Finding a Catholic Spouse

[Norseman82]

Yes, it’s true. “Non-sacramental relationships” get more in terms of specifically directed pastoral care than abiding Catholic singles do. On the other hand, there’s a lot of spiritual danger in their situation, plus, it’s a relatively new one compared to the always-somehow-addressed problem of looking for a spouse, so there’s the “coming to the sick, not to the healthy” and the fact we can dig up some books, organise our time somehow etc., not available to those people, as a rule.

However, if someone treats unmarried relationships by Catholics (or even any Christians) better than abiding single Catholics, that person has his priorities in a very bad order and needs to read up quite a lot. Deciding to have a cohabitating fornicating relationship is not a better family or lifestyle choice than not doing it and I will happy discuss this matter at length via PM or even in a thread with anyone who is inclined to think otherwise.

I can show you where Aquinas says that benefit of doubt should be given. If we’re talking about Catholic people, we can’t be unrealistic, but when we don’t know if their divorced marriage has been declared null or not, we cannot assume that it has not. Same as we don’t assume that single people must be having an outlet somewhere and are therefore sleeping around. Furthermore, a person who in good faith lived through something that occurred not to have been in a marriage, has sinned no more than a widow or an abiding person. There’s no sin whatsoever in being the good faith party (which includes the one with an impediment or defect of consent, as long as acting in good faith).

Well, hopefully the problem isn’t as bad back in the hallowed land of my ancestors as it is here in the USA. And thank you for seeing my point.

 

[chevalier]

Well, hopefully the problem isn’t as bad back in the hallowed land of my ancestors as it is here in the USA. And thank you for seeing my point.

Well, as far as this part of Europe goes, we have a lot of live-in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, few unmarried families esp. with children (just some hippie celebrities, really, I can think of only one couple), but we don’t have the more non-standard “lifestyles” (same-gender, polyamorous, openly open…) and one-night stands aren’t norm. We used to have a more noticeable presence of “non-sacramental marriages” which was the term for civil-only marriages by Catholics. That was typically post-divorce. There was noticeable pastoral effort directed that way and I welcomed that because I didn’t feel those people should be excluded and it was a great idea to try and convince them to regularise their situation (few people even know of nullity proceedings, by the way, and some refuse to believe it’s possible no matter what canon law you quote to them). In fact, I remember for example a priest (an orthodox one) making difference between a civil marriage and no marriage at all. Right now, sadly, it seems practically everyone past age 19-20 (possibly 18 by now) is sexually active and tends to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend if practicable. Don’t know about the average age for marriage, but it seems to approach 30 (as far as I can observe, after 26 among university graduates or undergrads). It’s not rare to find ringless people, but it’s exceedingly rare to find someone without a boyfriend or girlfriend. People who don’t have one - excepting singles by choice (there’s no big singles culture, though some people claim to be noticing a problem - tend to be introverts, shy people, people with significantly below average people skills, or practicing and abiding Catholics who are among those who don’t practice or abide. With me, it’s the last factor, plus probably some personality things and insufficient or ineffective effort - as I said, I’m not one to waste time networking unless it’s discussion of interesting subjects, besides, I meet few people I’m interested in socialising with and there are compatibility issues. Lack of revenues is definitely contributing, as with everyone, I guess. Some initatives for “singles” (I hate the word, it implies affiliation with the singles culture) are being started by some churches or ministries and there are some secular commercial initiatives on the Internet that I prefer not to use. Most people still seem to meet someone the natural way - university, church, maybe work, sometimes some accident of life. I think I’ve heard a prayer for this category of people once in my church and I’ve also heard a couple of St. Jude intentions in the church near the university from ladies praying for a good man to share a life with.

As I said, though, people in irregular situations need all the care more than we do because their situation involves grave matter and is dangerous to their souls, while with us it mostly comes down to temporal problems. At least we haven’t just woken out of a brief cold period with the Church with a family to look after and a wife/husband who is not a wife/husband no matter what the civil law says (add brother and sister irrespective of what’s been before and of the fact there are years ahead to live like that). I’d take my situation over theirs any time with a huge sigh of relief, really.

I suppose what bugs you is that some people apparently seem openly to reject the Church’s teachings and yet still insist on being involved in parish life, ministries and so on. Well, I wish there were some way to make it clear that their choices are unacceptable (which they are) and cannot be condoned (which they can’t), without jeopardising the chance of at least keeping them around in the hope they will experience a conversion of heart. As far as what when they do experience it, however, I insist they’re as good Catholics as any, possibly better (more conscious, more knowing the other side - and consider the factor that those who have been forgiven a lot love a lot). Granted, there are always some temporal, psychological results of a turbulent past (including porn, which does’t need the assistance of a partner) that cannot be said not to exist or complicate a relationship, but they aren’t impossible to overcome. From a theological point of view, our ability to overcome such things is probably limited only by our ability and willingness to open ourselves to God’s mercy and grace, notwithstanding temporal punishment (that indulgences deal with).

 

[whatevergirl]

***I find it hard to believe for some reason, that there is this ‘shortage’ of strong, valiant chaste single Catholics out there in the world. I see so many right here on this forum! I have been out of the dating pool for a while, and I know that our culture promotes living together out of marriage, and sleeping around, etc. But I guess I’m surprised that some of you are having this hard of a time finding a good Catholic person to build a life with. Just seems odd to me, when I see so many decent Catholic singles right here at CAF. What I mean by that last statement is that if I see so many right here, surely there have to be quite a few within your respective cities? I dunno…maybe I’m naive.

(I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe you all here…lol This might not be coming out right. Hopefully, you know what I mean here. )***

 

[sanctamaria17]

Maybe when you spend some time in the real world and experience being shafted you will realize that if you want to keep good people at high performance, you need to not take them for granted but rather reward them.
.

I already am and I have been. Trust me, I’m not some little girl living in a fantasy world. I actually do have to work and pay my own bills. And I’ve been shafted more times than I can count, whether in work, school, friendships, or dating. I just get over it…because most of it isn’t worth fighting over. I get passed over for a job? I find another one. I get passed over for a kid in class that doesn’t really know what they’re talking about? I just do the best that I can. A friend stabs me in the back? They probably weren’t my real friend anyway. A guy leads me on and then decides to leave? He probably wasn’t worth my affection to begin with. Seriously, the girls I work with and women who get assaulted, trafficked, live in poverty, die in childbirth with no access to health care, get killed because some guy promised to marry them and didn’t, leaving them at the mercy of a disapproving family…and I’m going to complain because someone doesn’t want to date me? Or give me a job promotion?

I may be young, but rest assured, I do live in the real world. It’s not always pretty. But I have it a lot better than most people on the planet. Not finding a husband really does not phase me, because the only thing that completes me is God.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Norseman;

I wanted to throw this idea out there…and to anyone else who it might apply to. I speak from experience with what I’m about to say. Sometimes, those of us who have suffered great losses early in life (I have read your post Norseman, for example, about ‘being robbed of a family’ growing up) or suffered some type of family trauma early on, have a fear of getting close to people as adults. I know this first hand. I was very reluctant to trust men when I was in college, and I used to blame that reluctance on other things…namely the men I was dating. Like they ALL had some defect or other. Now, some were definitely not good men, but I definitely pushed good men away, looking back. Thankfully, I didn’t push my husband away, but he largely saw through my fear of loss ‘‘exterior.’’

I’m not saying that is what is going on with you, but it bares reflecting upon, at least, seeing that you felt like you ‘were robbed of a family’ growing up…I had those same feelings of being “jilted,” and the world ‘‘owes’’ me something. The world owes us nothing, frankly. I will say that at times, those thoughts of ‘‘entitlement’’ still stream through my head…but on different things. Like, I should never ever have to suffer again, for what happened to me as a kid. I just wonder if perhaps, that could be an underlying current here.

Just wondering if some of your feelings of ‘‘entitlement’’ come from your feelings of being jilted as a kid. (your ''robbed of a family" comment) I mean no disrespect by these comments, I sincerely have experienced these feelings myself, and just wanted to throw it out there. I know that when people say hurtful things, deep down, they are hurting inside themselves. Anyways, just a thought. *

 

[Jay82]

***I find it hard to believe for some reason, that there is this ‘shortage’ of strong, valiant chaste single Catholics out there in the world. I see so many right here on this forum! I have been out of the dating pool for a while, and I know that our culture promotes living together out of marriage, and sleeping around, etc. But I guess I’m surprised that some of you are having this hard of a time finding a good Catholic person to build a life with. Just seems odd to me, when I see so many decent Catholic singles right here at CAF. What I mean by that last statement is that if I see so many right here, surely there have to be quite a few within your respective cities? I dunno…maybe I’m naive.

(I don’t mean to say that I don’t believe you all here…lol This might not be coming out right. Hopefully, you know what I mean here. )***

I tend to agree with you, I think their are definitely a good number of desirable chaste catholic singles out there, myself being one of them. However, finding one is easier said than done. I think a lot of people don’t branch outside of their establish social circles, so they don’t always meet new people. Additionally, they can be pretty hard to identify at times because unless you get to know someone you don’t really know what they are really like. Unfortunately, I know some guys and girls who attend church regularly, but continue to conduct themselves quite immorally when it comes to sex. If you were new in town and started attending mass you would see them there regularly and think - oh I should introduce myself, they appear to be single/desirable, but in fact they would be far from what someone who wants to remain chaste is looking for.

I think the toughest obstacle for me personally is finding a girl that I ‘click’ with or am compatible with that is also chaste. Recently I met an amazing catholic girl and our dates have been great, but I don’t know about the chaste aspect yet, but I am hopeful.

 

[chevalier]

I find it hard to believe for some reason, that there is this ‘shortage’ of strong, valiant chaste single Catholics out there in the world.

The pool is not what it used to be, people aren’t all prepared for what it takes (mentally or skills-wise), there’s a shortage of avenues. Here’s what’s new. What’s not new is that there’s always a couple of people for whom things don’t work out in this or that regard and that’s bound to be more noticeable than the fact it does work all for all the rest and hence some artificial drama.

 

[whatevergirl]

I tend to agree with you, I think their are definitely a good number of desirable chaste catholic singles out there, myself being one of them. However, finding one is easier said than done. I think a lot of people don’t branch outside of their establish social circles, so they don’t always meet new people. Additionally, they can be pretty hard to identify at times because unless you get to know someone you don’t really know what they are really like. Unfortunately, I know some guys and girls who attend church regularly, but continue to conduct themselves quite immorally when it comes to sex. If you were new in town and started attending mass you would see them there regularly and think - oh I should introduce myself, they appear to be single/desirable, but in fact they would be far from what someone who wants to remain chaste is looking for.

I think the toughest obstacle for me personally is finding a girl that I ‘click’ with or am compatible with that is also chaste. Recently I met an amazing catholic girl and our dates have been great, but I don’t know about the chaste aspect yet, but I am hopeful.

***That is a good point, too. I think that might be a question I would ask up front though, without sounding like you’re prying…but, it’s important to know of a person’s sexual history, or if there is one at all. I didn’t need to know details of my dh’s past, but I definitely wanted to know. I had no sexual past, so to many here, we were ‘‘unequally yoked,’’ I suppose. I chose though to look at how he was living his life at the time I met him, and he told me he was living a chaste life for some time before meeting me. He did live with a woman before me, though…years prior to meeting me. (He is roughly 10 yrs older than me) I can’t say I didn’t think about that, but the more I got to know him, and the more we went to mass together while dating, and I could see his love for God…his past ‘‘mistakes’’ dissipated out of my mind. But, to each’s own.

I’m hopeful that you meet a nice Catholic woman, too…Jay! If I were single, I think I’d take the advice of some on here and try ave maria singles…I think some here have found their husbands/wives on there. I look around my parish, and honestly, I don’t see many single people…so, maybe it is hard to meet someone within one’s parish, I don’t know. ***

 

[whatevergirl]

The pool is not what it used to be, people aren’t all prepared for what it takes (mentally or skills-wise), there’s a shortage of avenues. Here’s what’s new. What’s not new is that there’s always a couple of people for whom things don’t work out in this or that regard and that’s bound to be more noticeable than the fact it does work all for all the rest and hence some artificial drama.

Yes, that could be. I think that dating for some reason, has become more complicated…all the way around, not just for Catholics. I have a few single friends who lament about it, and it seems like they’re looking for this ‘‘perfect’’ person. I tell them, when you find the perfect person, let me know, I’ll grab my camera. Only perfect person that ever walked the earth, and ever will…is Christ. (they are not Catholic, but it’s an opportunity to witness )

 

[kib]

I have a question for the singles posting in this thread.

Do you enjoy dating and meeting new people?

I have been in a committed relationship for 3 1/2 years and I have to say, I kind of miss the thrill of dating! That’s not to say I was ever the type to go out with a different girl every weekend, I never behaved that way. However, meeting and getting to know someone new, wondering how they felt about you, planning out dates etc. I kind of miss that feeling!

 

[Em_in_FL]

Well, it’s nice that people repent and come back (although “knowing Christ later” is no excuse for fornication, as there is that little thing called natural law), but what about the people who have been playing by the rules all these years with nothing to show for it? “No soup for you”??? Remember the parable of the prodigal son. Why was the older brother bitter? He did the work and didn’t get a kid goat yet the younger brother who did not got the feast. Did the father chide the older brother? Did the father say “I’m offended by your attitude” or “look inside youself as to why you didn’t get your kid goat”? No, but if I were to extrapolate your posts you would have. Maybe when you spend some time in the real world and experience being shafted you will realize that if you want to keep good people at high performance, you need to not take them for granted but rather reward them.

Part of the problem is that sometimes we Catholics who play by the rules need to do a better job of “looking out for our own”. And since you pride yourself on defending your sisters, why not take some of that effort and “look out for your own”? I’m willing to do that in my choice of who I seek to date and marry (to show that I am not just a chronic complainer but actually put my money where my mouth is so I can be part of the solution). I challenge you to do the same.

And anyone who knows me here knows that I have come down on the fornicators, whether or not their actions result in “knocking up”.

Wow, honestly - I sense extreme jealousy over the entire idea of the Prodigal Son!.. Maybe you should refocus on a different story… like the one about stoning the adulterous woman (John 8)…* “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”*

Yes, I COMPLETELY agree with how you are approaching YOUR life, but there has to be compassion and understanding for others…
That’s a FUNDAMENTAL part of loving another human being. If a woman doesn’t sense that *true *compassion, love, and forgiveness in your heart, then that may be a total turn off!
We are called to be like Christ in ALL ways - including forgiveness (of course encompassing the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation!)

 

[Norseman82]

Well, as far as this part of Europe goes, we have a lot of live-in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, few unmarried families esp. with children (just some hippie celebrities, really, I can think of only one couple), but we don’t have the more non-standard “lifestyles” (same-gender, polyamorous, openly open…) and one-night stands aren’t norm. We used to have a more noticeable presence of “non-sacramental marriages” which was the term for civil-only marriages by Catholics. That was typically post-divorce. There was noticeable pastoral effort directed that way and I welcomed that because I didn’t feel those people should be excluded and it was a great idea to try and convince them to regularise their situation (few people even know of nullity proceedings, by the way, and some refuse to believe it’s possible no matter what canon law you quote to them). In fact, I remember for example a priest (an orthodox one) making difference between a civil marriage and no marriage at all. Right now, sadly, it seems practically everyone past age 19-20 (possibly 18 by now) is sexually active and tends to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend if practicable. Don’t know about the average age for marriage, but it seems to approach 30 (as far as I can observe, after 26 among university graduates or undergrads). It’s not rare to find ringless people, but it’s exceedingly rare to find someone without a boyfriend or girlfriend. People who don’t have one - excepting singles by choice (there’s no big singles culture, though some people claim to be noticing a problem - tend to be introverts, shy people, people with significantly below average people skills, or practicing and abiding Catholics who are among those who don’t practice or abide. With me, it’s the last factor, plus probably some personality things and insufficient or ineffective effort - as I said, I’m not one to waste time networking unless it’s discussion of interesting subjects, besides, I meet few people I’m interested in socialising with and there are compatibility issues. Lack of revenues is definitely contributing, as with everyone, I guess. Some initatives for “singles” (I hate the word, it implies affiliation with the singles culture) are being started by some churches or ministries and there are some secular commercial initiatives on the Internet that I prefer not to use. Most people still seem to meet someone the natural way - university, church, maybe work, sometimes some accident of life. I think I’ve heard a prayer for this category of people once in my church and I’ve also heard a couple of St. Jude intentions in the church near the university from ladies praying for a good man to share a life with.

As I said, though, people in irregular situations need all the care more than we do because their situation involves grave matter and is dangerous to their souls, while with us it mostly comes down to temporal problems. At least we haven’t just woken out of a brief cold period with the Church with a family to look after and a wife/husband who is not a wife/husband no matter what the civil law says (add brother and sister irrespective of what’s been before and of the fact there are years ahead to live like that). I’d take my situation over theirs any time with a huge sigh of relief, really.

I suppose what bugs you is that some people apparently seem openly to reject the Church’s teachings and yet still insist on being involved in parish life, ministries and so on. Well, I wish there were some way to make it clear that their choices are unacceptable (which they are) and cannot be condoned (which they can’t), without jeopardising the chance of at least keeping them around in the hope they will experience a conversion of heart. As far as what when they do experience it, however, I insist they’re as good Catholics as any, possibly better (more conscious, more knowing the other side - and consider the factor that those who have been forgiven a lot love a lot). Granted, there are always some temporal, psychological results of a turbulent past (including porn, which does’t need the assistance of a partner) that cannot be said not to exist or complicate a relationship, but they aren’t impossible to overcome. From a theological point of view, our ability to overcome such things is probably limited only by our ability and willingness to open ourselves to God’s mercy and grace, notwithstanding temporal punishment (that indulgences deal with).

It sounds like you guys are not that far behind us

Is there a difference between the urban and rural areas?

 

[Norseman82]

I already am and I have been. Trust me, I’m not some little girl living in a fantasy world. I actually do have to work and pay my own bills. And I’ve been shafted more times than I can count, whether in work, school, friendships, or dating. I just get over it…because most of it isn’t worth fighting over. I get passed over for a job? I find another one. I get passed over for a kid in class that doesn’t really know what they’re talking about? I just do the best that I can. A friend stabs me in the back? They probably weren’t my real friend anyway. A guy leads me on and then decides to leave? He probably wasn’t worth my affection to begin with. Seriously, the girls I work with and women who get assaulted, trafficked, live in poverty, die in childbirth with no access to health care, get killed because some guy promised to marry them and didn’t, leaving them at the mercy of a disapproving family…and I’m going to complain because someone doesn’t want to date me? Or give me a job promotion?

I may be young, but rest assured, I do live in the real world. It’s not always pretty. But I have it a lot better than most people on the planet. Not finding a husband really does not phase me, because the only thing that completes me is God.

Well, then consider yourself fortunate that you haven’t reached your “tipping point” yet. And pray you don’t. Having one’s faith messed with is most likely the most gut-wrenching experience one can have.

 

[Norseman82]

Wow, honestly - I sense extreme jealousy over the entire idea of the Prodigal Son!.. Maybe you should refocus on a different story… like the one about stoning the adulterous woman (John 8)…* “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”*

Yes, I COMPLETELY agree with how you are approaching YOUR life, but there has to be compassion and understanding for others…
That’s a FUNDAMENTAL part of loving another human being. If a woman doesn’t sense that *true *compassion, love, and forgiveness in your heart, then that may be a total turn off!
We are called to be like Christ in ALL ways - including forgiveness (of course encompassing the beautiful sacrament of reconciliation!)

I don’t recall the father ever saying that the older brother was guilty of jealousy.

And forgiveness does not mean that one is required to marry someone who is incompatible.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I don’t recall the father ever saying that the older brother was guilty of jealousy.

And forgiveness does not mean that one is required to marry someone who is incompatible.

You’re right, the word jealousy was never used… but the action was definitely there!

25
Now the older son had been out in the field and, on his way back, as he neared the house, he heard the sound of music and dancing.
26
He called one of the servants and asked what this might mean.
27
The servant said to him, ‘Your brother has returned and your father has slaughtered the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
28
He became angry, and when he refused to enter the house, his father came out and pleaded with him.
29
He said to his father in reply, ‘Look, all these years I served you and not once did I disobey your orders; yet you never gave me even a young goat to feast on with my friends.
30
But when your son returns who swallowed up your property with prostitutes, for him you slaughter the fattened calf.’
31
He said to him, ‘My son, you are here with me always; everything I have is yours.
32
But now we must celebrate and rejoice, because your brother was dead and has come to life again; he was lost and has been found.’"

And you’re also right that you should never marry anyone you’re not compatible with… but if you’re interested in compatibility with someone who *truly *believes in the faith and the Sacramental nature of forgiveness, then that person WILL have sins in their past - by the very nature that they’re human!
Sexual sins are deplorable, but forgivable no less than other sins.

 

[sinnegam]

Greetings everyone!

My 24th birthday is fast approaching, and I’ve recently been feeling that urge to start a family. Though it isn’t spoken of much in our culture, men do have biological clocks and mine is fast ticking. I’ve pretty much removed myself from the dating scene in the last couple of years as my studies have become a prime priority. I’m a Ph.D. candidate at a Jesuit university studying neuroscience, so my proverbial plate is rather loaded. Nevertheless, the longer I wait, the more I feel that I’m letting opportunity pass me by. Besides, I only have about a year or two to go until I earn my doctorate and can start on my career.

I’ve seen first hand the troubles and setbacks of an interfaith marriage, so I cannot settle for anything less than a valiant, Catholic wife, but there aren’t many women my age in my parish. I only know of three, one of which is already married, one is a lesbian, and the other has plans on becoming a nun. So where does that leave me?

I don’t mean to reduce romance and marriage to something so mechanical as searching for a sale or buying a piece of equipment, but I’m genuinely curious how a Catholic might be able to maximize his opportunities. What are some good ways of meeting single, Catholic women looking to settle down? It’s so hard these days to find women who share the same values as I have.

Thanks for any help you can offer.

Make sure she shares the same values!!!..I speak from experience…I married a very lukewarm Catholic…she has gone to “a new life” with the kids…I pray every day for her reconversion…tread very carefully my friend…pray hard for your suitable soulmate God Bless

 

[Norseman82]

*Norseman;

I wanted to throw this idea out there…and to anyone else who it might apply to. I speak from experience with what I’m about to say. Sometimes, those of us who have suffered great losses early in life (I have read your post Norseman, for example, about ‘being robbed of a family’ growing up) or suffered some type of family trauma early on, have a fear of getting close to people as adults. I know this first hand. I was very reluctant to trust men when I was in college, and I used to blame that reluctance on other things…namely the men I was dating. Like they ALL had some defect or other. Now, some were definitely not good men, but I definitely pushed good men away, looking back. Thankfully, I didn’t push my husband away, but he largely saw through my fear of loss ‘‘exterior.’’

I’m not saying that is what is going on with you, but it bares reflecting upon, at least, seeing that you felt like you ‘were robbed of a family’ growing up…I had those same feelings of being “jilted,” and the world ‘‘owes’’ me something. The world owes us nothing, frankly. I will say that at times, those thoughts of ‘‘entitlement’’ still stream through my head…but on different things. Like, I should never ever have to suffer again, for what happened to me as a kid. I just wonder if perhaps, that could be an underlying current here.

Just wondering if some of your feelings of ‘‘entitlement’’ come from your feelings of being jilted as a kid. (your ''robbed of a family" comment) I mean no disrespect by these comments, I sincerely have experienced these feelings myself, and just wanted to throw it out there. I know that when people say hurtful things, deep down, they are hurting inside themselves. Anyways, just a thought. *

I look at it as seeing a side of life that few people see and that youse people can learn something from it.

Anyway, yes, I am more cautious in approaching people, and if you read my other previous poss I am also harsh on the posters who say we need to stop looking and that seeking a spose means we somehow are deficient because we are not completely filled with God, which ends up forcing many people back into their shells when they come out of it. I do want someone who can carry on after me if something should happen to me, and I don’t want someone with a temper (since I will be lambasted if use the term that combines an over-the-counter medicine and a criminal organization). In fact, that torpedoed two spousabile earlier on in life.

As far as entiltlements, I feel no more entitled than a medical student who worked hard and made sacrifices who is seeking a position and is up against a partying slacker who cheated on his exams. The father in the prodigal son did not chide his son for feeling “entitled”; in fact, he said “everything I have is yours” (which may imply that the younger disobedient son ended up with no more inheritance).

 

[StillWondering]

Here are my 2 cents for the OP:

1st Cent: Marriage does not have a maturity date as a stock or bond would. In fact, when you feel it is right time with your significant other, is just when you need another year or so to properly work out the details with family life, finances, career, homes, children plans, and most of all how you will walk your journey of faith together. Your worldline and hers will be forever linked supernaturally while you two are still on this earthly journey. Given that, the call to marriage may in fact be true but the ticking of the clock is not true. Take the clock out of the picture and just follow God’s plan.

2nd Cent: As mentioned before, Catholic retreats are a great way to meet wonderful women. I have met quite a few. As above, there should be some things for you to note. In these blissful trips, you may fine the right lady. However, you must be the right man, if you want a lady that is orthodox and full of love for God, you must be the same – in your words, your actions, and your morals. Next, the meeting is far from getting to honestly know a person. The intrigue of her holiness while speaks volume of how wonderful a wife she would be does not remove the need for you two to be compatible. Saints comes in all different flavors and if you look at them, their holiness brings them to great differences. They have the sameness of heart but vastly different goals, focus, personalities, and physical manifestation. How much varied are we, the sinners trying to be saints. Thus, search for holy and truly loving women at events such as Catholic retreats, but never neglect the human aspect and comp abilities needed to build a long lasting foundation of love.

 

[Norseman82]

You’re right, the word jealousy was never used… but the action was definitely there!

And you’re also right that you should never marry anyone you’re not compatible with… but if you’re interested in compatibility with someone who *truly *believes in the faith and the Sacramental nature of forgiveness, then that person WILL have sins in their past - by the very nature that they’re human!
Sexual sins are deplorable, but forgivable no less than other sins.

Actualy, sexual sins are considered worse. First, St. Paul made the distinction, I think it was in 1 Cor. Second, Mary said at Fatima that more souls will go to hell becase of sexual sins (or words to that effect). Third, the sexual bond between husband and wife is what makes them husband and wife rather than brother and sister, and sexuality is a very sensitive area. Why do you think that sexual infedility is taken so seriously?

Also, in the parable of the prodigal son, I don’t see jealousy, I see righteous indignation over not being appreciated.

 

[whatevergirl]

I look at it as seeing a side of life that few people see and that youse people can learn something from it.

Anyway, yes, I am more cautious in approaching people, and if you read my other previous poss I am also harsh on the posters who say we need to stop looking and that seeking a spose means we somehow are deficient because we are not completely filled with God, which ends up forcing many people back into their shells when they come out of it. I do want someone who can carry on after me if something should happen to me, and I don’t want someone with a temper (since I will be lambasted if use the term that combines an over-the-counter medicine and a criminal organization). In fact, that torpedoed two spousabile earlier on in life.

As far as entiltlements, I feel no more entitled than a medical student who worked hard and made sacrifices who is seeking a position and is up against a partying slacker who cheated on his exams. The father in the prodigal son did not chide his son for feeling “entitled”; in fact, he said “everything I have is yours” (which may imply that the younger disobedient son ended up with no more inheritance).

*Norseman, don’t worry what others think of you or what you’re doing. No one here thinks that someone who is seeking to find a suitable spouse, is ‘deficient.’ I don’t know if I have ever read that, on here. I think what you might be referring to, correct me if I’m wrong, is when people tell single people to be content with God. But, that is sensible advice. That doesn’t mean you should stop seeking what you desire…it only means that you should still be happy with where you are in Christ. That’s all anyone means…they don’t mean to stop seeking to find a suitable spouse.

I hope you find someone to share your life with someday, Norseman. *