Finding a Community at Church?

[Tired_Mama]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family). I want to pass along a Catholic culture to my child. When we were Orthodox we had to that, to some extent. But it’s so hard in the modern American Catholic church, KWIM?

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

 

[Em_in_FL]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family). I want to pass along a Catholic culture to my child. When we were Orthodox we had to that, to some extent. But it’s so hard in the modern American Catholic church, KWIM?

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

Wow, no groups at your parish? That would be sad to me!
I haven’t been able to get involved in my parish’s groups (because I work full time), but I know of AT LEAST 2 groups for moms.
I’m super involved in volunteering at our parish’s Childcare Center (because my kids go there while I work)… and at the parish academy where my older kids attend. Our community is ENORMOUS!
Sure, not everyone in the entire parish is as “orthodox” in the faith as we are (I guess that’s the downside), but MANY are - and we’ve FOUND each other and have formed great friendships! We just all mix right in together.

 

[SurlyMermaid]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away…Am I alone in feeling like this?

I feel you. We had a great mom’s group at our parish but the leader left. The new leader isn’t as assertive. We have a couple of Chatty Cathy’s who make the group nearly unbearable now.

I know what you mean about the blogs. I don’t believe the bloggers would disapprove or judge you for working, by the way. You should read my blog–it’s a warts and all account of trying to become Catholic and bring my long-suffering blended family in with me!

Have you thought about starting your own group? Ask your clergy and see if you can get some folks together. Mention it in the church bulletin.

I know how it is. It seems like a thousand people at every service and we’re crammed in like cattle. There is no way of knowing who attends and who isn’t… I guess that high Mass attendance isn’t a bad thing though!

Good luck. Keep us posted! :hug1:

 

[Ophelia23]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family). I want to pass along a Catholic culture to my child. When we were Orthodox we had to that, to some extent. But it’s so hard in the modern American Catholic church, KWIM?

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

You are NOT alone in feeling like this. In fact, what first drew me to your post was your user name. I can definitely relate to being a tired mama. :hug3:

There isn’t anything in my parish for young mothers to get together either, but I have been contemplating starting something. I mean, there is a need for it. Why not be the one to get the ball rolling?

Check with either your priest or your parish office manager and see what it would take to start something up. Maybe you could get together once a week or once a month, and have fellowship time. It is so important for children to know other children in the faith, but it is equally important for us mothers to check in with other mothers. We can get ideas, encouragement, reinforcement, validation… all of these are things we desperately need. Any chance you’re in Minnesota? I’d totally join your club!

 

[Ophelia23]

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family).

And as another note, don’t take any shaming from anybody about working and having a small family. We do what we have to do to provide for our children. Do I want to be working? No, I’d rather be at home raising my daughter. But we do what we have to do. Even if you are mother to just one child, you are still equally blessed as a mother of 12. Don’t forget that!

 

[pablope]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family). I want to pass along a Catholic culture to my child. When we were Orthodox we had to that, to some extent. But it’s so hard in the modern American Catholic church, KWIM?

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

What part of the country are you? Try contacting this group…a lay catholic ministry…couplesforchristusa.org/

 

[nickybr38]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

I read the Catholic mommy blogs where they seem to have these perfect homeschooling families that celebrates feastdays, etc. and I think that I would really like to know people like this in real life (although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family). I want to pass along a Catholic culture to my child. When we were Orthodox we had to that, to some extent. But it’s so hard in the modern American Catholic church, KWIM?

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant.

Am I alone in feeling like this?

You know how I met people at my parish?

I was impolite.

I mean it.

The same people sat in front of me every week and one day I just leaned forward, tapped the father on the shoulder and said; Hi. My name is insert name. How are you doing?

The next week his wife joined him and I did the same to her. Then I started greeting them everytime I saw them and now I have new friends.

Simple as that.

I know. So inappropriate to be greeting people at MASS! But it was the only way I could meet anyone since people DO rush out as soon as Mass is over.

Anyway, I’d suggest putting yourself out there more. I know it’s hard, especially if you’re shy, but if everyone is shy and no one takes the first step you aren’t ever going to meet anyone.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Why is it so hard to find a community of likeminded people at church? I’d really like to meet some other Catholic mothers of small children. It’s so hard to raise Catholic children in this world and I feel like I’m on my own since my family lives far away.

But we go to Mass and then everyone leaves right after it’s over. Honestly I think we could go to church every sunday for 30 years and then disappear and no one even notice. There are some activities but they’re usually during the day when we’re at work.

We attended the local latin Mass a few weeks ago and it’s even worse. I guess they’re not allowed to have any activities at all since they’re not an official parish.

Why don’t you at least start a ‘coffee and doughnuts/cookies after Mass’ group in the parish hall? You may have to fundraise for a few dollars but that should not be too hard. Our Latin Mass group has a lunch meeting after the mass every other month.

Ask the pastor, ask around, then take the initiative on starting activities.

(although I guess they’d disapprove of my working and small family)

Just a hint; if you want to make friends, lose the “nobody likes me” attitude.

 

[KellyPalmer]

I feel the same way. We have bounced around to a couple of churches, trying to find one that is family friendly. We’ve been at the same parish for 7 years now and do not know a single other family there. None. We have 3 young kids and we have such a strong desire to fellowship with other like-minded Catholic families with young kids. We have no idea how to achieve this. I guess I’m not outgoing enough to tap people on the shoulder. We have settled for Christian fellowship with non-Catholics for us and our kids and now have a “home group” that rotates houses once a week to pray, break bread and religious discussion on things that are going on in our lives. I love it but i wish I could do this with Catholic families. Our church seems to have great opportunities for fellowship as young adults (no kids) and older adults who no longer have kids in the home. But there doesn’t seem to be anything for in between. Yes, we have faith formation but we have to stay with the kids when this is going on.

 

[Rose71]

I know how you feel!

I’m sure if you feel that way, there will be others who feel the same way too.

Our church has a Fair Trade stall after Mass once a month, which sells amongst other things Fair Trade chocolates and sweets. Perhaps you could suggest a little stall once in a while, selling things from an organisation like Traidcraft.

If you are manning the stall, people will have to talk to you to buy things and you won’t have to think of anything to say to break the ice:thumbsup:

As well as looking for other young families, why not look for other young women of a similar age to you and talk to them too? I know when I was single, I used to come away from Mass absolutely heartbroken because the only time I saw people there my age, they were there with young children and a few made it clear they didn’t want to know me (how? by refusing to shake my hand at the sign of peace; by looking straight past me when I smiled at them as I got into their bench and instead of shifting up - all making a big deal about squeezing themselves in and making me stumble past the whole family; asking me where my family was…and then saying ‘oh’ and walking off…)

I think you will find the Mass is full of lonely people

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

I find that when people are searching for a “niche” ( singles group, mothers group, teen group) they miss out on the fruits of the Church. Remember in Mass we are ALL called to gather and serve.

Involving yourself in a larger group (ie Alter & Rosary, History of Salvation, even RCIA class) includes you and your family into a group. Remember that the old ladies in these groups have been mothers, have wisdom on how to raise children, have compassion for your situation, and probably have grandchildren near the age of your children. Why not reach out to this group and offer what gifts (charisms) God has bestowed onto you and receive the gifts they have to give you. In doing so, it may introduce you to the small mothers group you long for or at least introduce you to more people so that you can get a group formed. However, being a tired mom ( me too ) I doubt you want to take on such a project.

In short, take baby steps and seek an existing group ( wide range of participants ) to get familiar with people.

 

[KellyPalmer]

For mothers of small children, it’s not so much looking for a “niche” but rather looking for any way to fellowship with other Catholics. I don’t have the freedom that single people, parents of older children, etc have. I have my children with me or I have to arrange for childcare which is not an easy task and I already have to find that for a number of other required events on a regular basis. I can’t go be an RCIA sponsor with my 3 kids in tow. Even going to mass with 3 young kids is hard enough! There are certain limitations that us mothers of young children have in this season of our lives but it would be great if we could fellowship because we need it, perhaps more than most!