I know, which is why it’s so frustrating. Unfortunately, I can’t help the way my brain works. Let’s say I see someone that I don’t know. I don’t know what that person’s interests are so I don’t know what to talk to them about. People have suggested to ask about their job. This is what I mean by being fake. I don’t know this person so I have absolutely zero interest in their job therefore, I’m showing a false interest in the subject if I bring it up.
It all comes down to the crazy wiring of my autistic brain. I remember back at my brother’s wedding, I’d have family that I hadn’t seen or heard from in 5-10 years coming over to me and asking about me and what I’ve been doing etc. In the back of my mind, I was really irritated at this. If they were legitimately interested in how I’m doing, they could have sent me an email or something at any given time to ask. The fact that they wait until then tells me they don’t really care, they’re just following the social norms and asking. That’s how my brain perceives it.
I don’t consider myself shy at all, just when I talk, it’s the subject that’s important. I can talk to anyone about something we’re both interested in. For most people, it seems that when they’re talking, the focus is on the other person. It doesn’t matter what they’re talking about. For me, it’s the opposite. It’s the subject that’s important. For me to make friends, I have to be around a person several times. I learn about them from observing what they’re interested and talk about with other people. Once I have an idea that they’re a person I’d be interested in being friends with, I already know what to talk to them about.
I have relatives that I see yearly that always ask: “how are you; how’s school going; seeing anyone?” & it used to irritate me so much. I’ve realized this pattern though that sometimes people just don’t know what to say, what to ask, etc- basic communication skills to get by. For me, I tend to ask random questions to “test the waters” & see what other people do w/ it & what we have in common or don’t- it works every time.
If other person doesn’t respond, at least you tried. If they do in a positive way, try asking another question. For example, today while waiting for the elevator near someone else, I asked if they’re having a good day- she said “not really” & I said, “oh, I had that day yesterday & I laughed a bit]” & she started to smile (a sense of comfort that someone understands is worth taking the risk- we all need times like these. The way we treat others is the way they end up treating us, unless we let our perceptions & judgments cloud our vision) <Most likely, she had a lot on her mind, like most of us do & I opened the door to share by taking that step & initiating (that’s what Christ did while on earth, right?.) You’ll never know unless you take chances- God never gave us the spirit of fear, worry, & to hold back. In fact, He expects us to love one another. How can we love each other if we hold everything in, perceiving others as we see it, not how it really is going?Christ created us to go outside of our comfort zones to simple love one another.
You can do this. Trust God, trust yourself, pray for guidance/assistance- tell God about all of this (if you haven’t already). I’m still working on this b/c I tend to have social anxiety in classrooms, but what works for me is to say a little prayer of what I’m thinking: “Jesus, I don’t know how to deal with this, but I want to try. Please help me.” These moments of learning happen for a reason, perhaps to prepare us all for the next step God has planned for us. We must be open to the will of God before we can let Him do wonders in our lives.
Yesterday, I had a horrible day b/c I let my introverted side prevent me from being who I know I am in Christ (ambivert)- it bothered me the whole day, letting my past experiences of ridicule get the best of me. Next day, I was driving & stumbled into my fav KLOVE song (The God I Know- Love & The Outcome; I am Not Along- Kari Jobe)- He knows that those songs tug my heart deeply. In that moment, I started crying & sharing with Him what’s really going on & my assumptions, exposing my heart to the One who knows everything & it was relieving. Next day/today, it’s been a better day b/c I’ve been opening up to people & striving to keep a positive attitude. God’s plan continues to unfold in spontaneous ways the more we let go of doubt & worry- His plans are always not what we think it is.
“What was I waiting for, I came alive when I let go. All I had was a broken heart, then He held me in His arms” (Love & the Outcome).
“When I walk thru deep waters, I know that you will be with me…I am not alone. You will go before me, you will never leave me. I am not alone…in the midst of deep sorrow, I see your light is breaking thru. The dark of night will not overtake me. I am pressing into you. Lord you fight my every battle…I am not alone” (Kari Jobe).
I am praying for you. Everything’s going to be okay in Christ.
