Finding a Catholic Spouse

[whatevergirl]

According to the article, the conference was a ‘‘success.’’ If so many Catholics who are like minded and single are turning out for these single events, why are there still so many single Catholics lamenting over not being able to find a like minded person to start a life with? I looked at Lotuscars’ thread about a similiar topic today, and it seems to be a problem, frankly…devout Catholic singles, who feel ‘‘ignored’’ in their respective parishes, yet there are conferences around the country, and there is still a growing problem of meeting someone? I wonder what is going on, being married, I don’t fully understand why single Catholics are having a hard time meeting other single like minded Catholics if there are designated ‘‘events’’ for them. I am merely trying to learn as I wonder if my son and daughter will have this ‘‘problem’’ someday.

 

[ack]

These “events” are an artificial environment for meeting people. You are not seeing how people are in their “natural” environment, and you only have a short amount of time to interact with someone before you feel obligated to initiate a “relationship” that isn’t ready yet.

An “ordinary” relationship starts with two people interacting or working together in a normal setting, and coming to the realization that they’re suited for each other. While singles “events” do allow a single person to meet many others, they are not conducive to this process.

According to the article, the conference was a ‘‘success.’’ If so many Catholics who are like minded and single are turning out for these single events, why are there still so many single Catholics lamenting over not being able to find a like minded person to start a life with? I looked at Lotuscars’ thread about a similiar topic today, and it seems to be a problem, frankly…devout Catholic singles, who feel ‘‘ignored’’ in their respective parishes, yet there are conferences around the country, and there is still a growing problem of meeting someone? I wonder what is going on, being married, I don’t fully understand why single Catholics are having a hard time meeting other single like minded Catholics if there are designated ‘‘events’’ for them. I am merely trying to learn as I wonder if my son and daughter will have this ‘‘problem’’ someday.

 

[CountrySinger]

According to the article, the conference was a ‘‘success.’’ If so many Catholics who are like minded and single are turning out for these single events, why are there still so many single Catholics lamenting over not being able to find a like minded person to start a life with? I looked at Lotuscars’ thread about a similiar topic today, and it seems to be a problem, frankly…devout Catholic singles, who feel ‘‘ignored’’ in their respective parishes, yet there are conferences around the country, and there is still a growing problem of meeting someone? I wonder what is going on, being married, I don’t fully understand why single Catholics are having a hard time meeting other single like minded Catholics if there are designated ‘‘events’’ for them. I am merely trying to learn as I wonder if my son and daughter will have this ‘‘problem’’ someday.

It’s easy to meet Catholic men, but to meet Good Catholic men is near impossible. I’ve burned through all the available “Catholic” men in Salem. They think that as long as you go to Mass, you are good. It doesn’t matter what you do outside of Mass.
But I might not be the best answer, I had to leave the state to try to find someone.

 

[chevalier]

These “events” are an artificial environment for meeting people. You are not seeing how people are in their “natural” environment, and you only have a short amount of time to interact with someone before you feel obligated to initiate a “relationship” that isn’t ready yet.

An “ordinary” relationship starts with two people interacting or working together in a normal setting, and coming to the realization that they’re suited for each other. While singles “events” do allow a single person to meet many others, they are not conducive to this process.

Not to jump on the bandwagon, but I totally agree. Fishing on dating websites appears so unnatural to me. I’m giving it a go as a potential conduit, but I’m taking it with a pinch of salt (and a cube of ice).

 

[chevalier]

To me, this is highly amusing! I am female over 35, and quite quite smart, yet when once I lamented my single status to my best friend, she said “Well, you’re, um, different”. Meaning I am not terribly interested in TV or pop culture. Why would I be?? It rots the brain!! I am in an artistic field, I was brought up to love books and music, I play a musical instrument, and I have always valued a stimulating conversation over watching a sitcom.
Yeah, I’m different, but my life is more fulfilling than knowing who won an Emmy and what they wore.

Umm… My “problem”, which is *not *a problem, is similar to yours. As I said, it’s not a problem, it’s worth it 10,000-fold.

(not to say I’m not girly and don’t love clothes, I even own a Kashmir sweater– (that was a joke))

Those are lovely.

Anyway, hope your “search” shall have been successful and if not, well, then you will have had a good time anyway. (This said, it’s high time for the 3rd Miles Davies of the 5 I got for Christmas).

 

[whatevergirl]

It’s easy to meet Catholic men, but to meet Good Catholic men is near impossible. I’ve burned through all the available “Catholic” men in Salem. They think that as long as you go to Mass, you are good. **It doesn’t matter what you do outside of Mass. **But I might not be the best answer, I had to leave the state to try to find someone.

*No, what you say is very telling…interesting. I can believe that. *

 

[whatevergirl]

These “events” are an artificial environment for meeting people. You are not seeing how people are in their “natural” environment, and you only have a short amount of time to interact with someone before you feel obligated to initiate a “relationship” that isn’t ready yet.

An “ordinary” relationship starts with two people interacting or working together in a normal setting, and coming to the realization that they’re suited for each other. While singles “events” do allow a single person to meet many others, they are not conducive to this process.

That makes sense…but, the event at least shows that there ARE likeminded, devout single Catholics out there…so why can’t people meet them in their everyday life? Where is everyone hiding who fits this description?

 

[LilyElain]

Not to jump on the bandwagon, but I totally agree. Fishing on dating websites appears so unnatural to me. I’m giving it a go as a potential conduit, but I’m taking it with a pinch of salt (and a cube of ice).

I agree…although I am an introvert for the most part…the web-dating is awkward at best…

and as to a cube of ice…I used to have a nickname that went with that…

 

[chevalier]

I agree…although I am an introvert for the most part…the web-dating is awkward at best…

Introverts prefer deep conversations and they are rather introspective… they can do all an extrovert can, but their preference and limits are different (which I say because I can’t really identify with either group, so let’s just have a look at the personality trait itself).

and as to a cube of ice…I used to have a nickname that went with that…

Ice queens are pretty cool. Errr… Cheese. I know. :tiphat:

 

[LilyElain]

Introverts prefer deep conversations and they are rather introspective… they can do all an extrovert can, but their preference and limits are different (which I say because I can’t really identify with either group, so let’s just have a look at the personality trait itself).

It is true as introverts we much prefer to have long, deep conversations with people and can as you said do all that extroverts can, but we NEED to recharge by being alone…
however we ( at least I do…) need to also be able to read the person…so talking online and over the phone…etc can actually be frustrating after a while…and so I find that I hope to find someone with whom I can talk to in person.

Ice queens are pretty cool. Errr… Cheese. I know. :tiphat:

LOL Why thank you…

 

[LilyElain]

Sorry about the posting in the quote box…still figuring this whole thing out…

 

[Norseman82]

That makes sense…but, the event at least shows that there ARE likeminded, devout single Catholics out there…so why can’t people meet them in their everyday life? Where is everyone hiding who fits this description?

Part of the problem is that these type of events are few and far between, and even there, tehre can be the problem of trying the navigate the crowds (like being in a supermarket, there are so many choices you don’t know where to begin!).

Additionally, one has to deal with the challenge of “breaking into the herd”, meaning that women will often congregate into a group and chatter and it can be difficult for a man to break into and join the group (PLEASE don’t jump over me for this remark - it was an ACTUAL TOPIC covered by a WOMAN at one of the National Catholic SIngles Conferences in Chicago - and yes, I’m starting to be more mindful of potential “herd” behavior when I speak with other men).

 

[Kasenka]

I don’t really have any answers on why catholic men and women don’t seem to meet each other. My assumption had always been that there are no catholic men, but I see that I was wrong. What I’d like to know is how to be “happy” while being single and how to increase my trust in God’s will and how to increase my patience while waiting for His plan for my life.

 

[chevalier]

Sorry about the posting in the quote box…still figuring this whole thing out…

It is true as introverts we much prefer to have long, deep conversations with people and can as you said do all that extroverts can, but we NEED to recharge by being alone…
however we ( at least I do…) need to also be able to read the person…so talking online and over the phone…etc can actually be frustrating after a while…and so I find that I hope to find someone with whom I can talk to in person.

I can see where you’re coming from. Well, I think in long-distance relationships one’s simply too far removed and there truly are many details that may be missed that way. However, deception and honest mistakes happen a lot in real life too. I suppose the distance is sometimes the scapegoat. After all, if things go wrong in a normal relationship, we naturally don’t blame the lack of distance for that, whereas long-distance is the default culprit in case of any trouble.

Additionally, one has to deal with the challenge of “breaking into the herd”, meaning that women will often congregate into a group and chatter and it can be difficult for a man to break into and join the group (PLEASE don’t jump over me for this remark - it was an ACTUAL TOPIC covered by a WOMAN at one of the National Catholic SIngles Conferences in Chicago - and yes, I’m starting to be more mindful of potential “herd” behavior when I speak with other men).

I stand with you on that one.

(I generally approach the problem by hanging out with all of them and then singling one out. But it’s majorly ill-conducive. As a side note, I suppose this may be a defence mechanism. One female won’t overcome a male but a pack guarantees more safety if the male should turn aggressive. I suppose one just needs to say something like, “Well, ladies, you’re all pretty and I’m having a hard time picking. Which one of you would be willing to grace the dance floor?” And if they just snicker you away, then the punishment shall be remaining in their own unmixed company. )

I don’t really have any answers on why catholic men and women don’t seem to meet each other. My assumption had always been that there are no catholic men, but I see that I was wrong.

I complain, therefore I am!

 

[CountrySinger]

*No, what you say is very telling…interesting. I can believe that. *

I’ve been on dates with guys who think it is okay to have sex outside of marriage, have abortions, etc. Those guys would leave once they figured they weren’t getting any. I don’t get it. But it’s okay as long as you go to Mass, I guess. sarcasm It is a tough dating world out there. I better get my armour. It’s ironic, because to date, you need a open heart, but you also need to be cynical and assume the worst about everyone.

 

[crazzeto]

Don’t stress out too much over the timing of when you get married, just sit back and trust God will lead you to your perfect spouse. If you want to give God a helping hand, just before meeting my current fiance I was dabbling with CatholicMatch.com. The site was very well laid out, really lets you drill down to exactly the kind of Catholic woman you want. If you want that perfect, Catholic girl who wants to save her self for marriage (as I hope you do too) you can filter for that, if you’re not looking for that they do allow you options to specify that (though hopefully we’re all fully Catholic through and through right?? right!!). They even have spots to enter whether or not you think you have a religious or Ordained vocation, which is you know, very important when you’re looking for a spouse.

I didn’t really get to give it a practical go, since I met my fiance maybe 2 weeks after I started dabbling with it. So I can’t tell you how hard or easy it is to meet someone there. All I can tell you is they have the right toolset to find someone with the right values.

eHarmony is ultimatly where I found the love of my life, but hoenstly I got really really lucky. It’s more of an under the table evangelical meeting site, most women you meet there will be of that persuation. I was very lucky that my fiance was leaning towards a Catholic conversion already, it made things easier.

 

[whatevergirl]

Part of the problem is that these type of events are few and far between, and even there, tehre can be the problem of trying the navigate the crowds (like being in a supermarket, there are so many choices you don’t know where to begin!).

Additionally, one has to deal with the challenge of “breaking into the herd”, meaning that women will often congregate into a group and chatter and it can be difficult for a man to break into and join the group (PLEASE don’t jump over me for this remark - it was an ACTUAL TOPIC covered by a WOMAN at one of the National Catholic SIngles Conferences in Chicago - and yes, I’m starting to be more mindful of potential “herd” behavior when I speak with other men).

*I won’t jump over you with **that **remark, **but **please don’t ever refer to a room full of single women as a SUPERMARKET. Oh my. Where do I begin??

:tsktsk:

Lucky for you, the Steelers won today…I’m happy. lol Seriously, though…be mindful of always letting your every thought spill out into words, Norseman. *

 

[chevalier]

I’ve been on dates with guys who think it is okay to have sex outside of marriage, have abortions, etc. Those guys would leave once they figured they weren’t getting any. I don’t get it. But it’s okay as long as you go to Mass, I guess. sarcasm It is a tough dating world out there. I better get my armour. It’s ironic, because to date, you need a open heart, but you also need to be cynical and assume the worst about everyone.

Actually, Aquinas says you need to presume the best unless you have good proof, but this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take precautions (presuming good about people doesn’t mean being stupid).

 

[LilyElain]

I don’t really have any answers on why catholic men and women don’t seem to meet each other. My assumption had always been that there are no catholic men, but I see that I was wrong. What I’d like to know is how to be “happy” while being single and how to increase my trust in God’s will and how to increase my patience while waiting for His plan for my life.

I went through this phase a couple times… I just keep up with Mass and my prayer life to keep me centered.
Try to remember your own interests and hobbies outside of wanting the home and family…women who are comfortable in their own skin are more attractive …so my brothers tell me… Plus, you may meet someone doing the same things you enjoy doing…

 

[whatevergirl]

Don’t stress out too much over the timing of when you get married, just sit back and trust God will lead you to your perfect spouse. If you want to give God a helping hand, just before meeting my current fiance I was dabbling with CatholicMatch.com. The site was very well laid out, really lets you drill down to exactly the kind of Catholic woman you want. If you want that perfect, Catholic girl who wants to save her self for marriage (as I hope you do too) you can filter for that, if you’re not looking for that they do allow you options to specify that (though hopefully we’re all fully Catholic through and through right?? right!!). They even have spots to enter whether or not you think you have a religious or Ordained vocation, which is you know, very important when you’re looking for a spouse.

I didn’t really get to give it a practical go, since I met my fiance maybe 2 weeks after I started dabbling with it. So I can’t tell you how hard or easy it is to meet someone there. All I can tell you is they have the right toolset to find someone with the right values.

eHarmony is ultimatly where I found the love of my life, but hoenstly I got really really lucky. It’s more of an under the table evangelical meeting site, most women you meet there will be of that persuation. I was very lucky that my fiance was leaning towards a Catholic conversion already, it made things easier.

Here’s your story…wonderful! I hope to see you and your fiancee on one of their tv ads? Yes? They keep showing the same three couples over and over…enough, show some other success stories eharmony, like crazzeto’s!