday night), and people said I wouldn’t be so tired if I didn’t sleep around. What?! I’ve been called a w***** because I’m a single woman who is 28. Maybe they are jealous, I don’t know. They forgot that Jesus was single.

YIKES! If it weren’t against the law, I wouldn’t blame you if you slapped them so hard that their face became so red that it resembled a May Day parade in Tianamen Square. People like that realy need to be told off.

 

[Rascalking]

First, when the Greek women complained about being neglected in their shar eof their distributions, they weren’t told to “stop complaining”, the diaconate was set up for them.

Second, if I knew I could handle lifelong celibacy, there is a chance I’d be wearing a collar by now.

Third, some of us are beginning to see that there may be more days behind us than ahead of us. Additionally, we’ve been hearing more and more in recent years how men’s fertility is not what it was after the age of 45.

Fourth, some of us were robbed of families early on in life and getting married and having children is the only way to have a family. And no, I’m not interested in the “alternate forms” of family nonsense.

Fifth, it causes a crisis in faith for the people who “play by the rules” and can’t find a spouse to see those who don’t “play by the rules” rewarded with spouses and families.

First, relax.

Second, I think your taking it a bit too seriously. My post was tounge-in-cheek, but partially serious.

Third,that’s funny-more and and more I meet men over 45 who have fathered children.

Fourth-Robbed of a family? Sorry to hear that, but I would like to hear more. How were you, or other robbed?

Fifth-it causes NO crisis. I play by the rules, and have a great time doing it. I see many people who are in the same boat I am. In fact, I was just an usher for one of them!

My friend, I will raise a toast tonight with my Perrier (love that sparkiling water) to you and I-two single catholics-may we both get whatever God has coming to us, but better yet-may we both have a great time getting it!!

 

[havana1]

Fifth, it causes a crisis in faith for the people who “play by the rules” and can’t find a spouse to see those who don’t “play by the rules” rewarded with spouses and families.

Bingo!

 

[havana1]

By not being able to participate in one of the sacraments, that’s how. When you get married, you are participating in the Magisterium’s roadmap for your life. If you are unable to find a Catholic spouse, too bad, so sad, stinks to be you, and hey, “when are you gonna get married?”

Married → Magisterial Rewards
Unmarried → No Soup For You

Is that a clear enough description?

 

[CountrySinger]

By not being able to participate in one of the sacraments, that’s how. When you get married, you are participating in the Magisterium’s roadmap for your life. If you are unable to find a Catholic spouse, too bad, so sad, stinks to be you, and hey, “when are you gonna get married?”

Married → Magisterial Rewards
Unmarried → No Soup For You

Is that a clear enough description?

I hate when people aske me when I’m getting married. I had anything control over it I would be married now. People say “you are pretty and smart, why can’t you find a man?” Maybe I could try to buy one (I just got my inheritance today). People love money, so I can buy love right?

 

[SeekingWisdom]

Oh boy, here we go again. First of all, OP, whoa there… you are YOUNG. I know many men much older than that who are still looking. You may be in for a long wait.

I am “over 35” , female and unmarried. And I am even a virgin, but alas (tongue in cheek), I am being passed by in favor of young brood mares. (I’m even educated and brilliant to boot!) So, if someone comes along, they come along. I am tired of the looking and dating, just want the married part, you know? (and actually, I am not in a position to date right now, but who knows…)

 

[sanctamaria17]

And I think part of the problem is that we are letting the divorced people and the**“Midol Mafia”** set the agenda for the never-maried people. No offense, but single never-marrieds have different needs and issues than divorced people and single parents who get knocked up out of wedlock. The latter, which was once the exception, now seems to be accepted as the rule, and that is why I think things are so messed up for singles who do in fact play by the rules.

(bold emphasis mine)

I understand frustration, but a reference to like that would NOT entice me to ever marry someone…If that’s the attitude someone holds toward women, that’s not the attitude I want passed on to my own children. We’re more than just bags of estrogen and progesterone.

Also, “knocked up”? Is that OK to use, if we’re trying to build a pro-life culture? Women and men make mistakes…Do we need to use terminology that’s extremely disrespectful to women? I know some of these young, young girls who were “knocked up”, some who are like little sisters to me and were treated like **** by guys…someone refers to them disparagingly and I act like any enraged big sister and show them what two years of manual labor and contact sports can do.

One of my dearest friends made mistakes in her past but committed her life to chastity. She’s happily engaged to a wonderful Catholic man now. I’m glad he could see into her heart and look past mistakes that have already been forgiven by God in Confession.

Losing a family is horrible. Not finding a partner in life is a tragedy. But please, please, please watch your language. As Catholics, we’re supposed to be better than that.

 

[kib]

Many of the single Catholic men I have met (close friends included) are SERIOUSLY socially awkward.

I don’t understand how good Catholic men have a hard time finding a Catholic woman, I see them EVERYWHERE. I can only speak from experience, but really? ALL of my female friends are single and SEARCHING for a Catholic guy that isn’t a CREEPER!

Personally, if I wasn’t in a committed relationship I would be searching out an older woman for myself! There is something very attractive about a 30 year old single Catholic woman! Why do women always want to date older men.

 

[xixxvmcm85]

Thanks everyone for all your help so far.

I see there are a number of people who are shocked at the fact that the OP came from a soon to be 24 year old. A little bit of my family history might be in order:

I’m half Irish and half Cuban. Anyone from Irish and/or Latino stock knows that we marry and start having children (in the reverse order) rather young. Furthermore, I’m a convert to the faith from Mormonism. My entire family is LDS, and likewise, it’s customary to get married as soon as a man comes home from his mission (~ age 21). I already have my mother asking me if I’m gay or if I have some kind of physical defect she doesn’t know about!

To clarify, I’m not necessarily feeling the need to rush into marriage. To be honest, I didn’t give it much thought the last couple of years. I simply brushed it off with the excuse that I’ve been far too busy with my studies, work, internships, and some extra-curriculars I take part in. As my program is winding down (I’m looking at about six months to two years left until I get my final degree), I’ve had more time to really ponder it. Furthermore, my older brother and his wife went on a two week cruise and left their two children with me. Let me tell you, those two weeks with those little angels completely put family life into a whole new perspective. I know that I have a hell of a lot of love to give and I know that I ought to be raising children. Also, as I progress in my studies and career, it would really be nice to have someone to share the success with.

Now, admittedly, I’m still a bit pressed for time to be participating in a slew of church activities. I already serve as the organist at two Sunday Masses, and co-direct the parish choir, but somebody mentioned something about a “Newman Center”? What exactly is that, and do all the universities have them?